Chapter 7

The month of March was fast approaching and the workload grew bigger and bigger. Students walked through the halls with their noses buried deep in a book, dodging each other as they went. Some students scribbled notes on napkins and spare pieces of parchment to test themselves throughout the days. And some others were faced with having little to no social life at all for the up-coming months. Severus was one of the lucky ones. He seemed to do well in most subjects and had been prepared for weeks. But he knew he shouldn't get too cocky so he still studied hard like the rest of his classmates. Because, truth be told, he was more than a little nervous about the exams.

The Library was packed full today. Students from younger years were huddled in small groups gossiping idly. And third and fourth years were sniggering at the older students who searched frantically for the right book. Severus could barely move right now, he stood elbow-to-elbow with other seventh years, their beady eyes screwed up in concentration. Every now and then, somebody would push through the crowd or grab a book, sending one student crashing into the next like a line of falling dominoes.

Severus struggled to remain upright, he leant his hand on somebody's shoulder as he searched the shelves. Running his finger down the spines of the covers, he muttered the titles as he went. From behind him he could just about make out somebody calling his name. Turning slightly, he matched the voice with an annoying Ravenclaw boy who was shouting over the crowd.

"What?" He barked, thoroughly irritated at being disturbed.

"Could you pass me Magical Mediterranean Water-Plants?" The boy pointed over the mass of students, "Seventh one along." Severus counted them and reached for the correct book. He pulled but it wouldn't budge. Gripping it harder, he tried with all his strength to pull it out. He realised it wasn't going to move and was about to forget about it when something soft brushed the back of his hand.

Long pale fingers reached out from the other side of the bookcase and clasped over his own. He swatted the hand away and pulled the book free.

"Ha, you were too slow." He snarled triumphantly at the hand that was now reaching through the gap and feeling around blindly.

The hand froze, "Severus?" Came a familiar silky voice from the other side. All of a sudden it was like all of Severus' limbs had gone rigid and he dropped everything he was holding. Then another hand was joining the first, but it was larger, darker and harrier than the other. It had a hard time getting through the small gap but when it did, the fingers pulled at his robes.

"Oi, Snivelly. Give Remus his book back." In complete shock, it took him a moment to realise that the other hand belonged to Sirius Black. Severus backed up quickly, pulling his robes free from Sirius' grasp. He pushed back into the crowd behind him, many of them shoved him in different directions and he could hear them all complaining.

"What are you doing?"

"Watch where you're going."


The dormitory was eerily silent apart from the scratching of Severus' quill.

I am beginning to wonder if my soul purpose in life

is to embarrass myself for other people's entertainment.

Why is it that whenever I'm around him I resort to a babbling wreck?

I have pondered and pondered and there simply is no logical explanation.

Minutes slip into hours and hours into days. Days into weeks and weeks into months

My brain feels infected, almost diseased.

But nothing can make me forget the decision I must make.

If he were to know... Would he think less of me?

He closed the diary with a snap and shoved it violently under his pillow. He flipped himself over onto his back with a sigh. Writing seemed to help him when he got in this state. Thoughts seemed to swim about in his mind endlessly and he was sure it would drive him mad if it didn't stop soon.

Remus seemed to plague his conscience day and night. Guilt over powered him more often than not.

"Nox." The wand light died out and Severus eventually fell into fitful sleep.

It wasn't long before he awoke suddenly to the sound of his stomach growling angrily at him. It had felt like he had only been asleep for a few seconds. His eyes stung and his joints cracked, almost like they were taunting him. He rubbed at his eyelids frustratedly and blinked around the dark room. Throught the gap in the bed's curtains he could see the other boys sleeping peacefully in their own beds. His stomach growled again and Severus realised just how hungry he was. It had been several days since he had eaten a proper meal and now his body was finally protesting.

His stomach felt scarily empty, which made him light headed and he wondered if he was about to be sick. Clutching his hand over his mouth, he sat up quickly and reached past the curtain openings. Feeling around in the dark for his wand proved difficult so when his touch found the bedside table, he stretched out and grabbed the next best thing; a Chocolate Frog. He tore at the wrapper greedily and discarded it to the floor.

The chocolate tasted so exquisite in his mouth as it melted slowly on his tongue. It smelt exactly like Remus and Severus tried his best to ignore that fact but mental images had already began to flood his mind. Fighting to control himself, he forced his mind onto other topics such as the Death Eaters. He'd spent all night worried about them but now the worry wouldn't stick around for a brief moment to distract him. He devoured the chocolate slowly, savouring the taste as much as he possibly could. All of his senses were heightened as the last of it lingered on his taste buds. All too soon it was gone and he was left yet again feeling empty.

He growled loudly and buried his face deep into his pillow. Severus couldn't believe he had come to this point. There was a time when he mocked the other students for getting this way over another human being. He had spent hours complaining to Lucius about fools who allowed their heart to be captured by others. He now felt like a hypocrite. After all, Severus and Remus were the same. Severus didn't have the monthly problem that Remus had, but other than that they were the same. They were both human, both wizards and both teenage boys. They went to the same school and they still showered, ate and slept just like every other student.

Severus had to ask himself a lot of questions, such as, why he put Remus on this pedestal and why did he worship him the way he did. And he had to ask himself the question that bothered him the most.

Why did his heart beat faster because he knew Remus would be strolling corridors on prefect duty at that very moment?

Severus had no answers.