Chapter 7: What one cannot understand

"When Tentomon and I were on the verge of death, in the desert, I heard him asking me if I wanted him to save us if I paid a price. At the time I hadn't realized that he was the owner of the voice that sent me to the mountains. When I woke up in his carriage, Tentomon was inside a sphere of energy… the Merchant told me that he had stopped Tentomon's flow of time and then would make it go back to before he had been poisoned, saving his life. The Merchant made me drink a weird whine that would prevent me from telling anyone anything about him without his authorization… I don't know how I'm able to talk about it now." Koushiro narrated. He was back to the hut with the others, and was lying on the ground due his weak state. It was hard to move and to breathe; his skin was pale and dark circles had appeared under his eyes; the mark of the Shinigami was visible in his chest despite him wearing his orange shirt. Around him were Tentomon, Yamato, Takeru, Tsunomon and Patamon. Impmon was at the hut's entrance, receiving some sunlight that partly hid his deep serious face. Despite been not so close, Impmon could hear everything and explained to Koushiro what he didn't understand.

"You received a curse of Death, it cancels any other previous 'curse' you had before. That's why you can talk about the Merchant now."

"So it was because of it that Koushiro-san didn't tell Tentomon anything." Takeru concluded, but nobody agreed with him. The young boy was a little scared to see the tense expression of his brother, even Tentomon, whose face didn't allow any expression, was definitely tenser than ever before.

"The price I had to pay was to go to that sanctuary, pick the statue of the Shinigami and give it to him to destroy it. I didn't know anything about the curse, just that a Demon Lord called Barbamon was sealed there. Even after I got to know the rest of the story, I couldn't go back. I didn't know what the Merchant would do to Tentomon if I didn't do what he had ordered. He said that everything would be fine then… I really didn't know that he was planning to let me die or that Vademon would…" Koushiro went silent for a moment. He was staring at the ceiling, unable to look at the others. Nobody really inquired him about what had happened, but he decided to tell them because he felt he owed them an explanation. However, it was really hard for the boy to tell them all that and the fact that the only ones who were speaking to him were Impmon and Takeru wasn't helping.

"You knew something about Vademon?" Impmon questioned with a bit of interest.

"The Merchant told me that he used to be a serve of Barbamon and that he would lead me to where the statue was if I told him that I had been sent to free Barbamon. Nothing else. I did everything the Merchant told me to do with the odd tools he gave me: a black knife that along with a code could break the space-time tissue and get me to where the Merchant was… even though it was him who showed up… and a silver ring that had a dimension hid in it, to where I sent the statue." The red-haired boy concluded. Once again, it was Takeru who said something:

"That Merchant guy said… that if Koushiro-san broke the code of the sanctuary's saloon and defeated Barbamon, he would live. Impmon, that yellow notebook where you found out how to go to the sanctuary, could it have some clue of how to break that code?" Takeru was speaking with more confidence now. It was obvious that Koushiro could be saved, they just needed to defeat a bad Digimon, like they had done dozens of times before. It's going to work, everything will be alright, I believe it. However, nobody seemed to share Takeru's positive thinking.

Impmon jumped to where the yellow notebook, that used to be his master's diary, was lying on the floor, grabbing it protectively.

"What kind of bad joke is this?" Impmon questioned, looking at Takeru as if the boy was insane, "My duty is to avoid that Barbamon ever comes back to this world. I will not allow you to even try to break that code and put the world in danger just for that human's sake!"

Takeru was expecting that his brother or Tentomon would protest, but nobody said anything. What's happening to them? He wondered, restarting to talk, "We are the chosen children. We've defeated bad Digimon before, we can-"

"Do you know what a Demon Lord is, kid?" Impmon questioned; his eyes full of fury, "A long time ago, in an age whose registers are rare, the Demon Lords almost destroyed the Digital World. The horror they spread… the deaths… it's beyond your imagination. The History behind that was erased… only few individuals know about them in order to avoid that anyone try to bring them back! I can't allow you to do such a reckless thing like breaking the code that seals Barbamon!"

Takeru was feeling his hope leaving him against his will. I can't give up, I just can't… but why am I the only one protesting here? Brother? Koushiro-san? Why?

"Barbamon only needs one more victim." Impmon began to talk again, "Every individual who has broken his code was sent to the dimension where that Demon is captive. There, the individual is supposed to prove that he's wiser than Barbamon. If the individual fails, he or she will be devoured by the Demon… until now, 99 have failed. When Barbamon devours the 100th victim, he will break free."

The smallest boy trembled after hearing that; Patamon noticed it and flew to his partner's head, asking "Takeru, are you okay?" The human didn't reply, he turned to his left to see his brother. Yamato was facing the floor and trembling, causing worry to Tsunomon. Meanwhile, Koushiro was still staring at the ceiling and Tentomon was looking at nowhere, apparently. Takeru felt his blood boil.

"WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?" The young boy yelled, shedding tears and making everybody look at him in shock, "How can you be so silent? Don't you understand what's going on here? Koushiro-san might die… i-if we don't do anything… and Impmon is trying to stop us… why nobody is saying anything? ONII-CHAN, SAY SOMETHING!"

"Takeru," Yamato finally managed to talk, "it's not that we don't want to help Koushiro! Of course we want! We'll find a way to help him, but… sometimes we have to stop and think about what we're doing… what we're going to do. We can't be reckless."

The little boy looked at his brother as if he was about to cry. What is he saying? Stop? Stop for what? If it was Taichi-san here… Taichi-san would definitely do something quickly; he wouldn't be wasting time. Onii-chan, what's wrong with you?

"Takeru, we are going to save Koushiro, I swear to you," Yamato spoke more firmly, "but we have to plan everything cautiously. This situation is extremely dangerous."

Koushiro decided that he couldn't stay silent anymore. He sat on the floor and looked to his friends.

"Do you feel better now?" Tentomon questioned. That was the first time the insect had spoken since they had returned to the hut; his voice lacked vitality, just like his movements, that were a lot slower than usual. It was as if he had been under a spell that made him not feel anything.

The fourth grader didn't reply to Tentomon. Instead, he told the others what he thought:

"Impmon is right. That code can't be broken… I can't put the Digital World in danger just to save myself."

That single phrase broke something inside Tentomon. He didn't pay attention to what Yamato and Takeru were protesting vehemently. It was as if there was no sound in the world. He looked at the red haired boy in shock. His partner's hands were shaking and his eyebrows were contracted, showing that he was in pain… physical or emotional, maybe both. Tentomon didn't notice when he walked to the red-haired. It was as if some unknown force had dominated him. Few seconds later, he was face to face to his partner. The fourth grader looked at him painfully.

"Tentomon," Koushiro spoke, stretching his hand to touch Tentomon's face, until that moment, the insect hadn't noticed that he was crying, "please, don't cry, Tentomon, please try to understand. I just can't do that. I can't risk your lives, risk the Digital World and perhaps the Human World… I can't be so irresponsible. The Merchant told me that Barbamon, back in his time, collected more knowledge than anyone else. Everyone who defied him failed. I can't do that… it's impossible for me."

Koushiro fell to the ground in confusion. Tentomon had punched him on the chest, hard. Astonished, Yamato, Takeru, Patamon and Tsunomon asked why Tentomon had done that. He couldn't care less about them. All he cared about was the red-haired boy lying in front of him.

"You always decide everything by yourself. You never ask me my help or my opinion. You never bother to tell me anything." Tentomon was talking in low voice as the tears fell from his eyes, "I don't understand why. Maybe I've done something wrong, or maybe you just don't consider me worthy of hearing about the things that worry you. You push everybody away all the time. I thought… I seriously thought that… I'd be able to get closer to you. So I would be able to understand what happens in your heart… but I feel as lost as I felt the first time we met, Koushiro-han. Whenever you talk… whenever you look at me… I feel that you're hiding yourself from me. I'm… I'm so tired… I'm so damn tired of all this!"

"Tentomon, I…" Koushiro tried to reply, but he couldn't.

"I'm sorry if I'm not worthy of your trust. I know that nothing that I say has any meaning for you. I won't try to convince you… but I won't watch you die either!" Tentomon stated, setting flight and abandoning the hut.

"Tentomon, wait!" Takeru shouted, running after the insect with Patamon still on his head. Yamato went after his brother with Tsunomon, worried that Takeru might get lost.

"Heh, it's just us now." Impmon sighed, helping Koushiro to sit. The boy was staring at the floor, so the Digimon couldn't see his expression. Not too much time had passed for Koushiro to make a question to Impmon:

"Impmon, how did your Master die?"

The tiny black Digimon paled after hearing that.

"She… she died not to put the world in danger." Impmon replied, turning his back to the boy.

"There aren't many books here. What you're carrying now is a notebook, right? Was it the notebook of your Master?"

"It was her diary, she wrote many things here, but despite ways of breaking codes, it's all written in an unknown language. She was… she was very intelligent…" Impmon's voice cracked. It was too difficult for him to hold the tears. Koushiro noticed that the other was crying and felt bad over it.

"I'm sorry, Impmon. She was really precious to you, wasn't she?" Koushiro tried to comfort the other, who was shivering violently. After a while, Impmon turned to Koushiro and gave him an intense glance; his eyes were wet.

"You are going to die." Impmon said, "And you're saying such annoying things. You're just like her. You know… Tentomon, those kids and everybody who cares about you… they'll hate you for the rest of their lives."

"Huh?" Koushiro was very surprised to hear that. Impmon continued to talk:

"They'll hate you… because it's the only way to deal with it. Especially Tentomon… that guy will hate you in order to not go crazy because of the despair. The hate helps for a while, but then… it's as if a hole appeared in the heart and started to eat it. It's the most horrible thing in the world. He'll cry all the tears he has and then he'll blame himself for not stopping you, for not persuading you. He'll fall in a swirl pool of pain. If he gets out of it, he'll try to attach to something, anything… a duty… a mission… a wish… he'll do that hoping that if he accomplishes it, the sadness will go away. It's a very foolish thought, but it's all what he will be able to do."

"Why are you telling me these things?" Koushiro felt pain in his chest just by imagining what Impmon had described, "I had made my decision; I had chosen the right thing, why are you saying these things to me now?"

"I didn't have the chance to tell her anything," Impmon replied with determination, "she died without knowing what she had done to me. I think you should know how Tentomon and your other friends will feel after you die. You should know it, in respect for them. That's why I decided this. I'll tell you everything about my Master."