As Bo walked to work, she checked her messages. At least, fifteen missed calls, which was a lot. She had been ignoring her phone as much as possible lately. Giving in, she called her voicemail and waited for the inevitable messages.
"Call me." Said a sexy female voice.
Bo rolled her eyes and deleted it.
"Bo, where are you," Brian said in the next message.
Delete.
The rest of the calls were all variations of the same theme. She hit delete, delete over and over again. She didn't return any of the calls. She didn't want to do anything that would put her relationship in jeopardy. There was no need to call any of them back. She had a girlfriend. She had Lauren. For the last three weeks, she'd done nothing but go to class, the gym, work, and see Lauren. If she didn't go out, she wouldn't make a mistake. And that's why she avoided any and all social events.
To her surprise committing to Lauren had been easy, so far. She didn't think about other people. She supposed that was good and bad news. Good, because she wanted to be the perfect girlfriend for Lauren. And bad, because it had been too easy and wasn't really her. But now she was always thinking, which made it hard to relax and enjoy her new relationship. She sweated every word, every thought, every action. Ever since she'd jumped into this relationship thing, she'd thought about little else, and slowly she felt herself being driven over the edge from her fear of messing things up.
Normally, she got bored easily, but the more she had Lauren, the more she wanted her. This thing she had with Lauren was so good. She didn't have words for it. Despite her fears, she was content being with Lauren. She'd never been content before, ever. Which made her feel vulnerable, which made her feel uneasy, which made her feel guilty. She crushed a quake of nerves and told herself everything was going to be fine.
It was Saturday night, and the bar was packed with wall-to-wall customers. Several bartenders stood behind the bar, dishing out large quantities of alcohol.
"Bo! We're running low on tequila."
Rushing back from the floor, Bo swooped under a waiter's tray and weaved her way through the jam-packed wall of partying, laughing, rowdy customers. As quickly as possible she hustled behind the bar.
"Hurry up, hot shit." One of the bartenders, Piper, joked with a smile, but impatient tone. She promptly started making four Jager bombs.
Groaning, Bo went to the back in search of the extra supply of alcohol to restock. As soon as she got back she jumped in to help them catch up on drink orders. She placed several shot glasses on the bar and started filling them with clear liquid.
Sweat beaded Bo's forehead as she worked at a quick pace to get the drinks in the hands of the demanding customers. Amidst the chaos, a drunken man went down on one knee to ask Bo to marry him. A crowd around him burst into applauses and hoots. Staring up at her, he rocked back and forth, almost falling over.
Bo chuckled and rolled her eyes. "We might need to cut off that one," She said to Piper, pushing beers across the counter to the servers.
Piper hopped up on the counter and shouted across the bar. "Mark, call that guy a cab. He's done." She swiped a finger across her neck and jumped back down.
Bo thrust a bottle opener into the back pocket of her pants and leaned forward to take another order. On her right, a shot appeared in front of her face. "For you, sexy bartender," Brian said, winking at her.
Open-mouthed, she swiveled her head to look at him. "I don't drink when I'm at work." She swatted his hand away, spilling the liquor on the bar top.
After she had wiped down the mess, she tried to get back to work and ignore him. She glanced up and watched as he sat on the stool, directly in front of her. "When do you get off?" He asked, yelling over the noise.
"Late," She said in a firm, loud voice. The longer he sat there she fumed more and more. She really wasn't in the mood to deal with him, at that moment, or any time really. He represented everything she was desperately trying to hide away from, and forget.
He propped himself up on the bar, closer to Bo. "Want to go to the back for a little BJ action?" He asked with raised eyebrows.
Bo's eyes bulged, staring at him dumbstruck. "No." She snapped out with conviction evident in her voice. "I don't think so." She hissed and scowled at him.
He smiled smugly and drummed his fingers on the bar top. "Come on, be with me tonight," He said, licking his lips, suggestively. "I've got a few ideas."
Bo grimaced, and thunked a glass on the bar. "I said I can't. I don't want to." She barked back, gaining the attention of a few people around them, and then focused on making more drinks.
"Geez, Bo, fucking chill." He stood, and peeled a couple of bills and threw them on the counter. "Whore," He bellowed loudly over the commotion around them, turning his back on her.
Her head jerked to look at him, and she puffed out angrily as he walked away.
Piper laughed boisterously and shoved a few beers aside to Bo. "Some crazy customers tonight, huh?"
Bo's eyes scanned the bar while her hands were busy making more drink orders. "Why is it that guys can sleep with whoever they want, and no one bats an eye? But if a woman does it, she's a whore."
Piper shrugged and poured six more shots for a waiting server. "One of the many joys of living in a patriarchal society. Just shake it off, sister and live your life."
Halfway through her shift, Bo took a break and sat in the back, alone. She drank a beer; she wasn't supposed to drink on shift, but she didn't care. She pulled out her phone to check her messages and deleted a few before she texted Lauren. "What are you doing?"
Two minutes passed before Lauren's reply came. "Two guesses."
Lauren's text made her laugh. At that moment, her fears, her past screw-ups, her uncertainty, faded to the back of her mind.
She smiled at the screen and leaned back into the chair. "I only need one. Studying."
Quickly, her phone buzzed again. "Yes."
Sipping her drink, Bo typed out a reply. "Do you want me to come over and tuck you in?"
Lauren's response took a little longer than Bo had expected. "Ha. Tara's home. It might be weird."
Bo frowned at the message and hesitated a minute before responding. "But I miss you."
A quick beep back. "You can't survive one night without me?"
Bo rubbed her finger over the edge of her phone and debated her reply. "Honestly, I don't know."
"Something wrong?"
What was wrong? She asked herself, but no answer came. She didn't understand what she was feeling. "Nothing. I have to get back to work."
She closed the text window, pocketed her phone and turned her attention back to her drink. Her chest tightened into a knot of anxiety with a variety of unexpected emotions, and she worried she was getting in over her head. She wasn't one to fixate on one person. What was wrong with her?
"Hey."
Bo's head snapped up at the sound of a male voice and a knock on the door.
It took her a moment before she recognized him. "Oh, hey. You're Dyson, right? Lauren's friend?"
Dyson nodded and joined her at the small table.
"What are you doing back here?" She asked, baffled by his sudden appearance.
"I wanted to talk to you, and the other bartender said it was okay."
Bo waited for him to continue and suddenly questioned why Lauren hadn't officially introduced them. Why didn't Lauren want her to meet her best friend? "About what?" She asked, pushing down the strange sensations she felt at that question.
Dyson glanced around the small room and scratched his bristly chin. "Look, I don't know what your intentions are with Lauren. But don't break her heart or you'll have to deal with me."
Bo absorbed the abrupt stab of his words, feeling raked over the coals. "What are you in love with her?" She managed to ask. It was the first question that came to her mind.
Dyson stared at her a long moment, giving very little away on his expression. "No. But I do love her like a sister. She has a crappy family, and it's my job to protect her. It's been my job since the second grade. She's important to me. Family."
Bo felt both touched and aggravated. Touched that someone cared so much about Lauren, but aggravated that he assumed the worst about her. "Lauren's an adult. And what makes you think I have bad intentions?"
Dyson shrugged, and eyed the beer in her hand, critically. "I don't know you. But I've heard a few things. You have a bit of a reputation, and I don't want to see Lauren get hurt."
Bo just stared at Dyson, her eyes enlarged at the last statement. She gulped another drink and fully contemplated her answer. "Well, she's my girlfriend now. I appreciate the big brother act, but our relationship isn't any of your business."
Dyson stood from his chair. "Lauren is always my business," He said before walking away.
Bo thought that was a strange thing for him to say. Dyson was almost at the exit, when Bo asked, "Can I ask you something?"
Dyson paused at the door and turned back. "Do you think I should break up with her before I hurt her?" She finally questioned Dyson in a strangled voice.
Dyson shrugged, his gaze intense and unwavering. "I just hope you are the person Lauren thinks you are, and not someone else. Just be real with her. I can see that she cares a lot about you, and it's real for her."
Bo wanted to bury him with his words and prove him wrong. She straightened and looked him square in the eye. "I'm going to win you over. And you and I are going to be friends one day."
"I hope so," Dyson said, giving her a genuine smile at the prospect.
Bo watched him go and chugged the rest of her beer. With a frustrated sigh, she opened another bottle. Her mind was whirling.
Her brush with losing Lauren had made her reconsider what was important in life. Being with Lauren, she'd grown contemplative about her life and future. But she wondered if it was all too much too soon. It was the strangest feeling in the world, only wanting to see Lauren and no one else. Whether it was the beginning of love or not, she didn't know. But she did know it was a dangerous, uneasy feeling. She really needed to get herself under control.
XXXX
"I want you to meet Lauren while you're here."
Kenzi turned around from the open refrigerator and eyed her suspiciously. "Why?" She asked coolly, closing the door, slowly.
"Because…" Bo paused, the words stalled on her tongue. She bit down on her lip. "We're together. She's my girlfriend." She announced in an upbeat voice.
Kenzi just gaped at Bo for a long moment. "Wait," She said, the shock evident in her voice. "Wait. You and this Lauren are really together?"
Bo was pretty sure she'd shocked the shit out of her sister. Then again, her relationship with Lauren had surprised her as well. "Yes. I like her a lot." She declared after a moment.
"Okay…." Kenzi leaned her hip into the refrigerator and crossed her arms. "I don't understand. You're against anything resembling a relationship. You always find some reason to get out of your so-called relationships, and now you have a girlfriend. A Lauren, which you've never told me about."
Inwardly, Bo sighed, Kenzi might be her sister and best friend, but she could be a real pain when it came to her 'love' life. She rolled her eyes. "I'm telling you now. I want you to meet her." She said, with a hint of grouchiness, which she tried to hide.
Kenzi stood there with her eyes narrowed. "But how long until you find something annoying about her, and you want to run away? Or you get bored."
Uncomfortable now, Bo's stomach tightened, and she fiddled with her fingers. "I like her," She repeated, avoiding giving her a complete answer, mostly because she didn't have one. "A lot. And we have a lot of sexual chemistry."
The blatant disbelief on Kenzi's face mocked that declaration. "Bo, seriously?" She studied Bo carefully. "It takes more than that to build a relationship. Sex isn't enough. Not by a long shot."
Bo's expression turned fierce. "I know!" She exhaled releasing some of her growing anger. "It's not really a big deal. This relationship stuff is easy. Lauren makes it easy. I don't know why I avoided it for so long."
Kenzi shook her head and scrubbed her hands down her face. "Easy? What about when it's not? It's easy to declare yourself girlfriends with someone. But being in a relationship is another story."
Bo did have uncertainties, and to be honest with herself, she was scared of being in a relationship. But she wasn't going to tell Kenzi that. If she admitted her doubts, Kenzi would pounce, and she didn't want that. "I like her. I want to try." She meant that, one hundred percent. In truth, she liked Lauren more and more every day, which only made her want to try harder.
Kenzi's expression clearly showed she didn't believe her. "Are you really ready for all that?"
Kenzi's disbelieving glare was enough to make Bo's stomach flop. Swiftly, she turned defensive, maybe she had a lot of practice screwing up, but she wanted to change. "Yes," She said, wishing like hell that was actually true. "What choice did I have? I was going to lose her." She angrily gritted her teeth. "And thanks for the vote of confidence here, sis." It hurt her to know that even her sister didn't have faith in her.
Kenzi smiled and softened her face and tone. "I'm not saying that it's impossible, and I'm not trying to hurt you. I just want you to think. You're not exactly future-orientated, and now you've made a knee-jerk decision and brought someone else into that life."
Bo knew that was true, but she denied it anyway. "Not true." She grimaced at her own lie, swallowed hard, and looked away. "I'm trying to figure my life out. I thought you'd be proud of me."
"I am, but it sounds like you panicked and made her your girlfriend," Kenzi said, clearly asking for confirmation.
"No," Bo muttered and shifted her eyes back to Kenzi. "Well, a little." She blew out a breath and hung her head.
"Maybe you should figure out your life before bringing someone else into it," Kenzi said bluntly.
Bo hunched her shoulder, slightly, she was getting increasingly irritated on top of defensive. Bo wasn't afraid of much, but even she knew she was afraid of hurting Lauren. And apparently the whole world had decided she was a fuck up before she had done anything wrong. "I can do both."
Kenzi sighed and got quiet, very quiet for a long moment before she spoke, again. "Bo, you flirt with everything on two legs."
Bo cringed at her words. "Again, not true." She defended incomplete, evasive honesty. She didn't flirt with everyone, but she knew what Kenzi had meant.
Silence lingered between them. Bo felt tension crawl into her chest, spreading out through her whole body.
"Do you two even have anything in common?" Kenzi asked to break the silence.
"Sure. But opposites attract, and I could never handle dating someone just like me. Lauren's perfect. She helps me focus on what's important."
Kenzi answered that with a snort. "No one's perfect."
Bo blew out a slow breath and slid her an annoyed look. "Fun was fun. But now it's time to follow through on something." She said, feigning confidence.
"You think you can change being the person that you are because you're in a relationship now?" Kenzi asked her frankly.
Bo scoffed, starting to feel greatly insulted. "The person I am? Wow, you really think I'm an asshole." She grumbled her mood darkening. Her shoulders fell with the weight of disappointment Kenzi's words brought.
"No, you're a great person, Bo. But you are always fickle about other people, and you tend to downplay any relationships you have. Not dealing with that reality won't make it go away. I'm sorry if the truth hurts."
Bo shrugged, trying to let that roll off her shoulders. How could she clear away Kenzi's doubts when she had so many of her own? "Are you done?" She asked, wanting to get out of this conversation.
Kenzi smiled and pulled Bo into a hug. "Yes. You know I love ya, I just have to tell you the truth. If not me than who?"
"Sometimes the truth is overrated, apparently," Bo mumbled as she hugged Kenzi back. She felt so out of it. Their conversation had only put further doubts in her mind. As if she wasn't already over thinking everything, now she knew that Kenzi doubted her as well. The more she thought about it, the more she realized that it was kind of inevitable that she would screw things up.
Kenzi pulled out of the hug and smacked Bo playfully on the butt. "I can't wait to meet your girl. She must be something else."
With a tired sigh, Bo forced a smile with barely any emotion behind her eyes at all.
Kenzi went back to the refrigerator, and Bo's hand curled into her stomach as Kenzi's warnings raced through her mind on repeat. Kenzi was the one person Bo could open up to about her doubts about herself, but now she couldn't. It would, apparently, only confirm what Kenzi already thought about her. She supposed that the best course of action was to fake it until she made it.
XXXX
The next morning, Bo rubbed her eyes as she walked into her kitchen. She blinked slowly, her eyes adjusting to the light and found Lauren hunched over a laptop. It was 6 am, and Bo wondered when Lauren slept.
Bo would never forget the first glimpse she had of Lauren. Or her second. From across a crowded room, and in spite of the chaos around her, Bo's gaze had gone straight to Lauren. Just one glimpse and Lauren was all indelibly imprinted in her mind. Bo knew, that moment her eyes met Lauren's, that they were going to have a sizzling affair. One look and lust had hit her like a Mack truck. But was that lust growing into something more genuine, she didn't know. And wasn't that the scariest thing of all? The not knowing.
Bo looked Lauren over carefully. She had shadows under her eyes. Her brow was scrunched in concentration.
Lauren's expression turned far away as she silently mouthed something to herself, and then chewed on her lips in debate, and then slowly she met Bo's gaze.
"What are you doing?"
Lauren yawned, her eyes tearing from exhaustion. She relaxed with a self-conscious chuckle. "Nothing."
Grinning now, Bo cocked her head in her question, waiting for Lauren to explain.
"Just reading a paper on the causes of deterioration of cell…" Lauren trailed off and bit her lip, seeing the googling stare of total confusion on Bo's face.
"Oh," Bo said and went to pour herself some cereal and a glass of orange juice before collapsing in the chair by Lauren. "I mean it's exciting and fascinating."
Lauren smiled and ran her finger over her laptop.
"The amount of studying you've been doing lately is obscene," Bo said, her gaze on Lauren's face, roaming it and shifting back to her cereal. "You are simply too hot to be hunched over a computer all day and night." She glanced at Lauren with eyes alit with teasing.
Lauren self-consciously touched her eyes and ignored Bo's second statement. "Bo, I have a very tough next few years coming up, and I need to make sure I'm on top of everything."
Bo tried to read the tone of Lauren's voice to ascertain whether she was getting upset or not. She couldn't tell. "What kind of girlfriend would I be if I didn't worry about you?" Bo's eyes lingered back on the shadows under Lauren's eyes and took a moment before saying, "So, doctor, how exactly does a lack of sleep affect the brain?"
Lauren laughed taking it lightly and sidestepped the issue. "You don't seem to mind when you're keeping me up all night trying to get into my pants."
Bo snapped her mouth shut, managed a weak laugh, and focused on finishing her cereal. Lauren had a point, and Bo had no counterargument.
Minutes later, Lauren stretched her back and rolled her shoulders. Her muscles ached from hunching over the table for hours.
"Come here." Bo set her glass down on the table, and then reached to pull Lauren onto her lap, and Lauren didn't resist.
"That's better." She started massaging Lauren's shoulders. She ran her fingers up and down Lauren's back. "Are you drowning, Lauren?" She whispered the question into Lauren's ear.
Lauren was quiet, and sometimes, her being quiet was deafening to Bo. Lauren seemed to be a master at holding weighted silence when she wanted to. Bo accepted her silence and continued working her tense shoulders.
Bo's fingers trailed circles into her muscles, and Lauren held back a moan as Bo physically rubbed the tension out of her neck and shoulders.
Frowning, Lauren dropped her head, and Bo continued to explore the knots in her muscles. "Really, I'm fine, don't worry," Lauren whispered, her eyes fluttering closed.
Bo's fingers froze over Lauren's muscles. "Would you tell me if you were?" She asked, softly into her ear.
Quickly, Lauren climbed off Bo's lap and sat back into her chair. A hurricane of emotions crossed her face in a flash. "Bo, I'm all right. I've dealt with stress all my life." She explained, her voice gentle. "If I can't handle the pressure now, I have no business becoming a surgeon."
Bo threw her hands up in surrender, not wanting to escalate things further. "Okay," She said, thinking this girlfriend stuff was tricky. She knew there would be times when they would butt heads about things, but she wondered if she had stepped over some invisible line with Lauren. Bo's chest tightened as Lauren's expression turned somber.
Lauren fired up her laptop and closed out a few tabs. "Really, don't worry. I'm good at taking care of myself. I know my limits." She said, with her eyes on the computer screen. "You're so sweet to worry." She stood up as she spoke and went to make coffee.
Bo nodded, considering Lauren's point, but didn't reply.
Bo could tell Lauren was getting irritated, but she couldn't grasp why. After a throbbing beat of silence, Bo switched topics. "I really want you to meet my sister, Kenzi. I thought we could have dinner or something."
Lauren stopped making coffee and glanced around the apartment. "Is she here?"
Bo chuckled and tracked Lauren's gaze. "She's staying at our father's house for a few days. Are you free tomorrow?"
"I…" Lauren darted her eyes to her laptop on the table and thought about all the work she had to do.
Bo went still, confused by Lauren's reluctance. She didn't know much about relationships but she thought meeting each other's friends, and family was a pretty standard practice. She wondered what was brewing behind Lauren's eyes. She suddenly felt awkward and uncomfortable. "Come on, Lauren, I want you to meet my sister."
Lauren saw the eagerness on Bo's face and said. "I would love to." She smiled at her and finished making coffee. "I can't wait to meet her."
Lauren's smile hit Bo, easing away some of her growing nerves. She couldn't get jittery about every little thing; she reminded herself. "Great."
Lauren rubbed her neck with one hand and walked back to the table.
Bo stopped her with her leg and reached for her arm, lightly stroking it. "Do you need another massage? Like a naked massage?" She asked with a quick wink.
Lauren hovered over Bo with a grin. "You know, the brain attempts to distract itself from pain by seeking pleasure."
Any uneasiness Bo had felt disappeared. All her emotions and thoughts were replaced with arousal. She loved how quickly they could diffuse any tension…with sex. Sex had always been her escape, and she wasn't able to ignore that pull even now. "Really? I like the sound of that." Her voice held clear desire as her eyes devoured every inch of Lauren. "Do you have something on your mind?" She drew Lauren down and kissed her hard. She went for sex. After all, it was her default defense mechanism when she felt uncomfortable.
Bo's mind instantly went on autopilot, letting her emotions take control.
With their lips still locked together, Lauren wrapped her arms around Bo's neck and climbed back on her lap.
That was all the invitation Bo needed, she grabbed the backs of Lauren's legs, pulling her close.
Lauren broke the kiss and pressed her face into Bo's neck. Bo could just barely feel Lauren's lips, but her breath was heavy on her skin.
Bo laughed through Lauren's kisses on her neck. "Is that what your brain is doing now? Wanting a pleasurable distraction?"
Lauren adjusted her position, pressing into Bo, her eyes laden with passion. "Yes." That word was a moan, an encouragement. And Bo's hands started roaming her bare thighs.
It seemed like the perfect excuse to shift her focus. Taking control, Bo slipped off Lauren's shirt and tossed it aside. "Well, who am I to deny your brain its much-needed distraction." She slid her fingertips over Lauren's slim rib cage, and the curve of her breasts.
Lauren's eyes half closed and her head fell back. She loved the feel of Bo's touch. It empowered her to shut off her mind and only think about the pleasure.
XXXX
AN
Thanks for reading.
