"Wakey, wakey, handsome," murmured a female voice, and the Joker slowly opened his eyes in confusion. It wasn't Harley's voice, and the moment he saw who the voice belonged to, his confusion turned to unbridled rage. And rage turned to bafflement and slight panic as he realized that he was in an abandoned sawmill, tied to a conveyer belt at the end of which was a circular saw.

"Thought I'd do it a bit differently this time," said Sparrow, grinning as she puffed a cloud of smoke at him. "Let you see the saw coming at you, so you can watch your whole body get cut in half, assuming you don't die from the shock of getting your genitals sawed through. I mean, I'm the kinda gal who enjoys pain, but I think even that would be too much for me."

"Oh, what the hell is your problem, lady?!" he demanded.

"My problem is that I don't like people who don't do what I want," she murmured. "I get very, very angry. And most people don't want to risk my anger. And when they do, like you, they find out why people don't want to risk that. No nonsense kinda gal, remember?"

Her smile fell as she dropped the cigarette to the ground, crushing it under her heel. And then she leaned forward, so that her face was inches from the Joker's. "So this is my final offer. Agree to work for me, or enjoy your last sixty seconds of life."

She snapped her fingers and a henchman pulled a switch, starting the conveyer belt heading into the saw. "Your time's running out, J-man," she purred. "Clock's ticking. Time to say those magic words: 'you've won, Sparrow – I will work for you.'"

"I'm not saying that!" he snapped. "I don't care what you do to me!"

"Are you trying to call my bluff?" she asked. "Because it's not gonna work. If you really wanna die, I'll be happy to see the back of you. Or more appropriately, the inside of you," she said with a sneering smile. "One less competitor in the crime game in this town. Not that you were ever much of a competitor," she said, lighting up another cigarette.

She blew smoke into his face. "Or do you think your precious Batman is gonna save you again?" she cooed.

"Y'know, he's never failed me yet," snapped Joker, struggling against the ropes that tied his hands behind his back. "And he's not gonna let a hard dame like you kill his best friend! But whether or not he'd let his best friend be horribly mutilated by a saw before he saves him is another matter entirely…" he said, glancing at the saw that was rapidly approaching. "He doesn't seem to have a problem with horrible mutilation – just death. Go figure."

"If I were you, I wouldn't criticize other people for not making sense," said Sparrow. "You waste all your time planning scheme after scheme in this dump of a city, only to be foiled by some idiot in a bat costume night after night. And the company you keep! I mean, I don't know why you didn't kill that useless little henchgirl of yours years ago! I don't even think that much of you, but even you could do better than that pathetic little girl."

"You think I should be going for someone like you?" he hissed, trying to inch away from the saw.

"Mmm, I could be a boss with benefits, y'know," she murmured. "Not that we'd ever have anything serious, because I don't see men as being worthy of commitment. They're mostly just there to be dominated by strong women. But I think using each other occasionally would suit you just fine, since you're not a serious kinda guy. And let's face it, a few seconds more on that saw, and you won't be able to do anything with a woman ever again, so if I were you, I'd take what you can get."

She grinned, her eyes alight as the saw came closer and closer to him. "Yep, in a few seconds, not even your pathetic little henchgirl would ever want you back…"

Sparrow was suddenly knocked in the side of the head, and the blow sent her slamming into the wall. "I'm his goddamn girlfriend!" hissed Harley, standing over her holding her hammer.

"Harley, stop this saw now or you're never having kids!" shouted Joker, still trying futilely to inch away from the roaring blade. Harley instantly turned her attention away from the Sparrow, flipping across the room and beating the henchman by the lever unconscious. Then she seized the lever, pulling on it and stopping both the conveyer belt and the saw. Then she raced over to the Joker.

"Are ya hurt, puddin'?" she gasped, hurrying to untie him.

"No, but the teeth of that saw were getting a little too close for comfort," he muttered. "Just like your teeth, you dumb…duck!"

"You ain't never called me a duck before, pudd…" began Harley, but she shrieked as Joker shoved her to the ground as a bullet whizzed over their heads.

Sparrow was struggling to her feet, brandishing a gun and looking furious. "You think you can go up against me, you pathetic little baby?!" she hissed at Harley. "I'm Gotham's Cleverest Criminal!"

"You ain't smarter than puddin'!" she snapped. "Nobody is!"

"Don't bait me, brat!" shrieked Sparrow.

"Why not?" she demanded. "I ain't afraid of you! And apparently I'm the only person in this goddamn town who ain't!"

"I'm not either," said Joker, grabbing Harley's hammer from her. "And it's times like these that I'm really happy I ain't one of those guys who've got a problem with hitting a woman."

Sparrow began firing at Harley, who flipped out of the way of the bullets as Joker charged her. "Boys! In here now!" shrieked Sparrow at her henchmen, dodging the hammer stroke from Joker.

Four henchmen rushed into the room. Two of them tried to seized Harley, but she leaped over their heads, causing them to run into each other. One Harley grabbed to hold in front of her as Sparrow fired at her again, hitting her own henchman in the kneecap. Another came at Joker, who slammed the hammer into his face shouting, "Lemme hammer this home for you, toots! I am never gonna work for you, no matter what! You got that?!" he demanded, raising the hammer again.

Sparrow was glaring at him, but forced an eerie smile. "Oh well," she sighed. "I gave you a chance, and you blew it. Now it's time for me to do the same."

She blew a puff of smoke into his face and he began coughing. Then she raced to the chute leading out to the water below, sliding down it to land in the millpond.

"Mark my words, Joker, you haven't seen the last of the Sparrow!" she shouted, before disappearing under the water with a splash.

Joker and Harley raced to look out at the pond, watching the ripples where the Sparrow had disappeared grow fainter and fainter. "She's gone, Mr. J," murmured Harley.

"Nah, she'll be back," he muttered, throwing down the hammer. "The only way anyone's ever gone for good in this town is if you kill them and see the body. And sometimes not even then. Sometimes it's Clayface or somebody's just pretending or God knows what."

He sighed. "Anyway, great timing on that rescue, sweets," he said, ruffling her hair. "Glad you got here when you did."

"Yeah, I only figured it out from the pictures in her hotel room," said Harley. "They had the name of this old mill on them."

Joker looked at her. "You've been to her hotel room?"

"Yeah," said Harley, nodding. "Johnny Crane was there too, waiting to give her some fear gas…"

"Fear gas?" repeated Joker. "Aw Christ, she's trying to show me up as a criminal again!"

He grabbed Harley's hand, racing toward the door. "C'mon! We gotta get back to that hotel before she can do anything with that fear gas! Call Johnny on the way and tell him to stall her. Genius like him should be able to manage that…"