Meaningless Rant- It's really difficult to write a character with a certain personality, as someone who has lost their memory. Mai is tricky! Haha, but the more she finds out, the more like herself she should become! (Does that make sense?) Basically what I'm saying is that Mai deals with things by, simply put, becoming bitchy. Or she goes crazy and steals souls..

Note: I've been having major writers block. Not that everyone needs or wants to hear my excuses, but still, it needed said.

Disclaimer: Don't own it, but the song inspired me big time.


Sometimes I cannot take this place.
Sometimes it's my life I can't taste.
Sometimes I cannot feel my face.
You'll never see me fall from grace
Something takes a part of me.
You and I were meant to be.

-Freak On A Leash-

She didn't know which was louder: the rain pounding against the windowsill, Joey's unrhythmic snoring from the other bedroom, or the thoughts bouncing around in her head.

The clock read five. It was too early for someone like her.

She tried laying back down, tossing back and forth, hoping that she could somehow lull herself back to sleep. No such luck.

Mai sighed.

She moseyed over to the living room, sat on the couch and turned on the nearby light. The soft glow illuminated the coffee table, highlighting a magazine, small book, and some cards with odd designs. She stared at the table and almost reached for the glossy magazine that depicted pictures of the city. Instead she picked up the pile of cards.

"These must be those dueling cards." she mused aloud to herself.

She flipped through the deck, looking at the pictures, and continuing to the next card.

"I don't get it." She threw the cards on the table, dropping one on the floor.

Absentmindedly she picked up the card and placed it in her pocket. Then she picked up the small black book and started looking through it.

"Tea, Serenity," random names were read.

"Wonder if he's a player." she joked with herself. She doubted it. He just didn't seem like that type of person.

For some reason, the name Serenity had a familiarity to it. Mai closed her eyes and tried to think, tried to remember.

Nothing.

It was like having a melody stuck in her head. A melody to some song she didn't know the words too, and no matter how much she tried, the words escaped her.

It left her aggravated.

She knew that she shouldn't take out her bitter feelings toward Joey. But she couldn't help it. Whenever he was around, she felt nervous and upset. So she would explode and yell, scream and cry.

She didn't want to be this way. She certainly didn't understand why. It just felt natural. No matter what she told herself, it felt natural.

But that couldn't be it, she figured.

Why on Earth would he be friends with someone like her, if that's how she always was? Angry and high-strung.

She knew she wasn't good for him. Especially if . . .

"No."

She yelled at herself; she must be going crazy. Even so, she wouldn't let herself, couldn't let herself, think about what Joey said.

She sighed again, for what felt like the hundredth time.

The pounding in her head started to reside a bit, but it was still present. She dropped the book and gazed out the window. It was before sunrise, but Mai doubted anyone would see the sun today.

She glanced toward Joey's door.

Mai wanted to be thankful. She wanted to be happy, but couldn't. Not now. She was killing him slowly. Again.

Hurting him, taking every thing he tried to do and throwing it in his face, because she was weak.

Mai figured that Joey must care about her, or did at one point. He came when there was nobody else, and he kept trying. She couldn't let him anymore.

He was in pain, it was undeniable.

Her eyes found the main door. A urge to run overcame her. She wanted to listen to it. To run until she couldn't run anymore. To start over as someone new, who didn't go crazy and try to kill their potential friends.

Could she really just start over? With no clue to who she was?

Her feet started to move before she realized what she was doing. A million reasons told her to run. Most of them were based on fear.

One reason told her to stay.

Because he stayed.

That wasn't enough for her. She twisted the doorknob and walked away. Away from who she was, or who she might have been.

She walked quickly, as if she was trying to dodge the raindrops.

She almost immediately regretted her decision, leaving Joey alone and clueless.

Mai could turn back, run into the hotel, jump into the shower, and claim the dampness came from an early morning shower.

But she didn't. She kept walking.

If only she had some clue to where she was going.

Something caught her eye. A restaurant, filled with a few people. But that's not was surprised her.

It was the person sitting in the restaurant.

She walked in and took a seat.

"Valon, right?" she asked. He nodded, trying to hide his gleeful expression.

Maybe this was a weird twist of fate, she figured. Leaving Joey and finding him.

"Where's Joey?" Valon asked, half serious, half jealous.

"I, uh, had to get away for a bit." It was the truth. She couldn't be expected to look at him after what she did.

Valon nodded.

"I'm glad you found me."

Mai gazed at him. Really gazed at him. There was something about him, perhaps his aura or his eyes, but something about him made her want to trust him.

Not that she didn't trust Joey. This feeling was just different.

"You okay?" A serious question. She wished his eyes weren't so penetrating.

A bitter laugh escaped her lips. No she wasn't okay. She wished she was, but wishing didn't do any good.

"I just . . . " she couldn't finish. The urge to cry overcame her again, but she pushed it down.

"I need to know, what you saw in me?" Because she needed to know. Mai figured she was this horrible person, with no good in her. Why would anybody want someone like her?

"I thought you were beautiful."

She raised an eyebrow and laughed. That was it? Beautiful? She already knew that. Maybe this was a waste of time.

"That's it? Because I'm hot?" she asked.

"No. You are. But that's not it. I saw potential and pain. And that moment I met you, you were broken. Alone. Raw, that was you. No defenses, no shields, you. And I thought you were beautiful. You were just like me, and I knew you. Because we were alike, we were one."

"Am I like you now? Still?" was all she could muster.

"No, you're better." he whimpered. She was, in his opinion. She was able to break Dartz's control, giving her more power than either of them ever thought possible.

"Why does it matter?" he asked her, clearing his voice.

"It just, I have to know who I am. Or was. I can't keep waking up every morning thinking I was something I wasn't."

"The past is the past Mai, you can't change that."

He had a point, even though she hated to admit it.

"Why don't you just start over? Be a new person?"

She couldn't do that. Could she? Just be someone new.

"Maybe, that losing your memory was a sign. A sign for you to start over and become someone new."

He wouldn't stop talking.

"I couldn't do that." It was a crazy idea, even to her ears.

"Why not? Mai, you don't know, but you spent so much time trying to run away from your past. Ultimately, that's what caused so many of your problems. I could help you, become someone new . . . someplace else."

"Someplace better, warmer. Like an island. Think about it. You have the chance to up and leave and go anywhere you want. That could include islands with long beaches, shady palm trees and the ocean."

For a second, she wanted to believe he was right. She wanted to be someone new, who's only problem in life would be which cabana boy to hire.

"It's a nice fantasy. But I could never do it."

Valon sighed. He thought he had her. She would have been better off, ignoring whatever it was that told her to keep prying.

He wanted to continue asking her why. He thought that maybe he could get through to her.

Somewhere deep inside of him knew better. Somewhere that hasn't sparked any interest in any of his life for the longest time. He wonders if it's his conscious. Maybe it's his common sense. He doesn't know.

"I need to know about dueling." Her voice snapped him out of his trance.

"Dueling?"

A sigh. Why did she have to ask? He would have preferred her jumping into his arms. Letting her tears flow down her face onto his jacket. Something absolutely corny like that, he could have handled. Wanted to handle.

Because then, she would run away with him. A crazy notion that they sometimes joked about. Mostly he would joke, and she would nod, half sullen, half Hellbent on destroying Joey.

The name should make his blood boil. But it doesn't. For some crazy reason, that Valon isn't ready to realize, they have this unspoken mutual respect.

"Valon?"

Another snap back to reality.

"What do you want to know? It's kind of complex."

She sighed.

"How so? Isn't it just a bunch of stupid cards?" Something jabbed her leg. She remembered the card from earlier. She placed it on the table.

"Okay, what's so complex about this? It's just a weird clock thing."

The card seemed old, due to the faded color and bent edges, signifying one to many duels.

"Dueling is more than a game. It's about the passion, the meaning, the strategy. Each duelist has a different way of dueling, of winning." Valon quickly explained.

"Wow, that was helpful."

An eye-roll. How could someone feel so passionate about a piece of paper? She examined the card. Nothing.

"I never saw you play that card." Valon noted.

She threw it back on the table.

"It's stupid, this whole dueling thing! This, this piece of paper is what caused me to kill people? What on Earth could be so great about this!" Her merger voice rose with each syllable.

"You never killed anyone." Valon replied seriously.

"Stole souls, it sounds the same. If someone doesn't have a soul, aren't they dead?"

Valon choked.

"No, that wasn't, no."

Mai didn't feel anymore confident.

"Because of this. People died." She held the card in the air, frowning at it.

"People lost their souls Mai, but they didn't die. They were still alive, breathing. But they just lost their essence, their personality, their will. Technically, we took away who they were, what they were. But never their life."

"How is that any better?" Mai was bitter.

Valon shrugged.

"It's not. We messed up. But that's all fixed. Everyone is better." was the best response he could come up with.

"Fixed? Better? Valon, I just about killed Joey. And he's there, helping me and talking to me and there's all this pain. And worry. It's not better, it can't be better." Her eyes filled with water, tears, again. She sighed.

There was no way she was going to let herself cry, again.

He was speechless, which he admitted to himself, was rare.

"It's always about Wheeler."

Several long minutes of nothing, and that was all he could murmur.

"Excuse me?" Mai questioned.

"Nothing. It's just that, well, it's always about Joey. Everything. One day you like him, one day you want to kill him, one day you cry over him, and you always end up coming to me. I don't even like Wheeler."

He sounded upset, but Mai couldn't tell.

"You should go to him. He can help you more than I can."

His chair clattered against the table. Mai frowned. Was he really walking out on her? When she needed him?

She held the card loosely between her fingers, guarding it from the rain, as she chased Valon down one sidewalk and up another.

She grabbed his arm.

"What do you even mean? Didn't you want to help me?"

Valon frowned, and wiggled his arm from her light grip.

"More than anything. But ever since I've known you, your issues have always revolved around Joey. He was first and better, and I just . . . I can't compete. I can't keep throwing my heart out to you, for you to use it for a while, then return it to me because Wheeler came calling."

She gasped.

"I don't even know what you're talking about!" It was a plea, they both knew it. What they didn't know what was the purpose of the plea.

Valon grabbed her arms. He turned her so she was facing him, only him.

"You'll know what I mean when Wheeler saves you. Because he will, and he can Mai. Don't follow me, you owe him that. You owe yourself that." Valon was chocking. He could feel the tears pushing themselves over his eyelashes.

"You're leaving." Her memory was gone, but Mai wasn't stupid. She pushed herself away from him.

He called a cab, frowning and crying the whole time. Avoiding her gaze, like she was making it hard for him.

He was supposed to help her, after all he was her partner in crime. She didn't even remember him, and his leaving made her insides want to come out.

The cab drove off, his head looking through the window, at one last glimpse of the pitiful Mai Valentine. She sniffled, and let the tears roll freely. She didn't care who saw.

Mai knew she had to return to Joey. She just didn't know how. How she was supposed to carry on, how she was supposed to look at him.

The card fell to the ground, making a small splashes as it hit the puddled sidewalk.

Mai picked it up, and looked at it. It was a clock, thing.

It was Joey's clock thing, card thing.

And Joey was the first something. Whatever he was, Valon felt insignificant when compared to him.

She sighed. She could feel her curls limp against her face, and knew that once the rain stopped, frizz would overtake her head. This fact led to her walking back toward the hotel.

Joey, on the other hand, decided that only a fool would leave anywhere warm and go outside. The rain looked bad to him.

He hoped that the weather wasn't some indication or hidden symbol about the events that kept happening. He always hated trying to pick out symbols in anything.

Mai's door was closed, and he figured she was still freaked out from last night. Or this morning. The past few hours were just one giant blur to Joey.

He sat on the couch, gazing at the table. Something seemed off; different even.

He shook his head, it was probably just his mind going crazy. It was about time anyway, he figured.

He heard a creak and he jumped.

The main door opened, and Mai stood on the outside. She was drenched. Mascara stains covered her checks, and her hair . . . well Joey didn't have words for that.

He didn't have words for anything. Okay, he lied. He did have words, and they were angry ones full of desperation and every other negative emotion he could muster.

But he didn't speak or yell or cry, he stood.

He wanted to yell at her. Scream at her for leaving, and not even having the decency to tell him. He was trying to help her, and this is how she treated him; he figured he would yell.

Instead he glared at her madly. He wanted to be down with this. This being the whole concept of saving her and helping her and not getting anything in return.

She looked back at him, but met his angry gaze with a lost one. She didn't share any of his current emotions, but wasn't surprised that they were there.

"Joey." It was a start, short and to the point, but lacking the traditional confidence she had.

He nodded, he wasn't going to respond to her. Not now. And even though he knew he was being selfish, he didn't care.

"You beat me with this card."

She held it up, damp and torn and old. But to him it was beautiful.

"You were the first person to ever beat me, and you did it with this card."

And for five seconds, Joey really wanted to kiss her.