~JACKIE BURKHART~
Today, I was going to start furnishing my apartment. Sure, it was two small objects that I could carry in my arms while simultaneously fitting the key into the lock, but it was two small objects closer to a fully furnished apartment.
I push open the door and stare at the empty room before me. Today, I would start to make this place mine. I walk over and set down the first object on the counter separating the living room from the kitchen.
At the LOPP's Valentine's Day party a few weeks ago, there had been a photo booth machine which I practically had to drag Steven into. Mrs. Forman had somehow snuck my copy of pictures out from underneath me and got it framed as a gift before I even knew it had disappeared.
I admire the frame for a moment. She had somehow managed to find a frame that would perfectly fit the strip of four pictures. When I had opened the small box to find it, she'd told me how it might not be much, but it would be something that made me smile every day in my own apartment.
And she was right, just looking at the pictures now sends my cheeks upward in a smile as I think back to the party. Steven had blatantly refused to go in the photo booth. I knew he hated having his picture taken, but I wanted to be that cute couple (like Donna and Eric) who go in there and make cute faces at each other and laugh perfectly in time with the camera. And despite all his refusal, he didn't show any physical restraint other than dragging his feet when I finally grabbed his arm and hauled him into the photo booth.
In the first picture, Steven isn't even looking at the camera. His expression is blank behind his shades as he watches me, instead, smiling at the camera. In the second picture (which was not timed right at all) I'm wrestling to get his shades off as Steven attempts to pry my hands away from his face. By the third picture I have successfully removed his shades and put them on my face. I'm sticking my tongue out at him, and his mouth is open and I can still hear him groaning "Jackie!" right as the shutter went off. And that's when I panicked. I knew then that the first three pictures were going to be a disaster, so in attempt to salvage at least one good picture from my twenty-five cents, I remember tearing off his shades, wrapping my arms around his neck and pulling him into a kiss, just in time for the last flash of the camera. Then I handed him back his shades, ripped open the curtain and was pleased to find that at least the fourth picture came out all right.
It was by no means the photo booth experience I had always imagined before. But now as I reflect on that night and the four tiny photos sitting framed before me, I realize that this first little object in my apartment described my relationship with Steven better than anything else, and that is what makes me smile the most.
The second object is a Welcome mat that I had picked up from the Price Mart in Racine on my way here. It seemed like the appropriate thing to do; buy the first object for my apartment today, now that I had a steady income.
Working for Red has provided with a basic income that has helped me get on my feet. But before coming to my apartment today, I had stopped by Marquette to sign the official paperwork for the paid internship I would do over the course of my freshman year. I was by no means the rich girl that I used to be with my parents. But the thought of having a little spending money for the first time in a long time sent me rushing to the nearest store to buy something for my apartment and thus quench that need to spend.
I set the Welcome mat at front of the door on my way out. I am suddenly overcome with the need to tell Steven and all my friends the amazing news of my internship. And then maybe go spend more money.
o-o-o
Steven, Donna, Michael, Fez and Angie are all in the basement when I arrive that afternoon. I'm not sure where Eric is, but I'm sure once I share my amazing news it will spread like wildfire and he'll find out soon enough.
"This gang?" Donna is saying. I let her finish as I pull off my coat then quietly join Steven on the other side of the room. "Angie, the only reason this gang formed was because no one would let us into their gang."
I want to interrupt and say that wasn't true; everybody wanted me in their gang, I simply chose this one. But then I realize that said more about me then it did about them, so I keep my mouth shut.
"We're like the chess club," Donna makes a comparison. "But better looking, and…dumber," she concludes.
I wait half a beat and when nobody says anything else I jump up. "Great, anyways. You guys, I have huge news," everyone turns to me, mildly curious. I mentally remind myself to slap them all later for their lack of enthusiasm. "You know how Point Place cable has that public access channel?"
"Yeah," Michael sits up in the lawn chair. Finally, someone is properly enthused. "Donna, didn't your dad do, like, a belly dancing show there?"
"Ugh," I groan, falling back into Steven's lap defeated.
"He…guest-hosted. Shut up." Donna dismisses Michael and turns to look at me pleadingly.
I sit up again. "Anyways, I'm gonna have my own show! Just like Mary Tyler Moore. Oh, except, I won't stop for commercials 'cause no one really wants to take a break from me," I say as I get lost in thought.
I am imagining thousands of people cheering and clapping while they see me smiling on their screen, bringing color to their dull, gray lives, when Steven clears his throat and breaks me from my reverie.
"Wait, Jackie doesn't that kind of thing cost money? Don't you have to buy your time slot or something?" Steven asks.
I lean back and wrap an arm behind his neck. "No, that's the best part," I address the whole group. "It's a paid internship for school!"
"What?" Donna exclaims.
"Yeah!" I cannot hold back my excitement. "Since I am both a Communications Major and currently reside in Point Place, my school advisor called me as soon as Point Place Cable decided to offer one of Marquette's students an internship."
"And you got it?" Steven asks.
"Uh huh," I nod. "It was first come first serve for incoming freshmen, and since my advisor called me about it right away, I had the interview today, and then they offered me the internship!"
"Congrats, Jackie," Angie stands. "I really enjoyed all the internships I did in college."
"Thanks, Angie!" I say, touched.
She smiles. "Now, I hate to take your boyfriend away from you, but he and I are running late to open the record store."
"Oh, right. Weren't we supposed to open this morning?" Steven starts to sit up, so I get off his lap.
"Yep," Angie reaches for her coat.
"Steven, its three o'clock," I glance at my watch.
"Yeah," he says slowly as he stands up, grabbing his coat off the back of his chair. Then he shrugs and turns to face me. He wraps his free arm around the small of my back, kissing me once softly on the lips, then the cheek before he leans into my ear. "Proud of you," he whispers slowly. And with that I immediately feel my heart flutter and a blush rise to my cheeks.
I don't think I realized how nervous I was about Steven's reaction. My advisor had called me a week ago, and I never told Steven, not once, because I didn't want to tell him and then not get the internship. But now I realize I was afraid he'd be angry for me not telling him out of trust, like when I kept Marquette and the apartment from him.
When Steven pulls away from me and follows Angie out of the basement, I immediately see Donna watching me closely. And I can't describe the look on her face, but its as though she had read my mind and was worrying about the same thing.
"So," I fall back in Steven's chair. "Its for my whole freshman year, but I actually have to start today. Plus, I'm also responsible for my own crew, so I was hoping that maybe you guys would help me out?"
"Jackie! Are you insane? None of us know anything about TV sets!" Donna whines.
"It's really simple. Donna, all you have to do is hit the record button on the camera and swing it around if I move on set," I explain as though it's the easiest thing in the world, which it's probably not, but I'm desperate and getting ideas. "Ooh, ooh and Fez, you can help me decorate the set with your feminine style!"
"You got it," he nods. I knew Fez would help, he for some reason still felt like he owed me for helping him work things out with Laurie.
"And Michael, you can come on the show and do a segment or something," I say vaguely, not really wanting to trust him with any technology or heavy equipment.
"And grab the attention of every female in Point Place?" He grins dopily. "I'm in!"
"Donna?" I clasp my hands together, pout my lips and give her puppy dog eyes. "Please, will you be my camerawoman?"
Donna watches me skeptically, but sighs after a moment. "Fine, but only because you called me camerawoman and not cameraman."
"Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!" I cheer. "Okay, I've already got the script done for today. So let's go."
"Wait, now?" Donna asks appalled.
"Well, I go on at seven, so we have four hours to learn how to use a camera and finish decorating the set. They've set up most of it for me already, but I wanted to add my own flare to it, so I'm thinking four hours – "
"Jackie, shut up! This is insane!" Donna is still aghast.
"Look, Donna, I know. But I am actually getting a shot at my dream. I'd be crazy not to do this."
There's a pause. "No matter how crazy this is," Donna says.
"Exactly."
Donna nods, then looks down at her feet. It feels like eternity before she looks up again, but when she does, its with resignation and acceptance. She opens her mouth, but I already know the answer. She sighs. "Let's go."
o-o-o
I could make the show be about whatever I wanted, as long as I could draw in an audience. That was the trickiest part of this whole ordeal. I had to draw in viewers, which is why this internship was being offered to a Communications Major. But seeing how I was still in high school and had received no college education for this major yet, I had to go off of what rudimentary knowledge I already had.
Although I had little knowledge of how to use my major to gather in an audience, I had lots of knowledge about the gossip, make up, and lifestyle of a young woman. So that was what my show was going to be about; a news guide for young women in the '70s. Plus, I knew I could get every girl in school to watch it, which meant I'd have a basis for my audience.
I explain all this to Donna and Fez as I drive them to the station where we are set to film. I'd met with my advisor here this morning after I was offered the internship, so I'd be well prepared for my first show this evening.
I had my script already written too. As soon as my advisor had called me about the internship a week ago, he'd told me to start working on a script right away, because if I did receive the offer, things would start off with a bang.
"Okay, Fez," I pull his arm away from the camera where Donna was getting a hang on how to use it. It was almost four o'clock now. Donna was ready, but the set was not, and I still needed to run a dress rehearsal too. "Since you're helping me with set dressing, I want the set to reflect my sparkling personality," I grin. "I want it to say 'Jackie'!"
"Okay, let me see," Fez crosses his arms and immediately gets down to business. "Maybe some glitter, a disco ball…"
"Uh huh," I interrupt him. "I want a big sign that says 'Jackie'," I repeat. I want to make sure he doesn't forget.
Fez nods begrudgingly and I move onto the set and take a seat in my giant office chair.
Donna takes a step away from the camera. "I hate this room," she shakes her head. "It reminds me of my dad dancing around half-naked with finger cymbals."
"Well, like I said," I spin in my chair to face Donna. I had been admiring the 'PPTV your cable access' sign behind me desk, still stunned that I was going to be on the air. "My show is going to be a news show for young women," I remind Donna.
"All nude, or just topless?" Fez says.
I turn to him annoyed. Why wasn't he working on getting me my sign? "Not nude. News! Weren't you listening in the car?"
"Not really," Fez admits.
I sigh, but launch into my story again. "A news show for young women. Information like who's got a new car, or what store is having a sale on leggings, and what styles are currently in. I want to help young women get through high school, and maybe even college, with as much ease and popularity as possible."
o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o
~ERIC FORMAN~
I munch on my fries, still mulling over what my parents had told me this morning after I got out of bed. I mean, I knew they were right. I couldn't sleep all day and bum out in their house forever, but getting out there and doing something with your life was a lot more difficult then it seemed when you had no idea what it was you wanted to do with your life.
I'm broken from my dark thoughts when a shrill "All right, fries!" resonates across the record store. I focus back on the present to see Kelso walking across the store to join me, Hyde and Angie at the registers.
"Those from The Hub?" he asks, taking a handful.
"Yep" I nod.
"Hey, where's Fez?" Hyde asks Kelso.
"Oh, he and Donna are helping Jackie with her show. I wasn't allowed to touch anything so I left after about five minutes," Kelso explains.
I had no idea what they were talking about, but Hyde immediately sits up straight.
"Wait a minute," he says. "Jackie starts her internship today?"
"Yeah," Kelso nods, not catching Hyde's terse tone. I do, but before I can say anything, Angie speaks up.
"Hey, Eric. Can I have some of your fries?" she asks.
"Sure."
"Well, I don't want any. Burn!" Angie says, clearly proud of herself.
I shake my head and Hyde speaks, his tone dull. "I think you're confusing a burn with just talking."
"Eric can I have some fries?" Kelso says after a long moment.
I know he intends on burning me, but figuring this would be a good learning experience for Angie, I just shrug. "Yeah, help yourself."
Kelso then proceeds to smash his whole face into the fries and grab a bunch with his mouth. Then, face full of fries he pulls up and shouts "Burn!"
We all laugh, of course, but then I throw it back in Kelso's face. "Yeah, um, I knew you were going to do that, so I spit in 'em. Burn!"
Kelso spits out the fries in his mouth into his hand as the rest of us laugh on at his misfortune.
"Hey! Hey, hey, hey! You ate his spit. Burn!" Angie gets caught up in the moment and doesn't understand what she has just done.
Kelso, Hyde and I grow silent. "Uh, that's a piggyback burn. We don't do that," Kelso explains.
"Oh," Angie frowns.
And then, with the laughter dead, we call all feel the tension build back up in Hyde. Well, maybe not Kelso.
"Come on, Steven," Angie stands up. "We've got to go do inventory in the store room," she pushes him to his feet and guides him to the back.
Angie seems to have a handle on Hyde, so I focus my attention on Kelso. But he has work to do at the Police Academy, which reminds me that I'm supposed to be figuring out my life right now.
But…I figure I can put it off a little longer when I see a guy in The Pit who appears to be reading the new 'Mighty Spectaculus.'
It turns out he is. We introduce ourselves. His name is Stew and he is thirty six years old. Already I can tell we have so much in common, even, regretfully, that neither of us has a job.
"So…so then Stew, what do you do all day?" I ask him.
"You're looking at it," he shrugs.
Here was a thirty six year old man, without a job, who got to spend all day reading comic books. I don't know how he did it, but if he could, couldn't I?
o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o
~STEVEN HYDE~
I wasn't exactly in the mood for inventory, but I knew if I didn't help Angie, she'd probably bitch and moan, and maybe even tell W.B., so I grab the first box in the store room without complaint.
"What are you doing?" Angie crosses her arms and watches me.
I wasn't really mad at Angie, but I couldn't help myself. Was she really going to complain that I was doing it wrong?
"Inventory," I grumble.
"We did inventory yesterday," Angie says slowly.
"Then why did you just say that we needed to do it?" I was growing ill-tempered.
"To get you away from the guys so I could go tell you to be with Jackie," Angie says wisely.
I roll my eyes. "Jackie doesn't need my help with anything," I remind her. "She's got Donna and Fez."
"Well, fine," Angie pouts. "But if you're not going to help her, at least go home and watch her show."
"Jackie won't care if I watch it," I say bitterly.
"Of course she will!" Angie says. "Now stop acting like this."
"Like what?" I gripe.
"Like…like an insensitive jerk," she says. She pauses, expecting me to deny this, but I don't because I know she's right. "Now go home and watch your girlfriend on TV."
"But, Angie, the store?" I remind her.
She waves me off. "I've got this. It's a slow day anyway."
"Fine," I drop the box I've been holding this entire time and start shuffling to the door. "Wait, you're not going to use this as bait with W.B. again, are you?"
Angie gives me a look that tells me I'm being completely ridiculous. "Not when its an emergency."
"This is not an emergency," I'm not sure why I'm still arguing with her.
Angie shakes her head. "Oh yes, it is."
o-o-o
Mrs. Forman and I plant ourselves on the couch in the living room as we wait for Jackie to come on in a few minutes. Mrs. Forman is munching on a bowl of popcorn, but I refuse any when she offers, still not quite having shaken this deep-set anger, which I had now figured had a lot to do with Jackie and her only wanting me when she needed help attitude.
But then Fez walks through the door, and that is completely forgotten. "Fez, Jackie's show is about to start. Aren't you supposed to be helping her?" I point to the television set.
"Yeah, well she asked me to make her a giant sign with her name on it, so I said 'You got it baby.' So then I went to get some ice cream. And then I went to play some Space Invaders. And um, then I came here to watch the show," he concludes, sitting on the couch next to me.
I'm about to yell at him that he needs to go help Jackie, but then Mrs. Forman interrupts with a story about a Cheeto shaped like Jesus.
I wait patiently until my surrogate mother is finished before turning back to Fez. "You need to go back there and help her, man," I say, dead serious.
Fez grumbles unpleasantly. "I don't want to," he pouts. "You go help her."
"Jackie doesn't want my help man, she wants yours," I explain, exasperated. Why did no one understand this?
Fez gives me the same look that Angie gave me at the record store when she thought I was acting ludicrous. "She only asked me because you had to work," Fez says slowly, as though explaining something to a child.
I don't have a response for Fez right away; he just wasn't getting it.
"Anyway," Mrs. Forman starts up again. "I opened the bag, and there he was! The beard and everything," she looks back at the TV. "Oh! Oh, Jackie's about to start," she turns up the volume as Jackie appears on the screen.
o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o
~JACKIE BURKHART~
"Okay, Jackie. Are you ready?" Donna hands me my script.
I put down the mirror I was using to adjust my make-up. "Of course," but even as I say that I feel a colony of butterflies take flight in my stomach. But I remind myself that if I wasn't a little nervous then I wouldn't be human. "I've got this thing down pat." Then, just as a quick refresher I repeat the line-up out loud. "Okay, so after the fashion report, I'm gonna get into the problem of the Spirit Squad. The proper diet of the cheerleader. I'm anti-fat, and I'm going to spread that knowledge to everyone."
"Okay. Ten seconds until you're on the air, influencing thousands of impressionable teenage girls."
"Thousands?" I repeat. I don't know why, but that sends the butterflies into a frenzy. The more viewers the better, right? Then why did thousands of people suddenly terrify me?
Donna ignores me. "In 5…4…3…"
Where was the two and one? And why did it feel like I suddenly couldn't breathe? Why was Donna pointing at me? And more importantly, why was a bright red light from the camera suddenly blinding me?
"You didn't say two or one," I peer past the light and try to find Donna in the dark. The only lights were on me, and they were so hot I could feel my skin growing red with heat and sticky with sweat.
"Its because you're on now!" Donna hisses.
"Wait, but I'm not – " I stop. Ready. I'm not ready, I was going to say. But if I didn't start acting professional I was done for.
"Hi," I set down my make-up and stare into the camera. Then I start, speaking, but I'm not sure what I'm saying; I'm on auto pilot, entranced by the stupid red light, at least until I hear Donna speak again.
"Jackie Burkhart," she mutters.
"What?" I whisper vehemently.
"It's your name!"
"I know what my name is," I seethe.
"You said Backie Jurkhart."
"Okay, stop talking or you're fired."
"Fine," Donna steps away from the camera. "You're on your own."
"I'm what?" I glance back and forth between Donna and the camera. And I know its over. I completely blew it and there was no way I was going to be able to fix this disaster. I was in way over my head.
I try to speak again, but an incoherent squeaking disaster is all that comes out.
Donna said I was on my own. She gave up on me and so did Fez. Steven had already given up on me. And my parents gave up on me long ago. I had to do this entirely alone. And it was no longer a letter grade at stake here. It was my future at risk and it was slipping through my fingers like water.
There's a loud, resonating slam, and I focus my eyes to see the door rattling closed, Donna gone, and the stupid red light still glowing.
My future.
I had to do whatever I could to salvage whatever was left of it. So I finish my show. I can't move from this chair, since I had no way of having the camera follow me. I don't think my hands or voice ever stop shaking. My heart feels like it may jump out of my throat. And when my half hour is over, I have to walk off stage, the camera catching my every move. And all my viewers are treated to a picture of an empty chair as I then struggle to turn the camera off and end this disaster.
I find Donna waiting outside.
"Jackie, I am so sorry," she rushes over to me.
"Yeah, I'm sorry too. I shouldn't've have threatened to fire you when you were just trying to help me," I shrug. "I just completely lost it out there."
"Come on, let's go to the basement," Donna pulls me into a hug.
"Okay," I start to fish for my keys in my coat pocket, but I can barely hold those and figure I'd hardly be able to handle a steering wheel. "I think I'm going to walk. The cold feels refreshing," I say, which is true. Slowly I could feel the shock wearing off as the cold settled in.
"All right. I'll walk with you," Donna nods resolutely.
We walk to the Forman's in complete silence. It's dark by the time we get there, and I don't know how I'm going to get home, but that's a problem for later.
"Oh, hey. Jackie, uh, I saw your show," Michael says when Donna and I arrive in the basement. I duck my head and join Donna on the couch. "It isn't as good as a lot of other shows."
I don't even have a response for him. But Donna does. "No. it was great for people who think regular TV is too entertaining," Donna tries to lighten the mood.
But it's too difficult for me to find any humor. "I freaked out," my voice cracks, and I fight back the tears. "I mean the cameras turned on and I realized I'm completely alone. I'm alone on TV and I'm alone in real life. I don't know what I'm gonna do," I lean my head down on Donna's shoulder, too exhausted to even keep myself upright.
I hear the snip before I feel the slight change in pressure behind my head. But before I have time to put two and two together I hear Angie shout "Burn!" and turn to find a lock of my hair separated from my head and in Angie's hand.
"Oh my God!' I cry, flying off the couch and fleeing out of the basement. I'm not sure how I make it without falling onto the hard stone stairs, especially with the tears blurring my vision, but before I know it, I'm standing in the middle of the Forman's driveway in the pitch black without my stupid car and no way to get home so I can wallow in my misery.
Taking a shaky breath, I move to sit underneath the basketball hoop, in attempt to gather my thoughts and figure out my next plan of action. But the longer I sit, the harder it is to think. So I stop trying.
o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o
~DONNA PINCIOTTI~
Jackie slams the door behind her. I stare at the lock of hair in Angie's hand for a beat. I see it, but I can't freaking believe it.
"Uh," Kelso starts and we all turn to him. "Uh…I forgot to tell you the part about you don't burn someone who's already crying," he tells Angie likes it's the most obvious thing in the world. And it really is.
Angie stares at her hand, and slowly a look of horror spreads across her features. "I cannot believe I just did that."
"All right, all right," I speak up. "Angie and Kelso. Come with me. You guys are going to apologize to Jackie."
"But…but what did I do?" Kelso whines.
"You told her that her show sucked!" I yell at him incredulously.
I know Jackie can't have gotten far, and my guess is she went crying upstairs to Hyde, so I lead Angie and Kelso up the stairs to the kitchen. No one is there. In the living room are Fez, Hyde and Mrs. Forman.
"Hyde!" I shout.
"What?" he turns to us, confused.
"Why aren't you consoling Jackie?"
"Huh?"
Why did all my friends have to be so dumb? "She's really upset that her show basically tanked. Why aren't you with her?"
"Oh, that," his voice changes tones.
"What the hell does that mean?" I cross my arms.
Mrs. Forman looks concerned, and Fez just looks ill. "It means that she doesn't want me. She wants you guys," Hyde waves me off.
"Hyde, you're being a colossal jerk," I tell him.
"Yeah, so I've heard," he turns away from me and focuses back on the TV.
I can't believe what I'm seeing. I stare, open-mouthed and shocked at my best friend's boyfriend. I exchange a look with Mrs. Forman and she gives me a nod, as though saying, "Go handle Jackie. I'll take care of this bimbo."
Angie must notice it too, because she tugs on my arm. "Let's go find Jackie."
We head back into the kitchen, and right outside the door I can make out a dark, tiny, figure crumpled under the basketball hoop.
I lead Kelso and Angie outside. Sure enough, Jackie is sitting in the driveway. And I almost wish she was still crying. Instead, she is staring off into space with her eyes wide and expression blank.
"Oh my God, Jackie. I am so sorry for cutting your hair, you have no idea," Angie says in one giant breath.
There is silence again, but slowly Jackie comes back to life and shifts her gaze up to meet Angie's. "Yeah," she mumbles.
I turn to Kelso expectantly. He looks confused, but then I think he remembers because he clears his throat uncomfortably. "Yeah, and I'm sorry I made fun of your show," he says.
"Look, Jackie," I don't wait for her response to Kelso. "You said you don't know what to do, so I'm going to tell you. Tomorrow you're going to get up and psych yourself up, because tomorrow night at seven, you're going to go on air again and do great."
Jackie looks up at me. And then nods her head slowly. I continue. "Yeah, and you can do that segment with Kelso like we were talking about. That way you don't have to be on screen alone."
"Oh yeah, I was thinking we could do a segment called 'Slut or Not', since I'm the slut expert of this area," Kelso says.
"Okay," Jackie says.
Angie and Kelso look at me for what to do next. I send them away then sit across from Jackie on the ground.
"Come on Jackie," I say after a moment. "You can sleep at my house tonight. That way you don't have to be alone."
The truth was, I was feeling pretty guilty. I already apologized for walking out on her, but I think it was when I told her that she was on her own that she finally broke, so I felt like I needed to fix this.
Jackie looks at me. Her expression is still blank and I wish she would show any kind of emotion; anything would be better than this. Finally she nods her head. But once again only one word comes out of her mouth. "Okay."
o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o
~JACKIE BURKHART~
Donna basically drags me to her room and then plops me on her bed while she goes to the kitchen to gather up some snacks. Apparently she had something planned for us that was guaranteed to cheer me up.
I doubted that.
I had become so numb to the cold when I had been sitting out there, but now that I was inside, I realize how cold it really was. Spring was maybe starting in a few weeks, but there was still piles of snow left over from this winter's largest snow mounds.
I quickly grow warm and lazily pull off my coat and throw it to the floor. The heat was making me a bit drowsy too. I'm contemplating laying back on Donna's pillow and just resting my eyes when she returns from the kitchen.
I shoot straight up, the exhaustion I'd felt moments ago long forgotten. Donna is carrying a bowl of popcorn (no surprise there, popcorn was Donna's go to remedy whenever I was sad, although I wasn't sure why), some sodas and a pile of papers. She joins me on her bed, sitting cross-legged, setting the bowl between us and handing me a soda.
"What's that?" I can't help but have my curiosity piqued by the papers she was holding.
"Well," Donna smiles. "Remember how you asked viewers to submit their questions to you for advice on your show?"
"Yeah…" I say, not sure where this was going.
During my show, I introduced a segment that I would be starting on my next show called 'Ask Jackie!' where any of the viewers could submit questions to me regarding fashion, high school, make-up and the works and I'd choose a few to answer in each show. I doubted anybody would send any after what a disorganized, chaotic mess I was while on the air today. Which was fine with me, because I probably wasn't going to continue with the show anyways. I wasn't sure how Donna knew about that though, since she walked out before I introduced the segment.
"How did you know about that?" I ask her.
"After I stormed out, I found a copy of your script in your car and read through it while I waited for you," she explains. "Anyways, before we left, I ran back inside to see if the studio had recorded any phone calls for that segment…and they did. There's tons of them, Jackie!" she hands me the papers.
I take the papers from her. Someone had written down all the questions that viewers – my viewers – submitted. They wanted my advice.
"But…" I start.
"I was talking to some of the people back there and they were telling me that a lot of the callers were inspired by you. They thought it took a lot of guts for a seventeen year old girl to go on air by herself and want to see more and more of you."
I was surprised. I really was. But that didn't change what happened today.
"That's great Donna…" I pause. "But, I – I don't think I can put myself through that again," I confess.
Donna's disappointment is clear on her face, but she keeps pushing. "But I promised to come back, and Kelso and Angie want to help out too."
I shrug my shoulders, hating to disappoint her, but I was pretty sure it was over. Even if I wanted to go back, I'd probably lost the internship anyway.
"Look," Donna tosses a piece of popcorn at my face. I swat it away and it hits her instead. She eats it. "Look. How about we go through some of these questions in case you change your mind."
"Donna, then we might as well write a whole script!" I groan. "I can't do the show without a script prepared."
"Then let's write the script," Donna bounces eagerly on the bed.
"Did you not hear me say I was done with the show?" I whine.
"Yes, I did," Donna admits shamelessly. "And I am trying to change your mind." I give her a skeptical look and she sighs exasperated. "Come on, Jackie! At least write the script. Then decide if you want to quit."
"Ugh," I fall back on her bed. "Fine! If it will get you to stop pestering me."
Donna doesn't jump with excitement like I expected her to. In fact, she doesn't make a peep. I crane my neck up curiously.
She is just watching me. "I knew you'd come around," she says haughtily.
"I haven't changed my mind," I remind her emphatically.
She grins like a deviant. "Yet."
o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o
~ERIC FORMAN~
I had to shake this life slump I was in. Stew Bailey was a bum, but it was a good thing I got to know him a little, because seeing his life showed me what I could very well become. I had to shake this thing now, lest I become like him and live with my parents for the rest of my life. That's why, when I wake up the next morning, I immediately grab a trash bag and head to the basement to throw out every single comic book I owned.
"What are you doin'?" Jackie asks when I arrive in the basement.
She is moping on the couch. I've been too wrapped up in this Stew business to really grasp what's been going on with Jackie, but from what Donna's been talking about, its not good.
"I'm throwing out all my comic books," I explain as I start across the room in a rush, grabbing every brightly colored magazine in sight. "I saw my future yesterday and…well, its living with my mother," I wince.
"Yeah, well I saw my future and it sweats," Jackie says, just as melancholy.
"Wait, wait, wait. Hold on," I stop my task and look at her. "You sweat? Would you happen to have a picture? Some tape of this I could laugh at?"
Jackie rolls her eyes. "Eric, I tried to have my own TV show, and I failed. My life is over. I'm not good enough to be on TV."
I told myself it was because I wanted her out of my basement, but the truth was I actually felt a little bit bad for the devil. "No, Jackie. Okay, come on," I sit across from her on the arm of the couch. "You're good-looking, you're incredibly superficial and you lie constantly. I think you're perfect for TV."
"Do you really think so?" she asks.
I actually had no idea. I hadn't seen her show yesterday, but I realize that she probably needed someone to tell her she could do it, just like I wished someone would tell me.
"Yeah," I tell her. "I mean…jeez, look, at least you're doing something with your life. I have wasted an entire year, and haven't once thought about what I want to do."
"Eric, let me stop you right there," Jackie reaches forward to pat my knee. "Okay, since you were kind enough to cheer me up when my spirits were low, I'll give you the best advice I can," she clears her throat like she is about to say something profound. "You don't have to know what you want to do with your life right this minute. You'll figure it out eventually. But you won't find the answer down here in the basement. You have to start living, and the answer will come to you."
I roll my eyes, but hidden in her words might be a grain of truth. "Now, I've got a show to do!" Jackie jumps off the couch, her energy completely opposite of what it was when I first came down here.
She runs out the door. I shake my head, surprised that I just had a real one-on-one conversation with Jackie Burkhart, the devil. But she did convince me of one thing. I needed to start living. So after I finish trashing all my comic books, I get out of the basement, prepared to find something, anything to do.
o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o
~STEVEN HYDE~
I chew silently on the sandwich Mrs. Forman made for me, even as she stares at me expectantly from across the table.
"Steven," she says after I'm about halfway through my sandwich.
"Yes?" I say, already not liking where this is going from the tone of her voice.
"What's up with you and Jackie?" She says knowingly.
"Nothing," I say, probably too harshly. Mrs. Forman raises her eyebrows keenly. "Okay, fine," I give in. "She acts like wants me for me you know," I'm sickened by the words coming out of my mouth. "But its only because she wants my help."
"I'm sorry, but what have you been smoking?" Kitty narrows her eyes. I gulp nervously, unsure of whether or not she is serious, but then she laughs her signature laugh and I know it's a joke. "No, but honey, I have no idea what you're talking about."
"Take when she asked me to move in with her," I try to explain. "I thought she asked me, because I'm her, you know, boyfriend. But then as soon as she got that job with Red, she stopped begging me to live with her. So its pretty obvious she only wanted me to live with her so I would help pay the rent."
"Steven, that is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard!" Mrs. Forman shakes her head.
"I swear, if one more person calls me ridiculous – "
"No, no. Honey," Mrs. Forman stops me. "I think this is just one big giant misunderstanding."
"So what do I do?" I ask her, because I haven't been able to figure it out myself.
"Well, you can go see Jackie at the station where she is recording her show, brighten her day and work things out, or…or you can continue to sit here like the broody brood you are and be miserable."
I didn't really believe her that this was just a big misunderstanding. But she was right that if I didn't do something, I'd just continue to be miserable.
I nod my head. "Thanks Mrs. Forman," I shove the last bit of sandwich in my mouth. Then I go find Jackie.
o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o
~JACKIE BURKHART~
I'm not sure what Eric said that got through to me, but I hurry over to the station with renewed purpose knowing that I could knock this thing out of the park. I have to run, seeing as how my car was already there…and I was running late.
Thankfully its not horribly far (Point Place was a small town, after all). When I finally get there, I glance at my watch nervously and find that I have less than two minutes until I'm on the air. I rush upstairs.
"Hey," I smile at Donna, Angie and Michael who had all showed up to support me.
"Jackie, I can't believe you showed up," Donna pulls her headphones on as I rush to my desk chair before we went on the air. "I can't believe I showed up. What am I doing with my life?"
"Okay, come on people. We've got a show to do," I focus and get down to business. I straighten the script on my desk and smile at the camera. This time I am ready.
"Okay," Donna nods. "In 3…" and this time I notice her count off two and one with her fingers and the red light doesn't blind me when it flashes on.
"Hi, I'm Jackie Burkhart, and here's all the news you need to know," I start. I can feel the confidence radiating off of me and I can see Donna mimicking my own smile as I continue on. "This just in: slacks are out. So ladies, shave those legs and put on a skirt."
Then I rise from my seat and Donna follows me across the set with the camera. "Up next, senior correspondent Michael Kelso joins me for a very exciting segment I like to call 'Slut or Not'."
Michael joins me next to the easel set up with or 'Slut or Not' cards. "Michael, welcome," I introduce him.
"Hi Jackie," he nods at me then points at the camera. "Ladies."
"Okay, let's get started, I pull down the first card to reveal a name. "Marcy Cavanaugh," I read.
"Slut," Michael smiles.
"Susy Rice," I read the next card.
"Slut," he repeats.
"Ooh, Jenny Keene."
"Partly slutty with a chance of severe sluttiness," Michael switches it up a bit.
Before I can pull down the next card, I see someone move in my periphery. I glance over and see Angie walk on set. I panic momentarily.
But I school my face to calm…even when Angie pulls down Michael's pants on live TV.
"Angie, what the hell?" he looks at her, standing uncomfortably in his underwear.
"Burn?" she asks.
Michael stands stunned for a moment. "Burn!" he shouts after a moment, then proceeds to hug his girlfriend.
I swallow, refusing to let this set me back. "Well, there you have it America. You're first televised burn. Up next, a hard-hitting segment called 'Ask Jackie!'. We'll be right back."
I watch as the red light fades off before I run off the set to Donna. "Oh my God, I did it!" I cheer.
"Yeah you did," Donna jumps with me.
"I think that was all I needed," I reflect. "I had to believe I could do it, and then once I did it, it would all be okay."
Donna is nodding eagerly.
"Okay, I'm going to go fix my make-up," I head toward my table in the far back of the room.
o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o
~STEVEN HYDE~
I had been starting to think living with Jackie wouldn't be such a bad idea, but I hadn't even admitted as much to Mrs. Forman, so I had no idea how I was supposed to tell Jackie that. But I head over to the TV studio anyway, knowing I'd have to figure out something to say to Jackie to fix things between us.
The door to the set is locked because she is on the air. But its only moments after the light fades off that I hear the door unlock.
No one comes out, so I take a deep breath before pushing the door open.
The back wall is covered by a heavy black curtain and the only person on this side of it is Donna. I figure that this is only the first commercial break and I don't have much time to waste so I clear my throat and walk up to Donna. "Hey, man. Is Jackie around?"
"Hey," Donna turns, clearly surprised to see me. "Yeah, but I thought you were mad at her?" she asks. But before I can say anything she gasps and gives me a look. "You came to apologize, didn't you? Oh, you're going to tell her that you loooove her," she drones excitedly. "And you're little sunglasses are gonna get all fogged up," she continues.
I can't actually vocally get mad at her because all words are suddenly stuck in my throat.
Donna taps me lightly on the shoulder as she passes by me. "Jackie, there's someone here to see you," she calls at the black curtain.
After a moment Jackie peaks her head curiously out from behind the curtain. "Steven!" she says her whole face lighting up. "You came."
"Of course I did," I say, my voice quiet. "Uh, I thought maybe we could talk for a minute," I keep my voice level, even though I was shaking in my boots from what I was about to say.
"Is it about my show?" Jackie says, as eager as a child. "'Cause it was awesome. Steven, I went on and I did great! And it did it on my own. I mean, I've never been more proud of myself in my entire life. I'm gonna do great on my own," she says, practically on cloud nine. "I'm sorry," she focuses back on me. "What did you want to talk to me about?"
"Well, um…" I wrack my brain for something to say. After everything she just said, it was clear that she wanted to be on her own. I'd be a fool to say what was on my mind now. "I just wanted to say congratulations on your show."
"Thank you," she says softly.
"Yeah," I nod.
"Did you see Michael with his pants down?" she laughs.
"No," I say. "But, I don't need a TV to see that," I stall.
Jackie nods. Then she glances down at her watch. "Well, I've got to get back on the air soon. Stay and watch the second half?" she asks.
"Of course."
Then Jackie jumps up and wraps her arms around my neck. She kisses me quickly before hopping back on the set and doing the last minute touches to her make-up.
"Hyde," Donna says from behind me.
I turn and see her head popped out from behind the curtain.
"C'm'ere," she says.
I shuffle towards her head and she steps out from behind the curtain.
"You are such a chicken," she whispers to me, crossing her arms.
"What?" I ask.
"What did you want to talk to Jackie about?" she asks. And then just like before, she reads my expression and knows. "Oh my God, you were going to tell her you want to live with her, weren't you?" she whispers even quieter.
"What? No? You're crazy," I try and fail miserably at being Zen. "Okay, fine. I was, but its obvious she doesn't need me. She's doing great on her own," I repeat Jackie's own words.
"Seriously Hyde, you are the most difficult, ridiculous – "
"That's it, I'm done," I've had enough.
But Donna grabs my arm and pulls me back with her brute strength. "No, listen to me," she says. "Maybe she doesn't need you to live with her, but that doesn't mean she doesn't want you to."
"So I've heard," I mumble.
"Then why don't you believe it?" Donna asks. "Or at least ask Jackie instead of assuming what her answer is going to be."
"How am I supposed to do that now?" I ask Donna. "She's clearly very proud of all she's done on her own, as she should be."
Donna doesn't have an answer right away. But after a moment I practically see the lightbulb go off in her head. "I've got an idea," she says.
Then she pulls me behind the curtain.
o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o
~JACKIE BURKHART~
"Welcome back," I say as soon as the red light pops back on. Donna has just handed me the cards for my next segment. "Now its time for a new segment I call 'Ask Jackie!' where viewers like you can send questions anonymously to me by calling the number on the screen and submitting your questions. Then I'll answer a few questions on my show, using the knowledge that made me the most popular, liked girl in high school.
"Now, for the first question: 'Hi, Jackie! I am going to graduate from high school this spring, and my cap and gown are going to be bright orange. What kind of dress should I wear to go with this disastrous color? Signed, Confused Graduate.'
"Well, Confused Graduate," I look up from my card to the camera. "I'm graduating this spring too, but luckily my gown is black, so I can wear anything. Unfortunately, the orange gown limits your color options. I'd wear something black or white to subtly offset that bright orange. And make sure it's a light material. It gets hot under those graduation gowns and you don't want to see pit stains in your graduation picture!"
I shuffle to the next card. As I start reading it though, I feel a slight panic settle in my stomach. This was not one of the questions I had read through last night when I was planning today's script. But I quickly realize something.
"'My girlfriend asked me to move in with her. I said no, but now I changed my mind. Do you think she still wants to live with me? Signed, you know who.'"
I snap my head up. Steven is sitting in a set chair in the corner by the door, watching me, his face impassive behind his sunglasses. But I know the question is from him. And I can't stop the stupid grin that's forming on my face. I answer the question without taking my eyes off his.
"I can guarantee you that your girlfriend would love that you want to live with her," I say, hardly able to keep the excitement out of my voice. "She doesn't want to be alone."
The rest of the segment passes in a blur. And the one after that and the one after that. I keep stealing glances in Steven's direction, but he doesn't move and the mask on his face doesn't crack.
It seems like an eternity before the red light switches off to the final commercial break.
I fly out of my chair and rush over to Steven. He stands up at the last second and I barrel into his arms.
"You changed your mind?" I say into his hair.
"Yes," he says uncomfortably but unwavering. I pull away from him to look into his eyes, which I can now see are narrowed nervously behind his shades. "But I thought you were going to be fine on your own."
"I would be. It's great to know that if I needed to, I could survive independently," I'm surprised to feel tears spring into my eyes. "But I never wanted to be alone."
I stretch my arms around the back of his neck and bury my face in his neck, my enthusiasm beyond words. I feel Steven's arms wrap lightly around the small of my back and my heart warms as I melt against him.
"Jackie!" I hear my name get screeched somewhere across the room. I jump, releasing my hold on Steven, and see Michael rushing up to us, Angie following behind, a rueful grin spreading across her face as she shakes her head slowly.
"What?" I asked, slightly alarmed.
"So I just got a call from PPTV and they want to put me on for a full half hour to do Slut or Not," Michael explains, excited as a kid who just got a puppy for Christmas.
"Oh my God," I mutter under my breath, suddenly understanding Angie's sheepish look from before.
"Yep," Michael shouts clearly having missed the tone of my voice. "Get ready Point Place. The ruggedly handsome Michael Kelso will be gracing your TV screens every Tuesday night!"
Steven grabs my wrist and pulls me a few steps away from Michael who has started flailing excitedly about the room. "There's just one condition," he says.
"Huh?" I am confused.
A small grin flickers at the corner of his lips. "On Tuesday nights, we don't watch PPTV. Or I'm going back to the Forman's. Deal?"
I slap his chest playfully. "Deal."
Author's Note: The next chapter, "Down the Road Apiece" was originally supposed to be posted on the day this episode aired, March 2nd. Due to personal reasons, I will actually be posting this chapter tomorrow, March 8th.
