Caitlin was doing her best to give Harrison all the time he needed as they all waited for the metahuman to show up. Which he didn't do and they decided to go through with Iris's idea of the fundraiser. Tonight Caitlin had to go out with Jay and she didn't like that at all. She didn't want to spend the New Year's Eve with the guy. She wanted to stay here, at S.T.A.R. Labs, being truly at her limit, the energy coiling up inside of her, ready to be released. She was tired of stalling, of putting other things first. She was tired of hiding her feelings and even the threat of Zoom that was still hanging over them wasn't enough to stop her. Yes, the monster could have found out about Wells having feelings for her, but then again, why he would care now when his attention was clearly focused on Barry? Keeping Jesse didn't make any sense to Snow if that was the case, but who she was exactly to know how an evil speedster thought? She'd known one before, that was true, but Zoom seemed to be a completely different man – or being? Was he even still human? – she wondered. He wanted to conquer and destroy, to take whatever speed he could get whereas Eobard just yearned to return home. Yes, compared to what they were facing now, Thawne seemed like a child play, especially when they couldn't foresee Zoom's next move, if he would ever make one.
What was the worst that could happen? Snow wondered as she was making her way to Wells's room. How would Zoom even find out about them? It wasn't like he was watching them. He might've been spying on Barry, but he couldn't spy on her and Harrison here in the S.T.A.R. Labs since Cisco had already made sure he wouldn't enter, their updated system detecting everything and everyone that was using speed force at the moment. Well, technically Zoom could get in when being just a mere human, his powers at bay, but what he would benefit from that? One look at someone who didn't belong there and he would be made up.
Caitlin reached the right door and raised her hand to knock. When nothing happened, she knocked again, this time insistently and finally, the door opened showing Harrison's face. There was absolutely no emotion there as though he locked them all inside of him, fighting hard not to let them out. A master of disguise and gruffness, Snow thought, not affected by his appearance at all.
It was because she remembered how emotional he could actually be. How he could just let go and kiss her so well her knees would buckle underneath her if she was standing at the moment. No, she wouldn't care what he look like as she knew better what he felt. He was just trying to protect her and whereas in different circumstances she would probably like that very much, this wasn't one of them. She wouldn't let him control both their lives.
"What are you doing here, Snow?" he asked harshly, trying to pull away and close the door, but she was faster, putting her feet in and rendering him unable to do that.
"We need to talk," she said strongly. "And I'm not leaving until we do."
"Ok," he sighed and left the door be when coming further inside.
She didn't wait. She just got in and closed it behind her.
"I'm sorry about what happened the other night," Wells just said, his back still turned on her as though he didn't want to look at her. She had a better idea. He just wasn't strong enough to hold her gaze after what happened between them and it actually excited her. She knew he was holding to any last ounce of control he had and she would take that control from him and break it into pieces. He needed her and he couldn't deny it any longer. Also, he couldn't be alone anymore, the burden on his shoulder getting heavier with every single day passing by, she could see that clearly. She really should talk to Barry about concocting a different strategy to get Jesse back than just wait for Zoom to show up. There simply had to be another way to find the girl. Maybe Cisco could help. She knew he still hadn't gotten a hang of his powers, but maybe he could work some more on them and vibe Jesse's location. Or anything on the other earth. Maybe. But first things first, Snow reminded herself.
"I'm not," she answered Harrison. "It was long overdue, actually," she then dared add and immediately saw his shoulders tense up.
"Caitlin," he started in a warning tone.
"Just listen to me. You owe it to me to listen," she quickly followed. Yet, before she said more, she strode right towards him and circled him to face him. She was beyond frustrated now with his behavior. "And look me in the eye when I say it," she told him harshly.
He did look then and her heart soften immediately when she saw the hopelessness and despair in his gaze. He wanted to seek comfort with her so badly, but he still held back, not wanting to hurt her, his body full of coiled and tensed energy, wanting to be released just like hers, but he still wouldn't let it. It drove her crazy, yes, but in the same time it told her how intense and real his feelings for her actually were. And that left her without a breath, the knowledge of it all hitting her like a brick falling on her head and she didn't even know whether she could just stand there, facing him and not fall down, not lose her balance. Because this changed everything. She'd never realized it before, but somehow she'd fallen for this man. It crept up on her, came almost imperceptibly and now it was just too late, her being too far gone. She'd used to think that there would be no happy ending for her, no life after she'd lost the one person she'd ever loved. She'd been just about ready to give up on any kind of love altogether and devote her live to helping her friends, to helping the Flash, to do some good in the world. She hadn't planned on falling completely and madly in love with Harrison Wells from Earth 2 of all people. Yet, she had. And her life was changed forever. Love, hope, happiness, actual planning for the future instead of living day by day – it was all overwhelming, both scary and exhilarating in the same time. Sure, their happiness was not guaranteed as there would probably always be danger surrounding Barry and the city in general. The would always be danger in Wells's home town on another earth as well. Still, it wasn't a reason to stop trying, to push away the amazing thing they seemed to have discovered between them. No, it was just a reason to fight even harder to have it all. She knew Harrison would always be devoted to his daughter and she would never ask him to give up on her. Snow actually yearned to meet Jesse as she already liked her from her father's stories. She wanted to meet her and befriend her, maybe even become something of a motherly figure to her even though she was way too young to actually be Jesse's mother.
Caitlin discovered all of that just in this moment when standing right in front of the man she felt like she was supposed to meet, like he was truly meant to become the love of her life, as though it was fate that seemed to have brought them together. Maybe it didn't make any sense. Maybe she didn't believe in fate because she was a scientist, but she didn't care. It felt that way and she could tell just by the look into the depths of Harrison's blue eyes, that he felt the same. Actually, the electricity generated between them was so powerful that she couldn't seem to remember what she wanted to tell him in the first place and he hadn't even touched her yet!
Whereas she finally seemed to have discovered what she felt and what she wanted or maybe rather with whom she wanted to have all of things she never thought she would actually get to have; he was just standing there, staring at her, his body tensing visibly with every single passing second. She knew why. Everything was crystal clear to her now as she thought of his sometimes misguiding behavior, of all those rough words she hadn't seemed to understand at the moment and then those nice, warm moments they'd shared. It all came down to this. He was just too conflicted about it all and maybe even felt guilty that he actually felt something for another human being when the one person he was supposed to love unconditionally was gone and he couldn't seem to get her back.
"You said what you thought of this whole situation, but I say we can be stronger than that," Caitlin finally spoke again, her voice hoarse. She needed to clear her throat. And probably her mind as well. "You left my choice out of this and I have one, Harrison," she told him firmly, her eyes never leaving his. She had nothing to hide anyway. Everything was already out in the open and they both knew it. They could keep appearances for as long as they wanted, but the truth was out there and nothing could erase it. "Zoom wants Barry, not you. Besides, we're safe here," she continued. "So I won't give up on… on us," she finally got it out, her voice wavering slightly. She felt embarrassed when saying it all whereas he was just this powerful, coiled up presence right next to her. "You can run all you want, but why?" she just asked. "Life is too short for that and I hope you'll come around and change your mind. This is my choice and I'm choosing this," she finished, actually shaking now with the intensity of the moment. Luckily for her, she was done. She wouldn't have to stay here in this room with him for much longer. If she did, she'd surely grab him and kiss him senseless.
She finally took her eyes away from his face and walked to the door.
"Snow," he suddenly said. She didn't know why but she liked him calling her this way. It somehow suited her even though it was her last name. It was also her father's name and she missed him terribly, so she was lucky to keep that one part of him. It was a part of him that also felt so like herself. She'd rather not think about how it also perfectly mirrored her usual cold and stoic appearance, a feature she got from her mother. Still, that appearance was so easily broken and taken out of control by no one else but Harrison.
Caitlin stopped with her hand already on the doorknob. She didn't look back, though. She didn't seem to be able to.
"Me, too," was all he said in the end, a confirmation of what she already knew. That he was in this just as deeply as she was. Still, it wasn't what she really wanted to hear or better maybe, it wasn't a gesture she wanted from him.
In the end, she could just sigh and leave, hoping he'd come around eventually.
Caitlin didn't like this at all, she thought when looking at her reflection in the mirror. She wore a beautiful blue gown. One that she chose especially for such an occasion as going to a New Year's fundraiser. The problem wasn't the dress itself, though; it was with whom she would attend that gala. She needed to get through this evening and then it would all be over, she told herself, still feeling very uncomfortable that Jay would be taking her. She couldn't quite explain it, but she never felt right in his presence as though there was something about him that just wouldn't let her feel safe. She knew it was irrational, but it was still there. And now she had to face him and see the look on his face when he spotted her entering the main room dressed up like this.
"Wow, you look…" he stopped, clearly at loss for words and she started wondering whether this was a good idea. Maybe she should have gone to the mall today and just picked something less perfect for her, something in which she wouldn't look as good. Would it have made a difference, though? Well, probably not.
"Are you feeling any better?" he asked and she had to think for a moment what he meant. Oh, she finally figured. She'd bailed on kissing him during Christmas Eve, saying that she hadn't been feeling all right. She could only hope he wouldn't try this again, that he wouldn't try to kiss her tonight. Something told her he would, though and she groaned internally.
"Yeah, that was really awful. Too much eggnog, I guess," she told him and then her eyes met Harrison's from across the room and everything went still like there was a metahuman around who could make everything move in slow motion. She knew that wasn't the case, but it was exactly how she felt.
Wells clearly tried very hard not to pay attention, but the hunger for her and the jealousy he felt towards Jay was so powerful. He liked the way she looked in that dress and he wanted to be the one to take her out tonight, but couldn't. Even if the Harrison Wells of this world hadn't been a killer, it would've still not worked out. Because getting out of the Labs together, having fun together, betraying their feelings for each other in public, that could actually reach Zoom. Still, somehow the evening got so much better for Caitlin. She liked that Wells seemed to be devouring her with his eyes, trying hard to hide it in the same time. She liked that he was jealous even though he knew well that she would never be interested in Jay; even though he knew she was going out with him out of duty. Even though he knew she had very real and very strong feelings for him, not for Garrick. Love sometimes was irrational and out of control and didn't seem to make sense.
"Shall we?" Jay asked after momentarily being occupied by talking to Barry. Caitlin felt relieved that he didn't seem to notice anything. Or maybe he should have. Maybe then he would leave her alone.
"Yes," she nearly sighed. "Oh, wait. I forgot my bag."
Grabbing her envelope clutch was a perfect opportunity to find herself near Harrison.
"I hope you'll save me a dance," she whispered to him on her way out. "We should stop living our lives in fear. We should live them the way we want to and show Zoom that we're not afraid and that he won't dictate what we shouldn't do." She did linger there for a little bit too long and then she had to catch up with her friends and Jay who were already out of the room. Harrison, on the other hand, was just staring after her.
The evening was stretching on endlessly and Caitlin fought hard as not to actually yawn. She did dance with Jay, then with Barry and with Jay again and nothing happened. She kept small talk. She pretended to be having fun. Yet, no metahuman made an appearance. Her bag - having nothing valuable inside and brought purely for the purpose of being bait – still by her side. She even left it behind once and it was brought back to her immediately by a man who clearly thought of himself a gentleman and then she had to dance with him as a thank you. Next thing she knew, Jay swept her back into his arms and they were dancing together again.
"Jay," she said his name and then bit her lip, sighing, bracing herself, "Jay, I… I'm sorry, but I have to do this. I have to tell you something."
"You're not interested in me," he said before she managed to get the words out, so she just looked at him in surprise instead. "What? You think I didn't notice? You think I believed your little story there about being sick during Christmas? Even if I did, I heard Iris explaining to the guys that you decided to go home to your family."
"I'm sorry," Caitlin said while still dancing with him. "I really am."
"It's ok. I'll stop bugging you, but maybe someday…" his voice trailed off. "If you change your mind someday and decide that I am, after all, worth you attention, let me know."
"It's not even that, Jay," she said and hesitated slightly before revealing, "it's just that there's someone else I really… care about and I think it'll never happen between us because he's all that I could possibly want." Suddenly, she didn't want to be there anymore. She didn't want to be in this stupid party with people she didn't know and with whom she had to make polite small-talk. She didn't want to be dancing with Jay and being in his arms. He did look good in a tuxedo, but not as good as Harrison would probably look to her. Harrison. Yes, she wanted to be here with him, knowing it would be all different, pleasurable even. Maybe she would even have some fun like Barry and Iris seemed to be having despite their hunt for the metahuman. She wanted all those things but with a different person and that made all the difference.
"I'm sorry, Jay, I have to…" barely had she spoken those words, she heard a woman screaming.
"My necklace! My necklace's gone!"
In that moment Snow discovered that she didn't have her bag with her anymore. That was actually a score since it contained fake money and a tracker.
Caitlin didn't know why she was still lingering in the Labs. About half an hour ago Barry had brought the metahuman in and the man was safely locked up, both Barry and Cisco heading home, one to probably meet with Iris and finish the evening, the other to sleep or play one of his games. Jay was gone, too, heading to whatever place he was staying at.
The truth was that Snow was tired, but more so emotional than physically. She was tired of struggling, of fighting Harrison on everything, tired of walking in those damn heels – something that she hadn't experienced for a while, if ever. She was tired of waiting for something that might not happen and above all, she was tired of her life here, in the Labs, always being on every beck and call, always helping, never thinking of what she wanted or what she felt, always just serving the greater good.
She was just about to finally give up and leave, heading home to get a good night sleep when she stopped, frozen in place.
There was music. Slow, beautiful music coming from all the speakers in the room.
She'd been wondering where Harrison had disappeared to as they'd brought the metahuman in and he hadn't showed up and now she seemed to have gotten her answer because when she turned around, she lost the ability to breathe completely. There he was, just standing on the other side of the room, holding a bouquet of red roses in his hands and wearing… an actual tuxedo.
Snow couldn't move, so mesmerized by his presence, by the way he looked in those clothes, by how handsome he was and above all, by how he listened to her and actually saved her a dance just like she'd asked him to.
"You were, right," he then spoke, slowly making his way to her, causing her heart to thump more wildly with every step he took in her direction. "I was hiding. I was afraid. Zoom seemed to have taken everything that ever mattered to me and then you came along and I was just too scared, Caitlin," he explained, standing right next to her, causing her whole body to flush. "I felt something pulling me towards you the very first day I arrived here and I tried so hard to deny it, to squash it, to bury it deeply inside me…" he went on, his hands fisting, "but I couldn't," he let his arm hang loosely as he looked her in the eye. "I just couldn't. And it made me feel guilty because Jesse was still out there and I wanted to find her so desperately, but I also started to having all those feelings for you and…" He just shook his head, looking aside for a moment. "It felt as though I was betraying her, but I know now that I wasn't. You would do anything in your power to bring her back to me, wouldn't you?"
Snow slowly nodded, too touched to actually utter a coherent word, her dreams seeming to be coming true.
"I know we can figure something out if only we work together," Harrison then told her, "if only… we are together," he added. "We're all stronger together than apart and I'm done being afraid and doing exactly what Zoom expects me to do. I am done hiding from everyone I care about. And I am so done pushing you away."
She was truly at loss for words and then, finally, she was able to say the one thing that seemed fitting and light enough for all that tension to ease up just a little, "Dance with me?"
"Always," he answered and grasped her hand, holding it gently in his as they started swaying to the slow music still playing in the background.
Caitlin was completely overwhelmed, her senses being on overload. Harrison smelt so good and he held her so closely and so tightly in his arms that she couldn't seem to think, she could just feel. She could only feel the heat being generated by his body, the beating of his heart mirroring her own, his hot breath on the side of her head just when his own rested as they danced.
The clock stroke twelve and the fireworks erupted in the distance, indicating the welcoming of the New Year, but all they could be aware of was each other. Harrison still couldn't comprehend how this amazing, compassionate and loving creature that was Caitlin, wanted him. She was beautiful and smart and just perfect in every way; fiercely independent and strong as no woman he'd ever known. She had the body, especially legs that could easily belonged to a model, yet she chose a scientific career, biochemistry being her passion, working in a lab being what she wanted to do with her life. And he admired it so much, knowing that there probably wasn't another woman like her out there. Not that beautiful, not with such a good and compassionate heart and definitely not that smart on top of it all. She was truly one of a kind and somehow, she chose him.
And she wanted him. Caitlin discovered that she wanted him badly and she wanted him with all of his flaws, just the way he was. Otherwise it wouldn't have been him. His conflicted nature, his devotion to the people he loved, his self-sacrificing nature even though he would never admit it – she loved it all.
They didn't even know when his mouth found its way to hers. When his lips kissed her lovingly, deeply, this time with no intention to pull away. This time with clear intention to continue. They wanted and needed each other so badly.
Caitlin moaned in pleasure, pressing her body against his own, getting herself lost in the kiss, in his mouth, in his tongue, starting to feel the hard bulge forming on the front of his pants as his hands wandered lower, down to brush against her backside and finally rest on her hips, bringing them even closer to his own, groaning in pleasure deeply in his throat, a sound that had the power to drive her completely crazy. Fire ignited in her stomach, reaching deep into her core, causing her muscles to contract, to begin anticipating him, to want him there so badly. She just wanted to melt down for him and he just wanted to find solace and home within her, her body and her soul. They never wanted to let go, too far gone now as to ever back out.
Somehow, they found themselves in his room, not even knowing how they got there and not bothering thinking about it. Harrison's lips trailed down to suck on the pulse in her neck and she could do nothing but give in to him, forgetting everything else and just wanting to be with him in this very moment, but in the same time go further, explore deeper.
His hands removed the shoulder straps of her dress, the blue silky fabric slowly falling down her slim body, exposing the smooth and equally silky blue bra she was wearing underneath and stopping at her hips. It only took a slight move of his hand to get the dress flow all the way down to the floor, leaving Caitlin in the blue underwear he couldn't wait to take off. Only it seemed to be her turn now because when his mouth met hers again, he felt her hands taking his jacket off and then taking the white shirt he wore underneath from this pants. She tried to undo it with her hands, but they were shaking and she was too occupied with stealing kisses from him, so she just ripped it open, a few buttons scattering the floor.
"Now, look what you've done," he pretended to complain whereas in fact, it actually only turned him on more. In such a heated situation, Caitlin didn't seem to be so icy cold anymore. Although, as he thought about it some more, she never was in his presence, it was among other people that she was more or less guarded.
Finally, she pulled the shirt off of him with great satisfaction and then she actually gasped on seeing a nicely toned chest. She didn't expect that from him, the sweaters she saw him wearing so far doing no justice to what was hiding underneath. She never was a huge fan of big muscles, at least that wasn't what made her swoon. And his wasn't. His were perfect in every way. Still, when it came to Harrison, it was his mind, his intelligence, perseverance and the immensity of his love that she loved the most.
She couldn't keep her hands to herself now, sliding them across his chest and down to the barrier she found in the presence of his black pants, deciding that those definitely had to go, too.
She felt his hands working on the clasp of her bra in the same time that she unbuckled his belt and undid the button on his pants. He really needed to be free of any clothing and she needed that as well.
She forgot her own name – or everything for that matter – when they stumbled to bed, her chest already naked and his mouth very attentive when kissing the moulds of her breaths and then sucking on the tips. She would soon go crazy with desire that had actually been building inside them both for weeks now. She couldn't seem to take it anymore.
Only then, when her panties were out of the way, instead of taking his own pants off, Harrison kissed her stomach and didn't seem to be getting up, he was actually getting lower.
"H-Harry, what are you doing?" Caitlin asked, suddenly waking up, frozen in place.
"Tasting you." His answer made her speechless.
Then she saw the stars and he prodded and licked and sucked…
She felt like she passed out since it'd been ages since she'd reached any kind of a satisfying orgasm. She didn't want to think about it as it belonged to the past, but she'd never felt this way with Ronnie. This was just too much, too intense, too… everything. She felt like with Harrison she was experiencing all those things for the first time and she couldn't explain why. It was truly as though they were fated to find each other or were simply soulmates.
Next thing she knew, his face was once again on a level with her own and they started kissing again, never wanting to tear away from each other. She finally worked on his pants, pushing them down his legs blindly, finding him hard and twitching and running her hands along his length. He shuddered then and stopped kissing her, closing his eyes and trying to breath evenly.
"Too much?" she panted.
"I think it's safe to say you don't want that to happen outside you body. Wait…" He suddenly stilled them as though he now woke up. "Do you have a…?" the unfinished question hung in the air awkwardly.
"No need for that. I'm protected," she explained and then thought about how he might take that answer. "Not that I was planning on… I mean… you're the only… it was convenience and… hormonal imbal…" she stumbled over the words, but he didn't seem to care anymore as soon as he got the green light and positioned himself, desperate for this unbearable tension to be released, his sweat by now mixing with her own and he never wanted her more than in this moment. He could tell it was mutual as she spread her legs wider and groaned deeply in her throat when he finally joined her body, sliding all the way in, filling her in in ways that made her scream from pleasure. And those reactions only intensified as he started moving. Then they grew and grew as she wounded her legs around his waist tightly, causing him to go even deeper, bringing them both more pleasure.
Yes, love was not surrender. Love was furious and brave and loud.
They both knew that as their visions blurred, ecstasy taking over, pushing them over the edge and allowing them to experience their coming together as one and allowing them to understand that, indeed, there was no law higher than the law of love.
Jay pretended to be all right with what Caitlin told him that night, but inside he was raging. Because he would get to her no matter what. He didn't know how yet, but he would make her his for all cost. He would destroy her, corrupt her and she would become everything he could ever dream of her becoming.
He needed to know who the man she chose over him was, though.
He followed her and the team back to S.T.A.R. Labs, but he remained in the shadows, the energy coiling up inside of him, the power that was always running out, cursing through his veins.
He saw Barry and Iris and Cisco leaving, but he never registered Caitlin doing the same. He would've entered the Labs himself and checked out if what he already suspected was true, but he couldn't. Not when being this angry, not when emanating with this much power. This way he would surely be detected by the security system Cisco had put there.
Despite that, a new plan crystallized in Jay's head and he smiled viciously at the beauty of it all.
AN: I can't take credit for every single word in this chapter.
Love is not surrender. Love is furious and brave and loud – comes from the book Incendiary by Chris Cleave
There is no law higher – comes from Lady Midnight by Cassandra Clare
