CHAPTER 7

As they near Ton Dc Clarke is certain of one thing only, that she's never seen so many Grounders smiling before and surely not at her.

However, her own people carries a somber mood that isn't going anywhere, not even as Ando hands Clarke and her mother two cups of an amber liquid that burns their tongues when they savor it as a welcome drink and leaves behind a bitter taste.

A group of young men and women play handmade tambourines offering a festive set of music and several Grounders sing along lyrics that none of the Arkers understand, even Octavia listens to the song with curiosity and Lincoln is fast to let them know that the language isn't Trigedasleng as they know it currently but an ancient version used for celebrations and to communicate with their Gods in prayers by the elders.

As they get deeper into the town a few women surround Clarke and some of the Arkers as they dance to the beat of the music and two boys offer them more drinks, which they accept and force down their throats even though the fire doesn't burn any less. Lincoln laughs loudly at the grimace on Clarke's face and Octavia hits his chest but everyone sees the smile on her face as well. Whatever they're drinking it's stronger than anything they've ever tasted before, and the celebration is quickly pulling them in.

Long tables with food preside the path to the Commander's hut where the biggest crowd is gathered outside waiting for the Arkers to arrive and the celebration to truly begin.

Indra is the first one of the Commander's personal Guard to spot them and Clarke is once again reminded that anger isn't a feeling that the General can hide well, and she sees the flash of it shine in her dark eyes before she announces their arrival. Lexa's reaction does not disappoint.

For the rest of the attendants Lexa surely seems collected but Clarke knows the meaning behind the small twitch of her eyes and the subtle nod she receives as an indication that she knows exactly what Clarke is doing.

She knows how defiant she's being but she needs to be sure that Lexa never forgets because Clarke to see these faces every day and they're enough to remind her of the Mountain.

"People of Ton Dc."

Lexa's voice puts a strop to the music and amicable chatter as every Grounder present turn their attention to their Commander, even the children step forward, eager to be close to their Heda and listen. But Clarke can't follow what Lexa says next because she continues to speak in Trigedasleng.

"What is she saying?" Abby is the first one to voice the question out loud but Clarke is just as confused as her mother right now.

It's understandable that Lexa would continue her speech in Trigedasleng but Clarke still wishes that she could get at least the direction her words are going. Lincoln and Octavia are the only ones who could help translate what's being said but both are standing on the opposite side where Clarke is.

It doesn't help to see every Arker looking as confused as she feels and even more so when the Grounders as a whole turn their heads to them in silent contemplation and some even with acceptance.

Feeling uneasy and threatened, Clarke looks up and Lexa nods at her direction once more, her face a mask of tranquility that makes the blond relax instantly despite the past that mark their relationship.

Her mother however, is the complete opposite of tranquility. The Chancellor is nervous, a little hectic as she looks back and forth, trying to avoid making eye contact with any Grounder who is looking her way and Clarke wishes to sooth her worry but just as she's about to another thought hits her. She's feeling safe, she's trusting Lexa again and she really shouldn't.

"From this day forward the Sky People becomes our people." Lexa continues, her voice just as strong whens she speaks English. "As we become theirs and if anyone has something to say about it, this is the time and this is the place."

For a tense moment the only sound that can be heard is the birds chirping from the trees, and that tension only manages to intensify when a group of men step forward, catching everyone's attention and daring their leader in disagreement.

Lincoln is finally rushing to her side and Clarke sees the exact moment that Lexa accepts this surprise with dignity, but she realizes that Lexa wasn't expecting this. There is a reason why the Commander decided to announce this Alliance before this celebration took place.

The Commander gets down from her hut, revealing that she's dressed in full warrior gear. The people have stepped back, allowing a circle to be left open and where the group of men now stand in the middle of.

Lexa is tall and strong as she comes to stand in front of the eleven men that are against this decision, and her voice is stronger than ever when she addresses them directly.

"Speak." Lincoln translates by Clarke's side just as Lexa's Trigedasleng breaks the silence.

One of the men, the biggest one in every aspect steps forward and speaks fast, his hands motioning all around as he makes his point for the Commander whose expression has turned ice cold.

He continues to speak for a while, his voice growing angrier with each passing second but Lexa listens patiently and doesn't interrupt him once. Lincoln doesn't translate everything for her and when he does Clarke wishes he hasn't chosen that exact moment to do it.

"Nobody trusts them. If they see themselves in danger the Princess of Death won't hesitate in wipe us all out to safe her own."

Besides the obvious confusion Clarke can't help to feel like a monster and as a deep pain shoots right through her belly she presses her hands there and looks down, and barely listens to Lexa speak again.

"And I would do the same but make no mistake. When I say that we are one I mean it and right now you are posing a threat for our people basing yourself on personal fears. We have all agreed to live peacefully. Don't you want peace?"

Listening to Lexa speaking in English makes Clarke momentarily forget about her stomachache, however the look in the warrior's eyes makes her ache in a different way because he's made a decision and he's not backing down.

The man is easily the taller and toughest guy that Clarke has seen on Earth but what has captivated her attention the most is the Commander's stance, for she doesn't look scared or even remotely intimated as she stands in front of a man who at simple sight can defeat her.

"He'll kill her."

Abby whispers worriedly but behind her Octavia smiles and Clarke can almost picture the coal paint on her face, and she recognizes the look.

She looks for Lexa again and Clarke is sure that if she wasn't trained to hide her emotions she'd be smiling the same way that Octavia is, as if they're hungry for battle, as if they're aching for blood.

"Heda has encountered worse than this and has come back without a scratch." Lincoln's tone is harsh as he addresses the Chancellor and he looks honestly offended in behalf of Lexa. Good, is good that Clarke isn't the only one willing to defend Lexa's honor and strength.

"Much blood was spilled on her ascension. Do not underestimate her."

Clarke knows nothing about the ascension and she isn't sure if it means what she believes it does but this is not the time to ask questions about it because the man is speaking again and his group of allies have taken three cautious steps back and Lexa's left hand is now resting comfortably on the handle of the sword attached carefully to one of the leather belts attached to her waist.

"I refuse to accept this Alliance." The man's English is broken, his voice somehow sounds deeper with it but he seems determined to follow through, and he looks around expectantly, waiting to see if anyone else is willing to join them but the eleven of them remain to be the only ones that defy this decision.

"Do you all feel the same way?" Lexa's question is directed to the group that initially accompanied the man but has now backed away. They all fist their weapons at the same time and although Clarke recognizes fear and regret, she sees no one correcting themselves. It's a matter of pride, she realizes, more than anything.

"If anyone else has something to say, step forward now." The Commander surrounds the inner circle, hand gripping her sword but no one else dares to move and with a final look at the man she orders.

"Choose your champion."

Lexa turns around, showing her back to the group of warriors that have challenged her decision and her Generals step forward all of them sporting the same look of hunger in their eyes as Octavia and Lexa herself are.

"She's rejecting them." Lincoln says as he looks all around before he takes a step forward and bends down to grab a handful of dirt and then proceeds to throw it at the direction of the men and almost immediately every other grounder follows suit.

"What was that?" Marcus asks and this is the first time that Clarke dares to look over her shoulder only to find the scared faces of all of her people staring very intently at what's happening.

Every Grounder looks disgusted as they throw the dirt at the warriors, as if this is an act that is only meant for despicable actions and she realizes that these men won't win and they won't stay here after this is all done, maybe they'll all die.

"There is only one rule that is unbreakable to Heda." Lincoln explains as the last grounders throw their handful of dirt at the group of men who refuse to acknowledge the dirt being thrown at their feet. "The need to protect her people comes first."

"And we just became her people, right?" Raven prompts nervously.

"None of them is walking out of here alive."

More death, that's all Clarke has brought back and whatever is about to happen is because of their presence. Princess of Death. That's how she'll always be remembered.

With long steps and wobbly legs she closes the distance between the Commander and herself instantly.

"This isn't a good time for greetings, Clarke." Is her name always going to sound this addictive coming from Lexa? She has to grow out of these feelings some time, right?

Lexa was right all along. Love is weakness. Lexa is weakness.

"Let me, Heda." Indra growls but Lexa raises her hand, asking for silence from the General. Indra looks ready to kill the man with her bare hands if Lexa would allow it but Clarke knows this is something the Commander must do by herself.

"What the hell is happening?" She demands to know and her worrisome only grows larger when she realizes how calm and collected Lexa actually is.

How many battles has Lexa won that Clarke hasn't heard of? How much war does it take to make a person so aloof in the midst of a fight?

"My ability to protect my people has been brought to question and I must answer."

"By fighting?" Clarke cries out and she wants to reach out and shake Lexa, slap her to make her see what's happening because the whole propose of the Alliance is to avoid any more deaths and what's about to happen qualifies is exactly the opposite.

A loud and booming voice suddenly chants a phrase in Trigedasleng that sounds more like a war tune and that Clarke can't understand at all but that soon is being chanted by every Grounder present. The ghost of a smile graces Lexa's lips momentarily though and it's enough to let Clarke know that the following fight has been expected.

The Grounder that challenged Lexa is holding two small machetes in his hands now and Clarke wants to stop this, she wants to ask Lexa to back off and not fight, and she feels sick knowing that she can't.

"Clarke." Lexa's tone is soft and thanks to the chanting of the crowd Clarke is sure that no other is able to hear the Commander speak right now. "I need to do this. This is expected of me."

"You don't have to kill them." She begs anyway and angrily recognizes that she's on the edge of tears.

"Yes, I do."

For a brief moment Clarke is certain that Lexa is about to touch her hand but she quickly retracts herself and nods somewhere behind the blond, and soon she feels an arm wrapping around her waist and a hand gripping her hip lightly as she's pulled back a few steps.

Octavia doesn't look at her but she doesn't have to because Clarke is leaning her entire weight on her friend and trying her best to keep a strong façade although it hurts to breathe, and she feels her shoulders shaking grotesquely because of how hard she's actually trying to control herself.

Indra comes to stand on the other side of Clarke but neither woman takes their eyes off of the Commander, however the General's presence feels weirdly reassuring for the blond as Lexa turns around to face her opponent.

Egar is tall, tough and his muscles are way bigger than hers. His steps are mostly coordinated as they dance around each other, measuring one another, studying each other's movements before attacking even though they've trained together on countless occasions and they know their tactics well by now.

His right hand shakes somewhat as he twists his machete in it and his right foot trembles slightly with each step he takes. Lexa was there when he got hurt all those years ago, she was Anya's second at the time and she knows Egar hasn't been as agile on his right side since then, but his eyes carry the wisdom she still wishes to behold in knowledge and life.

Putting his weight on his left foot Egar turns to attack her with both machetes but Lexa has no problem with avoiding the impact and she graciously moves to her right as the chanting of her people grows in volume. They need this win as much as she wishes there was no fight at all.

But she was expecting a fight and she was prepared for it, but she never imagined it would come from Egar and the group of warriors that have trained her growing up. Many of them have trained her since she was a child and a sword was too heavy for her to carry.

Egar growls in the heat of battle and his breathing comes out laborious, and when he attacks again she sees it coming and using his weight against himself the Commander has no real trouble with landing two hard fists on his back and sending him to the floor with a loud thud and a heavy dust cloud to blow around him.

Looking over her shoulder Lexa catches sight of Clarke and something crawls beneath her skin before a heavy weight settles on the pit of her stomach at the look of agony on the Sky Princess's eyes.

The Commander wonders if this is something that Clarke would do to someone who publicly questions her leadership and the answer is no, Clarke wouldn't kill a person for questioning her abilities as a leader. She'd probably lock them up and try to convince them otherwise with words because they'd never share the same concept about respect.

That isn't their way, Lexa can't lock a man up and expect the respect of her people to remain intact towards her. She can't afford to be weak.

Egar jumps back on his feet, the mud on his chin making it obvious of how hard his fall actually was and Lexa has to focus on him rather than on the girl with the golden hair.

She hasn't retrieved her sword yet, there is no real need when she's facing someone who is much slower than she is but she won't let this drag on for long either.

She ducks as Egar attacks and she can feel the air flipping above her with the blow of his machete; she hits him in the gut and swipes her left leg on the floor as she goes by, Egar falls face down. When he stands up next he looks angrier and deadly as he bleeds from his lips and nose. He attacks Lexa left and right, up and above but she has no problem avoiding his hits and tiring him in the process.

She learnt a lot from this man, she studied the way he moved, the way he blocked and the way he lacks. Even before Egar knows his next move, Lexa already knows where to turn to avoid him.

When he falls on his back for the third time she dares to look back to Clarke. The Sky Girl looks about to be sick and she can easily see that Octavia is carrying most of her weight by her side.

And her people are screaming now, asking her to end the traitor but Lexa knows what they are truly asking for.

More than a questioning, Egar has brought up fear among many; fear that has somewhat been addressed by herself and she has promised her people to keep them safe. Watching Egar speak so freely about his fear for Clarke has been a surprise in itself.

Lexa was expecting resistance to this Alliance but she never thought one of her warriors would admit to be afraid of the Arkers, not as bluntly. She has kept her promise and she always will but this is exactly what her people are asking for, an assurance that she will never hesitate, that she will always be their Heda first and she needs to give them that.

She hears Egar's steps as he nears closer and using his weakness against him she attacks his ribs on his right side, breaks his nose with her fist and takes away one of his machetes before kicking behind his right knee and making him fall to the front suddenly spent and injured. Her own heartbeat has increased and every blow she delivers pains her deeply but she doesn't stop.

She kicks the machete away when Egar tries to recover it from the floor and swiftly takes away the other from his hand before impacting his face on her knee and pulling back his hair.

She looks up, her eyes finding Clarke once more across the clear circle they've left for her fight to take place. Clarke wouldn't kill a person so freely but Lexa has no doubt that she will definitely kill if her people are endangered, she has before and she most surely do it again.

"Yu gonglei ste odon."

She can see the tears welling in Clarke's eyes and she doesn't look away as she pulls out her sword and slides Egar's neck swiftly. Clarke doesn't look away either and that's how they remain until her warriors disarm and force to their knees at Egar's friends.

"Frag emo op!"

Her Generals are fast in carrying out her order and she can hear the wild blows being thrown, none of them doubts her, and when it's all done she finally lets go of Egar and secures her sword back in its place without bothering to clean it.

Clarke has never looked more scared and that weight Lexa felt on her stomach earlier is spreading to her entire body, and it doesn't matter how big the celebration comes back to life or how trusting her people looks at her, killing has never felt as wrong as it does in this moment.

She's about to approach the only person she wants to justify herself with when Indra grabs a hold of her arm.

"Heda?" Lexa snatches back her arm and stares down at her General but she can't find the words to express the thing that is unraveling within her and she walks away instead.

She hates that Indra can almost read her like an open book.

Inside of her hut she goes straight to the water basin and rubs angrily at the blood on her hands to get rid of Egar's blood, to control herself.

Love is weakness. Love is weakness.

She must not forget this and yet she has and the only reason why she feels so restrained right nowis because of the look on Clarke's eyes, because she knows that Egar chose his faith and there was no way around it but Clarke; Clarke is not well yet.

Blood has never been a problem before, Lexa used to beam when her hands showed her prove of a won fight because it meant she was doing the right thing, it meant she was protecting her people, it meant she was trusted, even though she never enjoyed violence. But now the sign of blood means that while she is still protecting her people she is deliberately hurting the one person that means the most to her by doing so.

Her thoughts are making her head hurt and her spirit to crumble slightly. Lexa does not enjoy to feel so confused and guilty. She is Commander and she should be able to act on her decisions without considering an outsider's point of view because that's what Clarke is to their culture, she doesn't understand the importance of character, how essential it is for Lexa to defend her decisions, even if the end result is someone losing their lives. These are their ways, these sort of disagreements can only be worked out in one way and Lexa shouldn't feel guilty for persisting their customs.

But she does feel guilty because she understands Clarke and where she comes from, she understands that Clarke lived in a different world until recently and that killing was never as raw as it is on the ground, as far as she is concerned the Arkers' leaders never shed blood with their own hands but that doesn't mean that their hands are clean either.

But Clarke isn't weak, she might have lost her grip after what happened at the Mountain but that doesn't mean that the Sky Princess is weak. No, Lexa knows how hard it is to bare some weights and Clarke is carrying the heaviest of weights right now.

She's confused and it angers her to the point that she slams the basin away and water splashes on the ground as she retrieves her hands in a rush to get away from the table. She knows better than to lose control like this.

She remembers how firmly Clarke fought in their meetings for the people at the Mountain, she wanted to spare the innocent and Lexa came to respect that, she saw how compassionate Clarke could be, how big her ability to forgive was. When news of what had happened at the Mountain reached her ears Lexa knew instantly that Clarke will never be the same woman she met weeks ago.

She hears heavy footsteps approaching but she doesn't turn around, she knows who is inside her hut now after having memorized the way Clarke's feet thumb on the ground. And she doesn't have to look to see the mourn on blue eyes or the tremble of lips that give away the guilt the blond is feeling because she feels as if she might share tears herself, not because of Egar but the way this whole ordeal is making Clarke feel, because she needs to stop making Clarke feel this way.

"This wasn't supposed to happen." She says instead, her voice sounding unrecognizable even to her own ears. "I announced our Alliance yesterday, they did this with purpose."

"If the purpose was scared us all, then they accomplished it."

Lexa looks back, trying to ignore how painful it is to see Clarke and not be able to close the distance between them. Not yet.

Closing her eyes at the memory of those words she decides to ignore the regret that comes with recalling how hopeful she let herself grow at that moment. How naïve has she been, how they've both been.

"You have nothing to fear from us. As you can see the celebration hasn't stopped."

"I don't feel like celebrating anymore." Clarke steps back instinctively when Lexa advances.

The Commander has been hurt on many occasions, physical pain isn't foreign to her, there are dozens of scars painting her skin to prove it but she has only feel pain like the one she's feeling right now once in the past and she can recall it with a morbid amount of details that she'd rather to forget.

But when Clarke steps back from her with fear written so clear in her eyes, Lexa feels as if she's being ripped apart from within and there is nothing she can possibly say or do to make Clarke look at her differently.

"I won't hurt you, Clarke." She still feels the need to clarify this, to let it be known if it wasn't before.

"I know." But Clarke can't look at her and it's like she's shaking an unpleasant thought out of her head by the way she keeps shaking her head, as if Lexa isn't in the room to see her uncertainty.

"All I want is for us to live in peace." She continues, having learnt that if she truly wants Clarke to let the past where it belongs she should only speak with the truth.

"Do you really?"

"Yes."

"You know why I brought them here, don't you?"

Clarke's carelessness is still something Lexa finds somewhat charming. It shows bravery but little thoughtfulness. And she knows she's talking about the people she rescued from the Mountain, the people Lexa deliberately sentenced to die and there is no need to elaborate but she still needs a second to find her strength, and then control to the electrifying impulse to eliminate emotions but it still proves difficult.

"You don't need to remind me of what happened, Clarke. I sacrificed much when I left you at the Mountain myself."

"You sacrificed me!"

Clarke screams but it doesn't shake the Commander, if all, it only fuels her to step closer no matter how much Clarke tries to keep her away. This is what she's been waiting for, Clarke needs to let this out as much as Lexa needs to hear it.

"And by doing it, I sacrificed myself." The ferocity in her words is barely contained but Lexa needs Clarke to understand her pain as well. "You called me and my people monsters once just because you couldn't understand our ways. I thought that at least you would try to adapt but I can see how difficult that is for you."

"I told you that I don't blame you for the decisions you made to bring your people back here alive. I would have done the same thing and we both know it."

"And yet, you stand here and judge me restlessly without even thinking of what it all meant to me!"

"We meant nothing to you and you made that pretty clear!"

"You meant everything!"

They're both breathing heavily now and Lexa can see how her anger has taken over her completely but how frustrating it is to be sharing this much when Clarke isn't even willing to try for her.

It was so scary to be in that same position all over again, to have someone she cared for so close in the middle of war and she had to close herself off before she did something that wouldn't have held the best of interests for her people.

She needed to push Clarke away before she followed her heart completely.

So she turns around, denying herself another glance of the woman that no matter how hard Lexa tries, still holds her heart in her hands and refuses to accept it or even acknowledge it.

"It is unnatural to take the life of a person. To kill. I do not enjoy it but that doesn't mean that I'll stop doing it when I have to just because you don't understand the rules that have allowed my people to survive all this time. I want peace. I want my people to live without worrying for war. I want to build a world without wars for them. For you, for all of us."

The silence that stretches after her words is large and hard to stand, but Lexa can't, won't ignore the responsibilities she accepted as Commander. She knows that she isn't the same person that she was before people fell from the Sky but who she is behind closed doors and who she is in front of her people are two different persons and it has always been that way and she will make sure that it stays like that.

"We aren't so different." Clarke says after a while, when the music has begun to play again and many voices are singing together to lyrics to ancient songs. "Your people and mine, we aren't so different."

Clarke is looking expectantly at her as she plays with her fingers, her eyes aren't yet clear but she's looking at her and Lexa allows herself a smile.

"That's what I've been trying to tell you all along."

There is a moment, a window of only a few seconds where Lexa can see how much Clarke is hurting and it's only because of her presence. She feels desperate to figure out a way to make Clarke notice how honest she's being, how determined she is to make things right but she's done all she can do to prove it and those blue eyes keep looking at her with apprehension and fear.

"The Council wants to meet with you." The blond breaks the silence and the moment is gone.

"You are supposed to lead with me Clarke, not your Council."

"They just want to put some things on the table. The decisions are still up to us."

The decisions will always be up to Lexa to make, no other leader will ever listen to Clarke the way that she has, at least not when she's alone but she still nods and accepts this meeting with the Council of the Ark because it is only a small price to pay for peace.

"I leave for Polis tomorrow. We'll meet when I come back, you can tell that to your Council."

"And when will that be?"

"I don't plan on spending much time at the Capital. If everything works out the way I hope, then I'll come back soon."

Lexa doesn't know why but suddenly she feels as if she should have consulted with Clarke before she arranged her leave, as if she owned her an explanation of her whereabouts. It reminds her of the past and it scares her all over again.

She doesn't interrupt as Clarke process the new information but Lexa notices how cold the weather has turned and how light Clarke's clothing is. Her coats are on her bed, ready for packing, so without thinking it through she grabs the only white one she possesses and turns to Clarke who doesn't notice what Lexa's intentions are at first but then they are too close and the Commander is accommodating the white fur coat over her shoulders and tying two strings near to Clarke's chest to secure it.

"You need appropriate clothing for winter." She focuses on the bow she's tying in order to not look at Clarke's eyes and discover something that she doesn't want to see. She hasn't been this nervous since the last time she was alone with Clarke in this hut. "My maidens will stay here, they'll be happy to dress you if I tell them to."

"Thank you." Clarke whispers when Lexa's hands return to her sides, however her body refuses to step back. "Does the invitation to come with you still stand?"

At first, Lexa thinks her ears are deceiving her but Clarke is obviously waiting for an answer to a question she asked weeks ago with so much hope.

"Always. But why would you want to come now?"

"I need to know that the world is bigger than this"

"It is." She assures her. "It is much, much bigger than this."

"Would you take me with you then?"

"Yes."