Kara cleared her throat and brought her hand to her mouth, awkwardly avoiding eye contact. "I… I um… I didn't feel what I expected to feel. So, I think… I think I'm going to go."
Lena's heart cracked. "Wait! No, Kara. Please, what did you feel? Maybe I could… I could do it better?"
Kara shook her head. "You don't want me to answer that, Lena."
"Yes, I do! Please, I want to know so that maybe I can do it better." Lena begged.
"I felt my heart break all over again," Kara stated. "It felt like millions of razer blades slicing up my heart because all I could think was how I'm not the last person that touched you. I wasn't the last person to hold you close and kiss your lips. I felt anger, anger because you wanted someone else. Anger because you went out on me. I felt jealousy… I felt inadequate because I wasn't enough for you. I felt betrayed. That's what I felt…. That's what I've been feeling every time I look at you, but I had hoped that the kiss would change things if I felt something… I did feel something, but all it was, was a more extreme version of the pain I've already been feeling." She was crying as she reached the door, and all Lena could do was cry with her.
"Kara, please." She pleaded. "I'll do anything."
Kara smiled sadly at the floor. "I don't think there's anything either of us can do at this point, Lee. I'll just have to wait the pain out, and hope that someday I can move on."
Lena wanted to scream… How was any of this fair? They were both suffering immensely, and it was All. Because. Of Lillian. "I'm going to fix this, Kara. I swear on my life."
"I just need time to heal, Lena. We'll get back to being friends, I'm sure of it, but that's really all I can offer you now."
Lena nodded, her stomach churning with agony. "I understand."
"Swing by Thursday for game night?" Kara asked gently. "I'll make sure everyone is nice to you."
Lena smiled. "Alex has been kind."
"Because you're her girlfriend's best friend." Kara smiled. "It kind of took me by surprise too, but I think me not hating you, and Sam's not-so-gentle 'I'm Team Lena' banner made it obvious.
Lena laughed, "She should be team, Kara."
Kara shrugged. "She isn't though. Probably was sonly friends with me because of you and Alex" She said, a slight hint of sadness behind the statement. "I'll see you soon?"
"Thursday at seven, like always?"
Kara nodded with a tense smile and left… Leaving Lena alone to cry tears of utter anguish.
XXX
Game night was a bit awkward at first. Everyone knew that Lena was innocent except Kara, but they couldn't let her know that… So interacting with her on a friendly note was hard, but as soon as Kara gave them a speech about how she and Lena were trying to be friends, so they should too, everything fell into place.
Except… Kara wouldn't even look her in the eye; which was becoming painful.
"Don't worry," Winn said conspiratorially. "We'll figure something out."
Lena frowned. She wasn't quite sure that that was true anymore.
XXX
After everyone but Sam and Alex left, Kara and Lena were in the living room picking up cups, while Sam and Alex were making out in the kitchen. Kara was humming a soft melody to herself, and Lena finally couldn't take it.
"I know I hurt you, but why did you invite me here if you were just going to torture me all night?" Lena asked, her heart breaking a bit more with each passing second of silence between him and Kara.
Kara frowned. "Torture you?"
And oh… oh, the pain in Kara's voice told Lena everything she needed to know… The night wasn't meant to be a punishment; Kara hadn't been intentionally hurting Lena.
"I-… Sorry, I thought that you were ignoring me." Lena responded, guilt consuming her. ALl she was doing was making things harder for Kara.
Kara dropped the bag of trash she was holding and sat on the couch with a sigh. "Seeing you next to my friends tonight was harder than I thought it would be." She admitted. "IT keeps reminding me of what we used to have."
Lena's heart was burning with guilt… Kara shouldn't feel guilty for feeling that way. "I-I'm sorry, I didn't even think about that."
Kara sighed, "This is going to be harder to forgive you for and move past than I thought, Lena. I'm so used to being expected to forgive people for anything and everything that I thought I would be able to do it for this too, but I was wrong… This hurts way worse than I've ever imagined."
Lena shook her head. "You aren't obligated to forgive anyone for anything. Whoever made you feel like that is a jackass."
Kara chuckled. "That would be Mon-El, so yeah… That's accurate."
They shared an earnest smile, and Lena felt hope rise inside her as a realization hit her… There was always more to a situation than meets the eye… Kara wasn't purposely hurting her, but that meant that Lillian could be (and most likely was) withholding information that would make reversing the Gray Mercy safer.
She was just about to excuse herself for the night when there was a crash in the kitchen. Kara and Lena turned their head to see an embarrassed Alex with flushed cheeks holding onto a laughing Sam who Alex seemed to have pinned against the counter. "I think it's time for us to go," Alex said.
Kara rolled her eyes and shook her head. "You just broke six plates… So yeah I think so." She laughed.
XXX
An hour later, Lena walked through the doors of Lab D, and faced her adoptive mother once more. "I don't believe you." She challenged. "I think you know that there's more to the Gray Mercy than what you've told me, and I'm not leaving here until you tell me what that is."
Lillian groaned in annoyance. "I knew you wouldn't do it." She said. "I knew you weren't in love with her enough to go through with it."
That was the last straw. Lena opened the door to the cage and did something she'd wanted to do for a long, long time. She punched Lillian straight in the nose.
"Now, you're going to tell me everything that there is to know about the gray mercy, or I'm going to do that over and over again." Lena glared.
XXX
Luckily for Lena, she only had to punch Lillian once more to get the answers she needed, and with that, she dialed Alex's number, hope finally not misplaced by filling her heart.
The phone rang three times before a gruff voice answered the phone. "Danvers."
Lena smiled as she responded. "At first I thought that the only way to save Kara was to put her under the
Gray Mercy again and hope that I can save her in time. I thought that my mother was telling the truth, which she was, that is one way to do it, but there's another way. A safer way, and I need you to get to the D.E.O. as soon as you can. I think I just figured it all out."
Do you think this plan is something Alex will get behind?