Author's Note: Hello everyone, it's been a long time, hope you're all doing well. I know it's been a while since I've updated this story, but as this fic hasn't has many views as my main project, I thought I'd work on another chapter of End of an Era before working on this story again. Unfortunately I wasn't able to foresee the heavier than usual workload at work for the month of December, and to make matters worse, there were massive lay-offs at my company shortly after the new year, forcing me and whatever remaining employees to take up the slack, hence the (extremely) delayed release of this chapter.
In any case, with this chapter, with Alisha lying defeated by her daughter, Olivia, the princess knight recalls her days in the academy once more. As the past replays before her eyes, she recalls the days in which she was prepared to leave the academy; before she can turn her resignation in to her teacher, Maltran provides Alisha one more lesson, a lesson that continues to resonate in Alisha's heart once more. Yet as Alisha remembers the past, a more dire situation makes itself apparent in the present. Olivia's reasoning for hating the Shepherds becomes clear, forcing Alisha to take up her spear against her own child. Even if she should win this battle, Alisha still has another personal conflict she must contend with, the resolution of her conflict with Rose. With her heart in torment, can Alisha find the strength to overcome the differences between those she loves? The decisions and outcomes of these battles will mark the beginning of the End of an Era, their outcomes unknowingly shaping the path of a future they could never have foretold.
With that being said, let's get back to the story!
Chapter 7: Tribulations to be Accepted
I remember the darkness from the days that followed, I remembered that heavy weight that continued to pull down my shoulders. I remember how my head always hung low, how my eyes gazed at nothing more than my dragging feet as I walked down the halls of the academy. The inaudible noise that I would hear whenever I passed was now gone, instead replaced by utter silence and a feeling of dread, of fear, as I passed. No longer were my fellow cadets speaking ill of me, but now they were frightened of me. This feeling of being feared, of being alienated, I couldn't bear with it, I couldn't bear to walk down the same halls as my peers, and so, I remained within my room as much as possible ever since.
My room… Ever since my fight with Ian and Shiller, it truly was only my room. That very same day, I had heard that both Ian and Shiller had transferred their quarters elsewhere, but no other students were willing to simply trade their places. Once again I was alone, but this time, it was of my own volition.
To be feared by the people, this was the opposite of my wish to become a knight. Perhaps it was a silly dream as my mother thought, it was fairy tale that was inconceivable as the truth was much more horrid. My dream was not a dream at all, the truth of the matter was it had become a nightmare, a nightmare I had spread.
For some time I went back and forth between my dreams and the reality of them. I wanted to help the people, I wanted to be their champion, but if that also meant being feared by those I wish to protect, to be hated and ostracized, was it truly worth it?
It was a bittersweet decision I made back then, one I believed wholeheartedly was for the best. I would drop out of the academy and return to the life of a princess. Even though I had come to that decision, a part of me desperately wanted to hold on to that dream, holding on desperately as the note that detailed my resignation. Little my little the paper would crease more in my hands, my own heart wringing in the anticipation of handing it to Lady Maltran. I could simply do away with this anguish I thought if I simply left the note in her office that evening, but another part of me could not simply allow me to do so.
I had to see her in person, I had to let her know my intentions from my own mouth and not just my pen. I needed to look her in the eye, to thank her for everything she had taught me in the few months prior, to admit that I was a horrible person for throwing away everything she taught me, for making her teachings for naught.
I wanted to tell her these things, but there were many others I wished to express as well, feelings I could not place into words, feelings that made my heart aflutter whenever I thought of her, feelings that took away my very breath, feelings that would send me into a state of pure bliss. Yet a coward such as I had no right to express these things; the only thing I could do was give her what little of my heart that I could in my resignation and nothing more.
I remember the chilly air of the night sky that very evening, how the normally busy halls of the academy were now barren, within but the sound of my own footsteps accompanying me as I traversed them. The air itself felt heavy, almost as if an enormous creature were perched on my shoulders, its claws digging deeper with every inch I moved. As the sound of a familiar voice began to whisper into my ears, I felt my fingers tightening against the delicate piece of paper in my hand, my chest contorting with the wringing of the material.
The closer I neared, I began to feel a sharp, yet gentle brush of air sail against me; it was the burst of wind that came with the swing of a spear, a feeling I had come to know well in the time I had spent training within these walls. Sailing with that wind was the grunts and cries of my master, her voice filled with the same amount of vigor and conviction with every swing of her weapon. Even without facing her, I thought I could feel her heart with her every swing, my own heart pulsing deeply as I drew nearer.
Finally I had come to her, finding her soaked in her own perspiration as she continued to train with her lance. Unlike in times past, she was not fully dressed in her knightly attire, having hung her jacket on a nearby post and her slacks rolled inward, so much that they stopped just above her calves. I found my eyes soon trailing a fresh trickle of sweat that fell from her brow, tracing it down from her brow and neck before it disappeared into the valley of her breasts. From there, my vision continued traveling, watching her, listening to her breathe as her chest tightened and loosened. As she stood there, my eyes then noticed the way she held her lance, the weapon still pointed forward at the ready, yet her fingers loose, but taut enough that they could grasp a dove without causing it harm. Her legs were also tense, but not buckled, almost as if there were ready to leap forward at any moment. Even with her bangs still covering one of her eyes, I could see the concentration remaining in the one that was visible. Though she was staring into an empty space before her, I felt as if I could still see the opponent she imagined, the foe she was ready to slay.
Thump, thump, thump, I felt my heart beat against my chest, the air around me becoming humid and my own brow suddenly becoming covered in sweat. My knees became tense in that moment and my throat turning arid. Though I had come to express my desire to leave the academy, in that moment, I had forgotten all about it, my attention having become enraptured by my savior once more.
Thump, thump, thu-
In that instant, her body suddenly moved, her left leg suddenly stepping forward as her arm extended forward with a lunge, her voice crying into the heavens as sharply as her thrust. In that instant, I thought I felt her very heart once more, a burst of spring air practically sweeping over me as I witnessed her technique. Yet that single thrust was not the end of her technique, it was far from it.
Her right hand now took hold of the shaft of her spear, pushing it downward as her left hand released its grasp for a mere second, only to take hold of it once more as her right freed itself from the pole. She was now spinning the weapon before her, spinning it in a manner that the weapon looked to be nothing more than a blur, the velocity from which it was spinning rivaling that of the fiercest tornadoes. In spite of the speed in which the spear traveled however, the blade had never once slashed the ground, the weapon remaining perfectly in the same place of her hands as she continuously moved the weapon. The environment around her was neither remaining pushed nor pulled from the traction of her spear, almost as if it were a part of it.
Yet the display was not continued for much longer, her body beginning to move once more as she began to chant the words of her arte.
"The wind up…," the pacing of her spin began to shift. "…and the jump!"
Before my eyes, the lance had suddenly lifted itself into the heavens; to the uninitiated, this would have seemed to have been a mistake, but for me, I saw the exact split second in which she swung her spear upward, releasing it into the sky as she did so. Soon after, she took leapt into the sky, jumping after the spear, following it perfectly as if it were merely an extension of her body. Her jump was perfect, her hands grasping the weapon again as if it were merely waiting for her where she threw it. Taking the lance into her hand once more, she grasped it from the very end of the shaft, her arm then extending outward as her body dove toward the earth as she finished the chant of her technique.
"My will is a shooting star! Soulstoke Celebration!"
A gust of air followed as she plunged her weapon's steel into the ground, pushing everything within its immediate vicinity outward. By the time they had reached me, the winds were merely puffs of air, not even enough to cause my eyes to shut. There was a gentleness in the atmosphere that came with her technique, and yet, there was also another sensation, one that sent shockwaves throughout my soul.
The ground from which her spear now lay was nothing more than a crater of barren earth, smoke breathing from the newly made hole as its edges slowly crumbled inward. As she extracted the blade from the ground, I could feel a sudden coldness breathe into the air, causing shivers down my spine. I didn't quite understand this duality, or maybe it was that I didn't want to understand it back then, but-
"Oh, I didn't expect to see you out here, Alisha," my savior's attention then fell toward me.
"Er, yes," I finally spoke. "That is, I… I mean, that was a wonderful arte just now. What exactly was it?"
"One of the ultimate techniques of my family's polearm artes, 'Soulstoke Celebration'," she replied. "It's a technique that is fueled by its user's heart and soul, a technique that is said to pierce the coldest of hearts and show its target the full breadth of the arte wielder's feelings without uttering a single word."
"A technique to pass on its wielder's feelings without uttering a single word…"
"Don't read too much into it; it's just an old family superstition," she said as she leaned against the wall beside me. "My family is actually said to not be native to Glenwood, that one of my ancestors actually arrived during some time prior to the Age of Asgard; supposedly she came from a 'land where humans and spirit lived in harmony'. Of course, that too is an old family superstition."
"I see," was all I could say.
"But superstition or not, I'm here now," my teacher said, her eyes turning to the stars above us. "We're all here for a reason, is that right? Some are here for the sake of nationalism, others so that they can earn enough coin for their families, and then there are those that are here to chase their dreams. Regardless of whatever the reason, we're all here for our own sakes, isn't that right?"
"…I suppose that's true."
"Our own sakes," she scoffed. "In the end, humans can't help but be greedy, and in the course of that greed, we end up hurting others; being a knight is no exception. Knighthood is romanticized as being saintly, to bring hope to the downtrodden, but the truth is anything but. What are we to the people but a shield; we protect them not only from those that would bring out nation harm, but also the pain that we ourselves bring," her words quickly caught my attention.
"Tell me, what is a man that comes back from war, a man who witnessed many of his friends die before him, a man who has harmed and maimed many for the sake of his own survival? He is broken, yes? Yet in the eyes of the people, he is a hero, a savior. Though he himself may be broken, through his own sacrifice, he makes himself to be inspiration for the people, to be their champion in times of darkness. He hides the horrors he had witnessed and committed before the eyes of the people, he puts it upon himself to continue to inspire others, but still carrying the burdens of his sins on his shoulders. Though these sins are great, he knows they will not be for nothing. If he can inspire, if he can be a rallying cry, if he can be a muse, then are the sins he committed be for nothing?"
Once again I found myself speechless over my teacher's words, the pressure in my chest quickly whittling away. It was just like the day she rescued me all over again, my body feeling faint, and yet my soul indomitable.
A rallying cry for the people, that is what a knight is supposed to be, my ideal knight has always been a hero that inspired the masses, a rallying cry and inspiration for the downtrodden. I never looked at my ideal knight any other way, but with the way Lady Maltran had worded things, I began to understand things a little better.
The life of a knight is one of burden, one of sacrifice. It is inevitable that a knight bring harm to others, but that harm that he inflicted must not be made in vain; he must atone for what he has done, and he atones by serving the people in their times of need, so that the ones he pained would not have suffered for naught. This was the truth of the matter, but I…
"…I think I understand," I said as her words continued to fill me with inspiration, "but…"
"But what?"
…but as naïve as I was back then, I still wanted to believe that a knight could still inspire and rally the people, without the need for harming others.
"…but I think there is a path to be taken that doesn't involve someone being hurt," I continued. "That there will be a knight that can save the people without the use of his sword, that can inspire without the need of sacrifice."
I stopped myself before I could say anything further. Even back then, I knew what I spoke was nothing but pure idealism, nothing more than a fantasy, an unachievable dream. I knew these things, I knew that such a path led to nothing but disappointment and despair, but even so, the idealistic child in me wanted to try. I anticipated that my master would shoot down my dreams as everyone else had prior, but as she always had back then, her words had come to my complete surprise.
"…if that is what you believe, then I would very much like to see this knight you will become," Lady Maltran said as she placed her hand on my shoulder.
"…Master.."
"By the way, Alisha, why is that you have come to see me this evening?" she suddenly changed the subject. "Surely you haven't come here to train seeing as how you've neglected to do so since your fight with your roommates."
"I…, that is, I just thought I needed some fresh air," I lied, crumbling the paper that held my resignation into my pocket.
"Fresh air you say?" her tone suddenly became more serious. "If you have the energy to get some 'fresh air', then you have the energy to pick up your spear and give me 10,000 swings!"
"10,000 swings?!"
"As I've stated just not, you've been neglecting your training for the last few days. I think it's only right that we start with 10,000 swings, followed by an additional 15,000 lance thrusts, 20 laps around the interior and exterior of the academy, 500 sit-ups, 500 push-ups, and…"
Already my muscles were aching from the routine my teacher had laid out for me, fingers once again ready to grab my resignation letter and hand it to her.
Yet in spite of my desire to run away, I couldn't help but smile knowing that my teacher continued to have faith in me regardless, a faith that continued to push me toward my dreams even to this day.
As expected, my entire body was numb the following morning. Regardless of how I felt, I knew I simply couldn't continue to put off my classes and drills for the day.
It was no surprise that the familiar sight of my classmates' backs greeted me as I walked down the academy's hallways, their voices becoming silent as their eyes looked in a direction away from my presence. With their lack of gazes came the sense of inner resentment and sadness that swelled within me during my time here; once again the desire to resign passed in my mind, but that though was quickly dispelled by what I had seen next.
Before my very eyes were the victims of my battle, the two of them just exiting their new quarters, completely unaware of the atmosphere that awaited them on the other side. It was in that moment that I saw the consequences of my actions; bandages had adorned the abdomen area of my short-haired former roommate, her body somewhat hunched as her hand pushed against the side from which I had struck her. Ian did her best to aid her friend, hurrying to her side after locking their door, attempting to wrap her arm around her own shoulder in an attempt to help her walk. To her complete shock, her attempt to help her had did the complete opposite, causing Shiller to fall backward. She did not strike the ground however, her body stopping mid-fall as another had come to her aid.
"Are you all right?" I asked having caught my former roommate.
"P-princess?" both looked surprised as I helped the short-haired young woman.
"Can you stand?" I continued to press. "If it still hurts, then I believe you should head down to the infirmary. I will be glad to assist you if you don't think you can manage on your own."
"P-princess, I don't think lowly cadets such as ourselves-," the longer-haired young woman tried to speak.
"While we are attending this academy, I am not a princess," I quickly corrected Ian. "I'm merely a cadet, such as yourselves, such as every one of our peers. Please, do not treat me any differently as you would anyone else and I shall afford you the same courtesy. And that goes for everyone else here," I turned my attention to the rest of our peers. "I know you've all been avoiding me since my arrival, how you've all come to spite me, possibly even fear me, because of the blood that runs in my veins. However, I would like everyone to know, to understand, that I do not hate you for it.
"As long as I am here, as long as I am within your ranks, I am one of you, and I would ask to be treated no different. Even if you do not believe I am worthy to be within your ranks, then please, I ask that you give me the chance to prove myself to you, that I am worthy to be your classmate and your comrade in arms. No matter how many times it takes, no matter what I must do, I wish to prove myself and be a knight that can stand at your side, to aid you all in your times of need. Please, allow me to stand with you!"
I didn't expect any of them to be so welcoming after I made my speech, I didn't think any of them would heed my words, and alas, this was the harsh reality that I was soon met with.
My classmates continued to look away now, their backs once again turning toward me as they had just moments ago. I felt my heart sink as their ostracization overtook me once again, but to my surprise, I soon heard their whispers, their voices. Though I could not fully contemplate each of the words they spoke, I knew now that they were not words of contempt nor dismissal. Some spoke of new items that were now available to purchase from the merchants, others spoke of plans they had for the weekend, and a few complained of the new training regimen they were forced to undertake. Though they were seemingly ignoring me, I felt a bit relieved now, relieved that they could at least act more natural around me.
Even more surprising however, was that the two originally wished to make amends with were still standing next to me.
"Was that your attempt at making an inspirational speech?" Shiller questioned. "I'm afraid you still have a long way to go if you're going to gather the masses underneath your banner, Princess."
"Shiller, you should speak to the princess like that!" Ian exclaimed in my defense.
"She wanted to be treated as an equal, so I'm doing just that," the short-haired young woman explained.
"I do appreciate being given the opportunity," I bowed, "even though I am not worthy of-"
"No, you're not the one who must hang their head," my short-haired roommate then knelt to the ground, her head hanging low. "I must apologize for my actions; I had doubted you since your arrival in the academy and I looked down upon you simply because of the blood running through your veins. It disgusts me to have believed you were simply another highborn who wanted to buy her way into a life of luxury, that you were not taking your training seriously, and that Lady Maltran had just been feeding your ego upon being blessed with fortune from your family, but-"
"I-I'm sorry too!" I turned around to find my other roommate also bowing deeply. "I tried to show you the utmost respect in your presence, but behind your back, I also said horrible things. Please forgive me, Your Majesty, please don't send me and Shiller to the executioner's block. We'll do anything to-!"
"Ian, we're supposed to be apologizing, not begging for mercy," Shiller groaned.
"Oh right, I mean-"
"Can't we just agree that all is forgiven?" I inquired. "Can we just start over?"
"Start over? Yeah, let's do that!" Ian agreed. "Can we, Shiller?"
"You're such a simpleton," she scoffed for a moment, only to relent with her next words. "But yes, maybe we can try again then."
"So does this make us friends?" I questioned.
"Friends?" the word caused Shiller to pause slightly. "…it's a little too early to call each other friends. But for now, let's at least work on being comrades in arms, agreed?" she asked, offering me her hand.
"Agreed," I said as I took her hand unto mine.
And with that, my studies in the academy continued. Time passed in what seemed like a blink of an eye, but the following years were not easy. My remaining years were still fraught with sweat and tears, with many hardships I still had to endure. It wasn't easy, and there were times when I wished to quit, but I could not allow myself to do so, not when there were others who were now helping me on my path.
"Princess, will you spar with me today?" one of my fellow classmates had asked one morning.
"Wait just a moment," another intruded. "I had requested that the princess practice with me yesterday to which she agreed."
"Yes, but that doesn't-"
"Come on, give the princess some space," Shiller groaned as she came to my aid, pushing the two aside slightly.
"So then will you train with me then, Your Majesty?" another group of individuals attempted to ask me now.
"What of myself?"
"I'm sorry, Princess," Ian apologized as she tried to put some space between myself and the growing crowd. "Shiller and I didn't think this many would wake up this early to train."
"It's fine," I assured her and my short-haired comrade. "Still, it seems they're all adamant that they practice with me. And if that's the case-"
In that very instant, I found the pommel of my wooden spear striking the ground, the loud clang enough to silence the disarray amongst my classmates. Having heard the noise, their eyes were now all drawn toward me, each of them now standing at attention as if they were ready to go to war.
"I see that you all wish to train me with me," I announced as I looked into each of their eyes. "Very well, I will accept your offer, the offer of everyone who stands here before me. I expect the best out of all of you, and I will not accept nothing less than your best. Everyone, ready your arms and follow my lead!"
With my orders given, my classmates soon complied. Each of them had drawn their training weapons, pointing them outward in the same manner as I, their legs parting in the same manner as my own, their arms raised in tangent with my own, and their eyes all focused on myself as I stood before them all. Not saying a single word, I raised my wooden spear upward, pointing its blade backward above my head; the masses before me followed suit a second after, raising their wooden polearms in the same manner, stopping them in the same manner as myself. Once each of them had their weapons stopped above them, my legs stepped forward as my arms swung my weapon downward swiftly with all my might.
"Hah!"
"Hah!" my fellow classmates imitated.
"Hah!" I cried as I repeated the same swing once more.
"Hah!" each of them followed suit once more.
A rhythm had been set now, each of them in sync with one another as I led the routine of our swings. Again and again we swung our spears, our voices echoing into the morning breeze.
As we continued our routine, my eyes couldn't help but wander to the corner of the practice area, finding a lone figure standing watch from between the academy's doors. The curl of her lips had melted me from the inside, reinvigorating my strength with every swing as her gaze continued to watch my own. Though she spoke no words that day, the smile on her face was all I needed to know that she was proud of my actions, that she was proud of the person I was to become. It was her smile that had continued to drive me forward, it was the confidence she had placed in myself that would continue to inspire me, it was the feelings in my heart that gave me the strength to continue fighting back then and until now.
Yet my time in the academy was not meant to last forever. It wasn't long before our curriculum had come to an end and we were ready to march amongst the ranks of those who graduated before us. I had anticipated this day for so long, the day in which I would truly become a knight, but I did not anticipate, were the goodbyes and partings I would be forced to make with those I had become close to in my time here.
"Princess…," my long-haired friend sniffed as she continued to hold me in her embrace.
"Stop it, Ian," Shiller ordered, trying her best to hold back the same tears that were burning her eyes. "It's not like we'll never see the princess again."
"Yes, it's like Shiller said, we'll see each other again, Ian," I assured her with a pat on the back. "Once things have settled, I'm sure we can reminisce of times past and relive these days once more."
"But I wanna live those days now," Ian continued.
"Come on, that's enough," Shiller groaned as she pulled our sobbing comrade away.
"You two have been stationed to the 14th Regimen in Marlind, right?" I tried to change the subject. "Isn't that close to the battlefront in Glaivend Basin?"
"It's about a few days' trip away on horseback," my short-haired friend replied. "It's unlikely the war will reach us unless Rolance's forces somehow overtake the men stationed in Glaivend Basin. More than likely we'll simply be patrolling around the outskirts of the city to make sure no monsters get into its walls."
"But what about you, Princess?" my other comrade's weeping began to settle. "Aren't you worried about your position?"
"I would be lying if I said I wasn't worried," I admitted. "But in truth, I volunteered for the task. It is a necessary endeavor, despite what our superiors may say. It may be possible that Rolance may have found a way to sneak into our borders from the north, and as such, I think scouting parties such as the one I have been assigned to our necessary. For that matter, there is one thing I have been personally curious about that I would like to look into if at all possible."
"Elysia, the Lost Village of the Seraphim," Shiller remembered. "You've always had such a fascination with the myths that were written in the Celestial Record; I swear, sometimes you can be such a child, Princess."
"Oh I wish we could go with you, Princess!" Ian whined. "If only things were different, we'd all be together and-"
"Yes, if only things were different…," Shiller groaned. "Unfortunately this is reality, Ian; we can't always get what we want and there isn't always an 'all's well and end's well' ending. If there is such a world, I'd like to see it one day. In any event, I'm afraid this is where we part ways, Princess."
"Please take care, Princess," my long-haired friend continued to weep. "We'll all meet again one day, right?"
"Yes, I look forward to it," I assured her.
"As do I," the dark-haired young woman agreed. "I hope the day our paths cross again will come soon."
And just like that, the two young women that had once despised me but would later become my friends had disappeared from my life. I knew that such a relationship was not meant to last forever; people are destined to part ways in the path of life, and the friends I had made here were no exceptions. We were to all part ways, and yet…
"Congratulations, Alisha," a voice I had longed to hear that day echoed from behind me.
…and yet, there was one person I felt, I knew, I could not bear to part ways with.
"Thank you, Master…," I turned around to greet my savior.
"You still have time before you're called in to report to your station, correct?" my teacher questioned. "Come, walk with me."
"Y…yes ma'am."
It was a little strange walking down the now empty halls of the academy. Silence in these corridors was not strange to me, but the circumstances from which I now walked were different. There were no eyes that would stare and judge me, there were no muffled whispers that spoke behind my back, and most of all, there were no bodies of other students whose backs would turn as I tried to face them. No, there simply nothing there and nothing more.
"You're feeling awkward right now, aren't you?" Lady Maltran asked, breaking the silence as we walked.
"I would be lying if I said I was not," I admitted.
"Not many can walk through these halls with their head held high," my instructor continued. "Many walk down here with their heads held low, their tails tucked between their legs and their eyes searing from the tears they keep within their pupils. These are the ones who leave the academy in disgrace, having been unable to keep up with the tasks asked of them if they were to become Knights of Hyland. Alisha, you have earned the right to march beside the men and women who protect our home on a daily basis, and yet, why is your head hung as low as the most disgraced cadet?"
Lady Maltran, even during that day she was observant of me as ever. Looking in her direction, I found her eyes once again peering into my own, as if she were staring at my own soul. I felt a brush of hot air flow inside my face in that very moment, my eyes averting away from her own despite the urge I had to return her stare. A million replies spun in my head in that very moment, but my lips and voice could not utter a single one so easily.
Yet somehow I found an answer to speak, an answer so simple and innocent.
"It saddens me that my time here has come to an end," I admit. "I know that when I first came here, I was but an outcast. People would look down at me, they would say things behind my back and they would put little faith in my abilities. And yet, there was one person who thought otherwise, one person gave me a chance, who led me down a path to inspire and lead those that once looked down at me.
"Lady Maltran, I want to thank you for all you've done. If it wasn't for you, I… I-!"
"I've done nothing, Alisha," my teacher replied in an assuring tone. "It was through your own resolve and desires that allowed you to become the person who you are today. All I merely did was point you the way."
"Even if that is true, I am still grateful. And yet, I fear that one day I may once again lose my way."
"And what makes you believe you will do so, Alisha?"
"…Lady Maltran, what I mean to say is… is-"
"Yes?"
What I meant to say was 'please continue to have faith in me', 'please continue to guide me in life', 'please continue to watch over me'; these were but many things I wished to say, and yet, there was but one phrase I could only speak that could sum up everything that I had in mind.
"I would like it that you continue to stand my side to the very end!" I practically yelled.
I said it, I finally said the words that had long been etched in my heart and soul over these past years. An enormous weight had been lifted from my very existence in that very moment, my face burning as if it were hovering before a furnace, my skin soaked in its own perspiration, and the air around me had suddenly become weightless. I don't know for long I stood there, I didn't know as to how she would reply, but regardless of what she were to say, I knew that I could never be prepared for how she were to answer.
"You want me to stand at your side?" she questioned after several moments of anticipation.
"Y-yes, Master! If you would do me the honor."
"To stand by your side…," the words made her feel a bit uneasy. "Why would you ask me-?"
"Because no one else can! As I have said, Lady Maltran, ever since our first meeting, you were the only one who ever believed in me, you were the only one who was willing to treat me as another person, you were the only one who had the patience to teach me, you were the only person who inspired, you're the only person who…"
"…you're the only person I've ever been in love with," was what I wanted to say.
"…you're the only person I can see forever by my side…," were the words that escaped my lips.
"You wish for me to stand at your side forever?" she questioned.
"…yes…," I replied with a weak nod.
In that moment, I felt that time had become frozen. The two of us simply stood there, her eyes watching over me as my own looked to the floor, sheepishly looking back at her almost like a child who was scared to meet her peers. I felt a deep throbbing echo in my ears, my nerves quaking from within. Lady Maltran continued to stare at me, her expression showing neither disdain nor pleasure. I began to think that maybe she was going to reject my offer, to tell me that her duties as a knight of Hyland would prevent her from doing so. Yet to my surprise, she had replied otherwise, but at the same time, it was a reply I did not expect.
"…if that is what you desire, then I will stand by your side forever, Alisha," her words had lifted my spirit, only for them to drop the next second. "…but…"
"…but what?"
"I can merely stand beside you," she continued, "I cannot walk down the same path. However, please be assured that I will stand by your side to watch you, to guide you, but I can do nothing more."
"Lady Maltran, I don't understand."
"I'm afraid this isn't something I can teach you. I think what you truly want, what you truly desire, is someone to walk beside you. Someone who will be at your side when you fall, someone who will raise a drink with you in times of victory and defeat, someone who can be both a companion-in-arms and a true friend and beyond, someone who will admire you for your strengths and your flaws, someone who will want to be you for simply being you, and likewise, this is someone you too can do the same for. Those who stand with you will simply remain idle, yet those that walk with you, they will grow with you as you share the same path in life."
"Master, I don't-"
"Our time here has now passed," she interrupted once more. "Go then, Alisha. Walk down the path you have chosen for yourself. As I have promised, I will stand at your side and watch you as you traverse the road you will walk, I will watch you as you grow. But should you find the one who will walk beside you in that path, keep them close, and never stray from one another no matter what."
"Lady Maltran…"
"Though you may follow a similar path as my own for now, I know that one day you will walk down your path, whether it is alone or with another. Regardless of how you traverse this road, I want you to become your own person, I still want you to follow through with your own ideals. When you believe you have found your own path, when you believe you have found your lot in life, I would like us to meet again, I would like to see the person you have become. As your teacher, I would like nothing more than to see my pupil grow into an adult who can stand on her own two feet and proudly walk the path she has chosen. So please, Alisha, choose whatever path you believe and know that regardless of where it takes you, I will be there, at your side, watching you as you grow."
With that said, my teacher had turned and walked away. Though she was disappearing into the distance with every passing second, I knew this was not goodbye, and I knew that regardless of what happened, she would keep her promise to stand beside me forevermore.
Yet even now that I know the truth of my master and her intentions, to this day, I can't help but think that if things were different, maybe, just maybe, we all could have stayed together, fighting by each other's side in the conflicts that were to come. Perhaps in another life my friendship with Shiller and Ian would have deepened, and maybe Lady Maltran would have continued to fight by my side until the very end. In this other world, there would be no betrayal, there would be no sad partings, but in this other world, would I have found the one I chose to share my current path in life?
I was perplexed by Lady Maltran's words, how they continued to echoed in my ears immediately following our conversation. Though I had not been given the opportunity to express the emotions that ran deep within my heart, her own words had encouraged me to search for my own happiness. My own happiness…, perhaps these feelings I had for Lady Maltran were not feelings I could share with or ever experience with anyone else I thought, but regardless, I believed I would have been content with that. I was happy to serve the people now, to serve them in the way I had wished. Yet little did I know, fate would open my heart once more.
"Step right up folks, we've got the latest wares at prices that'll make you think we fell down the stairs!"
Her bubbly voice was the first thing I remember hearing, how every syllable sang like a lullaby in my ears, whisking me in the direction of the source. Soon I found my gaze befalling a pair of eyes blue like the ocean, her very pupils as clear and open as the never-ending blue above. I found my throat becoming parched from the sight of her smile, that simple, tender smile that was stretched across her lips as she advertised the wares she sold. Without even thinking, I found myself slowly pushing through the crowds so that I may come closer to the siren that had bewitched me, the source of the gentle voice that caressed my soul.
Though I was drawn by her voice and her eyes, my attention then turned to her hair, her bright red hair that reminded me the flames that burned within my heart. The complexion of her skin enamored me all the same, her flesh slightly dipped in the sun, but reminding me of the hue of cream. The green of her shirt also stood out in my eyes, just as her black slacks hugged her skin as if it were one with her. As I stood there, I felt as if it was just me and her in that marketplace, the men and women around us having completely disappeared. I was…happy standing there, I was happy to simply see her, to watch her. I was happy observing, and nothing more, but then it happened.
It was for but a precious moment, but her gaze fell upon my own, that same bubbly smile on her lips subtly changing as she saw me, the beaming of her thin lips lightening slightly, her face becoming more relaxed. Her smile, I remember it sent a jolt through every nerve of my body, how it accelerated my heart's pace and ignited the air around me, my face burning as our eyes remained focused. As we exchanged glances, my master's words played in my ears once more, singing to me as those blue pupils caressed my soul.
"…what you truly desire, is someone to walk beside you. Someone who will be at your side when you fall, someone who will raise a drink with you in times of victory and defeat, someone who can be both a companion-in-arms and a true friend and beyond, someone who will admire you for your strengths and your flaws, someone who will want to be you for simply being you, and likewise, this is someone you too can do the same for. Those who stand with you will simply remain idle, yet those that walk with you, they will grow with you as you share the same path in life."
What I desired, who I desired, was this person the one Lady Maltran had mentioned? I was…confused back then, I didn't know what to think or say. I had just saw her, the two of us having never even exchanged any words. I knew nothing about her, and yet, I was still…enamored, hypnotized perhaps.
Yet at the same time, I felt scared and petrified. I knew nothing about her, not even her name. Doubt quickly began to overtake, as did the words I had long suppressed from my mother and colleagues at the academy. I wanted to run, I wanted to escape, but this feeling, these emotions I held for her, they continued to burn within me.
In spite of this desire burning inside me however, I found myself fleeing a moment after, my cheeks burning and my heart rapidly pacing. It was a feeling I was all too familiar with, a feeling that always brought me to shame back then. Familiar words that guided my life always echoed in my ears whenever I felt these things, words that I wish I could have learned to ignore much sooner…
What I desired, what I wished for back then, it was something so simple, yet so complicated. Someone to walk beside me, to always be with me through triumph and defeat, and I doing the same with them. I didn't understand her words back then, the words of the first person I believed I was in love with. Yet now, those words are as clear as a cloudless sky.
The heart is a complicated thing; yes there can be times of bliss, but there can also be times of sorrow; for every bellow of laughter, there would also be a tear shed from sadness; for every night of passion, there would be a moment of argument; for every instance I spoke of our love, there would be one in which we spoke of displeasure. Love is difficult to understand, love is a trial that can never be overcome, but…
"…Rose…," the name of true beloved whispers from my lips.
"Come on, we have to stabilize her!" a familiar voice echoes from within the darkness.
"…Rose…," her name escapes once more, louder than before.
"What do you think I'm trying to do, Meebo?!" another voice retorts. "Besides, isn't this supposed to be a team effort?
"Rose!"
…but regardless, love is something I cannot live without, and I will endure any obstacle, any tragedy, and any other hindrance that may come our way!
The veil of the present becomes clear once more, my body pushing myself back to my feet. Despite the injuries I had been inflicted, I found my body burning with warmth, fueled by the fires of my heart.
Yet my heart is still in conflict by a different kind of love. My daughter has remained where she previously stood, her spear still at her side. Though I had tried to reach her with words alone until this point, it is clear that she still has no intent to listen nor understand a single syllable I utter, contorting and twisting their intent to her liking. But I still wish to convey her my thoughts, I still wish for her to understand the truth that envelops my very soul, I still wish for us to be a family no matter what.
"Olivia…," I try to reach out to her once more.
In that moment, I notice a certain aura coming from her, an foreboding feeling I had hoped would never reach those I cared for. This sadness, this darkness that dwells deep in the hearts of the corrupted. It is tiny, it is barely noticeable, but it is there. Malevolence, this is no doubt the power of malevolence.
"I thought I said we were done talking," she speaks to me rather coldly once more. "You and I have nothing more to say. Now if you'll excuse me, I'd like to be on my way."
"Wait!" my voice halts her from taking a single step. "Olivia, there's a darkness inside you, one that has tainted many during my travels with the Shepherds. It is an aura of danger, of hatred, that must be extinguished. Residing within your heart is-"
"Malevolence, did you think I didn't know?" she finishes my words nonchalantly. "Believe me, it's not that I have any plans on giving into it, but at the same time, I know it's not something that can easily be extinguished."
"What do you mean? Why would you say such things?"
"Typical Shepherds and their naïve view," my child scoffs. "The Shepherds believe that malevolence is something that must be purified, that it is something that has no place in this world, but what if I were to tell you that malevolence is not something that can be entirely extinguished. For every fit of anger, for every tear shed, for any emotion that can be considered negative, there is always a spark of malevolence. To rid the world of malevolence entirely would be to rid mankind of all emotions; that was the world the Shepherd Artorius Collbrande tried to create 1,000 years ago, a world ruled by reason, a world where emotion has no place. Even you of all people cannot support such a world!"
Is it true, this past Shepherd my daughter speaks of, is this the reason why she hates the Shepherds so much? Even if that is true, that isn't what the Shepherds of the present represent, that isn't the kind of world we wish to create.
Regardless of her reasons, the fact remains that malevolence has begun to corrupt her, and that I am the source of that corruption. If I am indeed the reason for her current state of my mind, then I have no choice but to take up my spear once more.
"…Olivia, regardless of your reasons for hating the Shepherds, I understand that your anger and hatred stems from me. I know that you can never forgive me for the decision I had made, but-"
"Then if you understand what more is there to say?!" she seethes.
I must admit that there are no more words to speak, nothing else I can convey through speech. We have nothing more to say; for her own sake, before she becomes a blight on this world, I must purify her, I must get her to accept the feelings in my heart. To cleanse my child and to have her learn of what is truly in my heart, there is but one method I believe I can fulfill these conditions, a method I had learned from my master on that night many years ago.
"One of the ultimate techniques of my family's polearm artes, 'Soulstoke Celebration'," I remembered my master's lecture. "It's a technique that is fueled by its user's heart and soul, a technique that is said to pierce the coldest of hearts and show its target the full breadth of the arte wielder's feelings without uttering a single word."
"I know that my words cannot reach you, no matter what I speak at this point," I relent. "However, I still wish to share with you the emotions that have enamored me for these many years, emotions that I have kept since my years as a knight in training and beyond. Olivia, please accept my grief, please accept my anger, please accept my joy, please accept my heart and everything that it is and will be; I shall place all of these things, all of my emotions, all of my experiences, into this next arte unhindered. Please accept them all, Olivia, please accept the plight of your mother and understand the life she has lived!"
"Alisha, what are you-?" the water seraph tries to intervene.
"Hold it," the earth seraph stops him. "This is obviously a family matter, there's no need for us to get involved anymore."
"But-!"
"Just sit tight and enjoy the show, not that I'm gonna enjoy it."
"You're either stubborn or persistent," my child continues to berate me as if I were her enemy. "Regardless of what you do though, just know that I'll never agree with your way of life, I'll never agree with the reasons behind your choice, and I'll never agree with the emotions running through in your heart."
"I'm not asking you to 'agree'," I reply, "I'm asking that you 'accept' and 'understand'."
The time for words passes now, the two of us readying our spears once more. As before, my daughter holds her polearm at her side, the blade facing downward as the shaft lines perpendicular with her back, her legs slightly bent, but still straight, as if she were standing at attention. My own body responds accordingly as taught to me by my teacher many years ago, the blade of my weapon pointed forward, with both of my hands grasping the pole, posturing the lance just above my abdomen, but with enough space that I can bend my arms inward if I must. My left leg arches forward as my right stretches slightly from the back, my right arm raising slightly as my left angles the front of my spear downward.
Our eyes meet at this point, allowing me to see my own reflection from my child's icy stare. Looking at myself, I no longer find the scared, socially awkward girl whose ideals blinded her from the truth, I see a confident woman who accepts reality, yet still holds onto her dreams. The fire Lady Maltran set ablaze within my soul still burns to this day, though the tinder that sets it aflame is different than what it was when I was a child.
"You're soft to the core, aren't you? That might be…," I remember her final words as she impaled herself on my lance. "…what I hate about you the most. THIS is reality, Alisha. I have proven my dedication to my lord. I have…no regrets."
Lady Maltran, to this day, your last words continue to drive me forward so that I can prove to you that there is more to life than sadness and loss; that there is still a reason to believe in Mankind. For the longest time, I couldn't agree your grief, I couldn't agree your hatred, but even though I couldn't agree to it, I have come to accept your philosophy, even if I could never agree to it. I came to accept it because if it were not for the persistence of the one I loved, if I continued to allow myself to walk down the path my mother and society and placed upon me, then I too would have ended up just like you.
"Ready yourself, Olivia," I tell my daughter.
"Let's go!"
Like before she takes the initiative, charging forward with a lunge, attacking with only a single hand grasping her weapon. I easily see through the attack, my body instinctively moving to the side to avoid her stab, yet again she catches me off guard as her arms swings in the direction of my dodge, her body turning with her swing.
"Resound, arise!" she chants as her body spins while swinging her lance.
Her body spins once in clockwise direction at first, only to quickly stop and spin in the opposite the next, her weapon following the path of her body as she does so. Her strikes are fast, but they are still predictable enough that I am able to dodge the second attack and deflect the third; a fourth attack quickly follows, the end of her weapon sliding to her hand now as she swings her spear upward, almost like an uppercut. In any other circumstance I would believe my opponent to be open, but it is clear that her arte has yet to be finished.
"Become the blade of destruction!" she continues to chant as she readies her weapon once again. "Lost Fon Drive!"
Like her previous mystic arte, a rapid succession of lunges follow, forcing me to remain on the defensive. Clang, clang, clang, the steel of our metal rings as her stabs strike my spear or the air. Despite only using a single hand to wield her weapon, the acceleration of her attacks continues by the second, each blow coming closer to piercing me than the last; though the ferocity of her attacks intensifies, so does my knowledge of her skill, and now, without almost any effort, I find myself deflecting each of her attacks as I spin my own spear between my own hands, evading with a step or two when necessary, before finally finding the opening I'm looking for.
Clang!
"How the-?!" my daughter's eyes widen as I lock her spear's blade within my own.
The design of her spear is certainly unique, but it has one fatal flaw, the shape itself. The blade is similar to that of a two-pronged fork; there is little space between the two points, but it is large enough to catch a blade or weapon within. In other similar weapons this could be used to catch an opposing weapon mid-strike, but at the same time, the same could be done, leaving the two wielders at a standstill.
"Move!" my child curses as she tries to pull her weapon away from my own. "I said move!"
No matter how hard she tugs, I continue to remain firm, twisting the blade of my own spear slightly with every pull, causing the edges of our blades to bite further into each other, with every attempt causing another line of cracks to grow within the steel. If this continues, both of our blades will shatter, and then-
In that moment, the metal that makes up our lance's blades shatters like glass, leaving my daughter dumbfounded by the results. Though neither of us has a complete weapon any longer, my arms move once again as my legs press forward once more as the pole in my hands swings forward in the manner I had witnessed my master's on that fateful day in the academy so many years ago.
"It's over!
I spin the polearm rapidly now, the blunted end of the weapon continuing to strike my daughter in rapid succession as it continues to twirl within my hands. Again and again I attack, striking relentlessly and without hesitation, my opponent unable to act as I continue my assault.
"The wind up…"
After several moments, I swing my lance upward in a similar manner as my daughter, only this time I knock her into the air, my body instinctively following after as I take hold of my spear once again.
"…and the jump! My will is a shooting star! Soulstoke Celebration!"
My hand takes hold of the end of the polearm, taking hold of the base just below where the blade sets as the pommel of the weapon lunges at Olivia. A loud thud echoes as it strikes her abdomen, her empty expression now replaced by complete shock, the look on her face even remaining as we draw closer to the earth. Though she is my opponent in this battle, she is still my daughter, and so, I release my weapon from my grasp as we plummet further to toward the earth, taking her into my arms, holding her tightly as I shift my weight to face the earth. A blunt impact echoes throughout my body the moment we hit the ground, though the force of the impact is null, my attention focused on the one I hold in my arms.
"…Olivia…?"
Though the darkness within her has dissipated with my final strike, yy daughter remains silent even as I call her name, her expression unchanged from the moment I struck her with my mystic arte. Her eyes remain open as I hold her before me, but her body remains still. I call to her once more, shaking her slightly as I speak her name, but to my disbelief, she remains silent, she remains still. I call her a third time, a fourth time, my voice loudening and my body quivering further with each instance.
"Olivia? Olivia?!"
I feel my eyes beginning to burn now, my voice becoming haggard and my grip around her arms tightening. I pull toward my face now, my cheek brushing against hers now, keeping her close as her body remains limp.
"I'm so sorry, Olivia!" I scream. "I'm so sorry, I never meant to hurt you, I never meant to leave you, I never…! I never-!"
"…I know, Mother…"
I feel a warm embrace follow now, an embrace I had not felt since she was but a small child. My daughter's embrace is warm, it is light, it is welcoming.
"Olivia…"
"…I think I understand. I understand the hardships you were forced to endure all your life, I understand the pain that had been wracking your heart and soul for so many years, I understand the burden your own mother had placed upon you, and I understand the reason why you had to leave. But…"
My daughter releases herself now, standing on her own two feet, but her back now facing me. Despite my latest arte, a tinge of darkness still emits from her body; once again she emits malevolence, almost as if my last attempt to purify her had not come to fruition. For a moment, her gaze falls upon her broken spear, her hand twitching slightly as if she ready to grasp it, only to relent in the next moment as her fingers curl into a fist, the dark aura surrounding her slowly dissipating from her will alone.
"…but I can't agree with anything you stand for," she speaks with a tinge of regret in her voice. "Whether it's the naïve ideals of the Shepherds, your reasoning behind leaving your own family, or your feelings for your current betrothed, I will never agree with any of your choices, no matter how much I come to understand your reasoning for these decisions, but regardless, I can still support them."
She turns to me now with an uneasy smile on her face, her eyes glistening in a familiar manner, one I often see whenever I look before a mirror, one that is often teased for by my bride-to-be. It is a look of understanding, a look of grief, but at the same time, a look of strength.
"Thank you, Olivia," I tell her. "I too feel the same way; I may not agree with the path may you choose to walk in life, I may not agree with the person you may become, but I will still support your decision, and I can grow to accept and understand it."
"Even if that decision will force us to cross blades once again?"
"…yes… I have experienced firsthand walking the same path as another, only for that path to later diverge and allow me to create my own. You may not want to hear any more of my tale, but I will say this: although our paths put us at odds with one another, I still cherish the experiences my master and I shared, because even though it forced us to oppose one another, her memory and teachings shaped me into the person I am today. Even now, I feel Lady Maltran is standing beside me, watching me as I continue to grow as a person, acting as a reminder that we each walk our own paths and that we mustn't regret them, no matter what.
"Even if you oppose what I stand for, know that I still want you to grow, Olivia, I still want you to become your own person, I still want you to follow through with your own ideals," words similar to Lady Maltran's begin to escape my lips. "When you believe you have found your path, when you believe you have found your lot in life, I would like us to meet again, I would like to see the person you have become. As your mother, I would like nothing more than to see my child grow into an adult who can stand on her own two feet and proudly walk the path she has chosen. So please, Olivia, choose whatever path you believe and know that regardless of where it takes you, I will be there, at your side, watching you as you grow."
"…then I look forward to that day we meet again, Mother…"
With nothing more to say, my daughter begins to depart, taking care to not even pick up her broken spear as she walks down the path she has laid out before her. I know not what road my daughter has chosen to walk, nor do I know the type of woman she will become, but what I do know is that I will accept the woman who will stand at the end of that path, and I shall embrace the person she will become, even if I cannot agree with the decisions she has made, just as she has come to accept the truths and decisions I myself have made.
"Alisha, are you really going to just let Olivia walk away?" Mikleo questions. "Don't tell me you're happy with-?"
"Quiet!" the earth seraph orders, striking the younger with her umbrella. "The grownups are talking."
"Talking? Neither of you were- Ow!"
"It's all right, Mikleo," I assure him. "Like me back then, Olivia has her own path to walk. I knew that she could never agree with the decision I made one year ago, but in time, I believe she would learn to accept my decision. Likewise, I would do her a great disservice if I were to not extend the same courtesy upon her."
"Speaking of courtesy, haven't you given more than enough in rearing your kid?" Edna changes the subject. "I'm sure you realize by now that if you didn't waste your time trying to talk things out, you could've used that time to be looking for your runaway bride-to-be."
Though the earth seraph is quick to point out this fact, the truth is that the thought had been lingering in the back of my head the entire time I was speaking with my daughter. The way she ran away so suddenly, it is of great concern to me, as were the words she spoke. Here I was talking about the paths laid out before us, and here I was simply remaining still when the one I love has run off somewhere. With my priorities straightened out once more, I decide now is the time to return to the true matter at hand.
"Yes, I know," I concur with a nod. "As Rose would say, 'c'mon, let's stop moping around already'."
Once again I had made my runs throughout the city, but to my dismay, I still find no sign of you throughout. I must have asked every shopkeeper and civilian at least three times if they had seen you, possibly growing their ire from my persistence in the process. I searched every possible corner in every store and establishment available to the public, but again, I found no such luck. Before I know it, night has befallen us, and all of Marlind's people begin to retire for the evening.
"Hey, you feeling all right?" Edna questions as I take a moment to catch my breath.
"Just give me a moment," I pant, the night air doing little to cool the perspiration falling down my brow.
"We've searched all over the city at least three times over now," Mikleo remarks as he contemplates our situation aloud. "Maybe it's safe to assume that she's gone outside the city gates."
"It could be possible," the earth seraph surprisingly agrees. "Of course, where would she go if she did leave? It's more than a day's journey back to Elysia so I doubt she'd run back home after the whole debacle earlier."
A place outside the city you could have run to. The moment I hear the two's thoughts, a single place comes to mind, my body instinctively moving once again without another second of rest.
"Alisha, where-?"
"I know where Rose is!" I tell them as I continue forward.
A place outside the city, a place dear to the two of us, a place no one else would think anything special of. Why didn't I think of it sooner?
My body is aching all over, the air in my lungs burns like steam, and my heart feels as if it is ready to burst out of my chest; I don't ever recall being as exhausted as I am now, but the pain I feel is nothing compared to what I would if I were to do nothing, if I were to simply stand still and let you walk away.
The spot I believe I would find you comes into view now, the night sky perfectly reflecting from the water that surrounds it. As I draw closer, I remember that day again, that fateful day when we were properly introduced. Back then, here, on this very bridge, was the very place we exchanged our first words, where we shared our first conversation, where we would begin to walk our current path in life together.
"Hey!" I remember you waving to me back then.
"Rose, wasn't it?" I replied back then. "You were with the Sparrowfeathers who came to the palace."
"Hahaha! Nice to finally meet you in person, Princess Alisha."
"Just 'Alisha' will do."
"Rose…," your name whispers between my breaths.
"Do you remember this place?" I remember returning here with you for the first time nearly ten years ago.
"It's where we met, right?" you replied.
"…it was," I lied back then, knowing full well the real truth of our first meeting. "I'm surprised you remembered."
"Well how could I forget that day. I mean even back then, you had such a slim body, though I have to admit, your butt was a bit bulky, I could just take a hand full of it and-"
"Rose!"
"…Rose…," your name escapes my lips as I draw ever closer.
"You think we got away?" I remember returning her after our grand escape from Ladylake nearly a year ago.
"I believe so," I panted as we both struggled to catch our breath.
"So is it true? What you said back there?"
"I do. When I said 'I love you and I don't need to hide it', I meant every word and I meant to prove it to you."
"…Alisha, if you were merely caught up in the moment, then please, don't do this. Like I said a year ago, if you're only going to hurt Sergei and your kids, then-"
"I've made up my mind. I told Sergei, I told him everything; the truth about how I feel, the truth about myself, the truth about us, he knows it all now, and to my surprise, he supports my decision. Just like the people of Ladylake, he knows how I feel about you, Rose. I love you, Rose. I love you more than you could ever imagine, more than how I could even hope to describe, more than anything that is to exist or ever exist; I love you, Rose, now and forever."
"I love you too, Alisha. Now and forever."
As my final memories draw to a close, so does my journey. I find myself unable to walk any further, my body having become paralyzed at the sight that lies before me. As I had predicted, I find you here, sitting by the river's edge, your gaze solely concentrated on the water's reflection, your arms folded over your legs with your lips hiding behind your wrist. Our other two comrades stand beside you, as if they were attempting to raise your spirits, but to no avail.
"Rose…,"
The moment I speak you name, your head lifts up a little, turning toward me as you remain on the floor. Your sadness is slowly replaced by what looks like shock, as if you did not expect to find me here.
Many words and emotions are wrought within me in this moment; I wish to run up to you, to take you into my arms, to tell you that I forgive you, and that everything will be okay. Yet at the same time, I can only lament in the equal probability that if I were to approach you after the events that occurred earlier in the day, you may only reprimand me by telling me to leave you alone, blaming yourself for 'not being pure' as you had stated earlier. I can only fight this feeling of excitement and melancholic dread, choosing instead to keep my distance from where I stand should you decide to run away.
"Can someone say 'awkward silence'?" the earth seraph suddenly speaks, finding her and Mikleo having caught up with me.
"Rose, isn't there something you want to talk about with Alisha?" Lailah questions you as if she were doting on a child.
"…I…," you try to speak, only for the words to fall back into silence.
"It's all right," I try to assure you as I slowly approach. "May I sit beside to you?"
"…sure…"
"Normally I'd like to stay and watch two lovely ladies kiss and make up, but I think this time I'll have to politely decline," Zaveid tries to break the tension with a joke.
"As if any lovely ladies would let you watch," Edna replies with her usual snark.
"Come on, we shouldn't make this anymore awkward for the two of them," Mikleo tells his comrades as they take their leave.
"Yes, as long as you're around, when are things not awkward?"
"Really, Edna?! Do you always-! Ow!"
With our comrades now gone, I find you still looking into your reflection in the water. At any moment, I wait for you to say something inappropriate, to suddenly remark about my figure, to wrap your arms around me much to my surprise, or at worst, push me into the river itself. I wait for any of these things to occur, I anticipate them, but looking at you now, I know this is not one of those instances. It pains me to see you like this; in the time we've known each other, I don't recall ever seeing you this sad or upset.
I…I'm afraid, afraid that the next thing I say or do may break you further. I'm afraid that you may not wish to ever speak with me, that you may not tell me what's on your mind, what's bothering you. These things scare me, but what frightens me even more is if you simply brush away this whole instance and try to live our lives as if nothing happened; I fear that even if we were to continue down our path in life together that somewhere, in the bottom of your heart, in the deepest depths of your soul, you will still be in pain, that you'll still be hurting, and that you would be unwilling to share this burden with me.
"Rose-"
"…you look like you were put through the ringer…," you quip despite the sadness still lingering within you.
"…I can say the same about you…," I reply, trying to keep the tone as light as possible.
We share a slight chuckle, but it lasts little more than a second. Again we become silent, neither of us speaking a single word, nor are we able to look each other in the eye once more. I want to be the first to speak, to voice my concerns and wishes, but I choose not to speak in fear that I upset you further. Yet this silence and anticipation cuts into me as the dullest blade, slowly whittling at my soul as I count the tears welling in your eyes. Though I choose not to speak, I let my actions speak for me.
"Alisha?"
I keep silent as I hold you, wrapping you in my arms and holding you tightly. Pressing your body against mine, I feel the slow, yet hurtful throbs of your heart; I feel the chilliness of old tears that had run down your cheek; and I feel the pain welling in your soul. Though I choose not to speak, I wish for you to know that I am here, that I'm right here with you, at your side. I'm by your side, Rose, but I'm not simply standing by you. I am here, walking with you, and I want you to know that I am here and will always be here.
Yet you begin to slowly pull away, despite how I try to cling onto you. You do so regretfully, unable to look me in the eye as you move, your ocean blue pupils glistening with the reflection of the water and moon. I want to question why, to ask you why you would turn me away even though you too are in pain; yet before I can say a word, you begin to speak.
"Please don't," you say painfully.
"Why Rose?" I question. "Was it something I've done? I know I was upset earlier, but I didn't mean to lash out you in the manner I did! I never meant to hurt you, Rose, I-!"
I choke on my own words now, the look on your face tells me that this is beyond my control. Silence separates once again despite my wishes and desires. I begin to scold myself in this very moment, realizing that just now I was simply trying to defend myself, that I wasn't trying to understand what is going on through your own heart. This distance between us, I know now as I look into your eyes and wrenching heart that I am not the cause of grief, yet at the same time, I am not in the position to ask where the source of your heartache rests. Knowing this, I can only lament and remain quiet, believing that whatever it is that hurts you so is not something you wish to share.
…yet to my surprise and relief, you open yourself up to me.
"…the truth is, you were not my first…," you solemnly admit.
"What?"
"Years before I met you, I was in love with someone else. Her name was Lily. She was a mercenary, like me. Back then, she made me feel so alive, so wanted. She gave me everything I wanted back then; someone to come back to, a companion I could always be with, and so much more. I…I gave her everything back then, but…"
Your voice chokes now, the tears once again falling down your face. The urge to hold you is stronger than ever now, but I choose to hold myself back, lest you continue to try and shield this sadness within you once more.
"…but I learned what I felt was one-sided, that I was just somebody she could use on a whim for whatever her desire was. Lily played me for a fool, taking advantage of my naivety and kindness; I thought I'd get my revenge by playing her own game, by using someone myself.
"I…I used Prince Konan of Rolance to get back at her. He was…in love with me, almost kind of like a puppy that would follow their owner around at every whim; I'm sure anyone else that he had fallen for would have found it cute, adorable even, but I… …I was pathetic… To get back at her, I took advantage of his affections, accepting his proposal for my own self gain, even if it was for the benefit of the Windriders. I wasn't in love with him, I didn't feel anything for him in fact, and yet here I was, using him like how Lily used me."
"Rose…"
"But karma catches up with everyone, including Lily, including me. She found a way to ruin my engagement with Prince Konan, and in doing so, she destroyed the reputation of the Windriders. I lost a lot of people back then, including the guy who raised me, Brad. Out of spite for everything that happened, I ended her life, I killed her myself. I thought that by doing so, I could make all the pain go away, that I could settle things then and there, but the truth is, it didn't solve anything. The people who died weren't coming back, the pain in my heart never went away. If only I wasn't so selfish back then, if only I wasn't blinded by my anger and hate for Lily, Brad, the Windriders, and even Prince Konan, none of them would have-!"
I'm taken aback as you stand there with your teeth bared and your fists clenched. To say that I'm in shock of what I've heard just now is but an understatement. I would be lying if I said that my heart wasn't broken by what I had just heard, but the truth is, I never imagined you would have done something so deceitful. I should reprimand you for what you told me, I should be angry that you could manipulate someone what had fallen for you, and yet…
"When I killed Lily back then, do you know what her last words to me were? She said '…you'll never be happy… People like us can never truly love, we can never settle down. Keep denying yourself as long as you can, Little Flower, but one day when you think you've found the one meant for you, you'll learn soon enough that there can never be a 'happily ever after'…'
"Don't you see now, Alisha?! That's why I said I'm damaged goods, that I can't be pure and innocent like you! A person like me doesn't deserve to be happy. After all the people I've hurt, all the people that died because of my selfishness, after everything that happened, I don't deserve to be happy, I don't-!"
…and yet despite what you've told me, I still accept you, I still love you, regardless of what you say.
"I don't care about any of that, Rose!" I interrupt. "Regardless of what Lily said back then, I care about the woman who is standing in front of me; I love the way you make me feel every day, I cherish the memories we have created together, I look forward to the future we share, and most of all, I accept you as you are, past mistakes and all!"
Another instance of silence follows as another run of tears fall past our cheeks, mine and yours. Even though I had my piece, there are still many more things I wish to convey, to admit, but I know what I spoke had conveyed the very essence of my feelings. My heart has found its way to you as you continue to stand there with your eyes wide and your body still.
Though you had confessed what was truly in your heart, I know that I too must seize this opportunity to also speak the truth, to tell you that I am not truly what you think. I must be honest as well, I must also tell you the truth about myself.
"…if we're on the subject of being honest, then I too must confess…," I begin to speak. "To tell you the truth, I too have hurt others because of my own selfishness and naivety. When I first enrolled in the academy to become a knight, I was looked down on by the other students, including my dormmates. Yet one person took pity on me, an individual who would later take me under her own wing, Lady Maltran.
"Unlike the others in the academy, she treated me no different than any other cadet, she treated me as if I were merely a student, nothing more. In time, I had become enamored with her, I had fallen for her in fact. Yet it was not meant to be; though I had attempted to confess my feelings to her, she did not hesitate to turn me down, and as you know, I was later forced to take her life.
"Even though my last memory of her was myself killing her, that was not most prominent memory she left me. During my graduation, she told me that she would stand by my side forever, but she would nothing more than stand. However, she told me these words, words I still hold close to my heart to this very day.
"Back then, Lady Maltran's words were 'what you truly want, what you truly desire, is someone to walk beside you. Someone who will be at your side when you fall, someone who will raise a drink with you in times of victory and defeat, someone who can be both a companion-in-arms and a true friend and beyond, someone who will admire you for your strengths and your flaws, someone who will want to be you for simply being you, and likewise, this is someone you too can do the same for. Those who stand with you will simply remain idle, yet those that walk with you, they will grow with you as you share the same path in life. Should you find the one who will walk beside you in that path, keep them close, and never stray from one another no matter what.'
"Rose, you are that person I chose to walk down this path in life. Despite your flaws, despite your past, I chose you, I chose you to be the one I love. I chose you to be my dearest friend during our journey many years ago, I chose you to be with you in my time of need, I chose you over the family I had made with Sergei, I chose you to become my bride."
"Even after I told you everything, why do you still want to be with me?!" you question. "Don't you understand, Alisha, because of what I did back then, I can't give you everything, I can never give you everything, I can't-!"
"I don't want everything, I only want you!"
Before I know it, my body moves on its own accord, my body diving forward, only to stop as it meets your own. My arms wrap around you now, pulling you in close as you try to distance your self from me. At first you try to protest, you try to break free, but gradually you relent as my face touches yours, my cheek pressing against your own as the streams of our tears meld into one.
"I don't care about anything else," I weep. "I don't care about your past loves, I don't care about those you've hurt, I don't care about any of it. All I know is that I care about you, as you are now, as you will be from this point forward. I love you, Rose, regardless of what you've done or will do, I will always love you."
"Alisha… I don't deserve you… I-"
"Stop saying that! You deserve to be happy, Rose. You deserve to love and be loved. Even if you don't think you deserve to be happy, even if you don't think you deserve to be loved, I believe you deserve these things, Rose. I believe in us, I believe in our future, I believe that we are meant to be happy together!"
You protest no further upon hearing my words, your body remaining completely still as I feel my words reach your heart. I feel the tears streaming down your face falling rapidly once more, but this time, I feel another emotion follow with it. I feel a sense of relief, of happiness as I feel the curvature of your lips lift into a smile. Your arms wrap around me now, returning my embrace in the same firm caress as your body sinks further into my own. My face pulls away from your own now, finding you wearing the same teary-eyed look that I see from my reflection which illuminates from your eyes.
"Do you really think I'm meant to be happy, Alisha?" you ask.
"Yes."
"Do you really believe in our future together?"
"Yes."
"And do you really still want to be my wife?"
"Yes."
With my latest reply, my body slips forward, only to stop as my lips press against your own. The aroma of the flower that shares your name fills me as I feel your breath against my own, my knees tightening as the rest of my body becomes loose. I feel the gentle beating of your heart as your body presses deeper into my own, the source of our lives beating in sync with one another.
Though our mouths part ways soon after, I still find you in my embrace, sinking in further as you draw me further into you, your eyes peering directly into my own, glistening with our reflections. I continue to hold you here as we bask in the moonlight, our vows to one another affirmed in our hearts and in our next words.
"Let's be happy together, Rose. Let's be happy together, my love, my future wife. Let's continue toward the future, together, forever."
"Yeah, let's be happy together, Alisha, the woman I love, the woman I'm going to marry. Let's go to eternity together, forever."
Author's Note: And with that, this chapter comes to a close!
I'm sure some readers may start to wonder what exact path Olivia will walk after her battle with Alisha, especially considering how she ended up founding the Scholars of the Crowe per the events of End of an Era. I can say that Olivia definitely gained some respect for Alisha since their battle, so much that she will use Alisha's maiden name as her own family name as seen in End of an Era. Although she does have great respect for her mother now, that doesn't mean she agrees with Alisha's decision to leave her family for Rose. As for the malevolence that's dwelling within her, it's not enough to transform Olivia into a hellion, but it was still has the potential to turn her into one. Although Alisha attempted to purify Olivia's malevolence, unfortunately she was not able to completely do so due to human nature. As Olivia stated, "malevolence is not something that can be entirely extinguished. For every fit of anger, for every tear shed, for any emotion that can be considered negative, there is always a spark of malevolence." Olivia knows that will never agree with Alisha's decision, and so her anger and hate remains, and in turn, malevolence will continue to grow with her. However, Olivia has also made it clear that she has no intentions to give into the malevolence, instead deciding that it is merely a part of human nature and accepting it as part of herself.
Changing the subject to Maltran, regarding the little background about her family, readers of End of an Era might have picked up where her ancestral homeland may be. Although that piece of her background is not canon in the actual Tales franchise, what I do know is canon from Maltran's background is that she does come from a long line of knights that served Hyland. According to the Tales wiki page, all the successors for her family had perished and succession was forced upon her. During a battle, malevolence overtook a battlefield from which she fought and her jealous countrymen attacked her; at this point, she lost all faith in humanity and became a hellion herself. In terms of how that fits into this story, Maltran's lessons for Alisha began approximately a year or two after said battle. Though she does not display her hellion nature in this story, it is alluded to when Alisha witnesses Maltran performing Soulstoke Celebration. But regarding Maltran's ancestral background that was created for this fic, it does tie into my main project slightly as it does briefly hint at a link shared between certain characters.
I'm sure some readers got the reference of the events in Tales of Zesteria the X during Alisha's final scene in the academy. There were some changes I liked in the anime compared to the game (namely Alisha and Rose's relationship, Alisha being able to armatize, the addition of Shiller and Ian, and some more obvious tie-ins with Tales of Berseria), but I think overall it gave more of a "Hollywood type" storyline. I didn't like changes such as dragons being able to be purified, Eizen potentially being able to return to his past self, Lunarre becoming a "good guy", and a few other changes that were made to the story. As such, I couldn't help but make this reference in Alisha's final flashback scene as the anime seemed more like an "all's well and ends well" story.
In any case, I believed this would be the final chapter for this story, but I decided to create an epilogue chapter for this fic; I'll be writing the epilogue chapter for this story before I return to my main project. The epilogue will most likely not be as long as this chapter, but I think it should suffice as a proper conclusion to Alisha and Rose's tale while further linking it with my main project.
On that note, in the next true, final chapter of How Far We've Come: With their vows spoken, Alisha and Rose look forward to their future together. Yet where that future leads, even they do not know. Regardless of what comes their way, they know that they will face each of life's trials together, forever, even if said trials are not meant to be overcome in their lifetime.
And that'll be it for now, hope to see you all in the epilogue!
