Chapter 7: Villain, I Have Done Thy Aunt
Well, it turned out that the one that was approaching them was no other than Cao Cao.
Cao Cao: Ahem! Yoo-hoo! Anyone here? I am Cao Cao, coming here to take this place in the name of the Emperor! Surrender, or….
Jia Xu: Speak of the devil.
Zhang Xiu: W-what the?! How the hell can we even face an army THAT size?!
Jia Xu: ….
Zhang Xiu: Master Jia Xu! What can we do?!
Jia Xu: …sigh…nothing.
Zhang Xiu: Nothing?!
Jia Xu: Yeah. I mean, look at that. Even if we used like Rage Musou a hundred times, there's NO way we would win against THAT. The least we can do, of course, is to surrender unconditionally.
Zhang Xiu: S-surrender?! You serious?! I mean, I've only JUST gotten this territory and now I have to give it to someone else?!
Jia Xu: shrugs I don't know. Sucks to be a minor warlord like you, it seems.
Cao Cao: OY! What are you guys dilly-dallying in there?! If I don't receive a response in 5 seconds I wull break through!
Zhang Xiu: Gah! Eh, erm, okay, OKAY! I'LL SURRENDER!
Cao Cao: …..huh.
Xiahou Dun: Well that was kinda fast, don't you think?
Cao Cao: Eh, saved me the hard work. And besides they wouldn't dare to plan anything shady against me, anyway.
And so you all know how it went, Zhang Xiu surrendered to Cao Cao almost immediately.
Cao Cao: So, this is legit?
Zhang Xiu: Yes!
Cao Cao: Hm, alright then. I mean, it's really surprising that you just immediately surrendered, like you didn't even try to fight.
Jia Xu: Because we know that your forces are too much to handle.
Cao Cao: Haha, I see. Okay, then. Let's throw up a party in celebration!
Everyone: YOOO!
And so Zhang Xiu gave banquets to Cao Cao every day. Zhang Xiu treated Cao Cao courteously at first, until things start going downhill at one day.
Zhang Xiu: Welcome, sir!
Cao Cao: Ah, thank you very much!
Jia Xu: You seem to be in a…happier mood, than usual.
Cao Cao: Ah yes, indeed….whoa!
Zhang Xiu: It's tasty, isn't it? drinks wine
Cao Cao: Of course, of course! It's as tasty as your aunt's bleep last night.
Jia Xu: thunder background with a 70s shoujo manga shocked face
Zhang Xiu: spits wine to Cao Cao
Cao Cao: upset…..is there a problem?
Zhang Xiu: What…what…did you….say?
Jia Xu: Oh god…
Cao Cao: Oh, right. About that. I forgot to tell you that I checked your recently widowed aunt yesterday. I'll tell you, she's a bomb! Your late uncle must've been really lucky.
Zhang Xiu: Grrrmmmhhh…..
Jia Xu: Uh, ahem, General, stay calm, okay. We wouldn't want a problem here.
Zhang Xiu: That…bastard….grrrhhh….
Cao Cao: By the way, is something wrong with him?
Jia Xu: Eh, urm, oh! Of course not! Hehehe….he's probably just mad at that wine he just spitted on your face. What a waste of perfectly good wine!
Cao Cao: Huh, okay. I really hope that he isn't mad at me or something like that, because if that's the case I will certainly kill him.
Jia Xu: Oh! No! No! Certainly not! Why would he be ever mad at you? Eh, ummm…
Zhang Xiu: became even redder with anger
Jia Xu: …by the way, I need to go to calm him down. Enjoy the rest of your meal. Bye-bye!
Outside…
Zhang Xiu: …GRAAAAHHHHH! proceeds to wreck everything
Jia Xu: watches the whole thing with shock
Zhang Xiu: DAMN THAT BASTARD! DAMN IT TO HELL! GRAAAAHHHH!...pant…pant…pant…
Jia Xu: ….you done?
Zhang Xiu: ARGH! I CAN'T FUCKING BELIEVE IT! I've given EVERYTHING to him. But now he's banging my aunt as well?! This is going too far! I will crush that motherfucker's di-
Jia Xu: grabs Zhang Xiu If you're that reckless, YOU'RE the one who will get your dick crushed instead.
Zhang Xiu: So how can I get to him?!
Jia Xu: For that matter, it will be really hard for us to get up close to Cao Cao, even moreso because of his bodyguard standing in front of his tent day and night. So we have to use a….sneakier approach.
Zhang Xiu: So? So?
Jia Xu: whisper whisper
Zhang Xiu: Oooo….that's brilliant! Haha! It'll get him good!
Jia Xu: Yes, but remember! If this plan leaks out, we're screwed!
Zhang Xiu: Get it, get it!
That night….
Jia Xu: Hello.
Dian Wei: Hm? WHOA! What are your business here?! Do you intend to harm my lord?!
Jia Xu: Harm your lord?! Ahaha! Why would I do that? No! It's just that I'm here to invite you to a party.
Dian Wei: Party?
Jia Xu: Yeah! You know, since you always stand up all day and night guarding this tent, isn't that a bit tiring? You should let loose once in a while.
Dian Wei: Really? But who will guard it if I'm go-
Jia Xu: Yeesh, don't worry much about it. Just enjoy the booze, will you?
Much, much later…
Dian Wei: Bleerrggghh….gah, I can't take it anymore!
Jia Xu: Aw, come on, just one more, perhaps?
Dian Wei: Noooo….I….can't…zzzzzzzzz
Jia Xu: …..haha. Now!
Huche'er: steals Dian Wei's axe
Jia Xu: Ahaha…just as planned. teleports away
Later….
Jia Xu: appears beside Zhang Xiu
Zhang Xiu: AH! You surprised me.
Jia Xu: Ahaha, sorry. So? Did you do as I say?
Zhang Xiu: Of course! I managed to convince Cao Cao to allow my soldiers to casually pass by with all their armor and weapons on! And when I finally get to him, I'm gonna cut his dick off and feed it to the dogs! That's gonna teach him a lesson!
Jia Xu: Heh, good. Let's get this party started. snaps fingers
And then that's how it went. Jia Xu started a fire attack at Wan Castle, and there were a lot of shit going on. Cao Cao was just having his usual good 'ol timey-wimey with Zhang Xiu's aunt Zoushi, when suddenly…
Cao Cao's Soldier: MY LORD! MY LORD!
Cao Cao: Huh? AAAAHHHH! HEY! KNOCK FIRST BEFORE YOU ENTER!
Cao Cao's Soldier: Uhh…sir, this is a tent.
Cao Cao: Oh, right. Nevermind, what's your business? Can't you see I'm busy?
Cao Cao's Soldier: Eh, um, I'm sorry! It's just that, THERE ARE FLAMES EVERYWHERE!
Cao Cao: Flames? Nah, nothing to fuss about. Some soldier probably made a mistake.
Cao Cao's Soldier: SIR! Gah, ZHANG XIU'S ARMY IS ATTACKING US!
Cao Cao: What?! Zhang Xiu?! Gah, WHAT?! Tch, where is Dian Wei?! Eh?
Dian Wei: Zzzz…..zzzzz…..
Cao Cao: Shit! SHITSHITSHITSHIT- AAAAAHHHHH!
Dian Wei: Zzzz…..zzrrgghhh….grrrkkhh? Errmmmhh….what's….going….ON?! Eh, what?!
Jia Xu: There! The bald one you see there!
Zhang Xiu's Army: HYAAAAHHHH!
Dian Wei: Tch, where is my weapon?! Gah! Alright! NO ONE! SHALL GET TO MY LORD WHILE I'M STILL STANDING! GRAAAAAHHHH!
Jia Xu: Hehe…that should do the work.
Later…
Cao Cao: Pant…pant…pant…wha?!
Zhang Xiu: STOP THERE, YOU UNGRATEFUL BASTARD!
Cao Cao: Tch! HYAH! goes even faster
Zhang Xiu: DON'T ESCAPE! GAH!
Jia Xu: Huh? Lord Zhang Xiu!
Zhang Xiu: Huh?
Jia Xu: That's enough. Don't pursue him further.
Zhang Xiu: But he's-
Jia Xu: It's alright. He's been dealt enough damage.
Zhang Xiu: Tch! But that was so close! ….but I guess you're right…
Jia Xu: There's no doubt he will come again…well, if he does we'll just hand him another beating.
So, yep. Thanks to not being able to control his boner, Cao Cao ended up beaten quite badly and losing his eldest son, nephew, and most of all, his most trusted bodyguard. From a minor warlord that has recently surrendered to him, and of course, his mighty strategist.
Jia Xu: Now stop that flattering. After all, it was a night attack. Hardly amazing.
What?! No way, that was amazing! You pushed the Hero of Chao himself back. That was a big accomplishment!
Jia Xu: I know. Then again, we had a bit of struggle against him later, so…
But you still managed to get around that, anyway! We'll see more of that in the next chapter, so be excited!
Jia Xu: Sigh, fine, fine.
To Be Continued…
That's all! Please leave a review and have a good day!
