Chapter 7
Santana's POV
This is it. This is my chance to get some answers and, hopefully, end my confusion. I'm afraid that this will change things between Quinn and me, but I just can't do this anymore.
"I… What do you mean by us?" Quinn asks nervously.
"Quinn, I'm really confused."
"About what?"
"I have all this feelings and I don't know what they mean. Actually, I do know what they mean, but I'm not sure what to do with them. When Brittany kissed me I…" I'm about to finish talking when Quinn cuts me off.
"You love her." Quinn says above whisper. "I can't do this right now. I thought I could but I just can't." She stands up to leave but I quickly grab her by the wrist to stop her. She stops but she doesn't turn around to see me.
"Stay. Please." I said pleading. She turns around to look at me and that's when I notice the tears forming in her eyes.
"Santana, let me go. Please." She says softly, she sounds so broken. For a moment I thought of letting her go, but I need to do this.
"No. Please let me finish."
She finally nods her head in agreement and sits down again. She had her head down, she was looking down at her hands in her lap, but I could see tears silently rolling down her cheeks.
"When she kissed me I did felt something, but that feeling wasn't as strong as when I'm with you." She raised her head and turned to look at me curiously.
"What do you mean 'as strong'?" She furrows her eyebrows in confusion, until she realized what I implied. "You have feelings for me?"
"I do. I honestly don't know how to explain it, but when I'm with you it's like everything makes sense. You make me feel like everything is going to be alright."
She just looks at me wide-eyed without saying a word. Tears are forming in her eyes again, and start to roll down her cheeks, but this time I gently wipe them out with my left thumb. After a few minutes she finally speaks.
"Are you sure?" She asks hesitantly.
"I'm one hundred percent sure." I say confidently.
She stays quiet for a while. She just keeps looking at me. I can tell she's processing what I just told her.
"This isn't going to change anything, right?" I break the silence and she sighs.
"I honestly don't know."
"I need to ask you something, and I want you to tell me the truth."
"Ask away."
"Were you and I… involved?" I see her body stiffening.
"Yes." She says cautiously. "I am… was… I was your girlfriend."
"You should've told me when I ask you if I had a girlfriend."
"I know, and I'm so sorry for lying."
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"I didn't want you to feel obligated to be with me. I didn't want to force you to be with me."
"I wouldn't have, Quinn. But I understand, and I get that this amnesia thing is hard for you as well, for everyone."
"You know, that dream you had earlier," she says casually "it did happened."
"What?"
"Yeah. That was the day of your accident. Your parents were out of town, and I was one of your emergency contacts so the hospital called me." I clasp her hand with mine, entwining our fingers.
"When I got there you were in your hospital room, hooked to a lot of machines. You were in a really bad shape. I rushed to your side and I was holding your hand when your heart stopped. The nurses tried to take me away from you, but I couldn't just leave you, so I hold on to your bed and I kept telling you to wake up and not to leave me." She started crying again, and I couldn't help to do the same.
"Then your heart started to work again, but you didn't wake up. I visited you every day, I wanted to stay with you, but my parents didn't let me. It was the longest four week of my life."
"I'm sorry for putting you through that."
"It's not your fault, San." She gave me a sad smile. "I'm happy that you're fine now."
"Thank you."
"For what?"
"For telling me this." I smiled at her.
"I have to go."
"Please, don't leave."
"I have to, San. I can't stay with you, at least not tonight."
"But, why?"
"I need to think, to clear my head. And so do you. I'm really sorry."
"Don't worry. Just promise me that you'll call me tomorrow."
"I promise." She leans forward to hug me. We hugged for a couple of minutes until she broke it and stood up to leave.
It's been hours since Quinn left. After having dinner with my parents I went to my room and tried to keep my mind busy by watching a movie. That didn't work. I couldn't stop thinking about Quinn. I really miss her, which is kind of crazy since I saw her a couple of hours ago. I try to get some sleep, but I just can't. I miss the safety of Quinn's arms.
I wonder if Quinn's awake. I should text her. I grab my phone from my nightstand. No, I can't. I need to give her some space. I clutch my phone to my chest. Maybe I could text her just a goodnight or something. I open the message thingy and that's when I see I have 86 'sent messages'. I'm really curious to read them. The most recent one is from a couple of week ago, and it says.
Of course I will, my love. I'll see you tomorrow. (: – Q
I love you more than bacon. How much do you love me? – Q
Haha. I know, right? Maybe we should tell them. - Q
After reading those, I can't help to read the rest. I go back and forward between the inbox and sent messages. There's one convo that caught my eye, though.
Hey, beautiful. Happy Anniversary! :D – Q
Hi, gorgeous. You too! I can't believe it's been a year. I love you so very much. – S
I love you too. I have a surprise for you. I'm picking you up in 2 hours. – Q
A surprise? I'm excited. I can't wait, babe. – S
And I can't wait to see you. ;) - Q
We dated for a year. A year! And for what I've read we really loved each other. Oh God, now I get why she didn't want me to read them. But it wouldn't have changed anything. The feelings I have for her are really strong. I dare to say that I love her, but everything is so complicated right now. I'm afraid that she won't believe me if I tell her I love her. She'll probably think that I'm saying that because I found out the truth. What the hell am I supposed to do now?
9 MONTHS AGO
"Babe, are you cheating?"
"I'm not!"
"Quinn." I say accusingly.
"I can't see anything, baby. I swear!"
"Ok, then."
I take her left hand to guide her through the room. We're currently at Quinn's house, more specifically her room. It's our six month anniversary so I decided to decorate her room and stuff. It's cheesy, I know. But I couldn't help it. I bought rose petals and I placed them in a heart shape on her bed, and then I put her gift in the middle of the heart. I also put random notes on her walls with little messages like "You're the fairiest of them all", "You are my sunshine", "Te Amo", among other things.
"Are you ready?" I ask when we reach the middle of her room. "Open them."
I watch her slowly open her eyes and gasp. The expression on her face is priceless.
"Oh my God, Santana." She turns to face me and she hugs me.
"Do you like it?"
"I love it!" She gives me a kiss before she walks to her bed. "Is that for me?" She says pointing at the little box in the middle of the heart.
"Yes, it is. Happy six-monthversary!" I watch her open it, and she turns to look at me wide eyed.
"Are you proposing, Lopez?" She says quirking an eyebrow.
"Not quite yet, but I'll keep that in mind." That earns me a giggle, which means this is going well.
"It's a promise ring." I walk towards her until I'm standing right in front of her. "I love you so much, Quinn. You make me feel safe and protected." Tears are starting to run down Quinn's cheeks, and my trying my best to hold mine. "I honestly don't know what I would do without you. This ring symbolizes my love for you, and my commitment to you. I promise to try my best to be the girlfriend you deserve. So, do you accept this ring, Quinn Fabray?" I grab the tiny silver ring from the box.
"Yes! Of course I do, love. I love you so much." I put the ring on her middle finger of her right hand. And I bring her hand to my lips and kiss it. I finally exhaled a breath I didn't realize I was holding. She hugs me again.
"By the way, it has our initials engraved."
"Really?" She takes it off to see the 'Q&S4e' inscription inside the ring. She puts it back again and smiles at me.
"Now it's my turn to show you how much I love you." She says before pushing me down to her bed and straddling me.
It's already past 2pm and I haven't heard from Quinn. I barely slept last night; I kept tossing and turning in bed. I'm trying to give her space, but it's really hard. I should be revising my notes from school, because I start my classes in a week, but I can't concentrate. Too much stuff is happening right now. The good news is that I won't be the only one attending to those classes. At least I won't be alone there.
"We're going to the mall. Do you want to join us?" My mom pokes her head in my room.
"No, mamá. I have to study." I say sadly, pointing at the notebook in my lap.
"Are you ok, hija?" She enters my room and sits at the foot of my bed.
"Yes. I'm fine." I tried to sound happy, but it doesn't work. She can see right through me.
"Well, that sounded pretty convincing." She giggles. Then she looks at me, trying to read me. "Is it Quinn?" She asks cautiously.
"Yeah." I say with a hint of sadness in my voice.
"Did she tell you?" My eyes widen. I never asked Quinn if my mom knew about me.
"Tell me what?" I say nonchalantly, trying to figure out if she knows something. She narrows her eyes.
"I don't want to say something that I shouldn't. It's not my place." And that's how I found out she knows.
"So, I'm guessing you know I'm gay." I'm not gonna lie, I'm panicking a little bit. What if she hates me for being gay? What if I she kicks me out? I don't have anywhere else to go. I'll end up homeless and brainless. Though, she hasn't kicked me out yet, so she probably is ok with it. I hope she is.
"Yup. I'm your mother, I knew before you even realized it." She grins while I keep staring at her in shock.
"You also know about me and Quinn, don't you?" I say, when I finally snap out of my shock state.
"Yes." She nods her head. "So, she finally told you, huh?"
"Well, I kinda confronted her and I told her to tell me truth, and she did. But then she said that she needed to clear her head and left. I haven't heard from her since then."
"I'm sure she'll call you soon. It's just that this has been hard for her, you know. Just give her some time."
"I will. Thank you, mamá."
"For what?"
"For everything." I can stop the smile that creeps across my face. Hearing her say that is really comforting. She gets up and rounds my bed until she's besides me. Then she leans down and hugs me.
"You're welcome. Te amo." She says and kisses my forehead. I notice the tears starting to pool in her eyes.
"Te amo, mamá." I flash her smile again.
"Ok, I'm leaving before I start crying." She says walking towards the door. "We'll be back later."
"Have fun." I say before she closes the door of my room. My mom's right, Quinn will talk to me when she's ready. I hope she doesn't take too long though. I'd hate to spend my last free days alone.
AN: Thank you so much for keep reading this mess lol. I really appreciate every alert/fave/review, they encourage me to keep writing, even if i'm not that great.
As always i apologize for any mistake.
