Read at your own risk.
ON TO THE STORY!
TOM NOOK PWNS YOU ALL! L337!
Chutton, day…16?
All of Chutton, excluding Pichu, walked back to their camp after a depressing day at tribal council.
Falco sat plopped down on the ground the moment they returned, "I can't believe we're still here after we voted Teal off. And now Pichu's gone as well. This is the worst day ever!"
"Complaining ain't getting us anywhere Falco." Samus said coldly.
"Neither is you talking." Falco shot back.
"Heck-a I don't-a even know who Tom Nook is…" Mario said trying to avert an argument between Falco and Samus.
"Hey! Don't try to avert an argument between me and Falco!" Samus said trying to not avert the argument between her and Falco.
"Why can't we just avert this argument between you and Falco?" Ness asked, still trying to understand why they can't avert the argument between Falco and Samus.
"Yea," Kirby said, "Averting the argument between Falco and you would avert the argument between Falco and yourself, averting any and all arguments that have and would have taken place."
"Hmm..." Falco thought, "So averting the argument between her and me would avert the argument between her and me, which, in closing, would avert any and all arguments that have and would have taken place…" Falco stated, still trying to make sense of how averting the argument between her and him would avert the argument between her and him, which would also avert any and all arguments that have and would have taken place."
"Exactly, averting the argument between her and you would avert the argument between her and you, which, in closing, would avert any and all arguments that have and would have taken place, I think you're catching on now." Kirby said.
"Wow, now that we know that averting the argument between her and me would avert the argument between her and me, which, in closing, would avert any and all arguments that have and would have taken place, I think I will avert this argument by answering Mario's question as to whom Tom Nook is."
But before Falco could explain, Bowser yelled out from the back, "Shut the HELL UP! I'm trying to get some sleep over here!"
The next day at Chutton….
Y. Link and Ness were talking to Mario.
"So you voted for Pichu?" Y. Link asked, gaping.
"Yes-a, but no one told-a me-a. How-a was a stupid plumber like-a me supposed to know?"
"You were crapping all day in the tree toilet, no one wanted to go tell you, it was like a toxic waste dump over there. I saw a butterfly flutter over, then it disintegrated.
"But-a the chocolate Lucky Charms-a, they were so-a delicious…." Mario said in his defense, still daydreaming about them.
"You know what Mario, I don't care how delicious they were, I think it's time you get what you deserve. You've been shunned."
Y. Link and Ness both turn around and give Mario the cold shoulder, also hinting they didn't want any of his drugs or marijuana.
"Mama mia." Mario sulked off to the forest to start sniffing 1-up shrooms.
"Everybody is-a blaming me for-a voting off-a Pichu," Mario confessed to the camera, "I feel like no one likes-a me-a. Do you like me?"
The camera shook left to right.
"It's 'cuz I'm black ain't it?"
At Rocknae…
"Hey Link!" Captain Falcon screamed to Link an inch away.
"Yea Falcon!" Link yelled back another inch.
"Why are we yelling!"
"I don't know!"
"Well anywho, I wanted to ask you something, how does thx, mean thanks. I mean, I was just wondering and I thought it would sound something like theks of even thicks.
Then, a thin white rabbit jumped out of the sand and exclaimed, "Did you say Trix?"
Captain Falcon giggled and said, "Silly rabbit, Trix are for.."
"DON'T EVEN SAY IT! I'm so tired of you selfish little (censors) always getting what you (censor) want. Have you ever thought about what I want, what I need? Living in the wild is hard enough, I mean, I'm a talking rabbit! And to top that off, I'm allergic to everything but Trix cereal. So shut you're (censor) mouths and give me a bowl of those Trix!"
"Silly rabbit, Trix are for kids!" Capt. Falcon said flamboyantly.
"You heartless demon! I don't even have a name for (censor) 's sake!"
"Well that is most certainly not my problem little leprechaun." Falcon said.
"I'm not a leprechaun!"
"That's nice Mr. Huggable honey bee."
"What!"
"Run along now crazy cuckoo bird."
"Goddamit, I get no respect. Everywhere I go it's the same thing. I have no reason to go on with my life. I've made my decision, I'm gonna commit suicide…I hope you two are happy."
The Rabbit walked off into the forest to contemplate his untimely death.
Challenge Time!
This time, Nook stood before the castaways laughing in hysterics. Then sat down on a throne behind him.
"Hello useless smashers, and welcome to my death pit of doom!"
"Who are you?" Zelda questioned.
"He's the guy who sold me that fish suit!" Captain Falcon said gleefully.
"Yes, but that was a ploy, see, with that investment, I was able to raise enough money to overthrow the author and claim this show as my own!"
"So, if I may, where is Tealfrog?"
"Most likely watching MXC on tv! MUFAFAFAFA! Now you will be forced to do my bidding or else!"
"Or else what?" Yoshi dared.
"I'll force you to listen to the Numa Numa song!"
At the sound of the name, the smashers fell to the floor screaming in agony.
"MY EARS! THEY BLEED, THEY BLEED BLOOD!" One screamed.
"Yes, now for this challenge, you will be forced to hunt my dinner. A white rabbit."
"I saw a white rabbit this morning!" Link yelled happily.
"I believe that was a camel, Link." Capt. Falcon said, correcting him.
Link pondered this for a minute, that agreed that he wanted yams.
"You're gonna make us hunt and kill a poor defenseless rabbit?" Zelda gasped.
"Not just that, you'll all be blindfolded, chained together, and have to kill the rabbit with this straw and spitball." Nook started his maniacal laughter once more.
"Why must our fates be so cruel?" Y. Link whimpered.
"Silence fools! Now put you blindfolds on, chain yourself together, and pick up your straws and spitballs. Ready?" Before they had a chance to answer, Tom yelled, "GO!"
So Rocknae got a useless, but early lead putting on their equipment before Chutton. They stumbled their way into the forest and tripped on a few rocks, slowing them down considerably. Not long after, Chutton caught up and were in the forest as well. They were all staggering through the forest not sure how they could even see the rabbit. At an interpass of trees, the teams went different ways. Not long after the split, Chutton found themselves traveling through tangled vines. Then, the white rabbit stepped out from the brush.
"I suppose you're here to kill me then?" It said.
"Who's there?" Ness asked.
"The white rabbit, here to collect his dues…" The rabbit sighed, "Just get this over with quickly."
Chutton hesitated for a minute, then started shooting off spitballs in all different directions.
"No he's over this way loser!" Bowser yelled at his teammates.
"What-a are you talking about-a, I shot something over here-a." Claimed Mario.
"He was obviously over here guys." Ness said ineffectively pointing over by the rabbit.
"Can we take these blindfolds off? I think I'm getting an allergic reaction." Y. Link said, taking his off without waiting for an answer.
"Oh my god…"Y. Link shielded his eyes from the sight in front of him.
"What's up?" Roy asked, taking his blindfold off, "Whoa, diggity, hey…That's messed up in the heezy."
The castaways took off their blindfolds to see a white rabbit, dead, with a spit hole in his head.
"How the hell…?" Kirby inquired.
In an instant, both teams were teleported back to the beach where Tom Nook sat.
"Good work Chutton, you're rabbit hunting was superb. Rocknae, on the other hand, all you came out with in the end was a deer you fell on."
"You couldn't expect us to win! This is impossible!" Fox protested.
"Because you are of the woodland folk, I will let the go for this time. Don't ever talk back to me again." Nook said sternly, "Now for your reward, you get to keep your straws and spitballs!"
Chutton sighed and walked solemnly back to camp as did Rocknae.
Roknae Tribe day 17
Link sat at the confession, "I really felt that it was my fault we lost today. I know I'll be blamed for this, I know it! I'm the one who told the team to go right instead of left, and because of that we lost!"
Link decided to apologize for his failure at the challenge in front of everyone.
"I'm sorry guys, it's my fault we lost."
"Link, it wasn't really your fault…"Pikachu said.
"But I saw the white rabbit this morning, and I could've killed him then."
"Idiot! This IS all your fault!" Fox yelled.
"How-a was he supposed to know-a?" Luigi asked.
"By using his elf foresight into the future!"
"What?"
"You know in the Lord of the Rings?"
"Oh-a yea, when Legolas does-a that thing?"
"Yea!"
"Link-a, this is all your fault!"
"Loser!" Capt. Falcon accused.
"Freaking useless elf," Zelda said while slapping him.
Yoshi decided to chirp in, "Yea you jerk!"
Then everyone gasped.
"Yoshi that was uncalled for! That was really mean!" Zelda said.
"You-a just don't know-a when to stop do you? You-a always go to far, Yoshi." Luigi said,
"Jolly good old chap, now they'll vote you off instead of me. Yes, yes." Dk said, patting Yoshi on the back.
Challenge time!
"Alright my minions, you're next challenge will be to hold these live elephants over your head. Whose ever team fails to hold the elephants longer than the other team will lose. Go!"
"What elep…" Kirby started.
And on tumbled elephants right over each cast away. Every one was instantly crushed under the immense weight of the elephants.
"Hm…..we might need to determine this by a photo finish. It looks like Dk was the last to be crushed….but wait, Bowser seems to have…Yes! Bowser was the last the hold and elephant up!"
The elephant magically floated off the castaways.
"I can't feel my legs!" Link yelled.
"Tough luck, Chutton wins by a thrilling photo finish! Congratulations!"
So when Roknae got back, they had a tough decision. Either stay true to their alliance and vote Yoshi or DK off, or vote one of the stupid ones off. Meaning Capt. Falcon or Link.
The alliance, excluding Link and Capt. Falcon sat at the beach. Pikachu was the first to talk, "We should just vote out the dinosaur, he really doesn't do much for the tribe. Dk at least is strong. We could keep him around for another few days."
"Yea, but Link is so stupid, and so is Capt. Falcon, they've lost so many challenges for us."
"This-a may be tough-a." Luigi said, scratching his chin.
Fox then said, "Yoshi did say Link was a jerk, I really don't like his attitude…"
Tribal Council!
"Welcome everyone, to the new Tribal council!"
The new tribal council consisted of a black leather chair for Tom Nook to sit in. That was all.
"Now, on to something that's been bugging me, you guys like me don't you?"
"No, not really." Fox said truthfully.
"I see…"
Fox then started hearing a song. It started off soft, then grew louder and louder. It was the Numa Numa song.
"My ears!" Fox crumpled to the ground and started convulsing.
"Anyone else hate me?"
They all agreed to love Tom Nook and went on to vote.
After the convulsing Fox got back from voting, Nook talied the votes, and then read them aloud.
"First vote, Captain Falcon. Second vote, Yoshi. Third vote, Yoshi. Fourth vote Yoshi. Fifth vote Captain Falcon. Sixth vote DK. The rest are Yoshi. So Yoshi, you are the weakest Link, goodbye."
"What? This is Survivor. Not Weakest Link, and besides, that show was like cancelled a year ago wasn't it?" Yoshi protested.
"That's nice." Tom Nook said, showing no interest in what Yoshi said.
Nook pulled "The Lever" and shot Yoshi into the horizon.
"Well then, I guess I'll see you guys later, and remember, I'm watching you…"
Then a voice emitted from the shadows.
"Tsk Tsk Nook, did you really think you'd get away with this?"
"Who said that?"
Tealfrog stepped out into the light of the flickering torches. Everyone gasped.
"You!" Tom Nook said, pointing his finger at the author.
"Seeing as though MXC is over, and there is nothing better on, I decided I want my story back."
"Well that's too bad Mr. Frog." Tom whips out a red light saber and lunges at Teal. Teal quickly dodges the attack and pulls out a blue light saber of his own. Teal jumps up in the air and does an impressive backflip, then lands behind Nook. Nook kicks out his leg to trip Teal, but he jumps over it, swinging his light saber. Nook fell back avoiding the attack by mere inches. Both took a step back to regain their breath.
"Huff…huff…You are a formidable…huff…warrior…" Nook said, regaining his posture, "But no match for me in Musou mode!" Nook lights up and charges at Teal in extraordinary speed. Teal, though, holds out his light saber and impales then on coming Nook. Teal then kicked Nook out of his saber, and he fell to the ground.
Tom Nook lay wheezing on the ground, "You can't…do this…I gave you a house to live in…I gave you everything!"
"Including boredom. You're words will not sway me." Teal said assuringly.
"This is...not the end of me….You will be punished…for your actions…"
"This….This is for the rabbit." Teal said before landing the finishing blow upon the heinous creature.
And thus ends a cheezy fight scene and another chapter.
I pity the foo' who reads this!
If you still don't know who Tom Nook is, rent Animal Crossing. You'll soon find out.
R&R!
