Part 7-Blood Burns in You and Me
The sky outside is gray but the sun shining in Madge's chest is bright enough to light the entire district.
She wakes up the morning of her wedding and is afraid to open her eyes, afraid she'll wake up and have dreamed it all. But at the same time, she's desperate to wake up because she's marrying Gale! She blinks open her eyes slowly, takes steadying breaths and looks at her ceiling. The light from the window is pale but Madge gathers her courage and sits up, sees the dress hanging on the closet door.
She smiles, feels her lips stretch across her face and she's so giddy she can barely walk straight. She trips down the stairs, greets Merrie cheerfully and full of more life than she's ever had. Madge eats breakfast but doesn't taste the food, her mind lost in the events to come.
She's getting married today!
Hazelle, Prim and Posy arrive to help her get ready and Madge beams at them all, can't help but give them each a hug. This is like a dream, one she never even had, was never brave enough to have. But here she is, about to marry the love of her life.
(she feels like she's walking on air and she hasn't even seen Gale yet)
Madge heads back upstairs, takes down her dress with loving care, white and sweet and none of them understand her secret smile. She'd found the old thing in the back of her closet and the memory had struck her without warning.
Pretty dress
It was a bit small but she'd altered it, wanted a piece of their past on the day their future began.
Hazelle does her hair and Posy weaves flowers into it when she's done and Madge is breathless when she looks in the mirror.
The girl looking back is beautiful, face bright and alive, her cheeks glowing. She looks happy, impossibly so and Madge hardly recognizes her, can't believe she's looking at herself.
She hopes she can look like this more often.
Madge takes Gale's bracelet, the one he gave her on her eighteenth birthday and fastens it around her wrist. Hazelle smiles at her in the mirror and pulls out a necklace from her bag, offers it to Madge. It's a simple pendant tied on a cord but by the way Hazelle cradles it, Madge knows it means the world.
"I wore this on my wedding day, it was a gift from my mother in law. I'd like you to have it now." Madge feels happy tears burn her eyes, gratefully accepts the gift and a hug from Hazelle. It's another piece of history, one tying her to Hawthornes past and as happy as it makes her, Madge feels her heart squeeze.
She wishes her mother was here, wishes she could share this with her. She loves Hazelle, but she misses her mother, wishes they were both helping her get ready. Her mother and Hazelle should be celebrating together, should get to watch their children get married side by side.
And then Madge thinks of Katniss, misses her, wants her here. She should have her best friend with her on the most important day of her life, should be able to share this with the person she owes so much to. Katniss is so, so important, means so much to her but she isn't here, can't be here.
Madge clutches her bracelet tight between her fingers, takes deep breathes and refuses to let the Capitol darken her day. They may be the reason her mother fell apart, may be why Katniss has to stay away from Gale but they won't have today, she won't let them.
"You look beautiful," Prim whispers, tears swimming in her eyes and Madge blushes, feels the shadows start to lift from her heart.
"Let's get you married," Hazelle says with a warm smile and Madge nods, feels bright like the sun.
Let's
The others go on ahead and Madge walks to the Justice Building with her father.
He smiles at her like she's the whole world, tears brimming and she feels her own eyes grow wet. She takes his arm, starts the walk towards the rest of her life.
"I'm so happy for you, sweetheart," her father murmurs and Madge smiles, squeezes his arm. "I know you'll be happy with Gale and... I'm sorry," his voice dips low and melancholy and Madge furrows her brow, looks up at him in confusion.
"I...your whole life, you've been so much sadder than you should've been. I'm your father, I should've been stronger for you, but it was always the other way around. You were always the one being strong for me." Madge wants to interrupt, wants to tell him how wrong he is but he doesn't let her, keeps talking before she can say anything.
"And now, life in the Seam, it's going to be hard and I should be able to do something but I can't. I'm Mayor, but I can't make this any better, can't even get Gale a better job. I would if I could, and you deserve it, you both do." Madge hates her father's sadness, feels it like a bruise and stop, Daddy, please stop she begs in her head but he doesn't, looks down in shame. "I'm sorry, Madge, sorry you've had to be so strong, sorry I haven't been able to keep you safe from everything the world's thrown at you."
Madge inhales deeply, feels her insides constrict. "Daddy, don't be stupid," she tells him sharply and he looks up in shock. Madge gives him her best smile, tries to help him see that she's okay, that he didn't fail her. "I love you and I've always known you loved me. Life hasn't been easy, it hasn't been perfect but that isn't your fault, it never has been. You did your best and it's always been enough," she insists firmly and he sniffles, hugs her close.
"I love you, my brave, wonderful Madge. You're going to do amazing things and I am so proud, so honoured to be your dad." Madge hugs him back, starts to cry.
"I love you too and I'll come visit all the time. We'll have you over for dinner and I'll stop by your work and we'll see each other often, okay? This isn't goodbye, not even close." He nods and they stand there for a bit longer, safe in each other's arms.
Madge is little again, her Daddy's her hero and nothing in the world could ever touch her, could ever make her cry.
They reach the Justice Building and Madge thinks she might explode from the anticipation.
She takes a deep breath before she allows her father to pull her inside, can hear her veins humming. She's surprised she can keep her feet moving, because her head's a mess, a whirlwind of thoughts crashing against her skull. She's marrying Gale, right now, for real.
Madge sees Hazelle first, beaming and teary eyed. Madge smiles back and her eyes blur with tears and this is ridiculous, because she hasn't even seen Gale yet. Her father kisses her on the forehead and steps to Hazelle's side, the two of them the only witnesses present. Everyone else will be waiting for the toasting, but first Madge and Gale have to get the legal bit out of the way.
And then she sees him.
He's dressed in his very best, scrubbed as clean as he can get, his hair combed and tamed. There's a flower poking out of his chest pocket but Madge hardly notices, eyes magnetized to his face. Gale's smiling, soft and warm and filled with so much love Madge thinks she could get lost in it forever. His eyes are the brightest gray she's ever seen them, all his weariness and wear smoothed away.
Madge never used to believe in love or happily ever after but looking at Gale, feeling her heart beat out his name against her chest, she can't believe in anything else.
They step towards each other and Madge doesn't want to blink, doesn't want to ever look away. He takes her hand and it's like her entire body comes alive, electric sparks fizzing across her skin and bursting in her blood.
"Hi," he whispers, weaving his fingers through hers.
"Hi," she breathes back and even though it's only just begun, Madge knows this will be the best day of her life.
Gale never lets go of her hand, and when she signs her name on the marriage certificate, legally becomes Gale's wife, something pinches in her stomach in shock.
This is the last time she'll ever sign something as Madge Undersee.
You think she'd be a little sad, miss the girl she used to be just a bit but she doesn't. Madge Undersee was often sad, often beaten down by the world and her strength always cost so much.
Madge is ready to start fresh, is ready for a new beginning.
And this one, this one will be incredible.
They arrive, arm in arm, outside their new home and it sends an electric jolt straight down to Madge's toes.
This is their home.
Their families are gathered outside, joined by Gale's friends from work and some of his neighbours, Merrie, Mrs Sparrowsaw and her children.
And then, Madge sees them.
Peeta and Katniss, beaming at her from the edge of the crowd.
Madge feels her jaw drop, feels her eyes go wide and her heart stop. She brings a hand to cover her mouth, keeps the other one firmly in Gale's. She runs to them, drags Gale along with her because she needs this to be real, needs to get to them before they disappear.
She comes to a stop in front of them, afraid one touch will make them vanish but then Katniss hugs her and the whole world bursts into colour.
"What're you...how?" Madge sputters and Katniss laughs a little, pulls back with a smile she so rarely uses.
"We wanted to come," she says simply, like it explains everything and Madge's eyes go perfectly round.
"But Snow!"
"You're married, Gale's married. Snow can't possibly see him as a threat anymore."
Madge feels her heart glow but still, Katniss is risking an awful lot.
"You could be in so much trouble..."
"It's worth it. Being here, this is worth it," Katniss is adamant and Madge fights back tears, engulfs Katniss in a tight hug.
"You're the best wedding present," Madge tells her, mumbles into her shoulder and Katniss laughs a bit, squeezes her back. They pull apart eventually and Madge gives Peeta a hug too, thanks him for coming, because it means the world, it really does.
"Hey Catnip," Gale's voice is quiet, maybe a little strained and Madge turns from Peeta to look at them and they're just staring at each other but it's been so long, too long.
"Hi," Katniss answers, looks so lost and unsure and it hurts because they used to be so close and now they're miles apart.
"I...I'm glad you're here," Gale finally gets out and Katniss nods, blinks furiously.
"I wouldn't miss it," she affirms and hug each other dammit! Madge wants to scream. And maybe they can read her mind, or maybe they're just so glad to have their oldest friend back, but they do hug, cling to each other and Madge feels like everything's going to be okay.
Almost everyone she loves is here and it feels like a miracle.
Gale's not one for public declarations, not one for spilling his feelings to a room full of people, but staring in his eyes before the fire, Madge can't even see anyone else. There's just her and Gale, just them, getting married, promising to spend every day of the rest of their lives together.
"I love you," he swears as he feeds her a little square of toasted bread. "I'll love you forever and nothing's ever going to change that. There's no one else for me, never was, never will be. I'm yours," he tells her sincerely, "for the rest of my life." Madge starts to cry but she doesn't care, carefully brings her bread to his lips.
"I feel so lucky, so blessed to be able to love you, to be with you. I never thought I could be this happy, but every day, you show me that I can be even happier. You make me believe that anything's possible, that I can do anything and...you're the love of my life."
She can't go on after that, too choked with tears but it doesn't matter, because Gale cradles her face like it's made of glass, brings her lips to his. His kiss sends something hot crashing through her blood and it's love, she thinks, love on fire and it burns through her veins, sets her ablaze.
This, right here, is happily ever after.
The celebration that follows is the best Madge has ever attended.
She dances with everyone, strangers and friends alike but always finds her way back to Gale, back to her husband.
The food is delicious, Peeta having outdone himself and Madge feels liquid heat flowing through her body as she watches Gale across the room, laughing at something Thom's said. He's so handsome, so perfect and he's hers, forever and then Posy's there, demanding a dance and Madge is twirling her around and around. Peeta takes Madge's hand, leads her in a complicated Capitol dance that has the two of them laughing so hard they nearly collapse and she even gets Rory to dance, the beginnings of a tentative smile on his lips.
Katniss hovers off to the side, not much for the rambunctious crowd but Prim and Madge coax her out, get her to spin with them to a whirling fiddle tune. They get so dizzy they have to hold tight to each other to keep from falling over and then her father's there, twirling her about like he used to when she was young, when she stood on his feet and her mother was well enough to play the piano and Madge relishes in it, can almost imagine her mother's there with them.
Peeta brings out the cake, beautiful and looking so lovely Madge feels bad cutting into it but Gale doesn't seem to have that problem, drags her over with exuberance. They feed each other bits and she smudges it up his cheek, causes everyone to laugh as he pulls her close, kisses the frosting off her lips. She clutches his shirt, feels her heart glow and this the one day she would live in forever if she could.
The sun only stays up so long, but in this moment, dusk couldn't be farther off.
Everyone is gone and Madge and Gale sway to a song only they can hear.
"Is it wrong I kind of couldn't wait for everyone to leave?" He asks, presses his forehead to hers. She laughs, gives a small shake of her head.
"No, but it was nice, getting to share this with everyone."
"Yeah, it was," he agrees, tracing patterns on her back.
"And Katniss," she murmurs and that still feels too good to be true, like she must have imagined the whole thing.
"I still can't believe she was here, I thought I'd never see her again. At least not up close," he says and he sounds just as disbelieving as Madge feels. She pulls him a bit closer, can't help the happy feeling that rises at the thought of the two of them finally being reunited. She doesn't know how to express that, how to put in words how happy she is but she hopes the feelings bleed into him through her body, hopes he can feel it through his skin.
"Madge," Gale says suddenly, sounding serious and she looks up in confusion, meets his eyes.
"There's something I should've told you a long time ago," he begins, looks straight into her heart. "I want you to know that you're not my second choice, that you're not my 'I couldn't have Katniss, so I'll settle for someone else'. I love you, more that anyone and I need you to know that you're my first choice, my only choice. Katniss, she's my best friend, always will be, but me and her, we couldn't have been happy together. But you, the only way you could ever make me unhappy is if I didn't have you."
Madge beams and reaches up to cup his cheek, rubs her thumb across his skin. "I know, I've known that for a long time. You're too good a man for anything else." Gale closes his eyes, inhales deeply.
"You're the world to me Madge Hawthorne and you're the only one I'll ever want," he murmurs against her skin and Madge smiles, tightens her hold on him.
"Madge Hawthorne," she repeats.
It tastes a little like sunshine.
Madge runs her fingers over the scars on Gale's back and his kisses reach deep enough to touch the ones on her heart. But they don't feel like scars anymore, feel like seams about to burst with love and happiness and something she can't explain.
Madge doesn't think much that night, doesn't reflect or ponder on the past or the future or what she's been told about wedding nights and visits to the slag heap.
None of that matters, nothing else in the universe matters, nothing at all but Gale and the way he touches her, the way he kisses her, the way he says her name.
There's nothing but her and Gale, together, and when he makes her world explode like a supernova, she only thinks one thing, but it's the only thing that matters.
I love you
Madge wakes up cocooned in the warmth of Gale's arms.
Their legs are tangled together and she tickles the bare skin of his stomach until he wakes up, snorts into her hair.
"Hey," he grumbles sleepily and she bites her lip to keep her smile at bay. He tries to go back to sleep, a comical kind of frown on his face and Madge can't help but steal a kiss.
"You're a menace," Gale mumbles and Madge grins, rolls him over onto his back and lies on top of him.
"But I'm your menace," she points out and Gale's arms tighten around her.
"You bet you are."
If this is how all her mornings start from here on out, Madge thinks that'd be okay.
Actually, it'd be more than okay.
Much more.
It's her very first afternoon as a married woman and Madge stands in her new bedroom sorting through all the things she's brought with her from life as the Mayor's daughter. She's just managed to separate everything into three distinct piles when Gale comes up behind her, wraps his arms around her waist.
"What's all this?" He asks, pointing with his chin and Madge smiles, leans back against him.
"All my stuff from my Dad's house. I've been trying to sort it and I think I've finally managed."
Gale rests his chin on her shoulder, "Really?"
She nods, rests her arms on his. "Yep. The first one's stuff that I'll be using, you know clothes and dishes, things like that. The second is things we don't really need now, but might one day. Like...clothes for a baby..." she trails off, feels her voice rise and Gale squeezes her middle. She feels tingly all over, the idea of starting a family with Gale making her giddy, but she pushes it down, tries to finish what she was saying. "And the third, we can put away somewhere for emergencies. You know, if the mines close again or one of us gets sick or we're ever in desperate need of money, we can sell or trade some of it. Give ourselves a bit of a cushion to fall back on."
"Looks like you've thought of everything," he comments and Madge bites her lip, turns in his arms so they're facing each other.
"I have some news actually," she begins and he quirks an eyebrow in question. "I've been waiting for the right time to tell you." He's definitely curious now and Madge smiles.
"You know I can't work at the seamstress forever, I'm just filing in until their daughter's finished school," Gale nods and Madge carries on, "so I've been thinking about what I'd do next. Well, I was tutoring Posy and we were having such a great time, that it just came to me. Teaching! I could be a teacher! So, I stopped by the school, and you know how old Mrs Darrow is, so I applied and they said I could have her position when she retires! Apparently, my qualifications are excellent, which probably just means that being the mayor's daughter makes me seem really highbrow, but either way, I'm going to be a teacher!" Gale doesn't answer right away and Madge starts to get nervous, which makes her babble.
"I mean, not, you know, now, but soon, probably, because Mrs Darrow's planning on retiring in the next few years, so you know-" Gale cuts her off, lifts her right off the ground in a hug.
"That's amazing! You're gonna be great," he insists and she flushes in pleasure.
"My hours will be more regular than they are now, plus it'll be better pay, which definitely can't hurt." Gale sets her down and smiles.
"You really do have everything figured out. I knew I married you for a reason." Madge laughs and leans up for a kiss.
"Alright, maybe two reasons."
They fall into bed that night, Madge staring up at the ceiling.
"So, day one as a married couple, what do you think?" Gale asks, trailing his hand down her arm and Madge lets out a happy sigh.
"I love it," she affirms and rolls over to face him. He leans in close, so close she could count his eyelashes and smiles.
"Me too."
Madge wakes up early the next day, carefully extricates herself from Gale's embrace.
She creeps to the kitchen and starts making breakfast, is mostly done when Gale stumbles from their room, muffling a yawn.
"What're you doing up?" he mumbles, moving towards her, "You don't start work for hours." She nods and his arms come around her almost unconsciously.
"I wanted to see you before you left. You're gone most of the day, so every moment counts." Gale frowns, kisses the side of her head.
"You could've at least let me make breakfast. Not only are you getting up hours early just for me, but you're cooking too. Way to make me feel bad." She snorts, presses her lips against his cheek.
"You can cook tomorrow." He nods, shuffles to the cupboard to get plates.
They're too tired to do much talking, eat mostly in silence but Gale makes certain he's the one to gather up their dishes and rinse them in the sink when they've finished. Madge shakes her head fondly and Gale heads to their room to get dressed.
They kiss goodbye in the doorway and he whispers thank you against her mouth. She smiles and waves as he leaves, watches him until he's out of sight.
That's her husband.
She's never going to get tired of saying that.
Never ever.
Settling into married life is easier than Madge ever would've guessed, feels perfectly natural and right.
They have their family over for dinner and it's really their family, singular and that means more to Madge then she could ever say.
She tells them about her plans to be a teacher and her father beams, tells her how proud he is while Posy insists that she has to be her teacher, she just has to. Hazelle is sure she'll be brilliant at it and Rory nods in agreement, makes Madge feel fluttery and glad.
Gale squeezes her fingers under the table, knocks her knee with his and Madge smiles.
There's a few faces missing, people that should be here, family they shouldn't have lost but still, this is more than Madge ever dreamed of having.
(That doesn't quite make it okay, but it makes it bearable)
Life is good and that can never last.
The Seventy Ninth Games draw near and a shadow stretches across the Hawthornes. Vick rises from the dead, takes their hands and holds on tight.
Posy is quieter, Hazelle wearier, Rory withdrawn.
Gale clings to Madge at night, his muscles tense and she runs fingers over his clenched jaw, can't smooth away the scars bearing Vick's name.
"I love you," she murmurs and it's the only balm she can offer but Gale takes it, clutches it like a lifeline. He's floundering, keeps dipping below the waves and he isn't the only one, they all are.
All except Madge.
She sees Vick's eyes watching her from the mirror, sees his reflection hiding beside hers but it hardly fazes her, she's used to living in a haunted house, grew up with Maysilee's spectre in her walls.
Her mother watches from the window panes, her face hazy in the glass and Madge walks past without looking, doesn't linger with phantoms like the Hawthornes.
Madge doesn't know if it's a strength or a weakness, this familiarity with death but she does her best to pull everyone else up for air, but it gets harder every day and soon, Madge thinks, soon all they'll have left is the spirits of the dead.
"I'm going to try and find out more about the rebellion, see how things are going," Katniss whispers over tea and Madge nods. Katniss looks a little frantic, heavy bags beneath her eyes and Madge is sure the nightmares that plague her are worse this time of year.
She can't help but wonder if Katniss keeps focusing on the rebellion, of how she'll spend her time in the Capitol learning all about it because she can't face what she'll really be doing there.
(She's been so much worse since Vick, still hasn't let go of her guilt.
The Hawthornes aren't the only haunted ones)
Madge wakes up the day of the Reaping, feels something heavy and cold settle in her stomach.
One year ago today...
Don't think about it, she scolds herself but she can't help it, Vick's sweet face swimming before her eyes. She burrows deeper into the warmth of Gale's chest, tries to banish the aching pain creeping through her body.
She wants to stay here forever, stay safe in the sanctity of Gale's arms, because nothing can touch her here, nothing can harm her.
(It's a lie, but it's lie she'll believe until the end
she has to)
Her breakfast tastes like ashes and Gale's eyes are storm clouds ready to explode.
This really is the nightmare that never ends.
The walk to the square is quiet.
Gale and Madge link their hands together, meet up with the Hawthornes and the air is somber, none of them speaking a word.
Vick follows behind them, lies like cobwebs on their hearts and really, what is there to say?
(No more no more)
Not Prim, not Prim
Madge thinks, repeats in her head and she can tell Katniss is thinking the same thing, her fingers crossed in her lap.
"Peony Paddyfield," Effie Trinket calls out in a bubbly voice, Gale stiffens and Madge feels her heart bend, snap.
It isn't Prim
When Rory steps out after his goodbye, Prim is quick to wrap him in a hug. He buries his face in her shoulder, holds her so tight it's like he's afraid she'll disappear, as if he's afraid the Capitol will swoop in and take her away too.
This isn't fair. It just isn't fair.
There are tears in Madge's eyes and she tightens her grip on Gale's hand.
Will there ever come a day when they won't have to watch their loved ones be shipped off to the Capitol to die?
(No)
They reach the Everdeens' to watch the recaps and Rory slips outside.
Madge is the first to notice and follows after him, finds him standing stiff by the side of the house.
"Rory?" she questions softly and he doesn't turn, breathes a little erratically.
"It's my fault," he whispers and Madge is confused.
"If Peony dies, it'll be my fault," he continues, voice a little frantic.
"Rory that's not true," Madge insists but he shakes his head violently.
"I should've volunteered, gone in with her, tried to keep her safe. I was going to, I was but then I thought of Vick and Ma and Posy and I couldn't. I hesitated and then it was too late and now if she dies, it'll be because of me." Rory's eyes are a little wild and Madge feels like he's reached inside her and plucked out her heart, is pressing it flat between his hands.
"Rory, that's not true, not at all," Madge tells him, voice firm and he looks like he wants to disagree but she doesn't let him. She wraps him in her arms, pulls him tight against her.
"I know you feel awful, I know you want to save her but Rory, your family needs you, couldn't bear it if they lost you too." He shudders in her arms and she doesn't let go, keeps him close.
"She said she loved me, the very last thing she ever said and I don't understand. She should hate me," he almost sobs into her shoulder and Madge has to force her own tears down.
"No Rory, she's your best friend, she could never hate you for being safe. She's probably happy knowing that you'll be okay, that you didn't volunteer. I know how hard this is, but Rory, no one, no one, thinks poorly of you for staying behind. We're grateful, all of us and I'm sure Peony is too. Just have faith in her, that she'll come home."
His fingers dig into her arms so hard it hurts but Madge doesn't complain, lets him cry. It breaks her to watch him fall apart but she keeps strong for him, holds him through the pain.
Have faith
It's the only choice they have left.
They step back inside, Rory's eyes red.
Everyone's gazes follow them and Madge can feel it like needles prickling her skin. Rory doesn't seem to notice, curls up on the floor by the couch, pulls his knees to his chest. Posy crawls up beside him, squeezes under one of his arms and Prim sits on his other side, leans her head on his shoulder. Rory's lips tremble but he doesn't speak and Madge tries her very best not to cry.
Gale wraps his arms around her waist, pulls her down into his lap. She relaxes against him, breathes him in and tries to steel herself for what's to come.
It doesn't work.
Madge lets the safety of Gale's arms fill her with life.
The Games are tearing their family apart and she keeps him near, tries to weather this storm together.
There is hatred bubbling beneath his skin, so hot she can feel it and Madge knows that if rebellion ever does come to Panem, Gale will be the first in line, the first of Twelve to strike his match on the Capitol's walls.
It terrifies her, because rebellion always costs but at the same time, Madge knows she'll be right beside him, lighting her very own match.
They'll burn down the Capitol together.
Gale tries to be there for Rory because he understands this, had to watch Katniss in the Games just as Rory has to watch Peony. But Rory doesn't want empathy, sympathy, understanding. He wants something none of them can give him, wants the guarantee that his story will have the same happy(ish) ending as Gale's, because Katniss came home.
Gale tries to reach him, tries to help but it's always the same.
Will Peony come home?
It's the one question no one can answer, and it's the only one Rory really cares about.
Rory wilts and withers as they watch and Madge's heart goes right along with him.
Two years in a row he has to watch someone he loves participate in the Games.
Two years in a row he feels guilty that he didn't volunteer to keep them safe.
Will it ever end?
Madge hugs him tight, tries to help but her hugs are hollow, her promises empty. She can't do anything and he knows it, she knows it, they all know it.
None of them can do anything.
(Except, except that's not quite true. There are people in the Capitol, people who can do something and one day, they will)
Peony is hung from a tree, finishes twelfth.
She dangles there, claws at the rope around her neck and the image is burned into Madge's brain, the horror seared across her retinas.
You don't forget moments like these (you can't).
And Rory, well, Rory wishes he were numb, wishes he couldn't feel a thing.
But oh, he can.
Rory vomits, stumbles to his feet but can barely stand and Prim tries to keep him steady but dead brothers and best friends weigh him down like heavy stones.
Gale grabs him under the arms, hoists him up and helps him to the bathroom. Hazelle hurries after them and Madge strokes Posy's hair, tries to soothe her sobbing.
She imagines being in Rory's position, tries to imagine his back to back losses and ice digs into her bones, stabs at her lungs.
She thinks of the Paddyfields, having lost both their children to the Hunger Games and bile crawls its way up her throat, her stomach clenching painfully.
The Capitol is cruelty, Snow is a devil in white and Madge wants them to pay.
She wants them to pay in blood.
"I hate them," Madge hisses into the gloom and Gale tightens his grip on her.
He doesn't offer any words of his own, but he doesn't need to.
Gale's hatred is carved into his skin, painted across his face. He wears it like battle armour, ready for the war he can't wait to wage.
Gale exhales loathing and Madge drinks it in, lets it engulf her. Rebellion sizzles beneath her skin, burns in her blood.
The end is near, Madge can feel it.
(But whose end?
The Capitol's?
Or theirs?)
Peony's body is sent home, wrapped up in a pine box and it's too familiar, much too familiar.
Rory's eyes are dark and lonely, seeing ghosts in every shadow. Posy holds his hand, but his fingers are limp and Prim comes up on his other side, tries to give him strength.
Gale and Madge hold each other near and Hazelle stands with the shattered Paddyfields, tries to keep their broken bits together.
Vick hovers at the corner of Madge's vision, looks at them with sad, sad eyes.
This can't go on, it can't.
Rory is an empty shell, a hollowed out husk and everyone tries to fill him up, tries to fill him in with the Rory they once knew.
Madge isn't sure that Rory still exists.
Katniss arrives at her door, nervous and twitchy.
Madge lets her in, looks cautiously up and down the street. No one's there and she retreats inside, finds Katniss pacing, filled up to the brim with energy.
"I have news, from the Capitol," she whispers, so quiet Madge almost believes she imagined it.
"They're recruiting victors, trying to get them to use their influence to stir things up in the districts. They've got other plans too, ones they won't tell me about. How to start the rebellion, how to fight it. It's coming, I'm not sure when but it shouldn't be too far off, the next few years at the longest."
Katniss' face is blazing and Madge feels that fire reflected in her chest.
Soon, soon
Madge can't wait.
Madge meets Gale after his shift, takes his hand firmly between hers and he can tell by the look in her eyes that she has something to tell, something important.
"What is it?" he asks once they've reached the safety of their home and Madge takes a deep breath, exhales every detail Katniss told her. He is silent as he listens, drinks it all in, devours every last scrap of information. She tells him about half formed plans and secret recruitment and rough dates and his eyes scream at her, filled to the brim with a violent sort of excitement that worries her down to her core.
She tries to soothe herself, after all, she's excited too, wants this to come to pass, but his fire's a little darker than hers, his enthusiasm a little reckless.
"This is it, it's finally coming," he murmurs into her hair as he holds her close and she presses her cheek against his chest. She can feel his heart pounding erratically, wild and near bursting.
Madge isn't afraid of rebellion, of revolution or change, no, she wants that, needs it.
Madge is afraid of losing Gale.
(and not just losing him to death.
no, she's afraid that the Gale that comes out the other side, may not be the Gale that went in)
The Victory Tour comes and brings heartbreak with it.
The Paddyfields, childless, stand next to Ven Caverness' family, District Twelve's latest fallen son. The Hawthornes gather around Rory, keep him sheltered between them and Katniss sits on stage, face pale and stony.
Velvet Guillory of District One makes an impassioned speech about her victory and Rory clenches his jaw. Madge finds the warmth of Gale's fingers, keeps them locked tight with hers.
She's so tired of losing.
(and that's all anyone does in Panem.
loses)
Madge walks through town on her way home from work, can't wait to relax with Gale when someone comes up behind her, calling her name.
She stops, turns and it's Mr Naysmith, principle of the school, puffing along with a sweaty face. He stops just in front of her, mops at his brow.
"Thank goodness I've caught you. Mrs Darrow's fallen a bit ill and in light of that, she's decided to retire sooner rather than later. You're still interested in her position, aren't you?"
Madge nods hurriedly, "Oh yes, definitely."
"Excellent, just excellent. How soon can you start?"
"As soon as I've told the seamstress," she answers, feels a wave of excitement roll over her.
"Right, well, Mrs Darrow's more than happy to leave you all her things, she won't be needing them. I can give you a full run down of what we'll be needing you to do whenever you're free."
"Of course, I'll be in as soon as I can! Thank you so much, Mr Naysmith," she says sincerely, hopes he can tell how grateful she is.
He nods, "My pleasure Ms Undersee," and Madge frowns a bit, feels something small and niggling wiggle its way into her head.
"Mrs Hawthorne," she corrects and he swallows, looks slightly uncomfortable.
"Yes...of course," he clears his throat awkwardly, "Come see me at the school when you can," and then he hurries off, leaves Madge feeling a bit colder than before.
She tells Gale over dinner about how she'll be starting the teaching job soon and he beams, squeezes her hand tight.
She smiles too, doesn't mention Mr Naysmith calling her 'Ms Undersee', doesn't bring up how uncomfortable her marriage clearly made him.
She'd almost forgotten about the hostility between the town and the seam, after all, there were much bigger things to worry about.
But it's there, a constant reminder that Madge is out of place, just like always.
She's so nervous on her first day that she thinks she might be sick.
Her stomach tosses, turns and she can't even look at her breakfast. Gale notices, but how could he not and comes around to her side of the table, pulls her to her feet.
"You don't have to be so worried, you're going to be great." His voice is firm and Madge tries to nod, but still, how could she have possibly thought this was a good idea?
"You're an amazing tutor, you're fantastic with kids and Mr Naysmith wouldn't have wanted you unless he knew you'd do well. Trust me, you're going to do fine." She nods again, puts her faith in Gale and in herself, because he's right, of course he is.
"Thanks," she offers, feels kind of silly and Gale grins, leans down for a kiss.
"No problem."
She can do this.
She definitely can't do this.
She's got about five minutes until class starts and she really thinks she's going to vomit. She isn't ready, not at all and this is going to go awfully, she just knows it.
The bell rings and Madge jumps, tries to compose herself as students come pouring in and take their seats. She forces a smile, hides her trembling hands behind her back.
"Good morning everyone. I'm Mrs Hawthorne, I'll be your teacher from now on." She manages to keep her voice from shaking, hopes children aren't like animals and can smell fear.
"Good morning, Mrs Hawthorne," they all chorus and Madge takes a look at them, sees bright eyes and sweet faces and maybe, just maybe, this won't be awful after all.
Maybe.
"I think it went well," she tells Gale that night, wrapped in his arms in bed.
"Told you," he says smugly and she rolls her eyes, pinches his side.
"But really," he says, "I never had a doubt." She smiles, feels herself blush and snuggles closer.
"Spending the whole day with a room full of kids, it really made me think about us, you know, having a family," she murmurs into his chest.
"Yeah?"
She nods. "It's not that I want a baby right now, but one day, definitely. More than one, I think. Being an only child was always so lonely."
"You'll be a great mom," he tells her, presses a kiss against her hair.
"And I know you'll be a wonderful dad."
"Well, in that case, how about a bit of practice?" Gale asks with a grin and Madge laughs, catches him in a kiss.
We'll be amazing together, she thinks.
Madge can't wait.
Things have being going well and of course, life can't stay that way, not in Panem.
It's almost time for the eightieth games, almost time for Rory's very last reaping and he doesn't seemed fazed, but then, he's lived in a state of apathy since Peony, hasn't reacted to anything at all. His voice is flat, eyes hard and he isn't Rory, not anymore.
Posy tries to bring him back to life, but even her sweetness and light isn't enough, can't make him shed the walls he's built up tall. Gale tries to talk to him, but Rory hardly listens, locks himself up tight and Gale gives up in frustration, desperate but helpless.
It's Prim's last reaping too and she keeps a brave face, but Madge can see the worry in her eyes. She's nervous for herself, scared for her family, concerned for Rory. Madge sees them at school, sees the way Prim tries to reach him and she can only hope she succeeds, hopes Prim can find the chink in Rory's armour.
Hazelle hopes so too and every time Madge sees her, she's more and more tired, worn down by the world and watching her hold herself together nearly pulls Madge apart.
She tries to visit Katniss but she's frantic, convinced Snow will reap Prim to punish her, not that Madge knows what exactly Katniss thinks she should be punished for.
Madge watches them all and one thing's perfectly clear.
Her family's falling to pieces.
"I don't know what to do!" Gale growls angrily, slams his mug down on the table and Madge nods, wishes she had some sort of solution.
But she doesn't.
No one does.
The sun's bright on Reaping Day and Madge sighs.
She's twenty two years old and feels almost a hundred, feels brittle and frail. It's been too many years of this, far too many and Madge doesn't know how much more she can take.
She needs Katniss' rebellion to happen, needs it soon, needs it now.
(Not yet, but soon.
So very, very soon)
There's nothing remarkable about District 12's tributes in the 80th Games except that they're both from town.
It's a rarity and the townsfolk are nervous and terrified, feel the tiny blanket of security they had tied around themselves fall away.
It never happens, not two kids from town , the odds...
The odds aren't in anyone's favor.
(it's a lesson the town's always been a bit slow at learning)
Merylla Inchcape and Hammil Hayes both die quick, gruesome deaths, completely useless in the rocky terrain the Capitol drops them in. Madge closes her eyes, feels Vick rest a hand on her shoulder. Her blood chills at his touch and she can't block out Merylla's dying shriek or Hammil's final plea.
She tries to take heart in the fact that one day, one day soon, this will all be over, no one will ever have to die like this again.
It's not quite enough, but it's something.
Prim and Rory are both safe and that's a blessing, it really is.
And they need every blessing they can get, especially now.
(but they'll need even more in the years to come)
On the very last day of the Games, right before Katniss is due to come home, she makes an announcement that changes everything.
She and Peeta are doing a last interview with Caesar before they leave, chatting easily with him and allowing the Capitol to catch up with their favourite lovers. Peeta's just finished telling a joke that makes Caesar and the audience chuckle when Katniss speaks and everyone's a little surprised, because Katniss rarely says anything, usually leaves the talking to Peeta.
"Actually, Peeta and I have something very exciting to tell you Caesar," she says and Madge can't read her, can't tell if this is real or not and that means so much, means Katniss has finally perfected her act. Caesar leans forward, curiosity piqued.
"Oh, really? And what would that be? I'm sure everyone would love to know," and the audience roars in agreement. Katniss smiles, squeezes Peeta's hand.
"I'm pregnant," she announces and everything else in drowned out in an explosion of noise.
Madge doesn't know why, but something about this tastes sour on her tongue.
Katniss comes home but doesn't want to talk about the baby, would much rather talk about the rebellion.
"Their plan's all ready, they just need a symbol, something or someone to unite the districts, band them together. Then they can put their plan into action, start the revolution."
Madge nods along with Katniss' words, respects that she doesn't want to talk about her pregnancy but still, she can't help but be worried. She knows Katniss never wanted children, knows Snow has awful things planned for any children Katniss does have. She can't imagine how Katniss must feel, wishes she'd open up about it but she's Katniss and Katniss has always been guarded, always kept everything close to her chest.
So instead, Madge prays they find their symbol soon, prays rebellion will begin before Katniss gives birth.
Maybe, maybe if they're lucky, someone in the next games will be the uniting factor they need, the person to get a revolution brewing.
She has no idea.
"I'm worried about Katniss," Gale mentions over dinner Sunday night and Madge breathes in, sets her utensils down.
"When we were hunting today, there was something...off about her. It's not just that she acts like she wants to ignore everything to do with her pregnancy or that she's been more obsessed than usual with the idea of rebellion, but it's like she's hiding something, something...I don't know, something that's making her crazy." Madge nods because she's noticed too, of course she has. There's something dark hiding in Katniss' eyes, something that scares her.
"I think...Katniss has a lot of secrets she can't tell us, can't tell anyone. I think she's under a lot of pressure and dealing with that...it isn't easy."
"Do you think she'll be okay?" Gale asks and Madge almost laughs.
She's not sure any of them will be okay.
(Katniss is playing a dangerous game
But then, she always is)
There's a show on Capitol TV, one where people can call in and suggest names for the unborn Mellark and at the very end, when her due date's close, they'll be a vote for what Peeta and Katniss' child should be called.
It's like when they used to vote on her wedding dress except worse, so much worse.
This is their baby, except no, it isn't.
It's the Capitol's baby.
Just like everything else in Katniss and Peeta's life.
Katniss stops going out, locks herself inside and doesn't want to see anyone.
Madge goes to visit and Peeta hesitates to let her in, which worries her worse than Katniss' odd behaviour. He finally relents and she finds Katniss inside, buried in thick clothes and under piles of blankets.
There's no talk of children or pregnancy and the conversation is stilted, awkward. Katniss claims she's tired, needs to rest and Madge believes it, sees the dark purple hanging under her eyes.
The Capitol's doing this to her, eating away at her and it makes Madge furious.
But then, so does everything else they do.
"You're the best teacher ever," seven year old Jad Foxwaith says, gives Madge a bouquet of wild flowers and she's caught off guard, feels her face heat up.
"Oh! Thank you, Jad, really," she tells him and he beams, hurries off to join his waiting friends.
Madge watches him go, feels something in her chest tug. He lives in the Seam, probably goes to bed hungry. He'll most likely take out tesserae, up his chances of being reaped. And if he survives it'll be off to the mines, off to a lifetime of risk and disease.
Being a teacher, it wasn't meant to hurt this much.
Katniss loses the baby.
Madge visits as soon as she hears, runs straight to Victor's Village without looking back. Katniss lies in bed, refuses to talk about it and Madge doesn't push, offers silent comfort instead. She keeps an eye on her, wants to make sure she'll be okay but Katniss doesn't seem that broken up about it, not nearly as much as Madge thinks she herself would be.
Madge wonders if it's because Katniss never wanted a baby in the first place or maybe because this baby was the Capitol's more than it ever would've been Katniss'. It makes sense, is entirely plausible but there's a tiny part of her, an itty bit buried somewhere deep down that wonders if there was ever really a baby to begin with.
Madge can't help but wonder if the whole thing wasn't a clever lie Katniss cooked up, a cunning deception to give the Capitol exactly what they wanted while still keeping Katniss baby free.
After all, Katniss faked a romance for the Capitol, why not a baby?
In the end, Madge doesn't ask.
Some secrets are better left secret.
The Victory Tour arrives but people in the Capitol are far more interested in Katniss' miscarriage then they are Harvey Zitnik's victory.
Katniss doesn't say much in the interviews, lets Peeta handle the talking. She's very pale, holds his hand tightly, looks tired and frail. He's as eloquent as always, expressing the perfect mix of heartbreak and disappointment, all while showing courage for the future.
"We still want a family some day and when we've healed from this, we're going to try again."
The Capitol's always been an elaborate web of lies and Madge can't help but wonder if Peeta's spinning a few more.
Posy comes over for tutoring but can't concentrate, the looming threat of her first reaping hanging heavy over both their heads.
Madge wants to say something comforting, but she can't, can't even comfort herself.
Rory's finally safe but now Posy isn't and that isn't right, not at all.
Please, please, let us find our symbol, please
(The Eighty-First Hunger Games are coming and nothing will ever be the same
nothing)
