Dear Newt,
I suppose you've heard all about the Billywig from Theseus, who would have received the official MACUSA report. We tried to keep it under wraps, but when the ostrich floated across Central Park at sunrise, MACUSA stepped in and I was forced to come clean. I didn't mention you, though they surely suspect. Still, they can't prove anything. MACUSA have arranged the Billywig to be transported back to Australia, and are setting in place a series of recommendations regarding stricter border security at customs.
I'd tell you the details of what happened, but Queenie and Jacob are sitting together in the kitchen now, writing you a blow-by-blow, so I'll let them tell the tale. Before you read their story, though, know that I am perfectly fine. Queenie's Dittany healed me a trice and the Blood-Replenishing Potion had me back to normal after a good sleep. Not that that stopped her fussing like a mother hen. I've been injured as an Auror before, but I think actually being there with me freaked her out a bit.
Still, I'm not too worried about Queenie, not now she's got Jacob taking care of her. MACUSA doesn't know he's gotten his memories back yet so we're all being really careful. Queenie's taking a huge risk; I'm not sure how I feel about it yet. But Newt, you've no idea how wonderful it is to see her smiling and cooking and singing again.
Anyway, rest assured the Billywig situation has been taken care of. I wish you could have been there, Newt. Tell me, how is it all going with your manuscript? You're very much missed here in New York - do try to visit soon.
Yours,
Tina
...
Meanwhile, in the kitchen, Queenie was trying to coax Jacob back to the table.
'It's nothing scary, honey, I promise,' she beseeched him. The green quill and notepad hovered beside her left ear and dipped its feather, as if nodding. 'It's just a Quick-Quotes Quill, Jacob. It'll make it easier for us to write to Newt.'
Still eyeing the quill suspiciously, Jacob carefully returned to his seat at the kitchen table.
'Now then,' said Queenie. 'Once I tell it to start, we just say what we want to say, and the quill writes it down. Simple, right?'
Jacob nodded. He seemed afraid to speak, in case he said the wrong thing and the quill sprang into action and leapt out the window or something.
Satisfied, Queenie waved her wand and the quill jerked upright, nib at the ready about half an inch from the surface of the notepad.
'Dear Newt,' Queenie began. 'I'm writing this letter with Jacob. We're using a Quick Quotes Quill. We're going to tell you exactly what happened with the Billywig because Teen's definitely ain't gonna go into the details.'
Queenie gave Jacob a pointed look. Jacob, who had been staring at the quill with his mouth open like a codfish, suddenly realised he was supposed to say something. 'Uh, hi, Newt. Hope you're doing okay over there, buddy. I remember everything, by the way, you know. Hey, Queenie, is it meant to be doing that?'
The quill had been writing so viciously that it was tearing bits of parchment from the surface and sending fibres flying in all directions. Queenie flicked her wand again and it calmed down, and carefully scribbled 'Hey, Queenie is it meant to be doing that?'
'Scratch that last,' said Queenie, and the quill erased Jacob's last sentence.
'Anyway,' Queenie continued. 'The Billywig story. So Teenie found out from your brother about the Billywig and didn't want to draw too much attention so we all snuck out in the middle of the night. It was Jacob's idea to try the ostriches, perfectly brilliant, and he led us straight to the ostrich enclosure without any difficulty.'
Queenie grinned as she watched Jacob blush from across the table. She nodded at him to take up the story.
'Right, yes, so,' said Jacob. The quill scribbled 'Right, yes, so' onto the letter. Queenie rolled her eyes, amused. Jacob ignored her and continued the story, 'So we find the ostriches and one of them's already floating around above our heads all lit up by the moon and everything. So Tina's like, well, better rile up the ostriches so the Billywig comes back, so she goes into the enclosure and starts firing sparks everywhere. Pretty sparks though, like fireworks.'
'Now, don't fret, honey, my sister's all right,' Queenie interrupted quickly. 'She's writing to you now.'
'Yeah, she's a tough cookie,' Jacob agreed. 'So she's busy riling up the ostriches, but then a bunch of teenage boys, non-wizards, you know, are outside the gates causing mischief, and Queenie hears them and goes to head them off.'
'Before which, for the record, I specifically told Tina to be careful and Jacob to stay out of the enclosure.'
'Anyhow, so Queenie's doing all her crazy mind-reading and fending them off,' Jacob continues, voice full of adoration. 'And Tina's still doing the crazy sparks thing and all the ostriches are going mad. Then the Billywig comes flying in - that thing can really fly, Newt, it's fast! So it whizzes in and Tina casts this charm-thing that makes everything slow down. That thing's still really fast though, so she's chasing it all around the enclosure and then she finally catches it. She looked absolutely exhausted then and the charm-thing slips and everything speeds up again. She's quick though, she dives out of the way of the crazy ostrich but it catches her on the leg.'
'So then Jacob runs into the enclosure, against my instructions, and he drags Tina out of there away from all the angry ostriches,' Queenie said.
'Yeah, she cast this Shield thing so they wouldn't hurt us,' Jacob added.
'But he didn't know she could do that at the time,' said Queenie. 'He's a real hero, Jacob is.'
At this point, Jacob's face is beetroot-red and the Quick-Quotes Quill is starting to stab holes in the parchment again. Queenie waves her wand again to calm it down.
'So at that point, Tina's pretty badly hurt, so we leave the floating ostrich and Apparate her out of there. She's okay now, Newt. Dittany and Blood-replenishing potion. You probably know what it's like, having an Auror for a brother. Teen's always coming home with injuries so I've gotten pretty good at first aid over the years.' Queenie sighed, a little sadly, remembering all the cuts and bruises and broken limbs that she'd had to mend. 'So that's about it for the Billywig story. MACUSA came and tidied up the next morning, but they haven't linked anything to you so don't you worry. Just hurry up with your book so you can come back and see my sister.'
'Yeah, and see the rest of New York too,' Jacob added. 'Hang in there, buddy. Write soon.'
'Yours,' said Queenie, to finish off the letter. She made eye contact with Jacob, and they said together, 'Queenie and Jacob.'
...
Dear Tina,
It was so wonderful to receive your letter, and Queenie and Jacob's Quick Quotes letter (even if the parchment was full of holes - your sister has a very enthusiastic quill!).
I'm glad to hear that the three of you are all right now. But please, Tina, you know that scared creatures can lash out. You could have been killed! At the risk of sounding like Queenie - please, please, be more careful in the future!
I must apologise for letting the Billywig situation arise in the first place. I didn't even think about the ostriches and for some reason I never thought it would sting New Yorkers, though I guess your physiologies are not so different to the Australians.
Thank you so very much for considering me, though in future you mustn't go to such trouble to protect me. The Billywig was my mistake, and if the authorities see fit to punish me for it, let them do so. Don't go risking your life trying to clean up my messes. But not that I'm not grateful, Tina, I really am. You are so wonderfully kind and brave to do such a thing. As for having it sent home rather than executed, I know that must have something to do with you - thank you.
As for my manuscript, it is coming along nicely, though it would be a lot more efficient if Theseus stopped trying to invite me to dinner so he can interrogate me about you.
Unfortunately, I am facing some difficulties with getting back to visit New York. The Auror Department are cracking down on 'border security' as they call it. They're afraid I'm going on Dumbledore's orders and they won't believe either of us. Bunch of careerist hypocrites, really, following around Travers like puppies.
Please give my love to Queenie and Jacob and thank them for such an entertaining letter.
Yours,
Newt
