A/N

I can't believe it's been two months since I updated! A mixture of writers block, Christmas & house renovations are to blame.

All characters belong to Kudos/BBC, I own nothing.



Alex sat quietly on her sofa, her body aching from the vast quantity of tears she had shed. She couldn't stop playing the day over in her mind. They'd been laughing and joking, even flirting, and the she'd ruined it. Why did I have to bring her up? She hated her, Jeanette, that woman had come between them. Gene had slept with her, shit, back to that again. She felt her heart breaking when he confirmed her fears, it hurt, but that's why he did it. He didn't like 'her', he used her, like she'd used him.

Why can't I just tell him how I feel? Get it all out in the open, stop having secrets, that's how all this started, secrets and lies.

But when I told him the truth he didn't believe me, I just made everything worse, what did you expect though, you must have sounded like a nut job.... or a fruitcake. She smiled recalling Gene's insulting, yet somehow affectionate name for her.

She wished more than anything she could go back to the very beginning, why did I answer that call? Any normal mother would have driven her daughter to school, not taken her to a hostage situation. Gene was right, she was a bad mother, where were her maternal instincts? All she'd wanted was to get on with her career, the only thing that made her think of Molly was landing here. And you'd never have met him.

She couldn't do it, she couldn't wish to have never met him, construct or not, she'd learnt so much from him, he reminded her of the reason she joined the force, of how to trust your instinct. She loved Molly, but she was starting to love Gene too, do I love him more?

ooOoo

"Make sure she's ok won't yer?" said Gene, handing Alex's spare key back to Shaz, "It's just...."

"That you're not supposed to see her"

"Yeah, that.. an' we... well.... sort of 'ad a bit of...."

"An argument" Shaz beamed

"Not somthin' to look so bloody cheery about"

"Sorry Guv, it's just, if you're arguing things are getting back to how they should be"

"Yer well, wait 'til you see 'er first" then you'll see how much I fucked up.

"Things are going to be ok Guv... but... I don't think you should keep coming here"

"Not even allowed outside my own bloody sta-"

"It's just Reynolds caught me talking with you last time, we don't want to give him anything to use against you, we'll keep you up-to-date though Guv"

Gene nodded and walked away, when would this be over?

ooOoo

Lost in her thoughts Alex stared toward the television, come on, say something, anything, Molly where are you? She'd fought off the infection, solved the crime, the big bust, over finished with, so why am I still bloody here?

She glanced to the bag Gene had given her before he left, before you threw him out. Reaching over she dragged the bag towards, not heavy, wonder wha-

"Oh my god" she gasped as she emptied the bag of its contents, there was a small note attached,

Thought you'd need a new one

Gene x

It was perfect, and he'd got the right size, running her hand across the white leather of her new jacket, she cursed herself for being such a bitch, he'd come to apologise and all you did was bring up the past. The tears started pooling in her eyes again.

"Ma'am?" called Shaz as she let herself into the flat, "Blimey, you ok?"

Alex quickly blinked back the tears and cleared her throat, "Yes, fine, thanks Shaz. Tell me, are you going back to the station today?"

"Yes Ma'am"

"Good, I'm coming with you"

"I really don't think you-"

"I'm coming with you" Shaz nodded in agreement.


TBC

Just a short chapter to get back into things, however I have the next two written so will update shortly, thanks for reading (and bearing with me)