Chapter 7

I am thirsty and hungry; my chains restrict my movement, I cannot reach the food and drink he's left me. And he stands silently watching my useless efforts.

My anger, frustration and fear rages through me making me yell at him. "You do not have to do this! At least talk to me and let me speak!"

Having broken the rule, he raises his arm, clenches his hand. I know it's cold calculated force when it lands - I've felt it before.

I hear the swishing noise as his fist and arm comes down towards me, and know I will not be able to dodge the blow.

"Ben. Come on wake up! Your soup's getting cold!" Cuts in before the fist lands and the man and basement shatters and disappears into nothing.

As I come into awareness I realise I never knew his name or voice. And shivering as I feel a gentle hand on my hand I gradually realise the voice and touch are not my soulmate's, they are her mother's and start to silently fret.

As though she instinctively knows I need her reassurance, but too much fussing would confuse me, she smiles and carries on talking. "It's all right Ben. Meg's asleep in the other room. Just shift over a bit and I can put a pillow behind you, so you can sit up. The soup is on the table."

Grasping her words as I focus on her, I feel shaky like a child coming out of a nightmare. And realise, I am coming out of a nightmare … That I'm not in that basement … he's not there …. I am safe.

And the soup is in a mug and it smells good.

I also realise that everything is starting to look good. But feel afraid and unsure - rather like a child taking his first steps into his first school.

The soup is warm, tastes familiar and I know it will be filling. I also realise she made it for me, showing and giving me her love and acceptance. I concentrate on the taste and enjoy it.

As I finish it, I try to push away the dark thoughts that suddenly crowd too quickly into my mind and fail.

I start to choke as I try to breathe.

Without fuss she gently takes the mug then holds my hand, talking to me quietly. Her words do not matter; her tone is soothing and calming me down. I breathe steadier and my mind becomes clearer.

I manage to reassure her that there is no pain, just memories and questions.

So many questions in my head, as well as amazement and acceptance that I am alive. I don't know where to begin or even if I can. But then try to start as the need is too strong to stop.

She smiles, and anticipates those questions, saying gently "I will answer anything I can, and tell you why if I can't. There will be no lies or avoiding the truth. But, we must do it slowly you've been through a lot. You've got to get your strength back and you bones must mend. Your legs and arms muscles are weak but Michael will come and massage them for you... You look puzzled. "

She paused for a second wondering then carried on. "Of course you don't know. Michael studied to do physiotherapy and passed his exams while you've been away. He helped Ricardo walk after his stroke. You remember Ricardo's stroke?"

I nod getting used to the idea of time and what Michael has done.

She pauses to allow me to do that and then carries on. "Well, according to Tess you were kidnapped beginning of September, when you visited Seattle... It's been quite a time Ben .. today is 4 January 2000 and its morning but don't worry about exact time."

It hits me like a bolt of lightening, I had not idea though it felt like forever. I tried to keep a mental record but there was no way to tell day from night. There was no regular pattern to keep hold of and there were dark times in between, times when I knew I had been drugged so I would sleep deeply, but no idea of how long. Only knew I was always hungry and thirsty afterwards….

Her hand still on mine and her gentle words break through my shock, "I'm sorry it was so long. I don't think it's wise to go into details on either side for now. I know your head is spinning at the thought of it. Keep in mind you are here, wanted and loved by a lot of people and especially Meg."

She sees a question in my face, memories flash I know Meg loves me. I just need to know what turned her to Casey. I want to ask but not sure whether or how to approach it then like the child I seem to be today I blurt it out. "I saw Meg kissing Casey under South Pier; she said she never wanted to see me again." My voice cracks up before disappearing just at the end and I realise she would not understand my statement. But she smiles and it's a sad smile and I wonder...

Her gentle exclamation butts in my drifting thoughts. "Oh Ben, you've lived with that picture all these months... No don't think of the basement that will come later... Let me explain the kiss you saw. It was because of Tess and Tim, they played a trick on Meg to make her think you had taken Maria to the Casita and made love to her there. Tess needed you to go back with Maria. You would not break from Meg no matter what happened so she had to make Meg break with you."

Feeling ripples of shock I manage to stay silent so she will carry on.

And she does, "After Meg had been to the Casita she went to South Pier to think and to be alone. Casey went there to lick his wounds after the break up with Sara. We know you helped her that night ... thank you ... Meg and Casey came together as friends comparing wounded hearts and then they embraced in sympathy and kissed, which Meg realised was wrong soon after. It took Casey a bit longer, but he loves Sara as you know.

We found a letter Maria wrote and Tess has explained a lot. She admitted she pushed Maria into your arms the next morning by sending her to The Deep. With everything that has happened in your past with Maria and Meg, you must having been hurting very badly. Meg understands and both of you will get past all this."

I stay silent, feeling pain for Meg, knowing how much I hurt seeing her with Casey. I also know she must have felt on one level as it was the correct thing for me to be with Benjy my son. But also seeing me with Maria would have made it worse, like me turning the knife in the wound adding to her memories of Tim and his betrayal on their wedding day, and that had sent her here to Sunset Beach looking for her dream and SB. She must have felt there was no way back and she had to move on. And I could not help her because I did not know… …

Feeling tears coming my mind suddenly jumps, and memory slams into one stunning statement. 'He is not my son!'

And I ask hesitantly "Benjy how is he?"

Again I see sadness in her face and I suddenly fear the worse.

But then she cuts into my fears saying. "Benjy is fine. Well, a headache and a broken arm as well as the shock it has all produced. He's staying with Gabi and Ricardo…" and she hesitates.

I know she weighing up her words before carrying on, will stop if needs be, and I listen attentively as she starts again.

"Maria's letter was her last wishes should anything happen to her. She stated she wanted Gabi and Ricardo to adopt Benjy, and take their surname rather than Evans. Maria believed Benjy was Derek's son not yours, I am sorry."

She waits as I try to take in the words. I cannot stop the tears that come quickly and I shed them quietly. She accepts them and makes no fuss. I want to know and understand so shakily ask "Why?"

She is quiet and I know she is working out whether to tell me or not. She knows Tyus is close and must realise I need to know, cannot be left hanging, wondering.

She nods as she comes to her decision, and carries on. "She explains in the letter. That you had been trying to have children for over a year before she disappeared with no success. She made love to you and Derek in the days before the storm, and to Derek when they were in Seattle. The first time she did not know who Derek, thought it was you, but she did on the night of the storm. She was going to tell you about the affair and go off with Derek. But Derek wanted you to find them together, his way of hurting you. They had an argument in the studio and she hit him with the scissors, thought she'd killed him and went to find you on the boat. When she was knocked overboard and then pulled away from you as you tried to rescue her, she was later washed up on the shore. And by chance Derek and Tess found her and took her to Seattle, his wound had been superficial. When she found she was expecting they brought up Benjy as a threesome, and everything was fine till Derek decided to go after you again.

From Tess's statement it looks as though Derek had other plans all along. She believed he was going to leave Maria and take the money and make start a fresh with her. The fact she loved Benjy so much and had a past with Derek meant he could threaten her to keep her in line.

Maria's loss of memory was real. By the time she remembered her life in Seattle Derek had returned, pretending to be you. She questioned him and he told her he took your memories because there were rightly his. Also, he had tried to make a deal with you, so he could have her and his child back, have part of your fortune and be left alone. You got angry and there was a fight during which you were killed. He came back as you so he would not lose her or Benjy, and as he was your brother the fortune was rightly his.

She believed you were dead. Not wanting to lose Derek to prison, the money to the State or Benjy to care as she could go to jail as well for not turning Derek in, she kept quiet and had everything. In many ways he became you and they loved Benjy very much, as well as each other... I'm sorry Ben I know it must hurt." She finished gently.

Tears fall and I feel so angry. His gift is a two edged sword. And yet, there is a small part of me that is glad that Benjy knew his father. That Maria loved him not feared him, and he found some kind of love. If only he had asked and not hated me so much, we could have been together.

I wipe the tears with the tissue she's given me and nod to ask her to go on.

Her voice seems to sooth me as I listen.

"You and Derek both have the same DNA so we don't really know who Benjy's father is. Tyus said he can run some other tests on you later, if you wish. Whatever the results you know Meg loves you, and nothing else matters."

I nod understanding her meaning ... Know I shall have them done.

She pauses for a moment, then carries on. "Maria wanted Benjy to grow up free from the Evans name should it every come out that Derek killed you and took your place. She reckoned Benjy would always be associated with the fight between you and Derek, and didn't want the past haunting him. Benjy's been told about Derek and Maria and knows about you. He's settling in with Gabi and Ricardo. And I know they will be happy if you want some contact with him, but not at the moment because he has such a lot to really understand."

I close my eyes for a moment trying to accept and understand it all, then my mind jumps again I open them and exclaim; "They need some where to live, the Loft's not big enough! They can have the house or sell it... It was in Maria's name and the money in her account will help."

Joan smiles and sighs, and I realise my brother has done more...

I see she does not want to tell me but I've got to know. Frustration of the months of captivity and restrictions catch up with me, my words come out husky, broken and harsh. "All of it Joan!"

The monitor flashes then calms and a cough from the doorway catches our attention.

oxoxo

Hank comes in with cups of tea for us. I expect anger in his voice but there isn't any, only a firm commanding tone. "Ben you need time to catch up with the information you already have. Don't blame yourself for things you could not control.

I know we haven't got along in the past; I hope we will work things out in the future. I know you love Meg and that is important. And we will be around to support you. Drink this and have one of Joan's muffins. Tyus is trying to feed you up don't forget."

He puts the cups down and sort things out.

I smile my acceptance and thanks to him, and drink the tea. Strangely, his words and the normality calms me, and I realise there is nothing I can do about what has happened. I have to accept it all, then pack it away and care for the future.

As I eat the muffin, memories of good times flash by. When I finish and rested for a few minutes I say firmly despite my weakness, "I still need to know."

His laugh is gentle and understanding, then he comments. "You're stubborn. No wonder you survived... Okay on the understanding if that monitor goes off Joan and I get out of here before Tyus comes... He told us to treat you with care... Mind you he was grinning when he said it, so I guess he knows you better than we do."

I have to smile at that, and he stops for moment then carries on.

"You have to know what happened so we know what to do, and you can understand how we came to find you. ... Your brother sold the house fully furnished, so the new people would come in on the 30th of December. By that time we knew something was wrong anyway... We'd found you during the evening of the 29 December; actually it was Michael and Vanessa's wedding and reception.

Weddings around here seem rarely go right. Theirs did beautifully. Well I suppose with one hitch, her father was snowed in abroad and could not be there till the next day, so Tyus stepped in and gave her away. But the good surprise was her mother was there fully recovered from her illness. Michael and Vanessa decided to delay their honeymoon till the next day so they could all meet up.

It all happened at the reception just after the photos, but before the food and speeches. The Bestman and chief bridesmaid left at lightening speed, without any explanation only asking everyone to stay around, that must have been a sight. I wasn't there Joan and Sara were though."

He smiles with relief now it was all over, then becomes serious again as he carries on.

"Back to the beginning as far as I was concerned. Ricardo and I were at the Shock Wave. Ricardo didn't want to be at the Wedding because Gabi was the other bridesmaid and they had a falling out. They have sorted things out and their marriage is solid, so don't worry.

I was looking after the Shock Wave because Peter who was going to take the afternoon/evening shift dropped some plates and cut his hand badly, and had to go to hospital. So Ricardo and I were putting the world to rights when he got a call from Tess on his cell phone saying that Derek had kidnapped you and you were at 137 Southern Avenue, then rang off giving no other details. Ricardo did not know what to believe, as far we knew Derek was dead, he had been there when the man fell over the cliff. And you, Maria and Benjy had left on the 26 December to go on holiday to Hawaii.

Ricardo got Tess's number from the phone and was going to ring the station to get it checked when it rang again. This time it was the manager of The Deep to say a man claiming to be the new owner had turned up, and the manager of the Java Web was with him with their new owner. Neither of them had been told anything about the sales. To be honest we did not know what to think, you hadn't mentioned anything about selling up to anyone. Mind you, you and Ricardo had kept clear of each other most of the time, but Maria hadn't said anything either and he realised she hadn't been around much either.

He had a word with both new owners and they confirmed that you, sorry Derek, had sold the places over the internet, he answered their adverts for places, not the other way round. He even showed them round but told them not to say anything to anyone till they arrived to take over.

Hank gave a sigh then added. "I'll try and keep to Derek's name all the time instead of yours. But it's strange, by just mentioning his name it feels as though we knew the difference and did nothing about it. And I don't want to call him by your name, because he had no right to use it."

I can see and feel Hank's embarrassment and nod my acceptance, he smiles and carries on.

"Well that decided Ricardo, because he was sure you would have said something to the staff at least. So, he rang Casey who was Michael's bestman and told him to get over to Southern Avenue with Meg in case Tess was correct. It's the estate left derelict by the earthquake. They left straight away without any other questions, luckily Casey had the rescue truck with him because his car had broken down earlier. And we went over in Ricardo's car lights flashing, but did not inform the station in case it was just a wind up.

You see everyone knew Tess was due to leave Ocean Drive just after Christmas, but on Christmas Eve at The Deep there was a very public argument between Derek, Maria and Tess over a non-payment of a promissory note for a million dollars. In the end Derek agreed to give her a cheque on the condition that she left immediately. She pointed out she would have nowhere to stay so Derek got her a room at the hotel till the 27th. So we all knew there was bad feeling there.

We found the house, doors and windows boarded up as though no one had been near the place for months. We relaxed a bit thinking it was just Tess wanting to wreck your holiday. Anyway we started to break our way in, and then Casey came along in the rescue truck. Talk about keeping everything you will ever need in it. So we had the door open in no time. Then we searched the rooms and found no sign of anyone being there recently. But in the kitchen area Ricardo found a sandwich wrapper with dates 25 and 26 December 1999 on it, that started the detective's itch really going.

The only place left to search was the inside passageway that lead to the garage, which was partially blocked by some wooden cases. When we moved them out the way we found the door to the basement. We broke it down and found there was no light at all, it was damp and more old crates all over the place.

With dread we realised, if you had been kidnapped over the holiday period or just before your trip to the airport, it was a good prison, no easy way out or to get attention. We called your name got no response so we walked halfway down the stairs using the torches to look over and around the crates. You were there half hidden by a crate near the far side of the basement. Lying on the floor curled up as much as you could chained to the wall, and an empty bottle of water beside you... It wasn't a very big bottle... It could not have lasted long."

He pauses at the bad memory, it's written in the expression on his face, then he shakes his head to bring himself out of it.

I have to concentrate to make sure I don't fall into the memory myself.

He gives a gentle cough and carries on. "My blood ran cold when I saw you. I did not wait till they got to you, I ran up the stairs so the cell phone would work, rang 911 giving a special code Ricardo told me, and then Tyus at the reception. Casey and Ricardo started to clear the way to you.

We had told Meg to stay at the top of the stairs, she was in her bridesmaid dress and we wanted to know whether you were alive or dead before she got to you. But she could not wait, she knew you needed her. I've never heard the realisation of love and a breaking heart in a call before. But I did when Meg called out your name and went to you.

It wasn't a loud scream; it was gentle with a mixture of so many things in it, her desperation, love and command, and seemed to fill the room. Sent shivers down my spine. I knew then she had found her real love, and she proved it by bringing you back from the brink of death. We could not wait for the paramedics to get there, so after Casey cut the chains we wrapped you in a blanket and I carried you carefully to the front room. You so nearly did not make it, but you did and that's what matters Ben.

The new owners of The Deep and Java Web have sunk all their savings to buy them. One's even sleeping on the sofa at a mates house because he cannot pay rent for a room. I don't know what you want to do about them, they bought them in good faith but not from you. The people who bought the house are being put up in a hotel. A.J is dealing with that. Jude and Ricardo are sorting out your accounts."

I want to curl up away from all the people HE has hurt through his life/deceit and now his death. I know they will see him every time they look at me and remember the pain, wonder if I am the same. I should have died, it would have been over for everyone.

My tears flow freely unstoppable.

In my mind I hear her call and feel her touch as I did in the basement, and as then cannot ignore it - my Soulmate is calling me even now.

Though, somehow in my pain I've gone to her mother for protection, and I feel her arms around me and I rest my head on her shoulder. The love and care in her words wrap around and sooth me.

"It's all right, Ben. We want to you here with us. He took so much from you. He came back trying to be you with some of your gentleness and care. And he helped others in his death. He loved Maria and their ashes have been scattered together at the Mission. We know what he did and we don't want you to pay any more for his hate. Your care for friends and love for Meg is all we want. Let us help you come back to us complete and happy."

My tears gradually stop, and I move slowly away from her arms and back onto the pillows feeling spent, exhausted, but secure in her words. I look around me and see Hank looking concerned with Tyus beside him. I expect strong words from him; the monitor is bleeping quickly and slightly off key. I feel the racing beats of my new heart through out my body and I gasp for air.

But Tyus smiles and says. "Just relax. Tears and a mother's love are the best medicine, I'm sorry you found it all out at once. Perhaps it is better. now and from people you trust rather than having it in bits and pieces later from anyone. I want you to sleep again. I'll give you something so you will not dream and then I will explain the rest of the story when you wake."

I know I've pushed things too far, I manage to breathe better and when I speak my voice is still very husky, bitty, "Sorry... "I cannot find the words I want to say so leave it, then add. "Thank you."

My heart is steadying as Tyus carries on. "How do you want it, a cup of tea or in the drip? I can recommend the tea, Meg took it beautifully and the chief nurse gave me one the other day."

I smile at the thought of anyone daring to do it to him; "Tea please." and try to hide the memory of Derek and the drugs.

Joan feels my shiver and squeezes my hand, no doubt realising hidden memories and says cheerfully. "That was Terri by the way, Tyus found it difficult to let go after your operation, he wanted to carry on checking you and would not leave it to the others. So, she led him to a quiet room explaining his tea was there because we were all in the corridor waiting for news. She knew she was quite safe doing it, told him what she had done after the first couple of sips. I think, he knew what she was doing anyway, they seem to have a special trust and she knew he would not sack her; she is the best nurse to look after you... Now someone will be here with you when you wake and music will be playing in the background so you won't feel alone."

Tyus quickly returns. My mind is still jumping from one thing to another, but a couple come clear to me and I want them sorted before I sleep. My voice is husky, bitty and emotional as I speak.

"Hank would you see Charles and Ricardo sort out how much my brother sold everything for,.. I'll accept them as sold... I don't want to gain from his schemes... Pay them back if needs be, if under I'll leave it to your ideas... I take it there is some money left."

Hank smiles "Yes there is and Jude's got his fraud people looking into your accounts. I'll get Charles to look into the sales for you, and when you wake you can finally decide... It's a lot to lose Ben they were your creations. Derek did not touch Liberty Corp. money in it was tied up too tight."

I take a sip of the tea hoping it will not knock me out instantly, then ask. "What do you mean Jude's fraud people?"

He gives a chuckle then adds. "Oh long story and for another time. Jude is FBI as well as a businessman. Now rest and get some sleep."

I finish the tea and feel relaxed but in control.

Joan takes my hand and gets my attention she smiles, her words are soft and caring. "You're sure you want to do this. You don't have to pay for Derek's sins they were his not yours Ben."

I nod and return her smile with confidence, not sadness, I realise I'm gaining so much more. My voice still sounds strange to my ears and emotional as I try to explain my fledgling thoughts. "My new beginning Joan. A new life with a wife and a family with friends I know I can trust, if you will have me."

I see tears come to her eyes as she speaks, again her hand gently squeezing mine. "Of course we will and with all our love. And if you get desperate Hank could do with another manager at the Shock Wave."

Hank gently laughs and adds. "Or of course there's Meg and Sara's shop, but that's for another time as well."

Then his tone changes and he holds my hand. And when he speaks I recognise it from the darkness of the basement as he carried me to safety, and when I look into his face I see the love of a father welcoming home a new son.

"When I saw you and then carried you from the basement, all my jealousy regarding your love for Meg fell away. I saw you in need of protection and love, your shield was down and I willingly gave it to you then and you took it. I will always be there for you and I know we will grow together as you get better. Become a family."

And then in a firmer tone he added. "Now! Being the bossy father I am, you must sleep. Let Joan sit with you as you close your eyes."

I feel his pride, love and warmth, and my heartfelt "Thank you" comes out sleepily as the drug is catching up with me. He supports me as Joan takes the extra pillow away from me and then I relax into the rest and look at her for a moment slowly closing my eyes as the darkness with no dreams or thoughts comes to me, my breathing steadies down - to sleep