-1Chapter seven: Voldie's house

Harry and Voldemort decided to ride broomsticks to Voldie's house. However, they didn't have any on them. So instead, Voldemort offered that Harry ride on his back and he'll use a flying spell on him. Harry shrugged and jumped on. It was like riding a horse, only that the horse was flying, and it was Voldemort. Voldemort giggled as Harry rode on top of him. Harry just frowned and wished that it would be over soon. It took 20 minutes to get to Voldemort's house. Harry jumped off, relieved that it was over, and followed Voldemort into a pink cottage with flowers painted on. Harry laughed to himself as he walked inside. Voldemort entered and sat down on a fuzzy leopard spotted sofa and patted down next to him for Harry to sit. Harry sighed and sat down. Voldemort looked ecstatic.

"Well now." Voldemort said, pouring Harry some champagne, "Isn't this cozy?"

Harry blinked, annoyed and Voldemort put away the cham-peg-in, as Voldemort had called it, and resumed his spot on the couch.

"So, we need to kill some dude, right?" Voldie asked, putting a hand on Harry's knee and stroking it.

Harry brushed away the hand, "No, but I want to know who it is that made everyone so crazy! I mean, what the fuck?"

Voldemort shrugged and wrapped his arm around Harry's neck and said casually, "Maybe we should talk about this later…Let's go to my room for some rest…"

Harry jumped off the couch and gagged, "Hey man!" He said to Voldie, "I'm not like that, okay? I'm in love with Mrs. Norris!"

Voldie gasped and stood up too, "I knew it! Everyone loves felines! They're so irresistible!"

"Yea, yea" Harry said exasperated, "You gonna help me form a plan or what? I want to punish the idiot that made everyone so horny and crazy and then I want you to help me plan a way for me to win Mrs. Norris's heart!"

Voldie clapped his hands together with delight, "Sounds like a party!" He exclaimed in a girly voice, "Let's do this action!"

For the next hour, both Voldemort and Harry got to work on a plan. They were going to use a very crazy spell that would help track down the person who, as Voldemort thinks has, cast a spell on everyone in the castle. Afterwards, they were going to make a love potion and give it to Mrs. Norris in her morning milk and zap! Mrs. Norris would be in love with Harry instantly. Both Voldie and Harry were satisfied with the day's work and went to sleep. During the night, a horny Voldie kept trying to enter Harry's bed. Harry, who knew that Voldie would try that exact thing, put mouse traps around his sleeping area. Voldemort did not see one on his way over, and it clamped hard onto his privates.

"OMG, IT BURNS!" Voldie cried out, at 4 in the morning on his 5th attempt to cuddle with Harry, "MY PRIVATES ARE A FLAME!"

Harry got up and laughed at Voldemort. "You deserve that you twisted old man!" He said, giggling.

Voldemort began to roll on the floor and he was foaming at the mouth. After a few minutes of watching, Harry got bored and undid the trap. Voldemort sighed with relief and began to rub his groin with a Barbie doll…

"I'm not an old man!" Voldie yelled at Harry, once the pain disappeared, "I'm only…..79! Dumbledore was like….134 when he died! I still have a long way to go!"

At the sound of Dumbledore's name, Harry began to cry. He missed his little headmaster buddy.

"Don't cry Potter." Voldie said, patting Harry on the butt, "What's done is done, crying won't undo it…"

Harry stopped crying and looked to Voldie. He looked so kind and gentle…and yet…

"DON'T TOUCH MY PRIVATES!" Harry screamed out, as Voldemort's hand casually got closer to his groin, "I SAID I'M NOT LIKE THAT! I BELONG TO MRS. NORRIS, DAMMIT!'

Voldemort sighed, "I understand…"

Harry nodded, "Good. Now let's go ahead and do the crazy spell, so we can track down the idiot who cursed the castle into being horny."

"Okay." Voldie said, "Let me get my wand and some condoms…"

Harry went outside and waited in the cold morning. After what seemed like forever, Voldie came out of the cottage and showed Harry his condoms.

"Ooh look! This one is chocolate flavor and it glows in the dark!" He said, looking like a little kid in a candy store.

Harry just rolled his eyes and him and Voldie made their way into the forest in which Voldie lived by.

Voldie did some weird movements with his wand and a spell was cast. A map appeared before them and they saw that it was a map of Hogwarts. The map could tell if a person was feeling guilty or nervous. It was like a lie detector, only in map form and it could detect hundreds of people at once. It was like a Lie Detecting Marauders Map.

"That's wicked sweet!" Harry said looking at the map, "Now all we do is go interrogate people who feel nervous and what not and maybe get laid in the process!"

Voldie smiled at young Harry and nodded, "You will have to do that on your own unfortunately. I'm a mass murderer so I don't think they'll let me in…"

"I understand that." Harry said, "I just hope they stopped the dance off…"

So, they both headed toward Hogwarts. Once at the front gate, Harry noticed on the map that Neville was feeling nervous. Harry decided to check him out first. Voldie gave the map to Harry, and Voldemort left. He was going to start on the love potion. Harry took a deep breath, and headed up to the front door.