I'm sorry if I had all of my wonderful readers and reviewers scared- I have decided that I will not be removing this story. While it's not going in the direction I was originally intending for it to, I've gotten over the rather large writer's block that was preventing me from just allowing the story to write itself. Also, because I haven't written for this story in awhile I had to reread What Lies Beneath Our Skin in addition to rereading all that I had written for this story. It's no excuse for the long wait but in truth, there is no liable one aside from life, hehe.

Anyway, here's the next chapter, I really am sorry for the long wait and I hope you all enjoy reading it and reviewing.


What lies Within Our Heart

Chapter 7


"Rosey, wake up."

A soft whimper sounded as the other attempted to pull away.

His red eyes grew large as he resumed his struggle and only calmed when the other went crashing to the floor.

"H-Hiei?"

"Boys, are you alright?" the call cleared the air and their once locked eyes turned to the door.

"We're fine," Hiei replied, "Shuichi just fell out of bed."

"Okay, well breakfast is ready when you are!"

"You'll never be able to forgive me, will you?" Kurama asked upon his mother's leave.

He shifted to lean against the headboard as he thought it over, "It will take time but we'll make it through... We've made it through worse."

"What's worse than what I've done–"

"What I've done. You may have hurt me but you're not the first to. You still accepted me though–"

"You can't place me in that category, Hiei.. Those were strangers but I am someone who loves you. I–"

Hiei crawled over and brushed his lips against those of his lover, "Let's try getting rid of Youko first. You said he's the one doing this so we take care of him then we take care of the problem."

"But in two weeks I return to America..."

"We'll worry about that when the time comes. Right now there's just you and me..."

His slim hand cupped Shadow's cheek when a single tear escaped his eye, "You're too forgiving for your own good..."

"Only to those I care for," he muttered, his finger brushing away the tear, "Stop crying, you're better than that. To cry is to admit defeat."

"To cry is to show one's sadness and guilt, not defeat... Though I will try, I promise."

The small touch withdrew as their owner sat up and looked the other over, "You look like hell..."

"Trust me when I say I feel as though I've been there," was Kurama's weak response.

After another short pause Hiei asked, "Why didn't you ever tell me you thought about killing yourself?"

The emeralds dropped to the side to hid their owner's fear as well as the memories it brought along. "It's common for teenagers to think of such a thing. I just concluded that... my reasons were better than others'. A lot happened in only two... three years. All in all it was too overwhelming and as you can clearly see I'm not as strong as you to not let my past haunt my present."

"You're right, I let my past make my decisions and that's just as bad. I don't often repeat things that even once brought me pain. Before you there was another who lead me on to believe I was in love and that he returned it. After that I said that I'd never love again. In a sense it's why it took so long for me to realize why I was jealous of Maya... If it weren't for you I'd never believe that such an emotion could really exist."

His arms hadn't even fully extended to draw his Rosey in before he found himself launched backwards, arms filled.

"I love you so much... You see me broken before you and yet still accept me even after all that has happened. You're amazing and never fail to surprise me, my Shadow..."

Hiei closed his eyes, his back flush against the mattress as his arms squeezed him closer, "I'd be stupid to not give you another chance..."

"Hiei... I'm sorry I didn't call you... I'm weak and couldn't bring myself to speaking to you in fear that you'd leave me..."

"Hn... after last night I need a new cell phone."

"I–"

He tugged his hair and with a low growl demanded him to stop apologizing.

"A-alright..."

"Good. Now strip and go take a shower."

"Wait, are you sure–"

Strong hands tugged at the light, white shirt, "I said go take a shower. I'll look around to see if you have any clothes here."

"Oh... okay."

"It's not like that," Hiei softly muttered, "I would still join you but... I have to heal for a few more days. They put some type of salve on me and it just takes a bit for my skin to regenerate itself..."

The pain that his eyes held only bellied what pain he was actually in as he asked, "May I take a look?"

Firmly Hiei denied the request, "It would upset you, you're already upset enough..."

"I-is it that bad Hiei?"

"My ass is fine now go take a damn shower. I'll check your knees when you're done too."


"Good morning Hiei, how are you?"

He remained in the kitchen doorway as he answered, "We're fine Mother... but do you have anything for Shuichi to change into?"

"Hmm... if it isn't in his room then I'm afraid not. I'm certain Shu won't mind if you borrowed some of his."

"Thank you–"

"Hiei, are you alright?"

"We just needed to talk things over..." he murmured before he left to do his tasks.


Dulled nails bit into his skin as he sought and thought of anything that would take away his guilt. He hated himself for falling into Hiei's arms without thinking. With everything he's done his punishment should have been worse.

"I won't let you break my heart one more time..."

"You did though.. and you've just given in."

The kid's obviously a masochist. Why else would anyone return to you after all you've done?

B-but you did it!

Now I know you're not that slow...

Yes, essentially you are me but you do the... things I'd never do...

Realization dawned on him at that, "You do the things that I'd never do... and can't do. I-I get it now... Why didn't I come to this sooner?"

The warm bullets turning cold brought him back to what he was doing. As quickly as he could he finished washing himself before escaping back to his room.


"Shiori said you could borrow Shu's clothes. The only clothes you had here barely fit me."

The redhead looked to the offered clothes and thanked him.

Seeing the hesitation Hiei stood from the desk's chair and grabbed at his towel, "Don't let what we have become awkward. We've both learned our lesson, it happened. I'm not going to start from the bottom up to repair our relationship. We'll take it from where it now is and continue from there."

"I'll try Hiei..."

"Good–"

"But you need to tell me if you're hurting; mentally or physically..."

"Baka, my ass hurts, is that what you want to hear?"

"For starters," he murmured as he dressed, "If you want I think there still may be some numbing paste in the first aid kit."

Hiei smirked and closed his eyes, "I remember when you use to keep it in your drawer for when we came here hurt after a neighborhood scouting. You mistook it for lotion and numbed your penis."

Kurama joined in on the soft laughter that left his lover's lips, "Yes, I remember... That was rather awkward..."

"Neither of us could finish because of that, baka," he added.

His red brow rose at that, "You know that's not true. I may not have been able to take you but you did take me– your first time in fact–"

"Tff I never once took you, you're dreaming that ever happened," was the rather solemn response.

A pretty blush spread upon his face and across the bridge of his nose, "So it was... but I at least brought you to completion, that's all that matters."

Shadow joined him on the bed as he finally inquired, "Why haven't you ever let me take you?"

"Hiei," his soft hand hesitated in caressing his face, "In the beginning I just couldn't think of anything but the pain... I went to Kuro senior year to try and get over it, so I could at least insure I didn't hurt you. Afterward, seeing the pleasure on your face... I thought maybe it wouldn't be so bad but you never sought control. I didn't want to force you so I let it be."

"Every time I tried you always said something about me loving this position too much to give it up..."

"I teased... I thought it would spur you to prove me wrong. In the long run I suppose I was wrong, wasn't I?"

He shook his head, silent amusement within the gesture, "We're both fools, aren't we? Expecting the other to be able to read our thoughts and act upon them. If we had just been more forward with our desires none of this would have happened."

"A lesson we keep having to repeat," Kurama softly agreed.

Hiei rose slowly, a wince in his movement, to kneel upon the bed, "Can I ask you something?"

"Of course."

"Why did you come here last night?"

"Don't get upset but I went to Kuro first. He respects and values your friendship far more than my own, did you know?" he stood wobbly and ran his fingers over the bedpost, "He basically chewed me up and spat me out for what youko– I did... He took pity on me after seeing the first crack of my mask fall and told me to go here."

Calloused hands pulled him back to sit on the mattress. "I can't think of any reason why he would... Whatever the case, I'm kind of glad he did– send you here that is."

"You're a very honorable man and have yet to let one down on anything you promised. You deserve better, he sees that... if only you did," Shuichi shared in a matter-of-fact way.

"Tf, you see what you choose to see. At one time, when I was alone and off trying to find Yukina, I was ruthless. I did many dishonorable, selfish things. As unbelievable as this may seem it was during this time I started speed racing– they had to specially make a bike for me," he sighed out.

"Hiei?..."

"I was eight– it was a year after joining that they decided to channel my hate and determination into speed racing. I believed what I did to be just. That all the bastards that I killed deserved it. Then... it all changed. Not my belief but my reason for doing it. It was no longer a chance to release my pain but rather it drew me closer to finding Yukina. At one place I found her unique colored hair– as if it had been yanked in large amounts from her head..."

He took a deep breath and went on unhindered by the man trying to stop him, "Three killings later I found my mother's tear gem around my victim's neck... It all ceased on the very day I was racing down the street and her aquamarine colored hair caught the corner of my eye. I snapped around, sped towards the homely looking building and stopped, afraid I was hallucinating. At that moment her head turned to the gate I was attached to and stared... For the longest time we just starred at each other before she rushed to me and put her arms through the bars to hug me."

"So... you were given certain people to kill on purpose?"

His head inclined the slightest at the question, "The killings I did were requested by others but linked to Yukina. All in all it helped all parties but I couldn't go on after that. Once I found her it was like all the people that died by my hand came forward to haunt me. Two weeks after finding her I was admitted into the hospital. While I was ecstatic that we were reunited the screams, the blood, the tears that came first were killing me."

"That's when you started..."

"Yes, that's when I started cutting myself," he scoffed.

Kurama brushed his hand against Hiei's cheek as the other hand rested at his hip, "Hiei..."

Red eyes burned into the green as he growled, "No, I didn't friggin start doing that again!"

"I wasn't going to ask that... It's just, I understand why you didn't want to tell me now," he whispered, his hands caught and held in place when they went to move, "It's very personal... and–"

"Why do you make me repeat myself? I love you... if anything I should have told you sooner. It's personal, yes, but you're part of my personal life and deserve to know it," he turned his head to the side to kiss the hand he now held, "If anything, I now know we're both no better or worse than the other. We're only humans; full of sin, guilt, and death."

"You'll always be my Shadow, my Dragon, my Fire Demon..."

His lashes lowered as a smirk played upon his lips, "And you my Rosey, my Fox, my Kurama."

With his hand still pressed against Hiei's hip he pulled the body closer until they were flush against each other, "Don't ever consent to such a thing– not even to me."

"Promise... but I plan on you using the beads the way they were meant to be used later on."

"I got a few smaller ones for you... but not for some time..."

"Hn. Get your first aid kit out, I'll take care of your knees and then you can take care of me."

He kissed his neck slowly before drawing away, "It's a deal."


"I just cleaned up, I'm sorry, I didn't know if you two were going to come down anytime soon."

"It's fine mother, I think it's time we go back to our place anyway," his eyes couldn't meet with her own after last night, "I'm sorry for what I said last night as well. It was never my intention to ever make you feel guilty... After all, it really couldn't be helped."

Her brown lowered to Hiei's red. Upon seeing him move a bit closer to her son she knew all was resolved, for now at least.

"My son, all your life you've made me proud... but no one should bare the weight of having to be perfect. Humanity is full of flaws after all. We make mistakes to learn, it's just how it works. You're better now, right?"

"Much... and thank you for being so understanding."

She hugged him as any mother would their child before giggling, "I wouldn't be much of a mother if I wasn't."

Hiei accepted her embrace as well before telling her, "I don't see why you're worrying about such a silly thing. You're much better than those other fools..."

"Thank you Hiei," Shiori beamed at him, "But I don't like the idea of you two leaving right now. I'll talk to Sielgan-san when he gets in at noon and see what he has to say. Until then, please stay close by."

"If you're positive, but if you need anything, don't be afraid to call..." receiving her nod as an answer Kurama left, his Shadow following close behind.


I hope you enjoyed yourselves, though I know it probably wasn't the chapter you guys were looking for considering the long wait. I'll hopefully update within a month's time but I promise you that there are many twists coming to this story, some that you may expect but most you probably won't- I know I wasn't when I was writing it, hehe. Here's one hint... "Alas the youko must return..." You'll see more about what I mean in the coming chapters 'til then feel free to read my other stories, which I plan on updating soon, I just haven't been working on them too much because I was concerned with this story.