Chapter 6:

(Jade)

'Do we need a room?'

'Is she stabilising?'

'Someone check her'

The doctors were all shouting asking questions frantically however I heard few answers to the questions asked. I stood still waiting for someone to say something positive. The machines beside Perrie were still beeping frantically and the crowd of doctors were checking her and the machines that surrounded her. I watched in horror, helpless horror. I could see her through a break in between the nurse's bodies. She hadn't stopped fitting, if anything it had become more violent, her limbs moved at their own accord and I could hear her breathing staggered and struggling. I closed my eyes wishing for the scene in front of me to disappear. I just stood and prayed that she would be ok.

'Wait, she's stabilising' I held my breath praying harder,

After a moment of intensity the nurses stepped out of the room leaving the doctor to carry out his checks. After a few minutes of pocking, prodding and shining light in her eyes he seemed satisfied.

'Is she alright?' I was afraid to ask,

'She's fine, it was just a fit but she's over it now. She's stable again so don't worry.'

I sat down beside her almost crying from relief as I saw her chest rise and fall normally. The doctor left me with Perrie. I contemplated going to get Jesy and Leigh-anne but my eyes felt tired and the comfort of being beside a stable Perrie was too much for me to leave. I rested my head on her bed and tried to calm myself from the events of the day.

(Perrie)

I woke up suddenly feeling so tired, I thought for a moment but couldn't seem to place where I was. I closed my eyes breathing deeply. Suddenly however I remembered, the crash, the bodies. I turned to look to my side and saw the monitors, I was in hospital. Slowly I took in everything around me. I saw Jade, her head resting on the end of my bed slumped in an uncomfortable position. Her face was covered in cuts and bruises, I closed my eyes anger building inside of me. I was trying not to wake her but tears racked my body. Tulisa is dead. I saw Tulisa dead. I saw Mark dead. I thought my best friends were dead. It seemed obvious to me, it was my fault. That arsehole wouldn't have crashed if not for me. If we had of just taken the normal route home, we wouldn't have been on that road and I distracted him. I scolded myself, why the hell was I so stupid? Because of me people are dead. Fuck, I should be dead. I saw Jade stir, she can't see me like this, I forced my anger down,

'Jade' her head shot up tears already falling,

'Oh my god, Perrie I was so scared, I thought you were never going to wake up and then I'd have no one' she burst into tears. I held her hand tightly,

'It's ok Jade, I'm awake, I'm ok, look at me' Jade looked up at me,

'We're going to get through this together ok?' She nodded and my heart squeezed.

She stared at me for a few minutes not seeming to believe that I was really awake. I watched as her face changed between looks of disbelief and utter joy, slowly she was beginning to accept that I really was awake. However when she reached acceptance instead of being happy she completely broke down. I had never seen her like this; tears were falling faster than her eyes could form them, her hands shakily reached up to her face covering her breakdown from my view. What had happened to her while I had been asleep?

'Jade, come here' she looked at me once before lying beside me on my bed. I wrapped my arms around her waist as she rested her head against my chest. I sat still until her crying subsided and she felt as though she could talk.

'Perrie, it's been horrible, I thought you weren't going to wake up, I thought you were going to die' she breathed slowly trying to gather herself. I just lay quietly letting her speak in her own time 'Then we had the funeral today and I couldn't do it without you I had to leave, everyone was so sad and Anne was talking about us and Tulisa' she whispered Tulisa's name as I sat taking in what she was saying. I can't believe I'd missed the funeral, first of all it was my fault she was dead and then I wasn't even awake to go to the funeral. Tears streamed down my face as I looked down at Jade. She was dressed in a black dress with a bow in her hair. My thoughts were interrupted as she carried on talking. 'Then I came back here, and I thought you were waking up, I thought you'd heard me and you were waking up for me but you were having a fit, I thought you were going to die'

'Jade, I'm sorry, I'm sorry I wasn't there and I'm sorry you had to see that but I'm here now. Jade look at me' she craned her neck and stared into my eyes searching for the safe haven she'd been praying for 'I'm ok, we're all ok and I'm not going to leave again I promise' she nodded her breathing slowing as she lay her head down again. I lay there in silence shocked at what Jade had said, a fit? I'd never had a fit in my life, what the fuck was happening? I felt as though this was just some sick joke, that any minute I'd wake up and none of this would have happen. However the pain from my body and the memory of the crash shot through me forcing me to never forget. I relished in the pain the accident had left me in, it was deserved.

I rested my head against the pillow as I tightened my grip on Jade's waist seeking comfort in her familiar being as slowly my eyes began to close.

'Oh my god, Perrie' I woke up to my name, opening my eyes slowly I felt Jade still asleep against me her breathing deep and steady. I glanced toward the door and saw both Jesy and Leigh-anne stood tears forming in their eyes. They came into the room and pulled up two chairs beside me. I had never seen Leigh-anne and Jesy speechless before but they couldn't muster words, they just sat their smiling and crying.

'I'm so glad to see you' Leigh-anne managed to mutter 'we all thought we were going to lose you'

'But you didn't, I'm here, our little family's intact' as soon as the words left my mouth I looked down my body registering the gaping hole in my heart and finding no Tulisa to fill it with.

'We'll be ok' Jesy words were confident and I almost believed her.

'So, when the hell am I getting out of this fucking place?' I asked the question louder than I had intended and felt Jade stir against me. She glanced up at Jesy and Leigh-anne before closing her eyes again,

'Perrie's awake guys' she mumbled,

'Yeah, cheers Jade' Jesy joked 'Hopefully soon, this place is driving us all crazy. Have you seen the doctor yet?'

'No, nobody's been in since I've been awake'

'Well since I'm not on crutches and Jade is dead to the world I guess I'll go and get him' Jesy shot Leigh-anne a look as she spoke, Jesy attempted to hit her with her crutch as Leigh-anne dodged making a run for the door. I looked over at Jesy. She sat smiling slightly but the stress and weight of what she had been dealing with lately showed clearly on her face.

'How have you been, with the funeral and all?' I asked quietly still hating the fact that I'd missed it,

'It was absolutely horrific, it was bad enough having to sit and listen to everything with the coffin at the front of the church but Jade just made everything harder' she was speaking slowly fighting to get through each word. She sighed at the memory. 'I've never seen her like that Pez, in fact I've never seen her like she has been lately'

I was sat thinking about what Jesy had just said when Leigh-anne walked in with the doctor. Leigh walked around to Jade and shook her softly,

'Jade, Jade, come on, wake up the doctor's here to see Perrie' Jade rolled away and I immediately missed her warmth.

'Well, it's amazing to see you awake' I looked up at his face, his smile was wide and genuine. He looked at each of us and shook his head slightly. 'I guess we should check you then to see when we can get you girls home'

'Oh my god, yes please' Leigh-anne muttered pulling up a chair for Jade to sit in.

The doctor began his checks, shining lights in my eyes and tapping the monitors. I was completely compliant to whatever he suggested, I'd always hated hospitals and I'd do anything to leave this one.

'Well you've responded properly to everything and while you've been asleep your body has recovered well. I guess you can get home as soon as you are mobile and healed and the rest of you will be ready to leave in the next few days also' He smiled at each of us as he delivered the good news. I was so grateful for his words. I wanted to be back in mine and Jade's flat comfortable and back in some form of normality. The doctor turned his attention solely back to me.

'Miss Edwards since the accident you have been experiencing fits. There was also a worry of brain damage but you have responded properly to all the tests so you will have to have a scan to be safe and you will have to return for some checks but assuming that all goes well then you are perfectly healthy. You girls should know how lucky you are and we're all glad to see you awake and well. If there's anything we can do for any of you just let us know' He smiled before leaving. As soon as the door shut Jade got up and lay back beside me,

'You'll be ok Pez' she said as she reached for my hand squeezing it tightly. I took a moment looking around at the girls that surrounded me. The moment seemed perfect but Tulisa was still strong in my mind. I found comfort in the body beside me but still the guilt burned like a fire eating me up from the inside out.