A/N: Ack! I haven't update in so long! Well, my French teacher kept rambling about how she is going to watch "Sweeney Todd" the yucky movie tonight with her husband and I thought that I might chap some chap. So I am. And listen to my podcast. The link to it is in my username profile. Kthxbai!
FUN FACT: (title of show) is going on Broadway! I'm listening to "The Secret Garden" musical. The lady who plays Cunegonde in the 1997 Revival Cast of "Candide" can't sing. Yeah.
I DO NOT CLAIM THIS DIS: Iiiiiii don't own TwilightInterviewWithTheVampireStephenieMeyerAnneRiceLestat(Lez-tat)BroadwaySweeneyToddStephenSondheim. (That's all written with no spaces so you can say it real fast while doing a hoe down! We're playing 'Hoe Down' in band. It's a good song!!) ...HoeDownAaronCopland
A girl comes out wearing a "42nd Street" sweatshirt and has a softball mitt on her left hand, "Hey, kidderoos! Robyn here. Sorry, I couldn't update for awhile. '42nd Street' and softball have taken over my life."
Bella pouts nearby, "That's no excuse."
"Shut up…" Edward murmured.
"Anyway," Robyn glares at Skanky, "here's the long awaited next chapter! Hope y'all enjoy it! And please check out my podcast! To download it, click subscribe, and then it goes to your itunes. YAY!"
The trio runs away into the streets. Then a 4th person shows up. We'll call him Lestat. He looks around, as if he was late for a cue or something. "Robyn!" he hollers. He shrugs, and then walks away, muttering something about Holden Caulfield.
Chief Swan flung open the doors of Esme's pie shop.
"I hear that an exceptional doctor named Cullen keeps his office upstairs," he said.
"Yessir, that is true. Lemme tell 'im you're here, awright?" Esme set down her rolling pin and ran up to Carlisle's office. She slammed the door shut behind her and leaned on it.
"'e's 'ere," whispered excitedly.
Carlisle took a break from pretending to nap, "Who's here, love?" He took his feet off the desk and pulled his chair closer to it.
"Him."
Carlisle frowned, "Tell me."
"Chief Swan," Esme said flatly.
Carlisle leaped out of his chair and danced his way over to Esme, "Oh joy of joys! I can do him off right now, can't I?"
Esme tilts her head to the left, "Whatever are you talking about?"
Carlisle snaps back to reality, "Oh, nothing. Forget about it."
Esme goes back downstairs and sends the chief up to Carlisle.
Carlisle greets Charlie and bids him to sit upon a chair next to an examining table.
"What can I do for you today, sir?"
Swan sighed, "Ah… I'm a man in love what can I say?"
Carlisle took a step back, "Excuse me?"
"OH! No, not like that. Silly," Swan realized that he said something Mr. Antolini-ish.
Carlisle got his black doctors' bag and set on a table next to the one for examining, "How're ya feeling?" he asked, reaching for his stethoscope.
"I dunno. Beadle Newton said that I look that I could use a check-up."
"The best one I ever gave…" Carlisle smiled sneakily. He started humming a tune that no one else would know except me and that is "Welcome to the New World" from the Lestat musical.
"Is that 'Welcome to the New World' from 'Lestat: The Musical'?" the chief asked.
Carlisle hummed a note a little bit off key before answering smugly, "Heh… yes."
Swan laughed, "You're in a merry mood today, Dr. Cullen!"
"You have no idea…" Carlisle grinned. He noticed the chief pull out a shiny diamond ring out of his coat pocket, "Who's that for?"
"My ward… And pretty as a Rosaliebud!"
"A what?"
"Never mind… Anyway, I'm giving this to my ward, Alice, when I get home tonight," Swan held up the ring.
"Who said what who now?!" Carlisle said ghetto-esque…ly?
"Alice. My ward. I be proposing to her. Tonight. Did I mention that she's pretty? ME-OW!" Swan said the last part quite uncharacteristically.
"Pretty as her mother?" Carlisle muttered.
"Huh?"
"Oh, nothing… Nothing like pretty women, that is!" Carlisle sighed slightly as a reward for using an amazing cover-up.
The two men reminisced about ex-girlfriends for awhile when a happy young Confederate Soulja Boy came trotting triumphantly through the door to Carlisle's office.
"She means to marry me Sunday. Everything's set we leave tonight," Jasper squealed in a sing-song voice.
Chief Swan suddenly stood up and pointed a long finger at Jasper, "YOU!"
Jasper put his hand over his mouth and gasped, "Chief Swan!"
"You're the one who wants to marry my darling little Alice."
"You mean my darling little Alice," Carlisle muttered, almost inaudibly.
Jasper gulped and Charlie turned around in an about-face and pointed again at Carlisle. "And you are probably in on it! Don't think I don't know what you're doing!" he stomped his foot on the wooden floor, "I don't think that I will be coming here anytime soon!" The chief stormed out the room and loudly slammed the door behind him.
Jasper swished his big toe around and kept his head down, "I'm sorry, sir."
"Out," Carlisle growled.
"I'm sor—!"
"OUT, I SAY! OUT! Carlisle yelled, and the scared soldier quickly scampered away. Esme bound up the steps, nearly tripping over Jasper on his way out.
"Everythin' all right, Dr Cullen?"
Carlisle stood silently by the examining table. He was in a state of shock.
"I had him," he managed.
"Calm down, love…" Esme attempted to massage the doctor's shoulders. He flinched.
"I had him… Now he'll never come again!"
"Carlisle, dear. C'mon now, don't get like this…"
"I hate the world!" Carlisle threw his scalpel across the room, "We all deserve to die—"
"Doctor Cul—"
"And I'll never see my Alice! No, I'll never see my girl again."
An oven timer was heard from downstairs, "Finished!" Esme smiled.
"You're not going anywhere, Esme!" Carlisle pointed a white finger at her.
"Why?"
"I'm having an epiphany, idiot! You gotta hear it!"
Esme sat on a nearby stool, "Okay. Epiphisize!"
Carlisle was about to shout some more stuff when he heard Esme's least comment, "Is epihisize even a word?"
Esme shrugged. Carlisle let it slide and rambled on.
"I know what I'll do! I'll give a 'check-up' to everyone who dares to come in here. And then one day, maybe Chief Swan will come back and I can off him good!" Carlisle clapped his hands together.
"I should be getting to those pies now…" Esme thought aloud. Carlisle glared at her, "Almost done.." he whispered.
"And my Tanya lies in ashes! And I'll never see my Alice again! But there's world to do. I feel alive at last… And I'm full of JOY!"
Esme snapped her fingers like a beatnik at a poetry club. "Can I go now?" she pleaded.
"Pie away," Carlisle waved his hand toward the door.
Esme grinned a grin that only she herself would understand. It was something that would bring a beautiful smile on the gorgeous "young" doctor's face…
