Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.


Chapter 7: Reality

Bella

I woke up lying close to Edward, and he was still asleep. Without moving, I took careful inventory of him, so peaceful, so happy. His jaw was relaxed, and his lips were puckered slightly, making them irresistible. I'd known Edward was incredibly handsome, but I'd never noticed how all the individual aspects of his face looked this close up. It was exquisite. He was still naked from last night, the blanket draped loosely over his hips, revealing his muscular chest and arms. I could have sat there and stared at him all day.

My mind was racing with memories of last night. I'd never been that bold before, and I wasn't sure what came over me. When we were at the reggae bar and he was dancing with me, I felt so content. It was so comfortable with him, and I just had to have more. I didn't want to let the moment pass. Somehow the thought of us leaving, and the possibility of never getting a chance to feel him this way again, gave me courage. I knew he didn't feel anything more than friendship for me, but New York City wasn't reality. We could be together here. I knew he didn't want a girlfriend, but I wanted to be close to him one last time. I wanted to show him with my body how much he meant to me. I knew I was crossing the friendship boundary, but I couldn't help it. He was lying right next to me, and it was entirely too tempting. I couldn't let the opportunity pass me by.

When I first crawled over to him and began stroking his hair, he looked up at me with concern. I could tell he was conflicted and didn't want to hurt me. But then when I kissed him, he let loose, and I'd never experienced anything like it. I'd always felt that kissing was extremely intimate, and something about the way he held my face in his hands and moved his lips made me feel like there was so much emotion there. It felt special; it felt like more than it was. My body was on auto pilot. I sat up and took off my shirt and pajama bottoms, while his eyes followed my every move. I loved having his eyes on me like that. It was intoxicating. Then I went to work on his clothes, which he let me do without hesitation, still saying nothing. He seemed to be as shocked about my boldness as I was.

The whole experience was so intimate - the way he caressed my thighs and hips as he loved me with his mouth, the way he cradled me as he flipped us over, making sure I was cared for, the way his hands moved on the back of my thighs as he pumped into me. Every one of his movements was deliberate and perfectly placed to bring me the most pleasure. He was the most unselfish lover I'd ever had, which was so surprising to me given his lifestyle. I felt worshipped in that moment. I had no idea how he was going to feel about the night, but I would never forget it, no matter what happened when we got back to Seattle.

There was a small part of me that felt like Tanya, which made me feel ashamed. Was I any better than she was? Hadn't I just cheapened myself the same way she always did? I couldn't think about that. I couldn't change the past. Truth be told, I didn't regret anything that had happened, no matter that undercurrent of discomfort.

Knowing we were leaving our little happiness bubble today was making me panicked. How would things be between us? Could we move past this? I knew last night changed things for us, and I had been willing to take that risk, but how much damage had been done? I had no idea.

What would our friends think? Hell, I didn't even know how things were going to be once we got back to Seattle, so how could I possibly speculate what our friends would think. I'd have to talk to Edward, that much was obvious, but it was probably best if our friends stayed in the dark about this little interlude.

I was pulled from my thoughts when Edward started to wake up.

Cue the awkwardness. Again.

"Morning." I nervously played with my hair as I watched him.

"Morning." He just lay there looking at me for a minute and then continued, "So, uh…we need to talk."

"Edward, before you say anything, just listen." I sat up and supported myself with my hand.

"Bella –"

"No, please. Let me say this. I don't know what came over me last night. It was just that we had such a great day, and it was our last night here, and I wanted to be close to you. I know we agreed that we wouldn't take things to that level, but it just seemed right at the time. I'm sure that it's just because we're here in New York and away from all of our friends that this happened. But I'm not going to apologize for my actions. I'm not sorry. Perhaps we shouldn't have done it, but I don't regret it."

He covered his face with his hand and rolled to face me. "Fuck…I don't know…fuck."

He didn't say anything more. He didn't have to. He looked how I felt – worried.

I had to fix this. I needed to let him off the hook so I didn't have to hear his exit speech. I didn't think I could handle it. "I don't have any misconceptions about what our relationship really is, and I don't want you to worry that I'm going to change or become a psycho stalker or anything like that. I'm a big girl, and I can handle it." I mustered all the bravado I had, not really sure how much of what I said was true, but knowing it needed to be.

He looked deep in thought, as if he was carefully constructing his response. "I'm not concerned about that. I know you aren't some stalker. I just want to make sure you're okay. You're my best friend, and I care about you."

I fell down onto the pillow, facing him. I really wanted this conversation to be over. I could see how hard it was for him. He didn't want to be talking about this any more than I did, but neither of us seemed to want things to change between us. I needed him to know they hadn't, that we'd be okay.

"You don't have to do this," I said softly.

"Shit, Bella. The very last thing in the world I want is for you to be hurt. I feel like I've already fucked that up, though. I should have stopped things last night. I shouldn't have let things get this far."

"At least I know how Late Night Tanya puts up with you now," I said in an attempt to lighten the mood. He winced, and I could tell my attempt at humor was ill-timed and not appreciated. So I tried to recover by saying, "It's not your fault, Edward. I'm the one that did this. I don't want to place any blame. You don't have to feel guilty."

"Still, it shouldn't have happened." He sighed as he got up to go to the bathroom. "We should have known better."

As soon as he shut the door, I came to the realization that, although I didn't regret what happened, Edward did. I could tell just by looking at him he felt weird, and I hoped we hadn't done something that would ruin our friendship. I wanted to feel the same confidence I'd felt the other day that we'd get past this.

I wasn't naïve. I knew sex complicated things, but this was Edward we were talking about. He had uncomplicated sex all the time. And that was what this was - just sex. At least to him it was. Despite my conflicted feelings, I didn't expect anything more. I couldn't expect anything more. I got myself into this position, knowing full well what he was like, and I'd have to deal with the consequences. I knew him well enough to know if I was okay with things, then he'd definitely be okay. I'd have to fix this if I wanted things to go back to normal between us, and I knew he'd follow my lead.

When he came out of the bathroom, I motioned for him to come and sit down on the bed with me.

"Listen, we're leaving today, and I don't want there to be any bad feelings between us. I'm not hurt by what happened. What's done is done, and now it's back to reality," I said, as I grabbed his hands and looked him in the eyes.

"I don't want any bad feelings, either." He ran his hands through his hair and sighed.

"Then you're okay?"

He nodded. "Yeah, I'm okay. I know we're good enough friends to get through this. I mean, I still feel like shit that it happened at all, but our friendship means too much to me to let something like this get in the way."

"I agree. We'll be okay," I said as I stood up and gave him a hug. "Now, let's get packing,"

We quietly packed up our things and left our room. There was a part of me that was sad to leave our little haven we had shared for the past four days, but it was inevitable. As I closed the door behind me, I felt like I was leaving something behind – the easiness, the possibilities, us.

The ride to the airport was quiet as we passed the landmarks we'd seen on our trip. I watched the Empire State building get smaller in the distance, remembering how it felt to be comforted by Edward at the top. I thought of the club, and the pool hall, and the reggae bar. All memories I would cherish. Our flight was uneventful, and the minute we took off we both knew what we were leaving behind. But still, the conversation was light between us. I hoped things would be normal when we got back. Based on our conversation earlier, I got the sense Edward wanted the same thing, so hopefully that was enough.

After we landed and claimed all of our bags, I drove to his place. It was a little awkward to say the least. The last time I was here, Late Night Tanya was here fucking Edward. Now, things were different. Normally after a trip like that (as if I had any precedence), there would have at least been a warm hug or a friendly kiss, but that wasn't possible for us now, nor was it the right thing to do.

"Thanks for inviting me, Bella. I had an incredible time with you," Edward said, getting out of the car.

He walked around to my side of the car and leaned down with his arms on the top to say goodbye.

He looked like he wanted to kiss me, but I shook my head ever so slightly, hoping he'd know I didn't expect it or want it.

"I had fun, too. Give me a call tomorrow." I tried to diffuse the awkward moment by being aloof. It seemed to work.

"Will do. Uh…thanks again," he said, as he turned and walked toward the door. He waved as I pulled away, and I threw my head back onto the headrest as I watched him in my rearview mirror.

Yep, we were back to reality.


A/N: These two really think they can wish away their feelings for each other. Maybe if they sweep their feelings under the rug, they'll go away? Yeah, we all know how that usually works out. So, who do you think is going to break first – Edward or Bella? Tell me your theories!

Thanks to Viola Cornuta, my beta, for making this readable. Also, much love to my pre-readers. You guys make me smile!

In case you didn't know this, I read and respond to every review. I even give teasers. So, please let me know what you think. I love all your theories and ideas!

This is a short transitional chapter. The next chapter should be up on Saturday.