This is totally random and came to me while I was watching Oprah. FYI! Holli is me, I am Holli. I really do make people uncomfortable like this when I get bored.
Holli: Hello there, my fabulous stalkers! (I am just kidding. I know that most of you do not put weirdo questionable things on internet sites about me. But those of you that do, you need help.) Anyways, welcome to another entertaining, slightly creepy, mostly random episode of… DA DA DUH! Hollywood with Holli! Today we have a very interesting show planned for you. Our very special, very very handsome, god-like, strong, abs of steel guest is… ladies keep your pants on, EDWARD CULLEN! Those of you who do not have an unnatural obsession with him and or the book Twilight, please stand up.
(About 6 people stand up, they look slightly embarrassed.)
Holli: Okay, those of you who are still sitting down, please reach under your seats, I have left a small gift there for you.
(The audience whips out a bucket of rocks. They oooo and aaahhhh at it.)
Holli: If you have never watched the show, we have a little thing called "Throw Rocks at the Dumb People." Audience, show them how it's done!!!!! (She sits back and does her little happy dance as the audience massacres the innocent illiterate people standing up.)
(The six people are immediately pelted with very large rocks until they fall over or the ambulance comes.)
Holli: Okay, now that we've got that out of the way, please welcome Mr. Edward Cullen!!!!!!!!
(The audience immediately starts yelling things like, bite me, Please! Take it off! You're hotter than Jacob! and one yell of BOO! This was immediately silenced by several rocks left over in the buckets. Edward comes out, grinning and waving at the audience. But his grin is cut short as a rather large pair of panties is thrown at him. He sidesteps them and rushes to the safety of Holli's super comfy awesome couch.)
Holli: So Mr. Edward "I Really Brought Sexy Back" Cullen, how are you today?
Edward: Umm, please, just Edward will do. I am doing pretty good, except for the fact that I haven't seen Bella in like two hours.
(Loud calls of "AWWW" can be heard from the audience.)
Holli: So, how are things with you and Bella lately?
Edward: Well, Holli, I can call you Holli right?
Holli: Well, either that or "The REALLove of My Life" whichever you prefer.
Edward: Ok, Holli, Bella and I are in a really good place right now. We're really happy.
Holli: So, you two are really happy? And nobody could pull you apart?
Edward: Yes, we're… (He is cut off by Holli)
Holli: So, you would never leave her for a brownish reddish haired 14 year old girl with her own talk show? (She flips her brownish reddish hair, and nods her head at the very large sign that had just appeared above her. It read "Hollywood with Holli, aka the 14 year old girl with her own talk show." Edward just nervously jiggled his foot.)
Edward: I have never loved anyone even half as much as I love Bella.
Holli: Never?
Edward: Not ever.
Holli: SSSSSSSSSOOOOOOO, you are telling me in the bagillion kazillion migillion years you have been alive you have never felt the slightest attraction to anyone besides Bella?
Edward: I've actually only been alive for like one hundred and ten years. But, to answer your question, I have never felt the same way about someone that I feel about Bella.
Holli: Never?
Edward: NO! NOT EVER!
Holli: Edward Orlando Bloom Johnny Depp Various Other Hott Guys Cullen! Do not raise your voice at me!
Edward: WTF? That is so not my middle name!
Holli: What is your middle name? Is your middle name Grouch Pants?
Edward: NO, it most certainly is not Grouch Pants.
Holli: What is it?
Edward: I do not feel the need to share that with you on national TV.
Holli: How about later then?
Edward: Whatever. I guess.
Holli: Oh, I get it. (She flashes him a smile and a wink.) Way too be sneaky. (She whispers to him.)
Edward: What are you talking about?
Holli: You aren't really going to tell me your middle name are you?
Edward: I wasn't planning on it.
Holli: Uh-huh. (Another smile and wink.)
Edward: ……….
Holli: O yes. (She sends him various situations on what she thinks he is thinking.)
Edward: Oh dear god, no. Your only 14 and I love Bella.
Holli: But does this Bella character you speak of love you?
Edward: Of course she does!
Holli: Alright then.
Edward: She does!
Holli: Yep, I totally and completely believe you.
Edward: Okay.
Holli: Please direct your attention to the big screen on your right, there Edward buddy boy.
(He slowly turns and immediately breaks Holli's super comfy awesome couch, the source of his discomfort is the large pictures on the TV. They are of Bella and Jacob in various precarious positions.)
Edward: What the H-E-Double-Hockey-sticks is that?
Holli: It's what it looks like.
Edward: Bella would never do that.
Holli: Ok.
Edward: (Looks into her eyes and dazzles her.) She wouldn't.
Holli: (Thoroghly dazzled.) Ya, I know. I photoshopped them. The wonders of technology huh?
Edward: I'm leaving. This is ridiculous.
Holli: Bye Edward Orlando Bloom Johnny Depp Other Various Hott Guys Grouch Pants Cullen! Until we meet again.
Edward: THAT IS NOT MY MIDDLE NAME!
