Lying there alone on my bed, the thought of a life without Edward seemed both scary and distant, but I knew there would come a day when all of this would be behind me, that someday I would wake up and find that I had moved on. Even though I had been the one who left him, starting over with someone new made me feel nervous and I feared that, at some point, I would come to regret my decision. After all, I had been with Edward for some time and a large part of me would miss him deeply. But I told myself it was time to move on.

It wouldn't be easy. I mean, how do you learn to live without something you've started to take for granted? How do you stop yourself from regretting your decision? How can you allow yourself to remember all the good moments when you know it'll only lead to pain? Without the answers to any of those questions, I was about to start moving in a completely new direction, while Edward went his own way.

Thinking about him alone somewhere, I slightly missed Edward, but I knew it was more out of pity than out of love this time. I knew I had to put up a goal; that I had to strive for survival without him. The feeling was almost surreal; the thought of letting him go sent shivers down my spine. But turning my thoughts to Jasper, things seemed a little easier.

And time passed, as time always does.

To begin with everything seemed new and awkward, but I was glad to find that I was still welcome in the Cullen's house, even if some of them acted a bit cold toward me at first. I had feared that Alice would be devastated, but she tried really hard to accept the state of things and I, in return, tried to make her see that I wasn't intending to take Jasper from her. We often spent time together, the three of us, and I would sometimes find her watching Jasper and me with a sadness in her eyes. Other times she seemed really happy for us, and we soon began developing a new sort of relationship. As time passed, I realized how strong their connection was; sometimes they seemed almost like two halves of the same person.

So, instead of losing her, I'd like to believe I came even closer to Alice, after everything that had happened. And when I was finally changed – turned into one of them and became a true member of the family – things just seemed to get better and better.

As for Edward, Jasper had been right. For a very long time, I didn't see or hear from him. I think he kept in touch with Carlisle, but Carlisle was careful not to speak too much about him in my presence. If it was for my sake or because Edward had asked him not to say anything, I don't know, but I usually let it slide.

I later found out that he had left the country, and was travelling Europe in hope of finding … whatever he needed to get better. I felt ashamed for not being depressed, when I thought of how hard this was all affecting him, but most of the time I just wondered how he was doing.

He never moved back; I guess he found the thought unbearable since I eventually moved into the house. But one day, years after our breakup, I woke up to find him sitting at the kitchen table with Carlisle and Esme, deep in conversation. They all fell silent as I entered the room, and soon Carlisle and Esme left. Edward came up to me, smiled politely and asked me innocent questions, like how are things and what have you been up to.

It was strange how he hadn't changed one bit but still managed to seem completely different. There was no anger, no disgust and no accusations in his eyes, and when he spoke it seemed he had sincerely found a new way to live, which he seemed happy with.

I would see him once every year or so as he came to visit wherever we were currently living. We would talk and smile and be polite. If he did hold a grudge, he never once showed it to me.

And in all of this, I had Jasper: a person who loved me enough to cross the earth for me, but cared enough for my happiness to let me grow at my own pace. He would lie beside me in bed while I was still human and needed sleep, and read aloud from one of his many books until I fell asleep. Did I wake sometime during the night, he would still sit there, still as a statue, with the same book in his hands. The image of him in the dark will never leave me; to this day it still brings me such comfort.

I've never met a person so encouraging before. Jasper made me believe in myself and helped me achieve all those little things I had thought I was too weak or stupid or even too lazy to do. He would push me to do my best, and comfort me when I failed. Holding me in his arms and soothing my sorrow with his remarkable ability, I would think that there was no place that was safer than right there, in his embrace.

And, perhaps most importantly, when I asked to be changed, he didn't put up a fight. He heard me out and stayed by my side all through the process, and even though I knew it was heartbreaking for him to watch I am so thankful he was there after it was all over. In my new life, his was the first face I really saw, the first voice I remember hearing.

I loved him, I love him still and I intend to continue loving him until my body is ripped apart and burned. As long as I live, there will be only him for me.