I would like to say a word about disclaimers. Obviously I don't own Warriors or I would be Vicky, Kate, Cherith, or Tui. And I'm not. That wouldn't be good if the authors were busy on FanFiction when they should be writing books for us. And if I owned Warriors, the books would be a lot different.
But, it can be fun explaining why you don't have a disclaimer.
For example:
-My disclaimer was eaten by a hungry Hollyleaf.
-I had something saying "I don't own Warriors", but Cloudtail found a stick of dynamite… and had a little fun with it.
-Brightheart ran over my disclaimer with a police car.
Anyway, here we go! I was tired while writing this chapter, and I'm a lot more into my other story, so if you want to read some "better" writing, read Thunder's Story. But if you are looking for humor, stick with this.
They sent Squirrelflight and Brambleclaw to go find Lionblaze. They thought that it might help their broken relationship…
Dustpelt walked up to the bar and sat down.
"I'll pay for everyone," he said, pulling a credit card out of his pocket. He had snatched it from a police officer. He handed it to the bartender.
"How many?" he asked in a gruff voice.
The cat-people who wanted to have a drink raised their hands.
"Twenty-five."
"No, no. Only twenty-four," Dustpelt said while slamming Ferncloud's raised hand onto the countertop. The bartender looked at them strangely but took the money and went to get some beers and the food they ordered.
"What the heck?" Ferncloud said.
"You can't drink when you're pregnant."
"I can drink!"
"No you can't!"
"I've done it a million times before!"
Jayfeather snickered. "She's been pregnant that many times…"
Leafpool whacked him over the head with a rolled-up newspaper.
"You're not drinking anything, either, young man."
"What?" he whined.
"Medicine cats cannot drink," she said wisely.
They stared at her.
"It's part of the code."
Dustpelt had just explained that they weren't going to drink water, exactly.
"But it tastes much better," he commented with a grin.
Just then, Brambleclaw came back. He had a black eye.
"What happened to you?" asked the bartender, setting down their drinks.
"I got in a fight."
"No fights here- Out!"
"With my… girlfriend."
"Hmm… different circumstances. You can stay."
"Where is my daughter?" asked Firestar.
"She found Lionblaze," Brambleclaw said, pointing.
Lionblaze was sitting on a stool by himself, moaning and blubbering with a bottle clutched tight in his hand.
"What happened to you?" they all asked him.
He turned his unfocused eyes on them.
"Who…" he hiccupped, "Are you?"
"Dustpelt!" hissed Firestar. "You were going to feed us poison?"
"It's not poison!"
"Look what it did to Lionblaze!"
Lionblaze swayed as he told Mousewhisker his story.
"…I like one of those TwoLeg girls (hic) so I licked her! (hic) But I think TwoLegs don't like that…"
Mousewhisker nodded sympathetically.
"… (hic)… and they went away. And that TwoLeg…" he pointed at the bartender, "He told me that I had to stay… here until I could pay (hic)," Lionblaze slurred. "But I don't even know what pay means!"
"Uhh… how many bottles have you had?" asked Dustpelt.
Lionblaze looked down. They followed his gaze. There were at least ten bottles under the counter, and Lionblaze had stacked them in a pyramid shape.
"Lionblaze, you don't look so good," Squirrelflight told him as he almost fell off his stool.
"… (hic)…" Then he threw up all over the counter, and zonked out. He fell down to the ground, but Poppyfrost was suddenly there and caught him. Well, actually, she caught his feet, so his head hit the ground anyway, but he was already sleep, so what did it matter?
"Aw… so sweet," said a bunch of random Warriors fans; Poppyfrost/Lionblaze fans sitting there, then wondered why the heck they had said that. It obviously couldn't be that those two people were people they knew…
Maybe it was greater forces at work!
"All hail StarClan!" they chanted as they walked out, and the actual Warrior cat-humans were stunned.
"How did they know about StarClan?" they wondered.
"It was a sign from StarClan," cried Jayfeather. "Telling us not to give up believing in them!"
Meanwhile, some of the younger warriors were having their first taste of alcohol…
Brightheart parked with a BANG in front of McDonalds, in the last spot. The bang was from running into a fireworks truck. The fireworks truck was parked next to an oil truck. The oil truck was parked next to a fire truck. The fire truck was parked next to a clown's car. The clown's car was parked next to an ice-cream truck.
Brightheart and Cloudtail got out of the police car and ran inside the McDonalds. They happily looked at a statue of Ronald, and sat on his lap. Only two truck drivers, a fireman, a clown, and an ice-cream man were getting food at such a late time. And one scrawny, tired, McDonalds worker with as many pimples as people in China. So no one paid much attention to a strong, white-haired man and a one-eyed woman. (Well, maybe they paid attention to the woman. They were all men. But not much to the other guy.)
Also, no one paid much attention to a single spark that fell from the collision to the ground next to the oil truck. A thin rope was hanging down from the truck. You see, the truck driver had really long shoelaces (maybe 20 feet long each. He was insane. I wonder why they were letting him drive an oil truck.) and his extra pair of sneakers had gotten stuck in the door.
Unfortunately, that single spark lit onto the shoelace and a flame began running up it. To the oil-filled truck. Next to the fireworks truck. Next to a fire truck. Next to a clown's car (with polka-dots, if you care). Next to an ice-cream truck.
Oops.
Whitewing, Millie, and Daisy led the children to a shop. The sign read GAS and lots of numbers. (High ones…) They walked inside the convenience store and asked for some food.
"What, you think I'm just going to give you some for free?" asked a sleepy woman at the counter.
Daisy walked over to the snacks, pulled out a chip bag, and ate some. The woman was amazed.
"…Hey! What are you doing?"
Daisy handed Millie a rolling pin.
Millie looked at the rolling pin.
"What should I do with this?"
Daisy mimed thwacking someone on the head with it.
Millie still looked confused.
So Daisy walked to her, pulled the rolling pin out of her hands, and wacked the woman on the head with it.
"Oh," said Millie. Meanwhile, the apprentices were in fits of laughter at the whole scene. Whitewing gave them all food.
"Oh my StarClan, this is delicious!" Rosekit exclaimed, wolfing down a bag of chips. Everyone agreed.
"Incredible!"
"No way is this real!"
"Praise StarClan!"
"Much better than mice," Whitewing commented while she swallowed a Peanut Butter Cup, paper and all.
Then a grin spread across her face.
"What. Was. That?" she said slowly.
"What?" asked Daisy. But Whitewing already was scrambling for more candy. The other cats followed her lead and took some candy also.
Forty minutes later, the candy counter was empty.
But the mothers, kits, and apprentices were full.
And insanely hyper.
Oh dear.
Hollyleaf grinned at her pile of bodies. She had knocked out the doorman, the elevator man, the room service man, and a random guy who wolf whistled when she walked by. She had found that whistle offending.
Time to get revenge on ThunderClan.
She walked out of the door and felt something wet fall on her head.
She looked up and saw a pidgeon. In a hotel. It had just crapped on her head.
"Ew."
At this rate, she would never get revenge!
