Hello,

Time for another chapter, special thanks to all who reviewed. It felt good and funny ;)

Enjoy the next chapter


Chapter 7

Christian's POV

"I haven't seen her for months again, but I feel the need to go to her and talk to her to check if she's okay." I was sitting in doctor Flynn's office and I was telling him about Anastasia. I've been mentioning her a lot lately and couldn't do nothing about it. I told him in detail how our relationship looked like and why I ended it.

"I know that you're close to leaving everything and hopping on the first plane to Boston, but you know you can't just pop up in her front door and ask her to talk to you. That would be wrong." I knew that, yet I was tempted to do as he said. I didn't like sitting and doing nothing. I had to act.

"I need to see her, and I have to make sure she's fine. I think it's my fault that she's in that condition. The way she looked at me. Fuck, she had to leave the room because she didn't want to be near me. I broke her." I showed him the pictures of her that I had, and he could also clearly see the difference.

"In my opinion it was hard for her as well. She hasn't seen you for three years. How did you expect her to greet you? She wasn't happy to see you after how badly you hurt her. Christian, I know you don't think too highly of yourself and that you have serious issues that accompany you since early childhood. But on Anastasia's example you saw that your actions have impact on others. However, you know well that Leila wasn't your fault." I was seeing him for five years or so, and he helped me a lot, but I wasn't sure if I could forgive myself for what happened to me in the past or if I could forgive my mother. I knew she was doing everything in her power to raise me, but she simply couldn't. She was a shitty mother not because she wanted. I knew it.

But the pain was still there, and I was still looking for a way of channelling my emotions, but the way I've known was wrong. I wasn't capable of loving anyone, and I knew I would ruin somebody's life if the person wanted to spend it with me. That was why I was keeping all the relationships at bay. I couldn't contaminate anyone with my twisted personality.

"I know Leila wasn't my fault. But Anastasia was. John, when I met her she was the most adorable and sweet person I'd known, and I'd changed her to fit into my life. That was wrong"

"I wouldn't worry about the sexual aspect as much as you. I know you did nothing she couldn't handle, and you took safety and consent seriously. If Anastasia didn't accept it, she would've told you." I nodded at that. Yes, that was correct. I cared about all subs' needs, but I felt like I still missed something. "It was the rejection that did the trick. She gave you more than she originally planned, and she felt like you slammed it right into her face. That, was wrong." I've figured that out a while ago, but that let me put things in a different light.

I've always felt like nothing and wanted to prove myself and everybody else around me that I was worth something, that was the original motivator why I started working harder, except for some extraordinary training I got. Now it wasn't like that, but I remembered how I felt whenever my father was saying that he was disappointed at me, even if I was giving all the effort I could.

"I understand. I miss her John. Like, truly miss her. I compared every other sub to her and tried finding someone who'd be as special as she was, but I couldn't."

"I know you do, but you mustn't rush things. I need you to really consider why you miss her so much and what do you expect from her and from yourself." I knew I wanted her back in my life, I wanted to get to know her, go out, try dating again maybe something more… oh, that was rather an odd thought, but I couldn't erase it.

"She was different." I knew he was asking me to explain. "She was innocent, and she was very patient and so eager to learn. I loved spending time with her." I almost managed to smile. It was truly a happy time, as she once texted me.

"Not only the time was special, she was special to you although you didn't want to admit it." Then the realisation hit me and made me feel even more guilty.

"She loved me, and I destroyed her." And I knew that her hatred was nothing comparing to what I felt toward myself at the moment.


Anastasia's POV

My schedule was full, work, doctor and I had no time for myself. We had a large collaborative project and had to be both terminologist and translator because one person was ill and that sucked, because I had twice much to do than others. I argued with one of my colleagues after she declined to take over at least some of the responsibilities. She owed me a lot this time, because I was glad I wasn't the Project manager this time.

I talked to Doctor Harb and every time I felt the office, I was crying. I had no idea I had so many emotions bottled up in me. I was afraid of setting them free. It had to be done gradually and I knew that those sessions were helpful. Mick was also buried with work. Our weekend was like: Side by side working and from time to time breaks to eat something. There was a hard time at Mick's work because the executives were coming from Seattle and Boston wanted to make better impression in their performance.

For me that meant one thing, Grey was in Boston and I didn't like that thought. Luckily chances of meeting him were minimal and only thanks to that, I was able to sleep.

I felt lonely and I knew that in reality I wasn't alone. There were many people around me and I knew they cared like Mick, Joshua, Paula, Kate… They were all there if I needed them. I knew I could call them and that they'd support me. But I was afraid of relationships. I was afraid of being hurt and was rather reluctant to being more open in communication with them. I didn't want them to think I was weak. Doctor told me that I needed to try talking to them more, even some chit-chat from time to time was welcome. I needed to feel comfortable but with the ongoing project, period and mood swings it wasn't possible. Just kill me now…

"Anastasia, I know you're stressed. We both are, but it'll be over soon and then we'll take some time just for ourselves." I was appreciating his support because I knew he was also having a bad time and despite that, he was still comforting me.

"Can't wait to that." I leaned to kiss him and returned to work.


It took longer than expected to be done over with everything we had to do. The project needed more check-ups and that was why it was delayed. I hated when things didn't add up and had to improvise to get going, but that was the risk I took by choosing that profession. I would never switch it to anything else.

Mick could also sigh in relief because everything was okay, and they could go back to their usual routine. We spent our time for ourselves a bit different than we originally planned. We just slept, no sex at all, just cuddling. I thought that we'd spend a nice Sunday when on Saturday afternoon I answered a call from Kate.

"Do you have any plans for Sunday?" Before I could answer I heard the rest. "Because Elliot and I are in Boston now. We'll be here for three days only because Elliot wants to go back with Christian, but I thought that you might want to hang out with us… please say you have time… and this time it's my type of party" And that was all that was left of a quiet weekend. Fuck, they should've told me earlier they were coming.

"Kate you know it's rather late for that sort of call. You should've text me earlier or something." I wasn't mad at her, just the situation was a bit awkward.

"I know, sorry Ana but it was Elliot's idea." I looked at Mick and told Kate to be quiet for a sec.

"My friends from Seattle are in town and they want to hang out. Are you interested in joining us?" I asked with hope. "It's Kate and Elliot and knowing Kate it won't be quiet day" I saw he was thinking about it intensively.

"Absolutely. Can't wait to it" I heard a bit of irony in his voice, but I knew it was for the same reason as me. We were both really tired, but it was cool he wanted to meet my friends.

"Coffee, chat and movie?" I asked Kate with hope. Clubbing was out of the question. I had to go to work in the morning.

"How about Black Stories? We haven't played for a while…" That was okay. I had it in my apartment.

"Even better. We're ordering something, or you want me to cook something?" I knew it was a tricky question because Kate would never refuse somebody cooking for her.

"No need Ana, we'll order something. I'm sorry for not calling earlier." I told her I was fine, and we set they'd come at one. I moved back to Mick and lay my head on his chest. I was more tired than I expected to be.


We were sitting on the floor and played the Black Stories. It was fun to see Kate and Elliot enjoying themselves.

"Where's Ava?" I asked them. I knew they had plenty of willing babysitters to choose from like for example Mia or Kate's mom.

"She's with my parents." I heard Elliot's response." You have to visit us again. You're like family to us." Kate nodded at that. It was a really nice thing to hear. The other great thing was that they weren't too loud. It seemed like they also needed a break and valued their time off.

"I'll be there in a few months, for now I'm not leaving anywhere." I smiled at Mick and he got the message. All I wanted was to live in peace for a second.

"I get it, but thanks anyway for inviting us, and for changing your plans because of us." Kate came closer to mess my hair. Elliot took out another story and started to read it.

"I'm not taking part in this one, I know the solution." Mick and Kate were guessing, and I had few moments to think a bit. I saw Mick interacting with my friends and he seemed at ease with them. He immediately hit it off with Elliot, but not really with Kate. Still, he was polite and in a good mood. It reminded me of Grey a bit, but Christian's reluctance was more obvious and annoying.

"Ana it's your turn." Elliot passed me the card and I read the story.

"Father couldn't resist his children and that was the reason why they died." I read it out loud and waited for them to guess. The story wasn't too complicated, and Kate solved it in no time. Mick asked only one question and Elliot two, three, but no more. We spent the day on playing, chatting and eating pizza. It wasn't my usual Sunday, but that change was nice, although I didn't feel too well after pizza.

"It was nice finally meeting you." Mick said to them when they were leaving, and I knew he was being honest about it.

"Yep, at least you knew about us, Ana told me about you not so long ago…but anyway I'm happy she's finally found someone" I wanted to punch Kate, but I stopped myself. It wasn't the right thing to say.

"I love you too Katie."


Christian's POV

I've been in Boston for over a week and still haven't contacted Anastasia. I was busy with work which was obviously an excuse to come here. But when I saw the chance of seeing her, I chickened. To my surprise Elliot and Kate decided to have some time for themselves and they came here as well. They left their kid with my parents and took time to enjoy life far from home. It surprised me when Elliot told me that they were glad that Ana hadn't made any plans and they could go and see her. Seriously? I knew I would be mad if someone wanted to meet me unannounced. Luckily it didn't happen too often. They were at Ana's and I was on my own thinking whether I should contact her or no. I wanted to make sure she was alright and to talk to her like two civilised people. I thought we could do that. I mean, I hoped she would answer the phone if I called her, but I remembered she was more straightforward in writing, so I decided to contact her via e-mail.

Elliot and Kate returned quite early, but it was understandable, Ana had work in the morning and couldn't stay up all night with her friends. Kate disappeared quickly from my sight. Our relationship has improved over the years, but it was far from being friends. I respected her, but that was top of my ability in case of Mrs. Kavanagh-Grey.

"How was your day?" I asked Elliot. I told them I was planning on working, so he thought probably that mine was probably the most tedious possible Sunday. It wasn't that bad. I was actually unsettled because I couldn't stop thinking about Anastasia and thinking of convenient way of approaching her.

"Great, Kate was disappointed that Ana didn't want to go out, but honestly for me that was better. We could actually relax and that was our original plan. We played the Black Stories and later we tried DiXit but I sucked at it. Ordered a pizza and that was it." It sounded nice and so much like Anastasia. Maybe she hadn't changed as much as I expected. Maybe some part of her was intact.

"Sounds like fun. Is Ana feeling better than the last time?" Everyone noticed that something was odd about her, so my question didn't surprise my brother much.

"Yeah and we've met her boyfriend. I had no idea she was seeing anyone, Kate found out a few weeks ago and it turned out they've been together for more than half a year. Could you imagine lying to your family and friends for so long? I almost couldn't believe it." His words couldn't be more precise. I didn't have to imagine lying. I've been doing that for years and I knew it was wrong. Hell, the things he knew about me and Anastasia were only the tip of the iceberg and it lasted for more than a year.

"Maybe she had a good reason. Not everything is as it seems…" I said in resigned voice. I knew what I was doing was wrong and just couldn't stop it.

"Maybe, I don't know her that well, but I know one thing for sure: something really bad must've happened." I nodded unable to comment on this.


It was now or never. I was leaving to Seattle the day after tomorrow and I had to take the risk. It was around eight in the evening and I knew she was at home by that time. I took out my phone and dialled her number. After a third signal I heard her voice.

"Hello?" For a moment I was lost of words, everything I wanted to say suddenly disappeared.

"Anastasia? Hello, can we talk for a moment?" My voice was different than I planned. I've never been so hesitant and frightened in last several years. I heard a pause on the other side and I wasn't sure what that meant.

"Mr Grey… Hello… Didn't think you'd ever call. Wasn't my message clear enough? I told you to leave me alone. It wasn't much to ask." I heard how much effort she put into controlling her tone. I knew it wasn't easy for her to talk to me, but I felt just like her at the time.

"Anastasia, please… I just want to talk to you…" It was hard to acknowledge that I was begging her. I realised how idiotic it was and focused on my aim.

"Okay, do we have any reason to talk?" On the phone it was nothing. I needed to see her.

"Actually, I was thinking about a coffee tomorrow if you don't mind. As you know I'm in Boston right now and I'll be leaving soon." There was another pause. I knew she was hesitating, but she didn't terminate the call, so there was still some hope.

"Okay, you can have thirty minutes. I'll text you the details." It was the best possible answer I could get.

"Thank you for giving me a chance." I didn't have to see her to know she was rolling her eyes.

"Don't get your hopes up Grey, it's just a short talk, but it's still more than you deserve from me" and then the call ended.


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Can't wait till the next update

~Mila