A/N: It would appear that there are quite a few chapters written from Tobias' point of view, but with poor Tris in traction she doesn't have much to say yet. But never fear, we will hear from her again soon. Hope you all enjoy the chapter!


Reflections

Tobias

Chapter 7

The next couple days were spent in a blur. I slept heavily after passing out from exhaustion upon being shepherded back to the hotel area of the compound. Unlike the others who fell into their cots upon arrival, I was able to sneak off to be by myself with an excuse about the bathroom. Without much trouble I found the room where Tris and I had spent the night together on the couch. Where we had finally let our inhabitations get in the way no longer and had let our Dauntless sides over rule the Abnegation within us. Our first real night together.

I lay alone on the couch, feeling how cold and empty it felt without her warm body beside me and let my emotions run free in a way that I didn't think I was capable of and in some ways frightened me. Sobbing I buried my face in the cushions and brought the blanket that had been found that night close around my shoulders. I breathed deep of both, they smelled of her and a hint of our mingled sweat. Wishing it was more than just the scent of her that I was wrapped in I passed out on the couch, not to wake for some time, the trials and high emotional energy that I had expended over the previous two days finally pulling me to a halt which I could no longer fight.

When I finally woke up again, it was no longer bright out as it had been when I had crawled onto the couch, but dark outside the window. Rising to use the bathroom I found myself back on the couch, wrapped in the Tris scented blanket once again. I didn't turn on the lights and I leaned back and let the emotions and memories of the previous waking hours wash over me, carefully rewinding and cataloging them away. Some were foggy and some were painfully sharp.

The Peter that I knew was gone, the initiate, the bully, the person who saved Tris from execution and the person desperate enough to offer up a fight to forget who he was and try to start fresh.

One of my best friends in Dauntless, one of my only friends would now probably never speak to me again, and perhaps never wish to see me ever again. I had failed Zeke, I had failed Uriah and I had not only failed, but helped cause the situation that ultimately lead to Uriah's death. It had been horrible and the hardest thing in my life to that point to have to look his mom in the face and tell her that her son was dead, or was as good as dead. And then to have to tell her that I had been part of the reason that she had lost her youngest child. It was something maddeningly heart wrenching.

Then there had been the encounter with my own mother; a confrontation long in the making and long overdue. It would appear that my leaving the city and then my reappearance had caused something to change within her. Perhaps it was the fact that I had given her a choice. Perhaps choices were something that she had never really experienced before. Perhaps she had always just done what she saw as her only option before. Perhaps she was driven by the belief that she had no choice and to grab a hold of what meager hope was offered or the whiff of perceived power.

Whatever drove my mother in the past and whatever was driving my mother now, it was no longer something the city had to worry about. There had been a truce and a total reorganization back to some semblance of normalcy. Or whatever normal was going to be in the city from now on, what that was to be was still too early to tell. I would see my mother again in a few days when she left the city for good. She had chosen me and had given up the city as a result. Per the agreement she was to leave it entirely. What any of this meant for the future of our relationship together was still to be seen. There was much both sides of the agreement would have to reconcile in order for progress to be made.

Then there was Caleb. I had never liked him much. He may be Tris' brother, but that did not mean that I had to like him. In fact for quite some time I had been cultivating a deep dislike for the cowardly boy that had willingly offered up his little sister as a sacrifice to the likes of Jennie Mathews. There were things that he could have done to help keep his family safe, and I even had the nagging suspicion that he had been the one to tip off the city of our whereabouts when we had all sought refuge with Amity. There was no other way that they could have found us so quickly if there hadn't been and informant. Even Peter, who seemed to hate Tris had managed to find a way to save her from execution, right under Jennie Matthew's nose.

He was the one who was supposed to have died in the cause for the greater good. He was the one who was supposed to have dealt with the death serum. He was the one who should have been in the weapons lab to be shot by the lunatic David. Not Tris, not Tris.

He was also the one who had a hand in saving her though. He was the one who checked her, and found out she still lived. He was the one to first offer the gift of life to his sister with his own blood. He was the one who had delivered what might have been the last words ever spoken by Tris to me and not told the rest of the others. He knew the value of both our privacies. Perhaps what Tris had told me was true. The first step to forgiving others was to first admit that there is some evil inside of everyone, even ourselves. Perhaps Caleb had some good in him after all, but I still struggled to see it as I struggled to think of what Tris was and had to go through.

And then there was Tris. The last time I saw her before this happened she was radiant. Flushed with excitement and strength, she did not show much of the fear and worry I could see she carried concerning her brother's impending death. She was strong, she was brave, and she loved life. She was everything to me, and she loved me, believed I was worth being with and didn't want to leave me. I could not forget the contrast of the birds on her collar bone against the flushed skin beneath that had meet my eyes the last time I had awoken on this very same couch.

Now she lay on the other end of the compound. Pale and bound with bandages and wires, tape and tubes. She was clinging to life and there was nothing I could do other than wait to see if she pulled through. She had always been strong and brave when I had seen her, delicate in body but enormous in spirit. The last time I saw her was like looking at what I hoped would not be the empty shell of the woman I loved. She had looked paper thin and pale, like a single touch would shatter her into a million pieces, taking my world down with it. The thought sent chills down my spine and I hugged the blanket closer and inhaled deeply again; comforted by the memories wrapped within the blanket and the scent of her that still clung to it.

I must have fallen back to sleep while I was mulling things over, for when I was once again aware of my surroundings there was early morning light filtering through grey clouds outside. The snow had stopped and from what appeared to be piled on the windowsill a few inches had fallen. Winter had never been my favorite season. It had always felt desolate and empty and now the paleness of the snow reminded me again of the paleness of her skin as she lay on the white linens in the hospital bed.

Turning away from the window I carefully folded the blanket and placed it on the couch, wondering if I would return to collect it again. I just knew that if I took it back to the makeshift dorm, that it would likely get laundered and that was something I could not bear the thought of. Going back to the dorm I found that it was empty, whatever time it was had chased all the others out and to whatever task that was set before them. I gathered a few of my meager belongings and headed for the showers, intent on at least being clean. I wanted to go see Tris again, but the Dr.'s warning of infection told me that I would likely not be admitted if I smelled bad, which I did. If I wanted a chance at seeing or touching Tris than I would have to be clean to do it.

As I was returning from the showers, feeling much refreshed I ran into Christina in the hall way.

"There you are!" She cried out upon seeing me. "We have been looking all over for you this morning. We have all been very worried about you too. We have not seen you in two days, not since the night Tris was shot."

"Two days?" I asked. "It has been two days since that happened?" It couldn't have been two days. I couldn't have slept for that long.

"Yes, two days, at least since we found out she would survive." Christina confirmed. "But that is not why we are looking for you. They unplug Uriah today. Zeke and his Mom want to make sure that you knew and want you to be there when it happens, if you are up to it."

"They want me there?" I ask. "I was the one that put him in this state."

"No you didn't. You could have had no way of knowing or preventing this. It is not your fault." Christina said forcefully. "You don't have much time to make up your mind though. They are going to unplug him at one. You have an hour to decide."

"An hour? What time is it?" I asked in astonishment.

"A little before noon." Was her answer as she turned and walked away.

I really didn't give it much thought. There wasn't much of a choice. As much as I felt responsible for what had happened for Uriah, I also knew that I could not let my friend face this alone. I would at least be there and offer whatever support my presence would give when they finally let him go. I could at least do that for them.


A/N: I will skip actually writing a whole new scene for the process of Uriah's family letting him go. It was well written in the book and I don't wish to copy and change or even go into it. I can't and don't wish to try to top what was already written.

Hope you all enjoyed this chapter and leave a lovely review to liet me know if you did. The next few chapters will be a bit slower in coming, I have a couple more chapters that are partially written, but finding the time with the summer is getting a bit more difficult than I planned. But never fear I will continue and finish the fic, even if it is a bit slow. ~Live Laugh Love, Dragons Quill