Chapter 7: Charles
As I had foreseen, it turned out challenging to have Elvis around. I had counted on him being a tease, but I had not counted on being jealous myself. When I spotted him and Molly sitting together in the mess tent, talking in Italian and laughing, it made me feel things towards my best friend which I'm not proud of. Even though he was going to marry in a few weeks, it was obvious that he had turned on his charm on max level. Or, maybe the problem is that he is unable to ever turn it off. Trying to charm any girl who has passed puberty up to granny age is just his natural state, but I wished he could resist for once with Molly when he knew how I felt and my hands were tied. But no, instead he had to mess with me.
He made me sit down beside her. I'm not sure if he realised it or not but we had never been that close, she and I, not since we met this time around. Hardly back in the old days either. Now the entire right side of my body was touching her left, from shoulder, down to hip and leg. It was hard to focus on anything else because I felt like all my blood was drawn to the touching surfaces, making them heat up. And then he began joking about her and my basic needs and we both knew it was not food we were talking about. I could only pray that she did not get it.
It was a relief to get rid of them for a few hours, but I was a bit worried about what he might say to her when they spent time together. However, when they returned it was clear that they had been professional, focusing on work only and had important intel to share.
I took what she had to tell seriously and once again I was impressed by her. Thanks to that she had gained the trust of the local women we got information we otherwise never would have had, and it might very well save the life of the ANA soldiers up at the mountain CP. She had proven that engaging with the locals on a personal level could be a good thing. She was right, and I was wrong. During the briefing in the Ops tent I tried to convey to her that I had changed my mind. Without words, as it was not the time and place to say out loud with Beck and Elvis there, but I'm not sure if I managed.
I was focused and alert when we headed for the CP, but not especially worried. With the intel we had, which they did not know we had, it seemed we would have the upper hand and take them out without too much trouble. But then shit went down. I allowed Elvis to try to ambush some remaining elusive insurgents, which normally should have been easy for him, but something went wrong this time and he called out that he had been hit. That he would bleed out if he did not get help from the medic. From Molly.
I was in agony, my best friend needed help not to die and the one who could give it was the woman I had feelings for. We did not know if it was clear up there at the compound, if it was safe or if she would risk getting shot by an insurgent too if she went. Situations like this was exactly why I did not want to be emotionally involved with anyone related to my job, it blurred the sight and made decisions difficult when they should be straightforward.
"I must go to him", she said.
"We don't know if it's safe."
"We never do, do we? It's my job. Don't hesitate because I'm a woman, Sir."
I realised I had no valid reason not to let her go and I certainly could not leave Elvis to bleed out. Of course, I had to send her to him. I nodded.
"You go, and me and Brains will cover you. Be careful Dawes, the insurgents may still be around."
"I will be, Sir."
We moved forward, Molly at some distance ahead of me and Brains, and we had eyes on her and the surroundings all the time. Moving carefully, watching one's every step takes time, but she finally reached Elvis with us on her heels.
"He's gone off." I heard her say in my headset. "He's lost a lot of blood. I'll do what I can to stop it, but the bullet hole is too high up for me to put the tourniquet in a good place to stop the bleeding. I need to put pressure on with my fingers. You must call in a medevac."
I told Brains to stay where he was and keep looking out, meanwhile I moved in closer and soon reached the unconscious Elvis and Molly. She was right. He had taken a hit near his groin and it was not possible to get the tourniquet above it, so blood was seeping from it at a steady pace. God, not Elvis who always had seemed immortal with all his cheeky courage, and not now when he just was getting married. I saw how Molly tried to plug the hole with bandages and put pressure on with her hands, but I wondered how he would manage going up the winch to the helicopter without bleeding out. She must have thought about the same, but she acted so calmly and composed, doing whatever she could.
Suddenly Elvis came to. He grabbed my arm, fixed his eyes on me and with panic in his voice said;
"Don't let me die, Charlie!"
"I won't, you're going to be okay. Who will otherwise mess with me, if you're not around?"
And I did the same thing I resented when others did, promised something I did not know if was true, but I would have done anything to make him feel safer in that moment.
Then he passed out again.
The helicopter finally came and hoisted down the winch with a harness to bring Elvis up with. Suddenly I realised that Molly was preparing herself to go up too.
"What are you doing, Dawes?"
"I must go up with him, keep the pressure on the wound. Otherwise he will bleed out."
"No way! It's far too dangerous! You will be exposed up there, an easy target to shoot if the insurgents are still around and aiming at us."
Her green eyes looked at me seriously.
"There are two options here, none is ideal, but we have to choose whether we like it or not - and you know that. Either I go with Elvis, with the risk of being shot but he can survive, or he goes alone and dies for sure. How do you want it, boss?"
How I wanted it? I wanted neither! But she was right, we had to choose. She continued.
"You're my CO, but I'm a doctor. If he goes alone, he will die for sure. You need to trust me on this one. Please let me go."
Our eyes were locked and there were so many things I wanted to say to her.
"Okay Dawes, I know you're right. I will not give you an order to go because it's beyond what I could ask of any of my men, to risk your life like that to save someone else's, but I won't forbid it either."
Still a small part of me hoped that she would not risk her own life, not even for Elvis, but of course there was no other choice for her. Not being the person she was.
As she rapidly secured the harness around herself too, she smiled at me and said;
"Thanks, Charles."
I should have told her it was Captain James to her, but I did not, I just returned her smile and was dying on the inside that I had to let her go.
My pulse raced, and I felt slightly nauseous as I watched them being winched up in the air and after what seemed like an eternity get inside the helicopter where I knew the MERT would tend to him immediately. I heard Brains cheer behind me when they disappeared inside the helicopter and even if part of me was cheering too because they had made it safely, I lashed out;
"What she did was stupid beyond belief! Risking her life like that."
"It was also very brave, Sir" he said sheepishly.
Then I had to smile at him and agree.
"Yeah, it was also fucking awesome."
And he grinned back at me.
The moment she was gone, I felt like there was a Molly-shaped hole in my heart. I knew it would be there until she returned.
The rest of us made our way back down the mountain to the FOB. The major was concerned about Elvis of course, but pleased we had managed to avert the attack. Without Molly's intel things could have ended far worse. Soon we also got news that Elvis was out of immediate danger. With proper care his life had been rescued and with both him and Molly safe I could exhale.
All I wanted now was for her to come back to me. That evening I sat up in the watchtower of the FOB, watched the beautiful scenery of the sunset and the vast fields outside the walls and thought of her.
We did not know for sure when Ruby would be fit to return, but likely in a couple of weeks. That meant only a few weeks until I would be able to tell her how I felt. But it was also dawning on me that it meant only a short period longer when we would be this close to each other every day, when I had the chance to let her get to know me for who I am now. I was beginning to re-evaluate my way of acting towards her, my clever plan. From start, I had been so afraid of the feelings I might develop for her that I had tried to keep my distance, but that had not helped. I was lost anyway, probably from the moment I saw her again at Brize. My efforts to keep my feelings at bay had been futile. That meant that there was no real point of sticking to the indifferent and even rude behaviour, which felt completely unnatural to me. I still could not tell her what I felt as long as I was her CO, but there was no real reason I could not spend more time with her and at least be civil. It would be such a lovely change compared to trying to avoid her at all cost or act in a way that would repel her, which probably had been a stupid idea from the start. I realised that now.
I also thought, that unless I did that, behaved nicer, kinder – more like my usual self, she might not even be interested to hear me out the day I would try to explain my erratic behaviour to her. Why would she if I had given her no reason to want to be with me? When she returned to her regular duties as doctor at Bastion hospital she might only be so glad to get away from me that she would not be interested in learning about my idiotic feelings. Stupidly enough I had not thought about that risk before. Actually, I was not sure I had produced a sane thought since I set eyes on her, I had only been a complete idiot.
The events that day had reminded me how precious and fragile life is, and the jealousy I had felt when I saw Molly with Elvis had reminded me that I could take nothing for granted with her. Now that I admitted to myself that I wanted her, wanted her more than anything, I realised that I had to fight for her even if in the little things. Like treating her as the wonderful person I really thought she was. I could only hope that would change her opinion of me and bring us closer during the time she would remain here.
And so, I made the decision then and there that I had to try to change things between us as soon as she came back. I slept better that night than I had done the entire tour, like coming to this conclusion somehow gave me peace and I could hardly wait for her to return.
