Chapter 6 - Best Laid Plans
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This shit was really starting to piss me off.
Yes, there was a fair amount of conversation in the council meeting, and of me explaining my intentions, and even more, of explaining why I was choosing to leave La Push when my hands and mind were needed right here and not with some cold, faceless corporation in Seattle. But, was this even a discussion?
Was it not glaringly obvious that I wanted a better life for myself and my family? That working at some rez garage or restaurant or hotel wasn't enough for me? That I wanted more for myself, for everyone?
They were talking about me like I wasn't even there, like my voice didn't even matter.
I guess that's what happens when you're young and most of the people in the room have known you your entire life, a few before you were even born.
I was a man though, and I needed them to trust that if they could put their lives in my hands daily, then, well, I was more than responsible enough and had the wherewithal to know that I could handle the work that was needed to sustain the rez, without necessary needing to be there in the flesh day-to-day.
Not-so-surprisingly enough, the council was less than thrilled at my plans.
The meeting with the tribal elders that followed was even worse, if that was even possible.
They went on and on about how I was tied to this place, like I didn't know that better than most.
About how my loyalties lied here. Every man in my family for generations were buried at A-Ka-Lat.
And then came the creation story.
The one I had heard countless times since I was a kid. The one I acted out with all the fervor and excitement of my youth with Quil and Embry, about the Transformer and how we descended from the very wolves we phased into now. About the kwallah and the raven.
I know. I know.
... and of course, about the treaty and the Cullens, about just how closely I was tied to them - a fact that I struggled with daily.
So, logically, the next point of discussion was Ness.
Though few would ever say it outright, not many on the rez were excited that I'd taken a H`okwat' - a white girl - as my own, especially with my standing in the tribe. It's not like I could defend my choice-or lack there of - on imprinting to most of them. I couldn't turn to each of them as they looked at us crazily and tell them I've loved her since she was born because some wolfy-type magic shit.
Yeah. Letting that little piece of info slip outside of the pack or a select few who needed to know wasn't even an option. I hadn't really given it much thought, to be honest, but obviously others had. Over time the matchmakers and elders tried to get me to look elsewhere, to a nice Native girl, even Makah, but once they learned that imprinting came into play, the ones who knew about it us alone, while the others, to this day, still have a litany of unwarranted comments. My moving off the reservation didn't help matters much either- despite myself, I was starting to feel like I was abandoning them. Like I was a sell-out.
...and now, I had to hear them throw that shit in my face. She was my imprint, damnit!
I felt myself losing control, so instead of listening to this bullshit, I focused on not phasing and ripping someone's face off.
It was so hard not to shout out and assert myself, when in my daily life I was the leader; I was the Alpha.
But deference is a motherfucker.
So I took it. I stayed silent while local opinions and archaic thinking prevailed. I stayed quiet because that's what I had been taught, occasionally nodding my head as I knelt before them.
All the while knowing who I was.
I was the great-grandson of Ephraim Black. The last real chief of this place.
This shit was my destiny, whether I wanted it to be or not.
I knew that I'd bled on each corner of this land for miles, and now they had the gall to tell me what I needed to do with my own life?
At the end of it all though, I was still going to Seattle, and most of them begrudgingly allowed me to do so, not that there would be much of a choice.
I was fucking going.
This was my life, not theirs. Their choice was to stay here; mine was to find my own destiny. Though weaved in with every person living in La Push, buried underneath it, and somewhere in between, it was my own to do with what I saw fit.
Of course there was continued talk, and the elders set a date for my blessing ceremony for safe travels and protection while I was away from the reservation. There was no way I could leave for any significant amount of time - any of us - without a blessing.
I'd get additional markings to add to my already massive tattoo covering my right shoulder and upper arm, an idea that I actually liked. The difference, though, was that I'd be alone in the circle for the 3 hour long event without my pack, which I never could get used to, no matter how many times I participated. I had been in this position several times before, but it was always before we had gone into battle. We were fighting for all of them, and the threat of death was very real; we protected them while so many on the rez never even realized it.
We fought like our livelihood and very way of life was at risk.
Because in most cases, it was.
This was one of many blessing and safety rituals, but now, I wouldn't be entering war; I would be leaving the welcoming arms of La Push.
Nate Goldfinch, council director and my father's first cousin, pulled me aside after the meeting and proved to be among the most understanding of my choice.
"…Jacob, you've grown into quite a young man, and I know you'll do an excellent job…whatever you endeavor to do," Nate's smiling eyes creasing and sparkling knowingly. "…and don't you worry, I'll call over to Billy's and see if we can't get him to come around, huh?"
I didn't even realize I'd been wringing my hands under the table and nervously staring at the elaborate, wood inlaid raven etched on the wall of the conference room. I glanced around as Jana White and several others began rustling and preparing to leave. I swallowed.
"Thanks Nate," I blurted, relieved. "I'm heading out next month, so we'll be in touch before then; I'm sure of it," I responded, pushing my palms against the large table and rising to my feet.
"Wait Jacob, kwo-ok`l-cha," Nate, gestured to me to stay seated. "Stay a while. I want to talk to you for a second before you go. We never get to chat."
"Sure, sure, of course," I replied, a bit relieved that the business piece of this whole thing was complete, at least for now anyway. "What's up?"
"Well, I need to make sure that you are going to still be around La Push after you move. There are a bunch of things I want to show you around here; this land has some interesting issues that arise from time to time."
"Definitely, I'm glad to… I want you all to know though, I'll be back all the time, seeing Billy and handling a few other things around here….La Push business and anything else."
Eyebrows rising knowingly, he nodded again, "Great… glad to hear it; I'm sure you'll take care of things." Nate definitely knew about the pack, hell, he was there when Sam, Jared, and Embry carted me off after I'd started phasing. "So, how's that girlfriend of yours doing?"
"Renesmee's good… starting her junior year at UW soon. She's in the English and Psychology programs up there."
"Ah, that's great. Good girl, from what I hear."
"Yeah, she's great," I agreed, beaming widely. I felt my heart speed at the thought of her; she was really something. Ness had decided on a double major and recently taken on a minor in comparative human history. She had become increasingly more interested in studying the mind, and after speaking with several covens who had lived centuries longer than any other beings, she'd found human and world history fascinating. Of course, being the wunderkind she was, she'd secured several college credits before even finishing high school and breezed through her core classes. Even in advanced placement classes, Ness was finishing a four-year program in two and a half.
"I can see that…well, I won't hold you here too much longer… oh, and also, Jacob, I wanted to talk to you about a project idea I've been thinking about. I'd like to get your opinion."
"Oh yeah?"
"Yeah, we've been throwing around the idea of perhaps building a historical center on the reservation."
"Nate, that sounds awesome, I'd love to get involved." This sounded like something I could sink my teeth into on the rez. I might even be able to get a government grant and put some of my engineering pull to work.
"That's exactly what I like to hear. See what you can come up with, and we can talk more about some locations and areas around the land that would work."
"Sure will. We'll, talk."
"Great. Oh, and you just be sure to take care of business, you hear me?"
"Nate, you're starting to sound like my dad," I said chuckling. "I'm going to be around…. I promise and if you ever need me I'm a phone call away. I'll even invite you and Marie and the kids all out to Seattle."
"I think we'd all like that, Jacob… we'll be in touch, I'll let everyone know."
Though we only spoke briefly, Nate also mentioned that he would be willing to work with my schedule and begin the grooming process for my succession following his term. Despite the entire thing being governed democratically, there was an unspoken decision that I would be the next Director. I was old enough, and I had proven myself on more than one occasion, so unbeknownst to me, as I ran with the pack or traveled to and from UW, I was being watched.
After meeting with the council and the elders, wrapping up the rest of my loose ends was pretty easy by comparison. I'd actually started feeling pretty good about the whole move; I could actually do this.
The conversation with Quil and Embry was cake of course. Turns out they didn't really mind me taking more of a silent partner role at the garage.
Apparently, I was too bossy anyway.
Luckily, I didn't have much to really worry about. The location of La Push Auto was perfect, right of the exit, so we maintained a steady stream of customers throughout the year. We'd taken on a few more guys we knew from school and even got a receptionist. I never really felt good about anyone besides the three of us performing any real exhaustive internal work, but I'd just have to learn to let go.
"Well, duh, Jake," Embry said glancing around, then lifting a 500 pound car engine off the ground and carefully placing it below the hood of an older model Chevy. I raised my eyebrows at him - geez, he hadn't learned how to keep his strength inconspicuous, even after all these years.
He just smiled and shrugged in response to my woeful look. "Quil and I have this thing handled. You just go off and be mister-big-time-engineer and build some rocket-ships. Don't worry about us mere mortals."
I rolled my eyes, "I know...I just...I just wanted to let you know and make sure everything was copacetic."
"Yeah, yeah, get lost; don't you have something to do or something?"
"Alright, damn. I know when I'm not wanted," I said walking back to my car. "Ness is cooking tonight, you still coming, right?"
Embry nodded just as Quil was walking from the front after finishing with a customer.
"Of course," Quil added, "Claire's coming too, okay?"
"Sure, that's fine. I'll let Ness know."
Later that night, the pack and I had the first of a series of meetings, after which it was decided that I would phase at least twice a week to connect with them remotely from Seattle and get back to La Push a couple times a month, both for the council and to make sure things were going smoothly with the pack and run patrols.
"Babe," I said glancing at the clock and rising from the dining room table, "Can you keep an eye on Claire for a bit?"
"Jake please, I am almost a teenager. No one needs to keep an eye on me, give me some credit, will you?"
I chuckled, "You're right C. Ness, would you young ladies mind keeping yourselves company while we run out for a sec?"
She already knew, they both did, without us having to tell them, so Ness patted the now adolescent Claire on the shoulder and asked if she wanted to watch a movie, then she'd drop her off back home.
"Thanks, baby," I placed a kiss on her temple, then followed Embry and Quil out the front door. They had already made it to the edge of the woods after I hopped off the last of the stairs, stripping off my shirt. The rumbling rolled through me in electric sparks, then in a half-second I was on all fours.
It was like finally taking a deep breath, after a week of short, unfulfilling staccato ones - just enough to keep me alive- never enough though to sustain me.
All at once, I heard the welcoming buzz of thoughts flood my mind. It was maddening at times, but today I embraced its familiarity like an old pair of worn-in slippers.
...Paul was thinking about Rachel. Ew.
...Seth was thinking about not thinking about Paul thinking about Rachel.
...Leah was trying not to think about Sam.
...Sam was trying not to think about Leah and to think about Emily.
...Embry was thinking about seconds of Ness's meatloaf.
...Quil was thinking about building sand castles with Claire.
...and I, well, I was thinking about the upcoming smudging ceremony. And Ness, of course.
God. My phase was amazing that night.
The cool wind on my face, the damp soil underfoot.
It was the closest thing to heaven outside of looking into Ness's eyes.
We arrived at our clearing and, after some discussion at length, it was settled; Seth, Embry and Leah would be my lead men on the ground while I was away, with help from Sam - though, he'd be slowly paring back his time to be with Em and the baby. Of course Embry and Jared would be there, and Colin and Brady. With each conversation, I became more comfortable with leaving, with letting these men (and woman) do what we'd done for nearly decade together.
They could handle this. We all could.
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The weeks went by quickly and after setting my apartment lease-end date and boxing up my things, moving out to Seattle was already upon me. I stopped by Billy's to retrieve any old stray belongings I had left there, among them some keepsakes I'd inherited from him that never did get unpacked, and I promised myself I'd find a place for everything in the new house.
No more random stuff stored away in boxes. It would be my new home.
Billy's self-imposed silence continued on, and at first I was upset, but now, I just wanted my dad back. I wanted him to just forgive me and give me the benefit of the doubt that I was doing the right thing for all of us.
"Jake, well, I can't say I don't agree with him on some level," Rachel began placing her palm against my chest, "but you know how dad is. Just go talk to him, huh?"
She wrapped her arms around me one last time before grabbing her bag beside the door and running out to meet Paul's awaiting car in the driveway.
I glanced through the living room to the covered sun porch at the rear of our small house to see Billy sitting and reading the sports section of the newspaper and sipping lemonade.
I took a huge drag of air into my lungs and let it out in a hiss. I could do this.
"Dad," I said softly, he glanced away from his paper and up at me, waiting.
"I…I'm sorry. I am, I never want you to be disappointed in me…I just want you to understand where I am right now."
He sat quietly, waiting for me to continue.
"Well…I know you know I've worked so hard these past few years. Not to mention the work I had to put in at LPHS just to graduate even remotely on time. All that time away did not help my GPA." I thought back to those months I spent running and remembering the pain. About how hard it was to get back into the swing of things with academics, about how differently the pack looked and thought about me after what happened with Bella.
But quickly blinked it away. I couldn't dwell on it any longer than I'd allowed myself to already, and trust me, that kind of pity party, Ness or not, was almost debilitating.
Something crossed his face. Understanding? Yes!
"And, well, I just want to leave here knowing that you aren't mad at me, honestly, Dad. Aside from all the council and rez stuff. Just me and you. I don't know what I would do if you didn't accept the way I've chosen to live my life."
He sat back silently, considering my words. He squinted his eyes, appearing to look at something in the distance.
"Thursday is the ceremony, and well, I'd like it if you were there. It's important to me Dad."
His eyebrows furrowed in thought, lips pursed.
"I remember my first one." I assumed he meant the ceremony. "I was a little younger than you are now." He slid his shirtsleeves up slightly and showed me two small horizontal lines on the bottom of the even larger tattoo I'd seen thousands of times over the years. I had never noticed it before.
"Jacob. I love you; you're my son," he began rolling his sleeve back down and turning his upper body towards me. I took a seat in the old brown leather chair across from him.
I nodded, wishing he would go on. He didn't. We sat there for the remainder of the afternoon, stealing passing glances at each other. I still don't know what that meant, but in spite of everything that was going on, at least I knew he loved me, regardless of my choices.
Finally, I stood glancing at my watch, and pacing toward the door I took one last glance at my father. Of course he'd come around.
Now, I needed to head home. I had more packing to do, and Billy was as stubborn as I was. I could be there all night, and that wasn't something I was willing to do.
Not tonight anyway.
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The pungent smell of sage whirled around me as I knelt before tribal elders. I said a silent prayer for protection and blessings, that my feet be measured with speed of my wolf guardian. That my elders be with me, that my great-grandfather, who I truly knew still walked with me, guide me.
The fire.
Eyes.
The beat of the drum...the beat of my heart.
Woven patterns of my spirit wolf covered my shoulders as clasped my hands, preparing for the markings, and sliding it to the ground.
Dip.
Tap, tap.
It stung a little, but I was proud to wear the markings, to add the warrior etchings on my shoulder and arm.
The first one I received was just after I'd begun phasing, along with the intricate tattoo the pack all now wore.
Great Spirit be with me.
Dip.
Tap, tap, tap.
The fire burned brighter behind me, as I rose to my feet circling the drum. All the while the drums measured my steps.
Facing towards the east - always the east - I took the feather and sage in my fingers, rolling it in the flame, allowing the wind to waft smoke away, thanking the spirits for new life. New hope. New direction.
I looked into the eyes of my father and felt connected to him there in the night.
He was the first.
I walked to him and allowed him to circle my head with the burning herb, dipping his fingers in the ashes, and rubbing them on my forehead and face. For protection and cleansing.
Each of the elders followed, as did each of my pack members. For solidarity.
We'd insisted Leah be allowed all that time one of two times for a woman.
I was silent while they all continued.
The drum.
My heartbeat.
The chant.
The acknowledgment of my warrior.
My wolf.
My ancestors.
...I was ready.
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A/N - I am not a member of the Quileute Nation, nor am I Native American or part of the First Nation in any way. The blessing ceremony mentioned is taken from a smattering of several Native American tribal ceremonies I could wiki; the tattoo ceremony was inspired from the Twilight Saga: New Moon wolfpack tattoos, mixed in with a Polynesian tattoo most notably seen on Dwyane Johnson (http : // www. hayabusa. org /forum/attachments/gen-ii-busa-information/134003d1237523731-new-tattoos-rock .jpg)
The Quileute language words, however, were taken directly from the official Quileute Nation website, and thus, I believe are correct.
No misuse or disrespect of anyone's culture is intended. It's all fiction and artistic liberty.
Stephenie Meyer owns it all. I own nothing.
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