Dear Charley,

I'm having trouble finding love. What do the bros look for in a woman? Is it just about looks or do they go for personality? Also I need advice on finding someone. What do you or the bros suggest I do?

Can't Find Love

(since Charley's in the shower, Modo has opted to answer your question) I know Vinnie doesn't like women who are over-sized (wider around than him, I guess that's what that means) and Throttle.. well, he's kind of not available at the moment, but here's a tip: he likes vanilla. And me? I like women who like children. Also, good cooks.

As to finding a mate- I have no idea where are good spots, but my own parents met in a bar.

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Dear Charlie,

Hi again! Well, this set of questions are for the guys. Throttle: What is the absolute most hilarious, totally crazy thing you have done to Vinnie and Modo and what did they do to you that follows the same thought?

Modo: What is the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for you? (Say Hi to your family for me! 'Specially poor Rimfire.)

Vinnie: What's the craziest prank you have ever pulled, who was it on and did they get revenge?

Lots of love, Inquisitive.

P.S: Rock 'n' Ride Free boys!

To Inquisitive;

Throttle~ "Well, uhm.. I remember giving them both sex dolls for Christmas once.. Next Christmas, they unveiled a doll modelled after Carbine, complete with tattoos and glued-on muzzle and ears, and hair.. and antennas. I played target practice and blew her up. It was extremely theraputic, but they were a little shocked when they saw me dragging in the little rubbery pieces of Carbine."

Modo; "I was really, really sick once, and here I am lying in my bed at 14, missing 'Freebie Day' at the local strip club, and then Vinnie and Throttle came waltzing in and five girls wearing stripper coture were behind said that he'd blown his whole college savings hiring them to come out and 'cure' me. It was worth it."

Vinnie, "I messed up Charley's sandwich once- stuck some Angry Welt sauce, rated 300,000 on the Scoville scale, under the cheese. She got back at me by somehow stuffing cajun spices into our hot dogs. It burned."

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Dear Charley,
Has Stoker ever come on to you and meant it? I think you'd make a cute couple!

Matchmaker

To Matchmaker,

He probably has meant it a few times, and then it went straight over my head. I know him though- if he starts getting frustrated he'll probably just show up at my front door and flash me or something.

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Dear Charley,
Throttle, Modo, and Vinnie are some of the best friends you'll ever see. Do you have any girl friends like that?

~BFF's unite!

To Unite,

I used to be on awesome terms with the local Amazons gang, but they moved out of town when Limburger came in. Now I just pour my heart out to Lil' Hoss.

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Dear Charley,

Vinnie flirts with you quite a bit, does he flirt with other girls as well? Does Throttle and/or Modo flirt you, even if it's just playful banter?

~ Just Wants To Know

To Know,

The first question's kind of a no-brainer- he flirts with damn near anything that he's sure can flirt back.

Modo does flirt with me, in the form of staring at my ass even when I turn around to ask him what he wants. Throttle usually doesn't flirt much, but with that voice it's kind of hard to tell when he's not, especially when he gets close to your ear and whispers. When he does flirt with me, it usually comes out as what I can only describe as "raepface".

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Dear Charley:
Have you ever heard the bros properly try to sing in tune?
What is the most embarressing thing the mice have found in your cupboards?

Finally, favorite movie?

-Curious Mind Wants To Know

To Curious Mind,

I have, and they're damn good when they're really trying hard, but Throttle is still the best. Sorry, Vinnie.

They did find my Peter North willy once.. it's kind of hard to explain to a bunch of aliens why you have a plastic genital next to the coffee filters, much less why it says "Authentic Peter North Mould" on the bottom. Modo couldn't look at me straight for days.

MISSION IMPOSSIBLE, and if you say it's a terrible movie I will hunt you down and make you watch Austin Powers until your eyes bleed.

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Next chapter: Charley goes on vacation and the villians hijack the mail! Ever had a nagging personal question about Limburger, Karbunkle or some other villianous character? Here's your chance to have it answered!

And remember: any letters directed to Carbine will be sent back.