Chapter 7

"So maybe now's not a good time to say this, but," Jacob shifted beside me uncomfortably. "We didn't use any protection," he cringed.

"I know and we probably shouldn't ever do that again, but I think we're okay this time." I hesitated before I continued. "My uh, my period is due in a couple days, so… no babies." I felt my cheeks redden and was annoyed at my ability to embarrass over a simple biological function after what had just happened – twice – in this very bed. "And we're both virgins, so no diseases."

"Oh really? And what makes you think we're both virgins? Did I not impress you with my sexual prowess?"

I burst out laughing. "How do you even know that word?"

"I know a lot of things," Jacob grumbled. "What happened to you being positive I had random girls from the rez crawling naked all over me, begging for my services? Was it that obvious that I've never done this before?"

"No," I giggled. "You were great Jake. But you told me your innocence was still intact since the last time I saw you and I believe you. And I think you were a little too busy being a werewolf and running patrols before that to be bedding rez girls. Plus the fact that you've been madly in love with me for the past year."

"Yeah, well. I had a life before I met you Bells."

I pulled back and tried to read his expression in the moonlight. "Are you trying to tell me something Jacob?"

"No," I saw his white teeth flash as he smiled. "Just salvaging my ego. You know me too well. You know it's always been you."

I smiled and snuggled closer. I thought Jacob and I had a bond before tonight, but this forged it even deeper.

It was late, but we couldn't sleep, we were both too keyed up.

"So, I always wanted to ask you something," I murmured against his ribs, gathering my courage.

"How come I'm so good-looking? I don't know. Good genetics?" he joked.

"Ha-ha. No. Do you remember the night we uh, we spent in the sleeping bag?"

"Yeeeeah?"

"What were you thinking? I mean, when you pissed him off? He told you to control your thoughts. What were you thinking?"

"Who me?" he snickered. "I was thinking about….raindrops on flowers and whiskers on puppies or however the heck that song goes."

"No, really Jake, what were you thinking?"

He laughed evilly.

"Jacob!"

"Bella, what do you think I was thinking? Why do you think it pissed the old cockblocker off so much?"

"Jake," I said warningly.

"I was mostly focused on not moving." He confessed. He chuckled again, embarrassed. "I kept thinking 'do not move your hips, do not move your hips. If you dry hump this girl, you are getting kicked out of this sleeping bag so fast!'"

"Yeah, that would have done it," I agreed dryly.

"But then I just wished he'd go away so I could make love to his girlfriend or at least fantasize about it without him listening in. Instead I got stuck having a Father Knows Best heart to heart, with him basically telling me I would never be enough for you."

His grip around me tightened. "Guess Leechward didn't know what he was talking about."

He was quiet for a moment.

"Right? I mean, you're not sorry it's me here right now, are you?"

"Oh Jacob," I shook my head, so sad that he would even think that. "For the first time in the last year and a half, I feel safe. And warm. And that's not all. I feel…"

"What?"

"What's the opposite of sexually frustrated?"

He laughed. "Hmmm, the opposite of horny? Fulfilled? Satisfied?"

"Yeah," I giggled. "Those two."

"Me too."

There was a rapping noise and I realized it was someone knocking. Was that the front door or was someone knocking on my window?

Jacob sat upright.

Did he just sniff the air?

"It's Embry."

He reached over the side of the bed and grabbed his shorts and slid out from under the covers so I got a glimpse of his perfect rear end before he pulled them up quickly and started for the window.

"Hold on," he said to the window before turning back to me. "Do you want me to get your robe for you?"

"Yes please. It's hanging on a hook on my closet door."

He removed it from the closet and I put it around me as best I could under the blankets. I wasn't taking a chance on putting it on outside the bed; not with Embry's werewolf eyes just out of sight.

Jake waited for me to slide out of bed and tie my robe before he headed over to let Embry in.

"Doesn't anyone use the front door around here?" I grumbled as Jake slid the window up and Embry stuck his head in.

"Dude – Hey Bella!" Embry leaned against the windowsill. "Dude, Paul's looking for you man. He said you told him he could borrow your car tonight and now he's late for his booty ca-"

Embry looked at me and caught himself, embarrassed. "His date. And you know how cranky he gets when he's horn-". Another embarrassed glance at me. "When he's late for a date."

"It's one-thirty in the morning, Embry!" Jake exclaimed, exasperated. "Man, he knows I had patrol tonight. When he never came by this afternoon, I thought his thing was cancelled." Jake shook his head in disgust. "Tell him there's a spare key in the blue toolbox on my workbench in the garage."

"Will do."

"And tell Paul he can drive my car, but that does not give him my permission to do anything else in my car!" Jacob shook his head again. "One-thirty in the morning? Man, tell him he's a desperate ho."

"Gotcha," Embry grinned. "What are you two doing?"

"Goodnight Embry," Jacob shoved Embry off the windowsill and we heard him hit the ground with a thud and a "Hey!"

"God, I should just put a doorbell out there," I muttered.

"Hey, wait a minute!" Jacob stuck his head out the window. "How did you know how to find me?"

Embry scowled up at us while brushing pine needles and dead grass off his shorts.

"I followed your scent here. I wouldn't have knocked, honest, but I could hear you both talking, so I knew you were awake and uh, decent." He grinned sheepishly.

"Okay. Get out of here." Jake shut the window firmly.

"Oh god," I moaned.

"What?"

"You guys and your supernatural senses." I shook my head. "I hate to think of what the heck you all can smell."

Jacob laughed. "Trust me Bells. It's better if you don't know. I'm sure that Embry knew what we were doing before I even opened the window. "

I clapped my hands over my ears. "Lalalalalalala! I don't want to know this Jacob!"

"Okay, okay," Jake laughed, pulling me against him. "But you have to believe me – you smell wonderful, honey." He groaned on the word wonderful and it made me all warm all over.

He untied the sash of my robe and pressed his lips to my neck and I reached my arms up around his neck. Third time was the charm.

~~RaD~~

"What the hell?" Jacob's cell phone rang with a text. "This had better be really important," he grumbled.

I glanced at the clock. Only 45 minutes had passed since Embry's interruption at my window.

"Who is it?"

"Embry again," Jake growled.

Jacob dialed a cell number and we both waited.

"If you want to keep your nuts, this better be worth my time."

I was worried. Why would Embry be calling him so soon after just leaving here? Maybe he wrecked the Rabbit?

"What do you mean?"

I sat up as I heard Jake's voice tighten.

"What? What? No! No! No!"

"What's the matter Jake?" My voice shook.

"Don't tell me that, man!" He held his hand up for me to wait a minute. He nodded his head a few times as he listened to Embry on the other end. His eyes were shut and squeezed tight. Oh god, what was going on?

"Uh-huh, uh-huh," he shook his head, resigned. "You could have waited till morning to tell me that, bro. Dammit. Okay, I know. I appreciate the head's up, I guess. Yeah. Goodnight."

"What happened?" I asked as soon as he hung up the phone.

He looked at me as he turned back to face me. It took him a minute to get the words out.

"Paul imprinted."

He waited a beat.

"On my sister."

~~RaD~~

Jacob hadn't really been in the mood to discuss Paul and his sister last night, so I didn't press the issue. Apparently Rachel was the one Paul had been so desperate to see. Now we knew why.

We were still on a high from making love for the first time, but rather than discuss the imprint, we had curled up and gotten some sleep.

I had spent nights in Edward's arms before, but I was usually cold and stiff when I woke up. And that was with a blanket in between us, wrapped multiple times around me.

I woke up this morning a little sweaty and warm, but I had slept like a rock. I never changed position all night long. Needless, to say I felt good this morning. Except for the sore, achy feeling between my legs, like I had been riding a very large horse for hours. Or someone hung like one. I blushed at my own analogy.

"So what do you think your dad will say?"

"My dad's not going to be happy, I'm sure. Paul is not anyone's favorite person to be around. Except for maybe my sister's now."

He took a violent bite out of his toast while I spooned another mouthful of cereal in. I wasn't sure what to say.

"I mean," he continued. "It's bad enough when one of your kids turns into a giant dog, but to have another one of your kids fall in love with one?"

He looked down at the table sadly.

"No," he shook his head. "This is not even like love and that's why it's so fucked up."

He looked over at me apologetically. "Sorry."

"Jake, it's okay."

"No, it's not okay. Nothing about this is okay. Paul and Embry were my last hope." He looked like he was about to burst into tears.

"What do you mean? Last hope for what, baby?"

Baby?

That felt good. I'd never called Jacob anything but his given name, or Jake. But it felt good calling him that.

"Imprinting Bella. First Sam, then Jared. And then the abomination of Quil's." He grimaced. "Seth is too young, but Embry and Paul and I never did. And I thought enough time had gone by that we were safe; immune to it somehow."

He dropped his head into his hands in defeat, as they fisted into his short hair. "But I guess we're not," he whispered.

"Jake," I got up from the table and went to him. I gently pulled his hands out of his hair and sat on his lap. "You won't Jacob. I just know you won't." I tried to sound sure of myself, but I really wasn't.

"How do you know?"

Shoot, I had no answer. I was going to have to improvise.

"Because you're the alpha, and no one can give the alpha orders." I forced a grin. "You're the boss, baby,"

"Sam imprinted," he pointed out.

"Sam's an imposter, and the universe knows it. You're the alpha. Plus, maybe the imprinting had to come into play for him. Leah was going to be one of you – how messy would that be? Maybe their relationship had to be stopped so that they wouldn't be distracted while dealing with life and death situations. I mean, how could they focus if Leah was pissed off at Sam for leaving the toilet seat up?"

Jacob huffed a short laugh in spite of himself.

"You're the real alpha," I told him. "You call the shots."

He held my gaze for a long moment. "I hope you're right."

"I am." I nuzzled his cheek and kissed his neck.

"So you're not afraid?" he whispered. "That it will happen to me?"

Lie.

"No." I managed to sound like I believed it. But really? I was frightened to death.

~~RaD~~

Jacob was long gone by the time Charlie came home from fishing. He proudly emptied out the ice-chest of gutted and filleted fish and stuck them in freezer bags. There would be enough frozen fish to keep us in fish fry for the next year.

"So what did you do while I was gone?"

Charlie tried to be casual, but I could see the way he kept sneaking peeks at me when he thought I couldn't see. Ever since I told him that the Cullens were gone and the nuptials were off, he wore his concern on his sleeve. He had gone from being thrilled that Edward and I had called off the wedding, to elated that Edward and his family had left town. And then straight to panic that I would fall back into the depression of last year.

"Not much. I worked some hours for Mrs. Newton. And hung out with Jake." I added casually.

"Yeah?" He tried to hide his smile. "How is Jake?"

"He's good. He's starting to get around a little. But just for short spurts, then he has to rest," I lied.

"That's good. Kid is damn lucky he didn't break his neck on that motorcycle."

He gave me an I-told-you-so look. "So, I guess he's talking to you now, huh?"

"No, actually we sat and stared at each other. I sent him telepathic messages."

"Smart alec." I could tell Charlie was relieved I was joking. If I could joke, I wasn't catatonic.

After I'd told Charlie about the wedding, he offered to help make all the phone calls. I appreciated it, but there were none to make. I had gotten one email from Alice immediately after the Cullens had left, and that was to tell me she had taken care of the professional calls; the bakery, the dress shop, the hall and the church. To be honest, I hadn't even thought about any of that stuff. I hadn't made the plans and it had completely slipped my mind that someone had to go back and cancel it all. And I guess as penance for leaving, Edward took on the embarrassing task of calling all the guests. I probably should have offered to help, but I didn't. He got to leave town and never see these people again. I, on the other hand, was not going anywhere, so I allowed him to do the dirty work.

It was easier than I thought it would be to let him too, considering I'd probably never see him again. I felt my stomach clench at the thought. I didn't really believe that he would check on me in a few years. He'd merely said that to appease my pain.

"Should I leave some of this out?" Charlie asked as he gestured to the fish.

"Sure." I bent to retrieve a pan from under the stove. It was best to keep myself busy when I felt like this.

~~RaD~~

Dear Alice,

I miss you. I know this is entirely my fault. I just… I miss you.

My index finger was poised on the send button.

Push it.

What was I doing? I was happy now. I did miss Alice, but she was part of a package deal, and I couldn't have her without him being somehow part of it. If I was being honest, I missed him too. Not enough to marry him and not enough to become immortal, so I knew I had to let him go completely. But still.

Don't push it.

I was just going to hit cancel, when the doorbell rang.

Maybe it was Jake!

I hit cancel and erased the whole screen and ran down the stairs. My foot missed the last step and I unceremoniously made a loud thump as I hit the floor. I got back to my feet and walked to the front door, rubbing my sore rear end.

I turned the knob and pulled open the door, a huge smile on my face, expecting Jacob.

"Bella, hi!" Mike Newton stood on my doorstep with a huge bouquet of roses in his hand.

My eyes widened and I stood mutely for a moment as my brain tried to compute what the heck Mike could possibly be doing here. Before my silent stare began to border on rude, I spoke up.

"Hey Mike."

"These are for you," he thrust the dozen red roses bundled in colorful plastic at me.

I looked at the flowers and then back at him, puzzled.

"I don't understand?"

"They're for you."

"Thank you, I got that, but why?"

"Edward called the other day. He told us that the wedding was off. I'm just… I'm really sorry."

"Do you want to come in?"

Mike's face lit up like a kid with a new puppy. "Sure, thanks."

He held out the flowers to me again as he stepped into the front entryway, and I took them from him. They were actually really beautiful. Even Edward had never given me flowers before. It was a sweet gesture. And I prayed that's all it was. A sweet gesture of condolence and nothing more.

"Can I get you something to drink? A soda or a cup of coffee?" I asked, leading him into the kitchen.

"A beer?" he joked.

"Haha. Yeah, the Chief of Police's daughter always keeps beer on hand for her underage friends."

"Yeah, you know what they say about cops' daughters," he grinned. I could see him looking around as I pulled a soda out of the fridge and opened the cupboard over the stove and took down a vase for the flowers.

"I've never been here before," he murmured.

Mike took a seat at the table and opened his soda while I unwrapped the roses and put them in the vase. I didn't quite know what to say; I was a little embarrassed. I hadn't even thought to wonder what Edward was telling people about why the wedding was called off. Thank god Edward wasn't vindictive. It could have gotten ugly, given what he'd caught me doing with Jacob. I shuddered in embarrassment and desire at the memory, then shook it off, appreciating Edward's generosity in forgiving me once again.

I placed the tall glass vase of roses on the table and took a seat across from Mike.

"I'm really sorry, Bella. When Edward called, I was really surprised and a little worried about you too. How are you holding up?"

"I'm okay. I mean, I'm not great of course. But I'm going to be okay."

"I just wanted you to know that I'm here." He leaned closer to me and started to move his hand across the table, like he was going to hold my hand, but then decided not to. My heart started thumping. Uh oh. He looked down, like he was suddenly fascinated with the pattern on the place mat in front of him. "I think you know how I've always felt about –"

The back door opened and I was never so happy to see Charlie in my life as he came into the kitchen in his uniform from work. He smiled at me and then did a double-take at Mike, a look of puzzlement on his face.

"Uh, Dad, you remember Mike Newton, right?"

Charlie stared at me for a beat, then back at Mike. "Of course. Mike. Your parents own the sporting goods store." Charlie shook Mike's hand. "Nice to see you."

Mike stood quickly, pumping Charlie's hand enthusiastically. "Chief Swan, really nice to see you, sir."

Charlie squinted. "Where did the flowers come from?"

I grimaced, embarrassed. The broken off wedding was not my favorite topic of conversation, especially with my father. "They're from Mike. Edward called him the other day, about… "

"Oh. That was nice of you, Mike. I'm gonna go change, Bells. Nice seeing you again, son."

Charlie left the room, but not before quirking his eyebrow and giving me a look as if to say "another one?" The boys did seem to be coming out of the woodwork lately.

Mike blushed. "Where was I?"

No.

"Oh yeah." He grinned sheepishly.

No.

This time he reached across the table and took my hand.

No, no, no, no, no!

"I know you're gonna need some time to get over this. And you should probably keep yourself busy, so you don't… well you remember what happened last time?"

He was fumbling through this and I was inwardly cringing, knowing where he was going with it and wishing I could just stop him before it was too late.

"And I would um, I would personally love to volunteer to help you stay busy. Maybe this weekend? Maybe we could go to dinner? Or a movie? Or both?" He smiled hesitantly at me and I could see his ears were pink as well as his cheeks.

I sighed internally. Do I tell him about Jacob? Or just tell him I'm not ready to see other people yet? Why add insult to injury? I'd leave Jake out of it. I had to hand it to Mike though, he was persistent. I respected his courage, after getting turned down repeatedly; he was here, up at bat again. He must really have it bad for me. I knew how it felt to want someone so badly and have them remain stubbornly elusive. My heart hurt just a little for him.

"Oh Mike. I appreciate the offer, I really do. But I'm just not ready to see anyone. I really need some time to be alone and kind of map out a plan for myself. See what my options are, make some choices… " I trailed off lamely. "But thanks for the flowers, really." I added as an uncomfortable silence hung between us.

Why did I feel guilty? Mike was a nice guy. I liked Mike. I was just never interested in dating him. I shouldn't feel bad about that. I'd never been anything but nice to him. I admired his courage – the rejection factor alone got my utmost respect. But I was not about to 'pity date' anyone.

"Well," he stood awkwardly, still holding my hand. "I just wanted you to know I was sorry to hear about you and Cullen. But," he grinned and shrugged. "Not so sorry I wouldn't love to help you get over him."

I had to grin at his cheeky honesty.

"Thanks Mike," I told him dryly.

I walked him to the door and he gave me a quick hug.

"If you ever change your mind, Bella, I'll be around. I'm gonna be staying here and helping out with the store while I go to Peninsula."

I nodded my head. "Thanks Mike. I'm sure I'll see you around. Bye."

"Bye Bella."

And I closed the door on my last chance at "normal".

~~RaD~~

"So what did Billy say?" I was idly tracing the muscles of Jake's abdominals, debating on whether I should let him answer my question, or lick said abdominals instead.

"Ha!" he snorted. "What could he say? He knows there's nothing we can do about it. I heard him talking to Sam though. You know how when you imprint, supposedly you become whatever it is that the imprint needs from you – like Quil with Claire? Well, I could hear my dad practically begging Sam to agree with him that Rachel may just want a friend or protector relationship with Paul."

He sighed. "I didn't have the heart to tell him that I found an empty condom wrapper in the Rabbit." He looked at me pointedly. "And it definitely wasn't from me."

"So they're already sleeping together?" I asked, surprised.

"It's a pretty powerful thing Bells, from what they tell me."

"Yeah, but, I thought Rachel gets to call the shots?"

"Are you calling my sister a slut?" Jacob chuckled.

"No! I didn't mean that, I just… that was so fast."

"You know, I don't know why she had to come out here at all. It's not like she's given a damn about me and my dad since she and Becca left. Why couldn't she have come out 4 weeks ago when my dad could have used her help? I mean, I healed within a week pretty much, but she didn't know that! For all she knew, I could have been on my deathbed. My dad told her how serious my injuries were – I heard him tell her on the phone!"

He was starting to yell now. I knew he was upset, but we couldn't afford to wake up Charlie, or these nocturnal overnight visits would be over.

"Sshhh, Charlie," I whispered, placing a finger gently over his lips. "You can't think she doesn't care, Jake?"

"Can't I? The only reason she came out was to go to her friend from high school's wedding. That's it. I wouldn't even kid myself that she gives a crap."

He turned his head away, so I couldn't see his face.

"At least Becca calls once in a while. And I know money is tight, so even if she wanted to, she couldn't afford to come out. And I don't think she really cares either, but at least she plays the game. At least she calls my dad once in a while and even asks to talk to me if I'm around."

I felt so bad. It had always bothered me that Jake had no one but Billy to take care of him. And while I knew Billy would do anything in the world for Jake, it wasn't the same as having a mother. And his sisters seemed to just rub salt into the wound, abandoning them both like they did. I thought Becca and Rachel were both really selfish, but I didn't believe that they didn't love Jacob. Who could not love Jacob? But it didn't really matter what I believed. Jake felt alone.

I pressed myself closer to him and kissed his cheek. He had stood by me through depression, danger and heartbreak.

"You're not alone. I love you." I turned his head to look at me. "You've got me."

~~RaD~~

A/N: So there's only one more chapter left. Leaves me feeling a little sad. Please leave me a review. It would make me feel much better. Thanks!