A/N - First, this chapter is shorter than planned. RL has majorly kicked my ass in the past week and I'm struggling to deal with it all. But I wanted to get this posted.
Second, I decided to post this without running it past my beta, so hopefully there aren't any glaring errors. I won't be able to post for a while so I wanted to go ahead and get this up for all of you lovely readers.
Third, I have the most amazing reviewers ever. Like I said, this past week has been awful but seeing the wonderful things all of you have had to say has made me so happy. The response to the last chapter humbled and amazed me. Shout out to SabLuvsLogan and riskyshapes. You two rock my world. Also, there are about five others who have faithfully reviewed every chapter. You are amazing as well!
Finally, (I know, longest AN ever for me!) it's award season in Twilight Fic land. I've nominated my favorites, and I hope you do too! The Bellies and the Indy Awards are accepting nominations right now. There are a lot of unsung authors on here so please, show some love to the newbies and nominate for the Indies! Links to both on my profile!
On with the story…
Characters are property of Stephenie Meyer.
APOV
For once Edward had left the dreary waiting room and had gone hunting with Emmett, Rosalie and Esme. Not that he didn't have to be forced out by Emmett, but still, at least he was gone. He needed to be away from here for a while. I knew he was trying to be positive, but his resolve was getting weaker by the day. I sat in the waiting room, waiting for Jazz to finish his visit with Bella. I knew he thought he was making progress with her but my visions hadn't changed at all. By visiting her and never mentioning her coming back, were we enabling her to stay locked away? I was starting to wonder. The vision filled my mind slowly.
Jasper, sitting next to Bella in her hospital room wearing the clothes I had chosen for him today. He was holding her hand. Her eyes were open and she turned her head to look at him. I ran for Carlisle's office.
CPOV
Over six months, and still there was no change in Bella. Was I missing something vital? Had she had some sort of injury that was preventing her from waking up? Edward couldn't hold out much longer. Seeing the girl he loved so much through all of our memories was wearing on him. But she couldn't handle hearing his voice, though I had no idea why. I closed the textbook in front of me and closed my eyes, trying to find some sort of solution we had overlooked. I found myself remembering last night.
I had gone home under the guise of sleep. In reality, the books I had ordered with the hope of finding some sort of insight into Bella's condition had arrived and I had planned to spend the night reviewing them, hoping to find something new. My plans changed, however, when I saw Esme in our room…
She was sitting on the bed in our room. The room that I loved so much. To some, it wouldn't look like much. The walls were a neutral sand color but the bedding and furniture were a warm brown that seemed to glow. The pillows and rugs were accented in a deep maroon and navy blue, giving the entire room a comforting, peaceful feel. My Esme, the love of my entire existence, my world, had decorated this room for us. And it was here, in this room that had seen so much love between the two of us, that she came to grieve.
Her very posture emphasized the depth of her pain. Her shoulders were hunched over as she sat on the side of the bed, her feet resting lightly on the floor. Her hair, for once not gracefully done, swept around her in disarray, as though she had run her hands through it one time too many. She was holding a framed picture, her hands tracing the faces captured forever. My perfect vampire recall reminded me of the moment it had been taken. It was when we had moved into this house (this most recent time) and Esme had insisted on a family picture out in front. It was a beautiful and perfect day for us, overcast but not raining, so we all posed outside, wanting to humor the woman who was the very heart of our family. She stared at the picture, seeing the faces of her children.
Rosalie, being held in Emmett's arms, laughing and pretending to hit him in order to be released. Though we all knew she loved it. Emmett, his face alive and full of laughter and love as he looked into the camera.
Alice, her hand extended over her head by Jasper, twirling her in their own dance. They have always moved to a music only they heard. Jasper had eyes only for his Alice, the love that had saved him. As he stared at her, his face was full of wonder and awe. I believe he still has days where he questions what he had done to deserve the love she freely gave him. Though they were not outwardly as affectionate as Emmett and Rosalie, their love had an intensity that was displayed even when they were across the room from one another.
Esme and myself, my arms around her waist and my chin resting on her shoulder. My favorite place to be was anywhere I could be holding her. It filled me with a peace and joy that time could not erase and circumstances could not overwhelm. She is my sanctuary, my safe harbor, my resting place, my anchor.
And Edward… standing slightly away from the rest of us, looking a little lost. Separate from us, yet still a part of the whole. The picture seemed somehow incomplete. As if the person who should be standing next to Edward, causing his eyes to light from within, was missing. I could almost see her standing next to him, and the changes in his expression. It was only a dream though, for I was quite sure I had never seen the look on his face I found myself imagining.
I knew it was Edward's face she lingered on. I went to her side and kneeled down, taking her hands in mine. Her face was filled with anguish, and I wanted nothing more than to reach my hand up and wipe the worry from her eyes, to fill them with the laughter and joy that usually resided there. I looked into her eyes, and waited.
"He was so close, Carlisle," her words came as a broken whisper, soft, even to my ears. "He would have loved her so much. They could have been so happy." Esme shook with the force of her emotions. Edward truly held a special place in her heart, as he was the first of her adopted children. Her first son in this life. The fact that she used the past tense when talking of Bella and Edward's happiness did not escape me.
"He still can. I will do anything I can to bring Bella back to Edward," I tried to reassure her. I knew that the doubt in my voice couldn't help but leak through. I tried to be strong for her, and failed. One of her hands left mine and reached up to tangle in my hair and trail down the side of my face, resting on my cheek. I moved into her touch, resting in the simple comfort she offered.
"What if she's no longer whole? What if she never recovers from this? I've never spoken to Bella when she's awake, and the only image I have of her is of a girl, little more than a child, that is wasting away in a hospital bed. And all I can think is that, as she wastes away, so does the heart of our son. What will be left of him when she's gone?" I heard the pain cascading through her words, but I had no comfort for her. Bella had chosen this for herself, and nothing we could do could bring her around before she was ready. I felt as though I had failed her. Worse, I had failed my son.
As the sun set around us, bringing the colors in the room to life and making them dance in the ending of another day, I knelt in the arms of my beloved, and prayed for hope.
I was so deep in my thoughts that I didn't hear the approaching footsteps until my office door burst open, bringing Alice into my line of sight.
"Carlisle, we have to go to Bella! She's going to wake up!" Alice shouted at me, and grabbed my hand. I followed her, numb with shock.
JPOV
Bella's emotions crushed me. They fluctuated from one to the next so fast I could hardly keep up. Underlying it all was panic, and it was building. I struggled with my own emotions, trying not to let Bella's panic flood the room as it was filling me. Alice and Carlisle stood as silent witnesses to my struggle to keep it under control. I was grateful for their presence and their silence. I could feel the moment coming, and I didn't want Bella to get distracted. Her emotions intensified ten fold for a moment, then faded. I thought she had slipped away again and I looked at her face. Her eyes fluttered once, and then opened. If my heart could beat it would have been bursting out of my chest.
"Bella?" I asked her in a soft voice. Her hand tightened around mine and she turned her eyes to me at her side for the first time. I saw Carlisle and Alice slip from the room again, not wanting to overwhelm Bella in her first minutes awake. I knew they were right outside the door listening.
"Jasper?" Bella's voice was raspy and cracked from disuse. She crinkled her nose at the unfamiliar sensation. I looked at her, and just waited.
BPOV
The lights were too bright. It was hurting my eyes to look at it. I reached a hand up to cover them and I felt Jasper's hand leave mine. I missed it. He must have understood because the lights clicked off. The relief was immediate and I returned my hand to my side. I looked back to Jasper, who was coming back to his seat at my bedside. He didn't take my hand again and I frowned. He brought me back to this reality, and I needed his hand dammit! I simply stared at his face, not wanting to use my voice again, and glared at him, waiting. My hand lay open and expectant near him. He smiled and took my hand again.
As much as I didn't want to be touched, Jasper seemed to be an exception. He had been there for me, and I trusted him. Had he wanted to hurt me, he could have long before this. His hand felt good in mine. I could feel his strength, and it seemed to seep into me.
Neither of us spoke for a long minute. Jasper's golden eyes searched my face, looking for something. Finally he nodded.
"Bella, Carlisle and Alice are outside the door. Would it be ok if they came in now?" he asked, in a soft voice. I thought about it for a moment.
"Will you stay with me?" I asked softly, not wanting to hear the scratchy nature of my own voice. My question made Jasper smile.
"Of course, I'll stay with you as long as you want me to." He gripped my hand a little tighter then, letting me know he was there.
"Carlisle? Alice? You can come in now," he called. The door opened immediately. They must have been right outside the door, waiting. Carlisle's eyes were guarded, as though he wasn't sure he was believing his own eyes. Alice, on the other hand, had eyes that were glowing with excitement and happiness. Carlisle approached me first and I shrank back from him. I didn't want to be touched. He raised both of his hands up in a sign of surrender.
"I'm not going to touch you, Bella. I just want to see how you are, alright?" I nodded. I couldn't help the fact that I started shaking as he approached me slowly. He shone a small light in my eyes quickly. I wanted to look away. I knew what he must see when he looked at me. I forced myself to stay looking straight ahead, unblinking. I could do this.
"Bella, I'd like to get an MRI if that's ok with you," Carlisle said kindly. Great, now he was pitying me. I shrugged, not caring what happened, so long as no one touched me. Carlisle rang for a nurse and explained what he would like once she entered. I looked at Jasper and he smiled at me reassuringly.
"I'll be here waiting for you. Don't worry," he whispered so low that only I could hear him. I squeezed his hand again and let go, as I was wheeled away.
JPOV
I had thought that, once she woke up, Bella would be less fragile than before. In truth, she seemed more so. Her eyes were so frightened. She still seemed so lost. Though I had years of training as a psychologist and psychiatrist, I still somehow hoped that she would wake up and be Bella once more. I really should have known better. I turned my head to find both Carlisle and Alice staring at me, something akin to wonder in their faces.
"What?" I asked, their stares making me uneasy.
Alice spoke first. "You brought her back, Jazzy." I could feel her pride in me rolling off of her. I smiled, but shook my head.
"Bella came back because, though she may doubt it now, she really is ready," I said, confidence I didn't really feel strong in my voice. Thankfully Edward wasn't here to read through my white lie.
Edward…
We needed to call him. NOW.
EPOV
I had allowed myself to be dragged away from the hospital and my Bella because I knew it had been far too long since I last hunted. Going on three weeks. Being in the hospital was doing wonders for desensitizing me to blood but I would be a danger if I didn't feed soon. I knew it, and that's how I found myself on a hunting trip with Emmett, Rosalie and Esme. I had to admit, it was nice to spend time with them. These past months I haven't been around the house much, preferring to stand watch over Bella. At least as close as I could be anyway.
I had already finished two deer and was watching Emmett sulk. He was upset I hadn't wanted to go far from home to hunt. I didn't want to be far from Bella in case… well in case anything. As I was thinking about her, I felt my phone start to vibrate.
Jasper.
"Jasper? Is Bella ok?" I heard the panic creeping up in my voice. I knew Jasper had been planning on spending the evening with Bella.
"She's fine Edward. Better than that, actually. She's awake." I couldn't help it. I fell to my knees and dropped the phone. The startled questions from Esme, Rosalie and Emmett barely penetrated through my mind. She's awake. I felt Esme kneel next to me and take the phone. She listened for a few moments, and then assured Jasper that we were on our way.
I felt the cool hands of my mother on my face, and she lifted gently so that my butterscotch eyes met hers. I nodded, and we all headed for the hospital.
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