AT THE STROKE OF MIDNIGHT – CHAPTER 7

Christian came in to the flat in turmoil, carrying with him a lingering trace of resentment and anger - and a touch of fear. But when he entered the flat, there were candles lit on the table, and Syed was dressed in his black shirt, the one Christian loved. Puzzled, expectant, hopeful, yet he held something back, closed his heart ever so slightly and waited to hear what Syed had to say.

"I'm nervous." Syed said with a quaver, and then Christian looked into Syed's eyes, tossing aside their beauty to find his spirit. Syed met his look, steadily, and gave himself permission to let Christian see right in that night, through his eyes and into his heart and soul.

Christian remained silent.

"I am truly sorry for what I said to you and even more sorry for what I did."

Christian waited. Syed had to do the work this time and he could not and would not help him out.

"I hadn't dealt with it properly, Christian, not with what I did to Amira and my family by lying, to myself, by not being myself, and to you, who stood and watched me pledge my life and devotion, not to the you who had it already and to whom it belonged, but to someone else. Last night was anniversary of the night you came back from Spain for me, when you came and you claimed me there in that kitchen. And still I trampled on us. And today a year ago, I thought I was being brave and honest by 'admitting' I was gay, but at every point that I could have stood by what I said, I made my brave gestures just that. Gestures, empty gestures. I hated myself last night and you weren't there to tell me that it was all alright. Farhan did."

Christian felt his heart flutter and his stomach tumble about, but forced himself to speak, masking pain with sarcasm.

"Do you want to leave me and be with him, someone who will never go out and get drunk on New Year's eve, never embarrass you at a party?"

Syed smiled and shook his head slowly, all the while looking at Christian, forcing Christian to sink into his eyes and find the truth there.

"No, Christian, I don't want to leave and be with Farhan. I want to be with you."

Christian tightened his lips and looked at Syed for a moment, torn between head and heart, and for once, determined to make the two partners in a decision.

"Syed, I gave up many things for you and for us, but I am who I am. I'm the man who likes a few drinks now and then, to be in a party, to have a laugh with Roxy, not to worry about what people think about how I am behaving. I'm almost 40, and this decision, to live with you and love you and call you my life partner, that's a big one. You are everything to me, but not the only thing in my life. Do you know what I'm saying?"

Syed nodded and waited for him to continue.

"You fell in love with me, as I was, as I am. If you can accept that side of me, fine. You don't have to approve, or even understand, as long as you don't disapprove. Same with me and you going to the mosque. It's who you are. Don't you think it works both ways, that I sometimes wish you would loosen up and come out dancing and drinking and having a laugh? But I know that's not you. We're not here to make each other miserable, to stop the other from being themself. That's not what I want. If you can accept that, fine. If you can't, then honestly Sy, I can't see us going on."

Syed moved closer to Christian on the settee and took his hands.

"I can, Christian, and I hope you can accept that I sometimes just need to be at home, quiet, safe, just the two of us, sometimes just me alone."

Christian moved closer and took Syed in his arms.

"It's not going to be easy," he murmured into his hair.

"I know, " Syed mumbled back. "No happily ever after"

Christian pulled back and held his head in his hands. "Yes to the ever after. And maybe add 'mostly' to the 'happily.'

"That's the best anyone can promise another person," answered Syed as he shifted his legs onto Christian's lap and wrapped them around his waist.

And then, just at the stroke of midnight they kissed.

"Happy new year, Sy."

"Happy new year, Christian."

THE END

Thanks to those who read this and went with me on what I know was an uncomfortable and unorthodox excursion. I had many other ideas for this story, but thought it better to end it now and let the boys move on. I hope you are happy with where I left them!