I'm so sorry it took so long everyone, I'm in my last week of exams and all, I just had one exam this morning and I've done another five hours of revision for my last exam which is on Friday, so I thought I could take a break to post this since I already had it ready… hopefully I'll update faster next time. =)

14. May 2011

Like with most kids (I'm guessing) it doesn't take long for Daniel to bounce back. He is quite the chipper boy and Alex too is more relaxed and less serious now that we've got his brother back.

We've been staying in Cornwall for the past few days. It's fun; I like the beach, even if the temperature is not all that warm.

We don't talk about it - Alex and I, but we know we won't be staying together for much longer.

We're sitting at the beach, Alex and Daniel are licking away at their ice-creams while I'm enjoying my Cornish pastry. I make love faces at my food, moaning about how good it is, only to hear Daniel's laughter ringing out. I feel a wave of nostalgia when I think about how I never was like this when I was twelve. This happy. Carefree.

Still, I lean over Alex - who's sitting at the middle - so I can grin at him and when I pull back Alex throws his arm around me and I can't help but lean into his side a bit. It's nice.

15. June 2011

We're at the airport and none of us are talking much. Alex and Daniel are going back 'home' to America.

I'm not.

We're sitting at a table outside Burger King; Alex is playing with the ice on his soda, I'm munching at my chips and Daniel has his elbows on the table, his chin on his hand and is busy pouting away next to me.

"Cheer up" I nudge his side. He frowns.

"I thought you wanted to go to Florida?"

He gives me a dry look that I'm sure he's picked up from me and doesn't answer.

I send a pointed look at Alex but he only shrugs. It kind of sucks.

"You'll be fine" I tell him "aaand I might have Seen the two of you at Disneyland"

This catches his attention.

"Really?" Big brown eyes stare up at me hopefully and I wonder if Nick ever felt this way. It's possible, I think, probable, because I was forever getting things out of him just by giving him that same look I am getting from Daniel now.

"Maybe" I tease him "I think you'll need to do a bit of convincing though" I throw a look at Alex to show him exactly what I mean.

Daniel grins.

"Can we go Alex? Can we? Can we?" he asks excitedly. Alex throws me a dirty look and I have to stifle my laughter; boys are so easy.

Alex smiles, though it looks a bit pained and I know Daniel's won this one. It became pretty obvious over the past few weeks that he couldn't say no to the kid either (which made me feel a bit better).

"Sure"

Daniel's smile grows.

"Really? Cool!"

I laugh.

When they finally announce their flight we walk together towards the check-in gates. Daniel throws his arms around my middle and I'm suddenly reminded of a similar situation four years ago. Quickly, remembering of my own need of reassurance, I hug him back surprised to see that he is crying when he looks up at me.

"Don't" I feel awkward, not knowing what to do.

"We'll see each other again" I tell him.

"Did you See it?"

"No, but I know it. 'Sides, you can call me whenever you want.

"Really?" Uh, those eyes again.

"Yeah" He smiles.

"Cool."

He pulls away and it hurts a bit to let him go. I turn to took at Alex who quickly walks up to me. He doesn't ask me to come with, which I'm kind of thankful for, he just looks at me.

"Thanks" He finally says.

I nod. Smile.

"No problem. I was nearby"

It's his turn to send me that familiar grin, and I realize with a pang that I'm going to miss him.

I take a step forwards and put my arms around him in a hug which is much like the one Daniel had just given me. He hugs me too and before I can pull away embarrassed he kisses me. It's soft and lingering and not very long. It's a goodbye kiss. When we pull away Daniel gives us a grossed out look.

"Eww, you kissed her" he looks absolutely disgusted and it makes me laugh.

I watch them until they reach the gates. They turn around once to wave goodbye and then they're gone.

16. June 2011

I watch them for a while. Maybe because I'm bored or lonely or… does it even matter?

They go to Disneyland and the beach and the movies and watching them makes me feel both sad and happy, because I miss them, but I miss Nick more.

He wasn't just the guy my thirteen year old self had a crush on, he was - had been, my best friend, and I missed him, missed dragging him along to whatever new place I had decided to go to or whatever crazy thing I'd feel like doing.

I don't think I've ever had to exercise my will power as much as I'm doing now. I want to watch him, see him, call him and it makes me angry at myself because I should've forgotten about him already after all these years. I hadn't even stayed with him that long.

Six months. Six months was how long I'd stayed with him and still… I wonder what he's doing, if he's still with Kira… I groan out loud, letting my head fall forwards so that my forehead is leaning against the table, I have got to stop thinking about him, I need something to distract myself..

I decide to go out, being inside for very long always makes me cranky, my temper a lot harder to control than usual.

I put on my favourite pair of boots (which are really the only pair of boots I have), not bothering to chance out of my loose, short skirt and tank top, I'm in Spain again and the summer here is pretty hot. Throwing my side bag across my shoulders I walk out the door of my hotel room so fast I almost imagine I have some kind of claustrophobia.

I walk around all day, sometimes stopping to sit down and take my sketchbook out so I can draw. Not visions, just things I see when wondering around the city. Though my art skills have improved a lot, its still a whole lot better when I'm not drawing my visions because I actually have time to work on making people look like people instead of cartoon versions of stick people.

When I get hungry I find some place I can eat tapas at - which is not really that hard to find - I stuff myself with so much food I actually find it hard to get up from my seat. I throw a couple of twenties at the table and walk out in need of some exercise. I can have my desert later.

I walk into a bar later on in the evening, attracted in by the sound of live music playing inside. I sit at the bar and ask for a beer, which the barman gives to me without so much as a blink, and I sip on the cold drink while watching the band play.

I tap my foot in the air in time with the song; I don't recognize it but I've always liked Spanish music, especially dancing to it. It's fun.

Nobody is dancing yet though, but it's still early and as soon as people get some more alcohol into their systems this place will be full of dancing couples.

I grin in anticipation and turn around to ask for another beer. Another barman serves me, he's younger, only a few years older than me I'd guess. He's quite the looker too, tall, tanned, sandy haired and green eyed. I smile, and he smiles back. I See flashes of the future; hands on my skin and lips on my neck and my smile widens. He is not Nick or Alex or Daniel, but he'll distract me for a while.