Things start to do downhill here...
I hope you'll keep following me and let me know you're in this!
Next chapter is already finished, but I'll wait some day to post it as I have not finished the following one (my other fic is in progress too so... I have to manage times not to let you wait too much)
R & R
Meredith's morning in the pit had been a real flatness.
No patient, nothing at all.
Lucky her a woman had been admitted a few minutes before because of chest pains and now she was visiting her.
Mrs. Simmons was a nice (but Meredith was sure she would change idea if she didn't stop talking like a grapeshot in a few minutes) lady in her 70, she was paying her weekly visit to the supermarket when she started to feel bad.
Meredith was preparing her medical history.
"So are you sure you didn't lift anything really heavy?"
"No dear, I told you. Mr. Bran takes me water all weeks and my niece cares about boxes of detersives. I was just buying meat and other stuff. I live alone and you can imagine what my cart is full of"
Meredith gave her a huge smile, the woman could be her grandmother and she was trying her best to be nice and polite.
"Are you single?"
The question echoed in the room and Meredith thought she had misheard.
"Excuse me?"
"Are you married, dr… " the woman stretched her neck to read her budge, scrunching her nose in the while "Grey?"
If Meredith had a better day, she would find this woman adorable. She was clearly lonely and wanted to spend some time chatting with a girl who could be her niece. By now, she found her annoying. She didn't answer her questions, always added remarks, didn't prove to be useful to draw her medical profile. ICG looked good though and Meredith decided she wasn't going to die. She could also do the chatting thing.
"Not yet"
"But you have someone…"
"Yeah…"
Mrs. Simmons lighted up in joy and Meredith couldn't help but smile.
"And how is he?"
If Cristina could see her right now, she would crumble to the floor laughing her ass off. Meredith had to be deep down if she spent her time in the pit gossiping with an oldie. But who cared… she had nothing better to do, Cristina was nowhere to be found and even Derek wasn't around. She could also talk of her knight in shining whatever.
"He's a doctor"
From the look mrs. Simmons gave her she didn't give a crap of his job, these kind of things mattered to mums and gossip aunties, not to random patients, she decided to give her more personal stuff.
"Tall and… good looking… really good looking"
"Oh dear… and you love him so much, it's so easy to see"
"Is it?"
Meredith was surprised. Was she really so excited when she talked about Derek?
"Yes… your eyes shone when you spoke about him. Ah… I remember when I met my August…"
Mrs. Simmons looked around like she could see a presence in front of her, suddenly she looked back to Meredith
"Did I mention to you I'm widow?"
The change of topic caught Meredith by surprise and she looked to her chart like she had skipped a meaningful aspect of her health.
"No"
"Isn't that important in your documents?"
"No… I mean… being widow doesn't affect your medical status"
"You're so wrong, darling. It's what breaks your heart, day by day. I miss my August every day… the world faded into grey after he died"
"Did it happen recently?"
"32 years ago… but it still feels like yesterday"
Meredith's heart closed for her. This woman was an example of everlasting love, in good and bad luck, in health and sickness, till death won't break us apart. And further, even after death. She remembered the case Derek had worked to a couple of months before. An old woman killed by a tumor. Every time she entered the hospital she signed a DNR form and every time she walked out hand in hand with her husband. But last time things had gone differently and she hadn't woken up after surgery. Her husband had refused to let her go even after Bailey unplugged her. He started to make compressions, got Bailey to make compressions. In the end it was Derek who stopped CPR and declared her death. He had to walk the man out of the hospital like he was a lost puppy. Stories like this sounded like a fairytale to a girl whose family vanished in a blink when she was five. To Meredith Grey love was something overrated till some month ago. Then… during the trial, Andre's and his fiancé story had opened her eyes.
Don't wonder why people go crazy. Wonder why they don't. In face of what we can lose in a day, in an instant, wonder what the hell it is that make us hold it together.
She still remembered the pain in Derek's look whenshe splattered on his face that true love could exist only in delusional stories for children.
Good to know.
They weren't together on that catwalk… still her sentence had cut through his heart and Meredith had understood. He was still waiting for her. He was still fooling himself that, one day, they could be happy. He had been so involved in their patient's story… he had believed the woman from the very first moment, like they spoke a common language. Love language. Meredith had been herself, seeding pessimism and skepticism. And then she realized she was wrong. André showed up and she felt the remorse for a woman she had put under letting her think she was mad, letting her believe the man she loved was a fake image produced by her tumor. She broke into pieces in that room, after Derek told André her beloved would never wake up again. She felt wrong and damaged. And, after a very long time, she felt Derek's love on her skin… every time he spoke, every time he said something, every word he uttered was for her. Even if he was with Rose, she had the exclusive ownership of his heart. And it was mutual. Rough days had to come again before she could face it and tell him, days where she thought she had lost him forever, but she hold on and got him back.
Now she was ready to stand in a public place to cry out loud that love existed, that this old woman had lived a privilege and not some kind of illness that destroys your brain cells; Derek Sheperd turned her into a woman ready for commitment, committed. The one night stand whore disappeared and words like marriage and kids didn't scare her to death anymore. She wasn't ready… not yet. For kids at least. But the wedding… well… not so scary anymore.
"This kind of pain doesn't go away…"
Meredith realized mrs. Simmons had spoken and looked at her.
She wasn't an ugly, boring woman anymore.
"I can only imagine how it feels"
But it wasn't true, she couldn't imagine to lose Derek now, she couldn't imagine her life without him. She forced the image out of her mind and focused on the woman again.
"So… this old heart of mine…. Will it break or will I survive till the Superball?"
"You will… the after… well… it depends on what team you support"
Meredith giggled and stood up, mrs. Simmons was smiling too and she could leave her alone for some minute. "
I'll bring these to the lab and show them to the cardio attending. Just stay here, laid and relaxed, I'll be back in no time"
"Thank you, darling"
Meredith left the woman and approached the nurse station, she sat the chart down and scribbled something for her intern. She heard the sliding door open and then close with a hiss, she took a quick glance and her heart skipped a bit seeing Derek entering the ER. He was not good looking, he was sex on legs. His hair was a little bit ruffled, clear sign his morning wasn't as good as hers. He had those curls on his forehead which refused to be tamed and the same frown on his face she had been seeing for some day.
Clear, Dunn was still in the hospital and Derek was supposed to meet him this morning.
Telling him the surgery turned out to be a success and today he would be dismissed.
Working with Cristina…
Not the best day for sure.
He launched his own chart on the desk flipping it open and Meredith flinched, startled from the sudden noise.
"Hey" he smiled in apology and Meredith smiled back.
"Hey… are you ok?"
He nodded sighing and Meredith didn't buy it. He was in a bad mood and she wanted to make some conversation, cheer him up. She probably knew the source of the problem but they had talked the previous evening and they were fine, she didn't need to avoid the topic.
"How did William take it?"
He raised his eyes to look at her, pondering his options. She didn't sound critic or harsh, she looked really concerned about him, she was trying to do what they usually did: sharing their cases, lover to lover. His heart warmed but the topic didn't get more appealing though.
"You can imagine it… He's pissed that I saved him. And he's asking for hundred things, from jallo to beer to a cheeseburger. I made a deal to his guards and he'll get a hotdog from Joe's in an hour or so".
He gave a quick look to Meredith and then went back to his chart, when he closed it and looked up she was giving him the same, surprised, incredulous look of ten seconds before
"What?"
"You ordered him something from Joe's?"
"No, actually Cristina did. I guess she hates me more than ever now"
He leant against the desk, a grin stretching his lips.
"You couldn't believe how much she likes you instead"
"Really?"
"I won't tell you anyhow…" she mimicked his position and they both stared at the empty ER.
"Why are you so surprised I didn't deny him this hotdog?"
She focused on his face, he was still smiling, looking in front of him. Handsome… more than good looking.
"Well… I'm not surprised…"
"You so are…."
"Ok… it's just… I mean… You said many times you didn't stand him so… I just thought…"
"I'd do anything to ruin his last hours here…. Isn't it?"
His eyes bored into hers and she couldn't lie. She nodded.
"It's not what I want. I want him out… I know I do. But I don't want to do stupid revenges or anything. Getting something from outside is his right. I could deny it for medical reasons but I have none. He can have all the hotdogs he wants"
Meredith smiled… This was her Derek… maybe she had overdone things in the last days. She was so busy to defense Dunn's rights that she gave him more rights than he actually had.
"And what about you? Did the chief page you?"
"Yes"
Derek looked at her gravely and she got he expected a sentence. Punished or innocent. Screwed or immaculate. She was nothing of this. Not yet
"He paged me to set a meeting at 10.30" She took a look at her clock "so it means I have still 20 minutes of weariness down here"
"Any good case?"
Meredith brushed his forearm, the contact with him made her feel better. She pointed to the gurney mrs. Simmons was laying on.
"Do you see that woman over there?" Derek followed her finger and saw the patient "She was the only case I got since this morning. Chest pains and a lot of loneliness"
"It's sad"
"Really sad… She told me her whole life" Derek giggled, he could imagine Meredith listening to her, she was too soft hearted. She wouldn't get the courage to cut her off "And she wants me to get married to you"
Derek looked down to Meredith, her eyes were still scanning the room and a smile still curled her lips. She had said that word so carelessly… like she didn't fear it. He was speechless. Meredith Grey never spoke about marriage, not for joke and of course not seriously. Maybe she was testing him, maybe Cristina had spilled it out, after all they had solved their conflict, they were back to the dark and twisty sisters partnership. But he didn't sense it. Even if Cristina had told her, Meredith wouldn't tempt him, she wouldn't mention it on purpose, she would avoid him like plague. But she weren't. On the contrary, she was cracking jokes and she was talking to him about her morning. Maybe he could try to investigate a little more.
"Does she like me so much?"
Meredith turned around smiling, Derek was giving her his cocky arrogant grin, the expression which bought him the nick name of Mc Dreamy and she was starting to feel week in the knees.
"She has never seen you actually. But I told I had someone and she assumed I'm head over hills on you"
"The woman is almost blind but can see further than her nose"
"You really like yourself, uhm?"
"Just hiding my pain…"
They both burst out laughing and Derek lingered searching Meredith's face. She was smiling, she was happy, she was beautiful. And she was ready. And he loved her more than his own life. Maybe it was time to break to delay and plan a royal date to propose.
He hadn't made up his mind yet. Meredith was a stunning woman, but she was simple, easy, like him. He didn't know if a fancy restaurant was the proper place to prepare the event. He couldn't even do it at home. Hospital… A voice scream in his own ears. Would he dare to do it in the work place? They had very good memories in SG, special spots and rooms. Not to talk about elevators. If they could talk, his career and reliability would be over for a while.
But today he hadn't the strength to think of it, today he had decided to propose soon.
Tomorrow he'd think how to do it.
Meredith had succeeded to dump mrs. Simmons' case to her resident. The woman was adorable but her case was not going to offer anything to her curriculum; she preferred to leave her care to dr. Michaels, who looked enthusiastic at the mere idea.
Dr. Grey was now riding the elevator to the surgical floor, her meeting with the chief was expected to begin in ten minutes and she didn't want to be late. Usually she wouldn't pay so much attention, but today… today she had screwed up and she needed to be faultless. The doors opened for what seemed to be the tenth time and Meredith sighed, nerves were playing tricks on her. Everything was bothering her and she knew she had to keep quite.
On the floor there was Cristina waiting for the elevator and Meredith smiled to her. She was less happy seeing all her residents behind her back. Yang sensed Meredith's bother and barked to the young interns to use the stairs. She would meet them on the floor. Them all disappeared and Meredith giggled when the doors closed.
"You scared them…"
"No, I just let them clear not to breathe on my neck. Are you going to Webber?"
Meredith's smiles dropped and she nodded, burying her hands in the labcoat pockets.
"He'll spank you… but you'll get no punishment"
"How do you know?"
"I don't, but I feel it. He didn't punish Iz when she cut Duquette's wire, he didn't punish me when I covered Burke. He just won't"
"I hope you're right. I already got my punishment spending the morning in the pit making conversation with an old patient"
"Did she teach you to knit?"
"I already can do it"
"Broider then?"
"No, hot dog making" Cristina stared at her in surprise "Do you need some tip?"
"Really funny… I hoped Sheperd would go on with the hate line. Apparently you sweetened him"
"Did they talk civilly?"
"Civility is a big world for Dunn. He tried to set Derek off but he couldn't"
"I just hope this will be over soon"
"Me too"
"I got used to mrs. Simmons' gossip and the marriage stuff… possible firing conversation is hard to face"
Cristina's eyes jump to Meredith's when she heard about marriage stuff. What was this supposed to mean? Did Sheperd propose yesterday? Of course he didn't do it today. No, there was no way. She played the numb card.
"Marriage?"
"She actually told me about hers and then suggested I have to marry Derek… Not that she knows him but… she said I would"
"And do you think she's right?"
Meredith turned to look at Cristina. What was wrong with anyone today?
"No… I mean…. Maybe… I don't know"
"You don't know? You don't know if you would say yes or you don't want if he's going to try it?"
"What does it matter now? I'm going to the chief and he could fire me. Do you think I care about marriage and searching my soul?"
Cristina decided it was just a coincidence and dropped the conversation. She shrugged pressing once again on the floor button.
"You talked about it…"
"Sure…" Silence stretched and Meredith looked at the lights indicating the floors. She sighed. "I think I could be… ready… you know… Derek and I got through so many things… We live together for a while now and… I could be ready… if he ever finds the courage to propose"
Cristina swallowed, her best friend could be such a moron sometimes. She really didn't get the power she had on Sheperd, he would jump into the fire if she ever asked. And he was less scared than she thought.
"Sheperd is a pig head. He knows you well enough to know not to make sudden steps. But he is not going to wait forever"
"What does this mean?"
"You should worry about what you want. He knows what he wants"
"And what is it?"
"A Victorian house on his land, a ring on your finger and a horde of little Sheperds around. Are you ready for this?"
"For the house and the ring… I think I am. We still have to work on little Sheperds… I need to finish my residency first and… see how my career will display" Their eyes met and for the first time since… definitely a lot of time, she couldn't read anything on Cristina's face. What was she thinking? She needed to know… She was her person and Meredith cared about her opinion "Cristina… just say something please…"
Magically Yang's lips stretched in a smile and she hugged her, the reverse situation of what happened usually.
"Cristina?"
"I'm really proud of you, Meredith Grey"
"Thank you…" Cristina broke the embrace and turned to look to the door, her expression still delighted. Meredith was looking at her doubtful. "It's not like this is going to happen soon though… I mean… Derek could not want to marry me so… "
"We'll wait and see… Just don't get yourself fired by now…"
"I'll try"
The elevator finally reached the floor and they stepped out. Cristina patted Meredith's shoulder and gave her an encouraging smile. She looked at her friend retrieving back and hoped everything would be fine. Her heart swelled of joy and it felt good. Meredith had found her way, she had built a steady relationship with someone who was going to make her really happy. And she would not walk away. She deserved all what future was going to give her. And Derek too. Cristina couldn't control the little laughter which erupted from her throat. Derek was waiting to propose to Meredith as he wasn't sure she was ready. Meredith wasn't sure Derek would ever propose. These two really needed a kick in the ass to move. And she had chosen who would be first to take one.
Derek was sitting sipping a coffee in the attending lounge. He was scrolling a magazine, not really attracted to tell the truth by the new founds of rhinoplasty. He just needed some peace and quiet after his last meeting with William Dunn. Which had been tough.
The man wasn't happy after the last surgery he had to endure, even though he had begged for help in his room, it was quite assumed he wanted help to die, not to be saved.
"How do you feel, mr. Dunn?"
"Alive"
"The surgery was complicated but went good. Your labs are fine, I gave you some morphine for the pain… is it working?"
"No… my head is fucking killing me"
"It's normal. You cracked it against the rail bed several times… You brain needs time to resettle back"
"How lucky I am… I met dr. God whose aim of the month was saving my life. I guess you kill most of your patients… but you just had to play numbers with me"
"It's what I always do. And yes, unfortunately, many patients die on my table. I was happy I could save you. You should be too"
"Oh I am… But unfortunately for me, I won't have happy relatives to make me a welcome home party. I have a party with death set in three days. Do you want to join us… make us company Dr. Sheperd? I think you'd enjoy it"
"Unlike what you think, I'm sorry for what is expecting you"
Dunn laughed and Derek's blood froze in his veins. There was something malignant in that sound.
"What are you sorry about?"
"I'm sorry that you killed those people and even that you wasted your life. But that's on you"
"You're right… I chose it… But since I was told I'm going to die… life looks more precious to me"
"You learnt your lesson then…"
Derek signed the chart and made some step towards the exit, Cristina following him.
"Dr. Sheperd…." Derek turned around and their eyes met "Did the nurse tell you my request?"
"No"
"Could I have a hotdog before going back to hell?"
"Dr. Yang will take care of it" Cristina rolled her eyes "See you later, mr. Dunn"
Cristina made his order letting Sheperd know she was pissed. She was not a freaking waitress or a nurse. But nothing more mattered. Dunn was going to leave in some hour and he was going to have time to forget. The door opened letting the noises and smells of the hospital entering the room. It was a short invasion though, the door closed immediately and Derek raised his eyes to meet Owen.
"Morning"
"Morning"
Hunt walked to the coffee pot and tried to pour some into a mug.
"I'm sorry… I finished it"
"Oh…" He settled the useless mug on the table and went to the sink to fill the pot with water "I'm not lucky with coffee… I never find any. I think I'm the attending who prepares more pots here…"
"It's because you are kind of new and you don't know strategies yet"
"Strategies?"
"Yes… best hours to come here and find everything done and ready"
"Wow… would you share it with me or… is it a state secret?"
"It is… but I can make an exception for you" Derek launched the magazine on the little table in front of the couch and smiled to Owen.
"I'm very flattered… and ready to listen"
"The attending on call ends its shift at 8,30 . So if you come here at 8.45 there's a pot hot and full waiting for you. Avoid lunch time and the hour between 13 and 14. Torres and Robbins and Altman do a woman reunion here and they use to drink an awful, vegetable based, herb tea. The smell stays in the pot for two or three rounds, so 18-18.30 is the best hour to drink a strong, dark coffee not mint taste"
"I'm speechless… Did you study these movements for long?"
"A little bit. But… to tell the truth… you're the only one not to know… You don't pay too much attention on this… right?"
"No… I'm not an observing man in this stuff" the pot hissed and Owen went to take it off the hover. "So I keep doing coffee for you. Do you want some?"
"Since you're there… thank you" Hunt poured two coffees in the plastic cups and walked to Derek with some sugar, he handled him a cup and sat on the couch groaning. "Oh… I needed this"
Derek looked at him smiling and took a sip of coffee. As he swallowed it, he gritted his teeth, the bitter flavor still on his tongue.
"It would be better if you put sugar in"
"No, thank you"
"Oh right… you're the health nut guy, I forgot that" Derek giggled and set his cup down. He took a furtive glance to his college and decided to ask something which was making him really curious.
"So… I heard rumors of a date between you and a doctor we both know"
Owen nearly choked on his coffee, the liquid entering different ways than expected. It went down to his lungs and up his nose and he started to cough violently. Derek patted his shoulder blades trying to help him breathing. Hunt caught his breath and lifted a hand, Derek stopped hitting him.
"I'm sorry" His voice was still a bit cracked and Derek stood up and brought him some water
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you"
"You didn't…"
"You nearly died drowning in your coffee at the mere mention of Cristina"
"I nearly died at the mention of people chatting around. I'm not used to gossip…"
"Welcome to Seattle Grace…"
"Thank you…"
"You're welcome… I exaggerated though. I got an allusion from Bailey yesterday and I summoned it up. But you don't have to talk if you don't want to"
"No, it's fine. I wanted to tell you. But you know… it's not something I really go proud of" Owen looked at Derek and saw concern, he didn't know anything more about his first, failure date with Cristina. Even for Hunt was difficult to explain what happened that evening. He wasn't a man used to get drunk. He liked a drink with friends but…. getting drunk… not one of his habits. He really couldn't get himself how he could end up in that state on Cristina's door, in her house, under her shower. It was like a black hole, he raked his hands in his hair and Derek frowned.
"That bad?"
"Bad is an understatement. I arrived drunk to our date"
Derek couldn't help but smile. This looked a lot like college years.
"With Cristina you may need a further push…" Hunt giggled and stood up, pacing in the room like a student at the prom.
"Maybe you're right"
"Did something happen for you to get drunk or were you nervous for the date?"
It was Hunt's turn to giggle.
"The both I think. I had a tough day… I remembered stuff from Iraq and… I just … couldn't stand both things in one day… She wanted to know of my hardest surgery and I… maybe I hadn't to ask her out"
"It was good instead. You like her and from what I know Cristina, she finds you interesting too"
"I'm a mess"
"I was too when I got in town. Meredith put ground under my feet. I know you can laugh hearing that… we had a lot of problems and upside down but… she really helped. Cristina can be the right person for you"
"How do you know? We don't know each other so well…"
"I feel it. I have a good intuition about people and I feel you can be the right one for her. Actually… she didn't go around to talk about your failure. What does this say to you?"
"Women don't talk with pleasure of bad hook ups"
"You're so wrong about this… She is giving you a second chance. Take it"
"I'll see…" His pager beeped and he looked at it "My patient is ready for surgery"
He stood up and went to the door.
"Good luck"
Owen turned around and smiled to Sheperd.
"With what? Cristina or the patient?"
"The both I guess"
"Be ready for a double date"
"I look forward…"
Owen giggled leaving the room, Derek picked up his magazine again and started reading. His peace didn't last long as the door opened again. He looked up and was surprised seeing Cristina on the door. She was looking inside doubtful, maybe she expected to find Owen here.
"Dr. Hunt has left two minutes ago" He looked down expecting to hear the door shutting closed but it didn't happen. He looked up a minute later and Cristina was still there, looking at him. "Is there anything I can do for you, dr. Yang?" She closed the door behind her back but didn't say anything. Derek closed the magazine and tried to think if something had happened that morning, something she might want to discuss with him. The only thing was Dunn's order to Joe's, Cristina was arrogant and really overconfident, but she was also a woman of humor, not much but… a little bit. She couldn't be mad for that. Derek was about to speak again but she closed the distance between them and sat near him. "Dr. Yang?"
"Can I see your ring again… please?"
Derek could die right now, he expected everything but this. Cristina Yang made quite clear she didn't want to know anything of his proposal. Well… she and Meredith were still fighting then and now they had made up. Still her sentence froze him. His mouth was agape and Cristina grinned in his face.
"Seriously… did you lose your tongue?"
Nothing. Cristina waved her hand in front of his face.
"Sheperd… is your brain screwed or what?"
Her sarcasm brought him back on earth.
"Why?"
"Because I'm talking to you and you look at me look you can't see"
Derek snorted, this woman could drive him crazy, now he got why Hunt needed a drink before taking her out.
"Why do you want to see my ring?"
"You asked … practically begged me to give you a second opinion. And it's not yours. It's Meredith's… better… mummy's ring. Anyway… if you finally made up your mind…" She tried to stand up but Derek stopped her. He let go of her hand and shifted forward on the couch, half sitting and half stretched. He was rummaging in his rear pockets and Cristina didn't lose time to take fun of him.
"If you need to take off your pants, I can wait out"
"I don't need to take off my pants, for your misfortune" he produced a little box in his left hand and opened it under her eyes. He sensed the change in her breathing. Cristina Yang was a complicated woman, she was determined and strong. Yet she was careful and sensitive. Owen Hunt had a tough job ahead, but every sacrifice would pay him back in the long run. "So… what do you think?"
She took the piece of jewelry with reverence, looking at it cautiously.
"Is this really your mother's ring?" There was no more sarcasm in her voice.
"Yeah… my father gave her before their wedding"
"And they agreed for you to give it away?"
Their eyes met and Derek knew Meredith had told nothing about his loss.
"My dad died and… he wanted me to have it"
Anything was going through Cristina's head… she didn't say anything, she didn't show anything. She just rolled the ring though her fingers and then set it back in the box.
"It's a family ring. Your father gave it to your mother and you'll give it to Meredith. You shouldn't change anything for me"
It was what Derek thought too. But things were more complicated for him. He knew that ring, it had a story. Meredith could just see it as a piece of gold and a stone. But… maybe he had underestimated her. Meredith was a refined woman, she didn't take much care of herself as she didn't have time but she was fancy and refined. She would love the ring. Maybe she would be scared for what it represented. Sheperd to Sheperd. Mrs. Michael Sheperd to mrs. Derek Sheperd. But she would like it. Derek's heart filled with warmth and gratitude. Cristina Yang didn't know, but she had relieved a stone from his stomach, now he knew what to do.
"It's what I thought too… Thank you"
"You're welcome"
She stood up and he set the ring back in the safe on his labcoat. Cristina was still looking at him and he sensed there was something else she wanted to say. He didn't know why she didn't. Yang wasn't the type to hold her tongue in place.
"Why did you change your mind?"
"Meredith and I… we talked. We made up… I guess you know it…. It felt good to take part in this… She'll be happy about it"
"I'd like to be so confident too"
"Just be…" Cristina smiled and Derek felt an unsaid promise in her words "I'll see you later for Dunn's dismissal"
She closed the door and Derek was left in the silence again.
Meredith had been sitting for ten minutes on the couch in the waiting area. She was fidgeting with her clock nervously. She hadn't been so nervous since she was paged to discuss her contract. The Chief was late. And it was bad. Or it could be good. This could end up in a briefing with tea and pastries or in a blood bath. She really couldn't read the signs. Patricia was guarding the door like a drake… well… more like a owl … she sometimes took a look at Meredith, checking her.
Meredith didn't know what to do with herself. She was trying to get why she had put herself in such a mess. One… two… three… good… the right thing to do. It didn't look so right right now. She needed to stay calm, eventually explain her reasons…
If she had reasons…
She was distracted by the ringing of Patricia's phone, the secretary picked the receiver up and all Meredith could get was "Sure, dr. Webber". Then the old woman stood up and walked to her, Meredith was ready before she got close. Patricia gave her a smile and told her "Dr. Webber is ready to receive you now". She went back behind her desk and Meredith knocked to the door. The chief invited her to go in and she did. He was, like usual, sitting behind his table, a mountain of papers spread on the surface in a complete mess. Meredith approached shyly and Webber wasn't doing anything to make her feel better. He was still focused on the documents under his nose and mumbled a "Sit, dr. Grey" without even looking up and greeting her. Bad… this was bad. Meredith played with her fingers till Richard looked up and their eyes met.
"Excuse me… Adele wanted me to check this…" He smiled finally "I was sure I had already but she says no so… you know… women are always right" they both smiled and Webber took a folder from the pile on his left. "So… has dr. Sheperd talked to you?"
"Not officially"
Webber looked up, probably he hadn't clear what she meant for officially. He frowned and set his glasses on the table. Meredith felt encouraged to go on. "I mean… we talked yesterday… but he didn't tell me anything today or here, in the hospital"
"Actually there was no need to do it… You know, Meredith, I think it's better I get to the point quickly. There will be no punishment for you for what happened yesterday" Meredith couldn't help but breathing out, which didn't go unnoticed to Richard. "you won't get suspended and I won't put you in probation. Dr. Sheperd didn't ask for it and I don't find it necessary due to the circumstances. This doesn't mean what you did wasn't deeply wrong"
Meredith's face hardened, she tried to get ready for a new argument and preach.
"The fact is that, probably, everything spin out of control. There was too much pressure on you, on me, on Derek… on anyone. And when pressure is much, it's easy to do mistakes, to do the wrong analyses and evaluation. Have you meditated on what happened?"
"Yes…"
Webber looked at Meredith and he knew her well enough to say she wasn't repented. The young woman in front of him was an idealist, a lot like her mother used to be. He felt like he should ask her more, he was her boss after all. But he didn't want. There was something else he wanted to make clear today.
And it was difficult as it implied to step into Derek's and Meredith's private life. Again.
Richard had promised himself not to do it after he discovered their affair. It had been very difficult at first. He had woken up from career saving surgery and the first image his eyes had sent to his brain was Derek stroking Meredith's cheek in a hallway. His favorite student, a guy he considered almost like a son, a doctor he had entrusted all his life letting him operating on his tumor, a man he knew to be divorcing but not yet divorced, was having a romance with Meredith Grey, the closest thing he had to a daughter. A woman whose family life had been upset by his own romance with Ellis, letting her lonely to be raised by a lonely and bitter woman, the remains of the woman he had loved and broken. It was a hard blow. And Richard had lashed out on Derek.
He had chosen Burke over him for temporary chief, he had openly told him the reasons he didn't want to give him definitive Chief. The truth was that Derek had been able to do what he couldn't: stop a marriage which was nothing but pain and built a new life with the woman he loved. And Richard had never been doubtful on that. Derek loved Meredith completely and truthfully. Even when he was still married to Addison, his heart was somewhere else. He had continued loving her when she had walked away, when she had given hope and then screwed it, when she played the keep and go strategy. He had suffered a lot, Webber well remembered his days at the trailer, when Derek looked to have nothing to hope for. He had been even scared he could leave, go settle roots somewhere else. But things rolled good someway and now they were one of the most envied couples of Seattle Grace, of all Seattle maybe.
Sheperd's name was one of the brightest in town, he was a world renown neurosurgeon, well paid. And his angel face helped a lot in the big world.
But Webber also knew that behind that appearance of easy, cheerful guy, Derek hid a pain impossible to erase, an experience which had permanently changed his being. He had always wondered how he could not talk about it. Nobody of his colleges, but Sloan of course, suspected anything. This was probably the trade mark of this generation. Everybody minded his own business. They didn't care to know why one of their friend was mother or father less. They just didn't do questions. And Meredith was the queen of it. She didn't like to make questions mostly like she didn't want to receive them. It was connected… But it was time to push something.
"It looks to me that you don't deny what you did… I kind of expected it" Webber sank in his chair and Meredith wondered if this would change the no punishment line. Maybe the chief expected her to apologize profusely, to admit her wrongs.
"Dr. Webber… I regret something of what I did. But nothing has to do with my job. I know it may sound ridiculous and arrogant from me but… I just felt out of line all the case… I didn't get the point of saving a man for having him executed. We wasted time and money and efforts we could devote to other people. I feel bad when I say this but it's what I think"
"I know… and you're not the only one. You're young, dr. Grey. Your career is about to start. You'll find yourself in this situation a lot of times again. And I tell you this… some day, you'll change your mind. And it's not because your idea of death penalty will change. I don't know how you feel about it now… maybe you are for maybe you are against. But after a life spent in saving lives and losing them… you'll think differently. Every life has its pros. From what we know, mr. Dunn could get a grace last minute. We had to make sure he was treated properly, It's not on us what comes next. But I get that this case was borderline. I had to know better… I had to keep you out of it… keep Derek out of it" Richard referred to them using their first names and Meredith got the conversation was moving to other levels. Webber was giving her an apologetic look, he felt awkward and she sensed it "I just thought you could support him and… it blew on your faces"
"I didn't know… he told me later… about his father. But to my fault, it didn't change anything"
"It depends on what he told you"
Webber's voice was deep and throaty, like he perfectly knew what he was talking about. Meredith slapped herself mentally. Her story with Webber clouded everything else, apparently even her judgment. After Richard left her mother and Seattle, he tried to build up his new life in New York. Where he met Derek, a very young Derek. How young? Her brain started to process… Her father left when she was five, so… nearly twenty five years ago. From what her mother told her (not she knew she was her daughter when she spilled it out in her Alzheimer's moments), their affaire went on some years, 3 or 4 she would say, the Richard broke it and left some month later. He was already in New York when Derek's father died, Derek was in his first years on internship so… everything matched. Webber knew. Maybe this was even the reason of his close relationship with Derek. Could she get more information from Richard?
"Not much to tell the truth"
"He never talks about what happened. But I was sure he would with you"
"Maybe he thinks I'm too screwed up myself to bear his own screws" she looked around and when her eyes settled on Webber again, his look was sharper than before. "I'm sorry… for the language…"
"I feel guilty for assigning him this case. I had to know better… Your problems were my fault too. And it's not a news" Meredith felt embarrassed, Richard had always been present in her life, discreetly since she was a resident in SG, he had given her advice and suggestions, he had tried to be a father to her before she told him not to. And now he was openly admitting his interference in their lives. Probably he had pressed even Derek. "I always end up making mistakes with Derek. I have this rare habit to forget and ignore his needs…"
"Chief… we work for you. You have every right to dispose of our work as you like, it's not your problem if we are messed up"
"It's my concern too"
"But it shouldn't…"
"You're wrong, Meredith. If you'll ever want to become Chief someday, keep this in mind. Everyone can handle good surgeons, the difference between a good chief and a bad one is that the good knows his people perfectly, he knows when to ask and then to let go, he knows where to press and where to yield. I shouldn't have asked Derek to take care of a serial killer. I shouldn't have asked you to treat a girl who shot his father. This was bad judgment, your failures were mine" Silence stretched and Meredith saw a very tired man in front of her. She knew it was wrong, but she wanted to get something from this situation.
"Would you tell me the whole story… the story Derek won't tell me?"
Webber diverted his eyes and Meredith knew the answer before he said it loud.
"It's not my story to tell"
"Ok"
There was something definitive in the way he talked and Meredith got their meeting was over, she didn't wait to be disbanded, this wasn't a boss to worker speech anymore, it was something else. Step father to fake daughter… something like that. She stood up and left the office. The situation was more screwed than she thought. Apparently truth was worse than she thought. Webber and Mark had refused to tell her anything. What was worse than a killed father? Apparently something was. She fished her cell phone out of her pocket and found three missed calls from Derek. He was worried. The Chief hadn't shared his intentions with him. She typed him a sms as he was in surgery and reassured him. She even found one call from Cristina but didn't lose time to answer or call back, she knew where she could find her this time of the day.
Meredith entered the cafeteria, immediately spotting her friends in a corner. She queued to buy lunch, a salad and an apple on her tray. She marched quickly to the table where Alex and Cristina were having a medical discussion.
"There is no way Sloan would let you suture a boob" Cristina chewed her sandwich and Meredith sat, taking her last sentence.
"She's right. It's not a pleasure he would leave to anyone else"
"He did instead. I think he likes teaching me"
He bit his own sandwich, his face spreading satisfaction from every pore. That was what Meredith loved of this job. They could work 16 hours a day, standing the whole time, practicing unpleasant exams on patients, standing rude people, but this was their reward. Some minute of glory in the OR, doing doctors, surgeons. It could be three minutes out of a day, but it changed perspective on everything.
She smiled to everyone and opened her salad, flowing it with sauce and salt. Cristina was looking at her and she sensed the question coming.
"Everything's ok?"
"Yeah… you were right … I didn't get punished or suspended. Nothing at all"
She started to eat looking around, Sloan was sitting with Lexie, they were out in the light now, no more secret dates, Derek was nowhere to be found.
"So what was the purpose of the meeting?"
"Just talking. The Chief wasn't happy but decided not to kick my ass"
Cristina wasn't sure about that, Meredith got it from the way she was looking at her. But she pleaded her with her eyes to let it go. "Have you seen Derek?"
Yang shook her head and it was Alex who answered.
"I read his name on the board. There was a pile up and he had a craniotomy. Bad one from what I heard"
"That's not right! I spent the whole morning in the pit and nothing. As soon as I leave we have a massive pile up… "
"Your oldie is fine by the way…" Cristina spoke looking away, her voice lazy.
"Who?"
"The woman with chest pains you admitted this morning. Your intern brought tests to Altman and I took a look. She has nothing. But the wish to get you stitched"
Meredith rolled her eyes and Alex frowned.
"Does she have a hot nephew for you?"
"No, she was concerned of my personal life and we made conversation"
"And she told her to hook Sheperd"
"Cristina…"
"And you're thinking about it?" Alex looked concerned but Meredith had lost her patience. Possible marriage with Derek was not something she wanted to discuss in the cafeteria with tons of nurses ready to over ear.
"The only thing I want is eating this crap as it's going to be the last thing I eat till tonight. I don't want philosophy or heart to heart discussions. Can you do that?"
"No problem" Cristina's voice was flat
"Calm down, Mer. I don't want to piss you. Just don't tell me for tomorrow if I need to start looking for a new house"
"You don't"
"You'll live with the newlywed, enjoy porno movies for free every night" Cristina grinned and Alex shivered.
"Cristina… he won't need to move out as we will"
"What?"
"When and if we decide to get married or when and if we decide we want more privacy, we'll move in the land, let you in my house"
"Really?"
"Yes, I won't kick you out"
"Thank you"
"So… did all the pile up patients get surgery or I can hope for a hot case today?"
"Don't know… sewing boobs, remember?"
"There were some down in general with Bailey, doing check up and CT. Maybe you'll help"
"And you?"
"I'm still on Dunn" their eyes met and Cristina suddenly smiled brightly "and I have a heart transplant tomorrow"
"You bitch!"
"Sorry if Altman can't operate without me"
"Maybe she wants to take an eye on you…" Alex slurred and both girls looked at him "She thinks you're peeing on her shoes"
"Shut up, Karev. I can keep my bladder under control. And I took nothing hers"
"But you took something, hum?" his eyebrows twitched mischievously and Cristina got he had trapped her.
"Why do you care?"
"Come on… we're friends"
"We're not"
Both Alex and Meredith eyed her surprised. It was Meredith who tried to speak.
"Cristina…"
"Don't give me that look, Mer. We are friends, you live together. He and I work together. End of the story. I don't mean to talk of my private things with him. Ask nurses if you want" She took her tray and stood up, walking away. Alex was laughing but Meredith was thunderstruck.
"Why the hell do you laugh?"
"Nothing… It was fun"
"It wasn't. Why did you startle her?"
"I wanted to know if the rumors were true"
"Which rumors?"
"About her and a trauma surgeon… But you know it… how would you not…"
"Things are complicated with Cristina. You should pay more respect to her feelings"
"Like she does with mine"
Meredith's eyes narrowed dangerously but her pager went off and she took a look. She stood up without saying anything and left.
Cristina was walking down the hall stretching her neck, it was stiffened and it hurt. Fortunately today she hadn't surgeries and her shift was going to end in an hour. She had left Dunn's room half an hour ago, filled all the papers Sheperd had signed and said goodbye. Now it was up to guards to prep him to go away. Luckily he had been calm the whole day, enjoyed the hotdog Joe had prepared him, given some smile. It was over and she thanked everything had gone smoothly.
She had to spent the remaining hour studying the following day harvest. She had already prepared all the tests and labs in a conference room and she meant to close in there. Hopefully her pager would stay silent. She turned around the corner and nearly bumped in Owen.
"Hey…"
"Hey… are you going home?"
"No, I have another hour. I'm going to study my surgery with Teddy"
"Heart transplant, I heard… Congratulations…"
"Thank you"
"So you're not mad at me…"
"Why would I?"
"Well… I haven't seen you the whole day. I even wrote you a message and you didn't answer so… I was afraid you were mad"
"I'm not"
"Cristina…"
"Look, we don't need to talk about it anymore. It was a bad day, it was a bad evening. It happens. Just let it go, ok?"
"Ok… so… will I have the pleasure to ask you out again?"
"If you want"
"Of course I want…" They reached a hidden corner and Hunt pulled Cristina's arm and closed her waist his with hands "I like you and I'm sorry if last night I proved differently. I didn't mean to be careless and hurt you… I'm sorry"
"I know… it's fine" Owen smiled and they parted, he cocked his head to one side and Cristina wondered what he was thinking. "What?" He smirked and pulled his cell out of his pocket, Cristina saw him typing a message and press the send button.
"Check your cell and see" He was still smirking and Cristina decided to play his game. She slipped her hand in the pocket she used to keep her telephone but found nothing. She tapped the other and the one in front of her labcoat but nothing, a frown appearing on her face. "What?"
"I can't find it…"
"Oh… come on. If you don't want to read it in front of me just say it…" His voice was light though and Cristina snorted and opened her arms
"I really can't find it, you genius" She tried once again her pockets and finally stopped looking up.
"What?"
"I left it in Dunn's room"
"What?"
"I was writing on his chart and you sent me your message. I put it on the tray and left it there"
"Well… I don't think you'll find it anymore"
"I go and check… he should be gone by now and guards wouldn't allow him to pick up a phone"
She walked away and Owen spoke to her back.
"I wait for your answer"
She turned around and smiled to him.
"I say yes"
She walked away and Owen felt relieved. Cristina was really a wonderful woman. Any other would walk miles away after the rag he played. It was clear he had issues, lot of issues. He had pushed her against a shelf, showed up drunk on her door. Not the best card to say it simply. But she wanted to give him another chance and he would make the damned sure this date was going to be perfect. He needed help though. He had been out of town for years and he didn't know restaurants and fancy places anymore. Maybe Sheperd could help him in this, he looked like a guy who could help him. He smiled to himself and headed to the surgery wing making sure to mask his happiness.
Another doctor was walking self satisfied down the hallways. Cristina was happy. Owen Hunt was a man who really intrigued her. He was gorgeous, complicated, intense, a little bit screwed up. She thought he could like him. Well… she already did. The point was that if they could build something more. Step by step, little by little. She didn't want to end up hurt again, she had surrendered once to a man and it ended bad, she ended dumped on the altar. She needed to be careful this time, for her care and his too. The both of them had dark sides, issues and fears, they needed to be slow, take one step at a time. She was curious to read his invitation, he surely wanted to make up for the first failure, he wanted to impress her and this was full of promises. She turned at the end of the corridor and noticed there was nobody in front of Dunn's room. He had left then. She opened the door resolutely, quickly scanned the room and spotted her cell in the place she remembered to have left it. She approached the tray and inserted her pin, the little screen brightening up. She saw the new message notice and scrolled down the list to enter it, a small smile stretching her lips taking the words Owen had texted her. She turned down to leave but something caught her attention. Something which really looked like… it couldn't be. She bent forward to take a look but everything went black before her suspects could find confirmation.
Meredith's expectations had been frustrated. To her misfortune, when she got back to the pit every surgical case had been already treated or assigned. She had tons of patients though. With scratches, cuts, burns… a total mess. She tried to do her best, all these people needed to be taken care of. She had lost count of sutures and stitches she had done. And the list was going to grow longer and longer as nobody was there to help her.
Alex was busy with his boobs, Cristina was probably preparing for her transplant, Izzie had her day off, George was with Bailey, Derek seemed to be performing the third craniotomy in seven hours… everybody was having a great day of medicine and she was stuck in the pit. Maybe this was her punishment after all. Or maybe Webber thought she needed a day to relax, to stretch out and the pit was sure the place to do it. She refined her last stitch on the man's forearm and put needle and gloves on the tray near her stool.
"Here we go…" she raised her eyes and smiled to the man. "It's done"
"Thank you, dr. Grey" He took a look to the sutured skin "Wow… it's hot"
"You'll need to come here in four days to take stitches out. I'll prescribe you a pain killer and an antibiotic just in case. The wound was clean but it's better not to take any risk" She scribbled something on her pad and unhitched the prescription "Here it is"
"You have a good writing"
"Thank you"
"Usually doctors write unreadable stuff. You don't know if it's a habit or if they do it on purpose not to have you understand"
"I guess it's the first one…" Meredith stood and the man too, he stretched his good hand and Meredith shook it
"Thank you, dr. Grey"
"It was a pleasure… see you soon"
She smiled to the man again and she picked up the remains of treatments and dirty gloves and used syringes. She threw everything in the closest bin and went to the nurses station.
"Here is mr. Dent's chart. I dismissed him"
"Thank you, dr. Grey"
"Anyone else waiting?"
"No, we have a break if God wants. Dr. Grey is stitching up the last guy over there, dr. Hail is treating burns over there, paramedics said maybe we'll get someone else in half an hour but, for now, the pit is clear"
"Ok, I go and take some water. I'll be back in ten minutes. Page if you need me"
"Sure, dr. Grey"
Meredith pushed the door open, the chaos of the pit immediately fading behind the doors. The vending machine was luckily empty and she bought a mineral water. She sat on a chair and opened the bottle, the sparkles twitching her nose. She liked this sensation… the sparkles… it was the only reason she bought mineral water instead of regular. It was stupid she knew, you should drink something as you like the flavor not as it cheers you up. But that was her secret, she didn't like mineral water, she liked the sparkles once opened the cap. She took a sip anyway enjoying the quiet and peace of this corner. Her pocket boozed and she breathed out. Apparently paramedics had been quicker than expected. She took her pager but it was blank, the vibration continued… her cell. She picked it off her pocket, opening it with the only free hand. Cristina had sent her a message. Probably a joking message, laughing her ass off as she had a fancy surgery and she was playing the helping nurse. She pressed the button and the text appeared on the screen. Meredith's eyes took the image in front of them and she closed the cell irritated. What the hell passed in Cristina's brain? She had scolded her yesterday, told her she had done a stupid thing with Dunn. And now this… "Dunn's leaving, wants to say goodbye. Wait you in his room" Maybe she had to forget it, pretend she hadn't read it in time. This wasn't a good idea, Derek would get mad, Webber would get mad. She was out of the case. But… Derek had been gentle with William today, he had accorded him stuff, maybe he wouldn't mind a quick goodbye. She watched her clock. She had to be back in the pit in five minutes. Dunn's room was one hallway down, two minutes. She had time… She marched quickly till she got to the door… no guard out, apparently she was late. She went in and stopped in the middle of the room. Everything was empty, no Dunn, no guards, no Cristina. She took her cell to text her friend a message but she heard the door closing behind her back, she turned around and froze on the spot.
"Mr. Dunn…" He was still in his gown, but it was not what rang a bell in Meredith's brain. Where the hell were the guards? Why was he alone? Panic started to fill her heart as William blocked the door with a table "What the hell are you doing?"
"Gaining us some privacy…" he smiled and Meredith watched horrified while he fixed a paper on the glass, preventing anyone to see from outside in. There was something terribly wrong in this… terribly… terribly… And where was Cristina?
"Where is Cristina?" she was yelling at him but adrenaline was rushing in her veins like a wave
"In the bathroom" his voice was awfully calm instead, icy. Meredith turned on her heals and entered the bathroom. Her eyes narrowed in horror as she saw her best friend on the floor, waking up. She kneeled close to her and shrugged her shoulder gently "Cristina?"
"What the hell happened?" She tried to stand but lost balance, Meredith saw she was bleeding from her head and closed an arm under her armpits helping her up.
"Come and sit" she took her to the main room and helped her down on a stool. She turned to take some ice from the basin when she saw something horrible under the bed. Her breath hitched in her throat and she heard a devil laugh filling the room. She looked up and Dunn was walking towards her.
"I hadn't time to settle stuff better…"
"What did you do?"
"Buy me some extra time with my favorite ladies"
"They're dead?"
Even Cristina noticed two bodies lying on the floor, hidden under the bed. She remembered something had caught her attention right before passing out. She had probably seen a foot, a corpse. She closed her eyes, her head was spinning again.
"Good remark, doctor Grey. Now take care of her and shut up" He turned around and went back to the door, building more barricades. Cristina coughed and Meredith looked back at her. She pressed a dressing on her head and Cristina winced.
"Why are you here?"
"You texted me…" Cristina looked at her confused and Meredith got everything. She turned around and she saw Dunn with Cristina's cell, grinning wickedly at them.
"Surprise… I needed you here"
"What do you want? Open that door, people will notice we've disappeared"
"It's what I want. Even if I guess they'll notice first I've closed the door rather than you and your friend are missing"
"Mr. Dunn…"
"Shut up" Meredith's legs risked to give out, that man was not the patient she treated in the last days, he was evil and his eyes were full of hate.
"Meredith…" she looked down and Cristina shook her head. She sank on the stool next to her friend, their fingers intertwining.
