Hello, yes I know it took much longer than usually to update, but I had my reasons. Also…tomorrow is my birthday and I wanted to update close to it because I'm so happy and in a good mood. I'm even giving you an extra long chapter. I hope you enjoy and I hope I'm doing everything right. My review rates have fallen down a bit so I was concerned for a little bit that I've lost readers cause of my stupid update schedule, sorry for that and I hope you are still reading it. There for, don't be shy, leave a review ;D you can't imagine how nice and motivational it gets, it's always nice to feel appreciated and I'm lucky to have great people like you to read my story. I hope it brightens up your day.
I do not own the characters or the songs used, just the ideas are mine.
''Blair where have you been last night, you didn't even show up for the dinner….and you weren't in your room, I looked everywhere for you'' the blonde shouted as she barged in to her bedroom second day in a row. Her hair was almost as blindingly bright as the violent sun, it made her flinch and put her sating pillow over her head. She wasn't in the mood to talk today…no, she wasn't in the mood to live today.
She had a sleepless night, again caused by a certain blue eyed boy and felt like a broken guitar string.
''I've been in bed'' she said drily and hoped to drive the blonde away. She knew it was a poor lie and Serena already said she went looking for her in the bedroom, but she didn't care. She was not about to mention the elevator scene to anyone ever. Let along Serena.
Blair had a hard time coping with her failed relationships and where her life was going on, she didn't need her ''perfect'' friend to analyze and criticize her, she had her mother for that.
''What happened to you B? This is not the Blair Waldorf we all know and love…and get irritated by'' S tried to cheer her best friend up, she managed to earn a small chuckle from the brunette which was just enough.
''Fine, you don't want to talk.-'' she carelessly plopped down to the bed crushing Blair underneath. She nudged her to the side and made herself comfortable on the midnight blue sheets. The whole room reminded her of Blair's room in the Waldorf penthouse. She remembers Nate had it redecorated a few years ago just for Blair, back when they were still the golden couple and she didn't interfere with their relationship. Nate must have really loved her best friend. It were moments like this when she felt self-conscious and aware of the damage she was often doing – not on purpose…most of the time.
She wondered what would their lives look like right about now if she just kept her hands off.
The two of them would probably be in the same position, laying on this comfortable four poster bed on a lazy Sunday morning. Nate would join them after noon, because he always tends to sleep in. He would crawl in to the bed on Blair's side and held her in his arms while Serena would put in the surprisingly functional tape of Breakfast at Tiffany's. Blair would spend the entire afternoon in her boyfriend's warm embrace while they would listen to Serena's every occasional whines about a certain boy that recently broke her heart or her rants on love and how it doesn't exist. Blair would simply laugh at her friend and let Nate hold her tighter, she knew what real love meant.
It could have been perfect…but it's not.
Now, Serena was lying on the same bed with Blair, minus Nate. Blair had no one to cuddle in to so she hid her petite little form under the heavy duvet and waited for the night to come so she wouldn't have to hide out and Serena would leave her alone.
As for Serena, she always tried to make things better, even though she made it even worse afterwards.
''Wanna watch Breakfast at Tiffany's?'' she asked quietly. Blair removed the pillow from her head but remained silent
Serena got herself up on those long tanned legs and put the well known tape in.
This time around, she didn't bitch about her latest heartbreak, because really, what could she say? ''That last guy was a mistake, he's still in love with his ex girlfriend, I feel sorry for the girl…I should have known it was fake, he didn't even look me in the eyes once''
It wouldn't be so involuntary if the last guy wasn't Nate…which he was.
Vanessa sat up on the once again empty bed. She huffed quietly and bit her bottom lip. By this point, she had no idea what was going on or what to do. All she knew was that Nate was acting not at all like himself and she could only hope this wasn't temporary. She was with him for most time, but never felt so distant. Even in New York they didn't spend as much time together but she felt loved for most of it. Now, she hasn't heard an 'I love you' from Nate's side in days and he was always distracted with something else, whether it was a family thing, something personal or simply playing lacrosse with his buddies, which once became more important than her.
There was also that one thing that kept the back of her mind busy and dizzy for days…his so called major internship. She didn't ask anything about it or even mentioned it after her talk with Maureen that day. Nate warned her times before that the only reason Maureen lived was to harm the others, she wanted to be sure before making assumptions. After all, this was Nate. Her Nate…and she hoped to get him back as soon as possible. Either that, or he can continue the way he has started; on his own.
''So Nate, anything on college? The acceptance letters for all the ivy schools have been given out, either you didn't get in any one of them or you're hiding something from us'' Tripp briefly changed the topic of the conversation and caught Nate unprepared
''Wh-what are you talking about Tripp? You know I got Yale'' he tried to cover it up, so what if he was planning on bashing Yale and go to Columbia instead, he knew that if anyone else knew they would blab out to his grandfather or his mother and then…the river of disappointment will cruise its course. He was very well aware that he'll have to tell everyone eventually, he just didn't want to spoil his and his family's summer vacation.
Tripp chuckled under his breath and shook his head ''Nate my friend, you may be much things, but you're not a good liar. And yes, I know you got Yale, but I also know you want something completely different''
Nate smiled sincerely and nodded. Tripp was basically his best friend since his early childhood (if he had any) he could at least tell him the truth.
He was never good with secrets anyway, it always annoyed Blair, she was the scheming one. Nate could never be included in her little bitch projects because he was too inconvenient and honest to people. He couldn't keep a secret down or at least tell a good lie for nothing. She used to tease him about how nervous he got and tortured him with practicing his lies on her just to make her laugh. He smiled to himself, but it quickly faded away. Why was he thinking of Blair so much lately? He was getting more and more nostalgic with the day. It was probably this place and all the time he used to spend here when he was younger. His brunette and her blonde friend…well their blonde friend, and of course Chuck, used to spend their entire summers here. It was back then when they still had some of their innocence and things weren't utterly fucked up.
At least he still had Tripp, he knew he would never betray him in a way that would break him inside out and ruin him for good, or so he hoped for.
''Well now that you've mentioned it. I have something to admit-'' Tripp looked at him knowingly so he continued ''-I got into Columbia….and I'm going to Columbia''
He didn't want to add anything else in, he just wanted to see Tripp's reaction.
''So no Yale?'' Tripp asked calmly
''No, no Yale. I wanted to see if I could get in a college I actually want by myself, and I got in and it's absolutely amazing. I hoped that at least you would understand''
''Nate, I know grandfather and Ann and all of them want you to follow the unfortunate politic steps and go to Yale, but I'm your friend, and if you really want Columbia then I'm happy for you''
Nate cracked a smile and felt like a huge weight was lifted from his shoulders. It was great to get some support for once in his life.
To his grandfather he was a puppet which he thought he could manipulate.
To his mother he was a screw up like his dad.
To Blair and maybe to Vanessa, he was someone who kept disappointing them.
At least to Tripp he was someone worthy.
''How does Vanessa feel about you going to Columbia?''
Nate almost felt stupid right then for having to admit that he never told Vanessa. It had nothing to do with her though, it was just that Nate wasn't ready to tell anyone.
''I didn't actually tell her, you're the first person to know''
Tripp was surprised but kept it to himself, he didn't want to ask Nate any additional questions, knowing fair well not to mess with anyone's relationships.
''It actually makes sense-'' he said while Nate reverted his eyes back to him '' You were meant for something else, Yale was meant for-'' and he stopped himself before uttering the name. The realization that things weren't the same as they were a year ago hit him and he bit his tongue down on time.
For a brief second Nate hated Tripp for coming back to that, he was having troubles himself not to think about…her…and everything related.
''-for Blair'' Nate said drily as his cousin looked down at the marble floor and nodded his head silently.
He finally raised his head and let his mouth fall agape ''Nate, I think I'll leave you alone now''
Nate looked back at him confused, then he realized someone entered the room.
''Chuck?'' he muttered angrily to himself ''-no need to leave Tripp, I'm not staying anyways''
Nate said stubbornly and headed out. Chuck followed in sync whilst trying to get in touch with him
''Nathanial-'' Nate had no intention to stop or turn around. He just needed out of there. Chuck followed him outside.
''come on Nate, can you just talk to me?'' by now Chuck was desperate to get him to listen. It was true what everyone said that Chuck had no feelings towards a live human being, but there was always an exception. And to the surprise of many, that exception wasn't Blair.
It was Nate, and even though Blair was the first girl he had a real thing for, he wasn't about to let it ruin his relationship with Nate. If he was any smarter, he would have thought of that before sleeping with his girl. He broke the code and he knew it, it killed him.
''You know what Chuck, I'm about to say something no one has ever told you before-'' Nate said, as they reached the parking lot, his cold stare was saying everything ''-no'' he sat inside his midnight blue Porsche and angrily shoved the key inside, driving off to who knows where, leaving Chuck with a defeated look on his face behind.
He let himself go for once and thought about his own feelings for a change. Maybe it would have been better for everyone if they just stayed at home in New York, where they could keep avoiding each other and pretending they never met.
The wind blowing in his face was a good change, he had no idea where he wanted to go or where to take a turn, but he felt like he was unconsciously going somewhere important.
It wasn't until his car was already parked that he realized exactly where he was. Before his eyes was spread a white family house with ivy along the rims and a stone driveway. He got himself out of the car and breathed in that familiar smell of the sea, hoping it would make his life easier even for a second. Why did he even come here? He felt like Blair was all he thought about lately, she dominated his mind and his body. He needed to get her out of her system before he could move on with Vanessa.
Yes, he needed to move on, the only question was….how?
''What do are we going to do today?'' Serena asked casually spreading herself over Blair's bed. She has had enough of her already. Not just for today, but for the whole time. She could pretend all she wanted that things are the same as they were, but Blair won't.
''What makes you think we're doing anything.'' It was more of a statement than a question, a statement that left Serena frowning in shock over her friend's straight point.
''I just thoug-'' she said poorly but Blair had no intention to joke around
''-You thought what? That you coming here and us watching an Audrey movie together would make everything alright? And it's not even us, there's no us Serena, you broke that-'' she was yelling at her uncontrollably, she held it all inside her for so long, she had enough of pretending and enough of Serena. ''-and nothing is going to be alright while you're here and you're keeping me down. You had everything…everyone loved you. But I didn't care, because I knew I had something better, I had him. He loved me…for the first time in my life, it wasn't Serena and that other brunette. It was Blair and that other girl. You just couldn't take that, could you? You had to take him away from me too. What else do you want?''
Serena stood up both upset and angry at the same time. Blair was right on every count, yet Serena didn't want to believe a thing. Blair was no one to call her out on that matter. Just like Blair, Serena still had feelings for Nate but refused to admit it to him, him sleeping with her meant something to her, and she wanted to believe it meant something to him too. She wanted to feel loved for once, not just feel like trash that Blair often called her out to be.
''If you were ever enough for him, he wouldn't have cheated on you, but he did Blair-'' she yelled back ''- he always wanted me''
Her yell out session was soon quieted by the impact of Blair's slap
''Get out'' Blair yelled right before bursting out in tears.
Serena has had enough with her, she wanted to slap her back but Blair has already pushed her out and smashed the door in her face. She was unconscious of what has just happened and only felt anger and wish for revenge. There was still a little part of her that felt heart broken. She didn't know whether it was because of Blair or Nate, yet she had no intention to find out.
She had decided for herself. She came here with the idea of getting Nate back (well, it's not like she ever had him) in the first place and covered it up with the excuse of helping Blair get through the day. Now she only made things worse for the brunette, but at this point, she couldn't afford to care.
Blair hated her, let it be. If anything, it's even better this way, at least now she doesn't have to feel sorry for possibly getting it on with Nate.
There was one person she completely forgot about, well two to be exact. One in her advantage and one in her disadvantage. Luckily, her advantage has just arrived.
''Someone's looking rather angry…or embarrassed'' Chuck said lazily getting in to his character. Serena wasn't in the mood to deal with him too now, that is until an idea popped in to her mind.
''Chuck…I was just visiting Blair'' she said to distract him while working on her plan
Chuck's face became serious again, why was it that everyone cared so much about Blair fucking Waldorf. Serena, who was supposed to be her friend, and never even think about hurting her, ended up harming her the most. She was in a vicious circle and it was too late to stop now.
''She's in her old room-'' she said and reverted her expression from angry to fake worried ''-she's feeling very down Chuck, she told me that-'' she stopped herself on purpose and faked a hurt expression ''-ugh, forget it'' she went around him to leave. Chuck grabbed her arm in a millisecond
''-she told you what?'' he asked with a harsh tone. Serena wriggled her arm away from his grip.
''I wouldn't usually tell anyone, but you are my brother…and Blair is my best friend, I care about her so much and she's torturing herself-'' she took a deep breath ''-Chuck, Blair is still in love with you, she's been crying about it, that's why I left, she kicked me out because I said you've moved on'' she lied trough her teeth and hoped Chuck would buy it. She wasn't overly concerned since everything involving Blair made Chuck insane.
''Do you still love her?'' she asked innocently. He probably didn't, he wasn't capable of that. But that was the whole point; Chuck didn't know what love feels like so she might as well convince him he did. ''-I know you care, just go and talk to her Chuck, please. She's miserable without you, and I know you want her too''
Okay, maybe that wasn't entirely a lie, at least the second part of it.
''If you insist, I'm gonna go see if I can do anything, I'm in a mood to play around and Blair is my favorite playmate'' he said in his sultry tone and continued down the hall. Serena smiled to herself victoriously and pressed the elevator button.
As the doors opened, she was greeted by her favorite pair of ocean blue eyes.
''Nate-'' her smile brightened although Nate's expression stayed blank. He was feeling utterly nervous because of what he was about to do. He was here to see Blair, he wasn't sure why and it didn't make any sense, but nothing involving him and Blair did. He just knew he had to see her and talk to her. He couldn't continue like this, not after what happened in that elevator and his inability to stop thinking about her ever since.
''Hey Serena'' he faked a smile just wanting to get rid of her. She was still dear to him, only as a friend of course, also, he wasn't aware of how sullied the perfect blonde really was.
''What are you doing up here?'' she became suspicious right away, the only rooms on this floor were the library, her room and Blair's room, and she doubted he was here to see her, let along read a book…that only leaves-
''I'm just-'' he figured he could tell her, she was one of his closest friends, the honest one, and she was the only person who understood Blair as good as he did ''-I have to see Blair''
She was on the verge of crying hearing Blair's name. So the bastard still had feelings for her. Why didn't he ever look for her after their fall out. She refused to admit that Blair was right and to that, refused to believe that Nate was over her. She loved him, she needed to have her fairytale ending, be one half of the golden couple. She was desperate to feel loved. Nate was the closest she got to that. That is why she did what she had to do in order to protect her own feelings out of pure selfishness.
''Blair's in her room'' and as soon as Nate would see Chuck in there with Blair, his stupid ideas of ever being on solid ground with her, would be erased.
''Chuck?'' Blair asked in shock as she got out her bathroom. She was in her short silky night gown and her eyes were still puffy from crying over Nate and Serena…and mostly Nate. She didn't want anyone to see her like this, and for that matter, she didn't want him in here in the first place.
''Sshh-'' he shushed her down and took a step closer to her ''-I'm here to get rid of your sudden depression…and preferably your clothes'' his hand was on her tight, not for long. Blair slapped his hand away angrily
''Who the hell do you think you are Chuck?-'' she was disgusted with his behavior and him only seeing her as a sex object. ''-get out''
''Come on B, stop pretending like you don't want this…I know everything, and pardon me, but I'm not in the mood to play the cat and mouse game tonight''
She was mentally exhausted and tired of everything, she was too busy looking at the floor to notice how close he got to her, especially when she raised her head up and ended up not looking at his poisonous features, but getting caught in a kiss.
Nate took a deep breath before lightly knocking on her door, he didn't want to startle her or anything. There was no answer but he decided to check in anyway.
He wished he didn't.
Huu haah, you see that? Almost 4000 words and a double chapter for you :D I hope it was worth waiting for. I'm already working on a new chapter, your only job is to review ;) till next update xo L
