AN: (Pokes head out of the ground…) Whew! It has been a while. Ummmm…my dog ate my homework? My house went up in flames and all my work went with it? Sigh. I have no excuses. I simply lost my muse. Womp womp. But here I am back again! Woo hoo! On with the show. Enjoy. :) Reviews?
Don't own. Pity, really.
Chapter 7: Tentative Steps Forward
Severus paced his way back and forth in the Hogwarts infirmary awaiting Madame Pomphrey. After the previous night's events involving Hermione prostrate on his bathroom floor, sobbing incoherently in his arms whilst completely nude, he had decided that he would seek out some advice from someone who was, perhaps, a bit more in tune with a woman's emotions. He himself, was rather unfamiliar with the farer sex, and he didn't bloody well want to muck anything up. He was supposed to be in charge of the girl…no! Woman, after all. Bloody Albus and his bloody scheming. Severus rolled his eyes as he attempted to block out the image of the older wizard's twinkling blue eyes, when a bed curtain was pulled aside and out stepped the long awaited medi-witch, a bottle of skele-grow in hand.
"So sorry to have kept you waiting, Severus, but one of the third years had a rather nasty accident this morning in Hagrid's Care of Magical Creature's class," she sighed as she made her way over to her storage cupboard to replace the bottle. "I've told him again and again that young witches and wizards have no business flying about on Hippogryfs, but that man will not listen!" She sniffed snootily and then turned her kind grey eyes on the Potions master who was standing before her, his hands clasped firmly behind his back. "Anyway, what is it that you wish to meet with me about?"
"Perhaps," Severus drawled, casting a slow glance around the infirmary, "this is not the most appropriate place for us to converse?"
Madame Pomphrey noticed Severus' tight mouth and furrowed brow then, and immediately she realized this was not a social call. "Yes of course, Severus. My office, then. Right this way." Poppy moved to a set of green painted wooden doors and entreated Severus to enter her sparsely decorated office. "Do sit down. Tea?" she offered as she conjured up a chair for him to sit in.
"Indeed. Tea would be…appreciated," Severus said, and even he noticed how tired his voice sounded. Empty, lifeless, and distinctly lacking it's usual vitriolic tone. Poppy summoned a house elf who was immediately sent off for tea things and when the eager elf disappeared with a pop, the medi-witch turned to Severus with hands clasped in front of her person, looking at him with a gentle expression that had comforted thousands of students-even a young Severus himself, with it's placidity. "What's troubling you, boy?"
Severus toyed with his thumb and forefinger for a few moments, eyes turned down on his lap before he took a deep breath and looked at his colleague over her desk. "I'm afraid that I may be in over my head with Miss..Hermione."
Poppy looked at him calculatingly, and nodded, acknowledging the returning house elf with a wave of her hand and then moving to fill each cup. "I see," she responded quietly. "Has she gotten worse? You know you may send for me if you ever deem it necessary. Whatever Albus thinks of your healing capabilities, and to your credit I have no doubt, perhaps it would be more prudent for her to be here with me?"
Severus sighed and took a long sip of the tea, enjoying it's warmth, taking comfort in it's simple existence. Enjoying the fact that for a moment there could be things as normal and mundane as tea and sugar, the curling steam reaching his nostrils and embracing him in a fuzzy, heady feeling of relaxation. "I don't know. She seems to….need me," he said haltingly, as if it were difficult for him to say. Indeed, it was difficult for him to say-difficult for him to admit another's dependency on someone like himself. "I'm…not a nice man, Poppy," he said, and his voice was hoarse with emotion.
Poppy Pomphrey looked over at the man before her, the man she had known since boyhood, since her beginning yeas as Hogwart's medi-witch and she felt sorry for him. He had come to Hogwarts as an unhappy boy, full of anger and mistrust towards his fellow students. He had grown, then, into a hateful, bitter teen after things beyond his control, beyond what any young teenager should have had to experience. And then, he'd made his grievous choice and taken the dark mark. She sighed as her mind recalled those days…when he'd first come to her for his first year physical and his sparse, underweight body had borne the mark of long years of abuse. When he'd appeared at her doors for aid after a hard day of being bullied-his pale skin marked and mottled with bruises. When as a young man, a new teacher, he'd come, prostrate on the floor of her office through her floo, his body broken, his spirit gone after one of the meetings. He'd seen too much in his years, and Poppy pitied him. She thought a few moments more and then spoke: "Severus," her voice was soft and full of understanding, "you and Miss Granger have more in common that you might think." At Severus' dubious look she shook her head, willing him to understand. "Hermione Granger was saddled with the weight of the Wizarding world at the tender age of eleven. Eleven. She pushed herself in her classes, earning top marks-much like another bright, misfit child I once knew-and she still managed to guide Harry Potter and Ron Weasley through a torturous ordeal. When she was eighteen she helped defeat the dark lord and saved us all. And now, as a young adult, she has endured some of the most despicable things that a person could be forced to endure. Now, doesn't that sound just a bit eerily familiar to your own story, Severus?" She waited while Severus mulled this over, and she smiled in satisfaction when she saw a light bulb go off.
"I had never thought about it that way," he said hollowly. My gods, it was true, he thought. Hermione Granger and he were like two star-crossed beings, it seemed. And it had been right in front of his nose.
"It is true that you do not have the same emotions and reactions that a woman might to such an extraordinarily unfortunate experience," Poppy said, "but you do have a kindred spirit with her. Stay with her. She needs you, Severus. All of my healing expertise could not compare with even the modicum of inner understanding that you might be able to provide her with.
Severus slowly placed his empty cup on the edge of Poppy's desk. With slow, smooth movements, he rose, calmer now, with a clear head full of new understanding. Remarkable, he thought. He turned to leave and make his way back to his quarters. "Thank you, Poppy," he said as he made to leave, but stopped himself and turned towards the nurse. "One more thing," Poppy nodded, encouraging him to continue, "Hermione's hair…is there any spell to get it back, anything?"
Poppy's eyes grew sad and she shook her head. "I'm sorry Severus. Her hair was severed with a blade that contained powerful dark magic. I am afraid that it will never grow back. There are glamours, of course…but it will never truly be what it was." Her voice was tinged with regret. Severus merely nodded, and with a billow of robes, he was gone.
Poppy sat alone then at her desk, her mind full of old memories.
…..
Severus did not return to his rooms right away. He spend the rest of the morning walking the grounds, a pastime that had long comforted him in times of great stress. He made his way down and around the lake, his pace even and smooth, his hands clasped gently behind his back. If anyone had passed him, though no one did, they would have seen tears coursing down his cheeks. But then again, it was solitude he craved, and solitude he received. Making up his mind at what his next course of action would be, he swiftly returned to the entrance doors.
His first stop was Hermione's quarters. Although he knew he had permission as her care-giver to enter her private rooms, when he stepped over the threshold, he couldn't help feeling like he was trespassing of sorts, and so he made short work of procuring the desired items. He paused, only briefly to admire her large collection of books that were stacked higglety-pigglety throughout the sitting area. The sight surprised him just a bit. For someone so anal-retentive about note-taking and research, she was rather a bit of a pack rat when it came to books. Her collection, he mused, rivaled his.
After he left her quarters, he made his way to the kitchens and procured some lunch on a tray, declining the house elves' insistence that they serve it to him and the Miss in the dungeons, politely waving away their attentions, telling them in a deep, velvety tone that he wished to do it himself. They stared at him wide eyed, barely able to contain their desire to assist, but obeying none-the-less.
He traversed his way back to the dungeons, platter in hand and re-entered his quarters to find Hermione in a most gratifying position before his eyes. She had wrapped herself in his bathrobe which was bundled up around her body like a child in a snowsuit, and her shorn mop of curls was tucked behind her ears. With a cup of tea in one hand and a thick tome from his library in another, she was sitting on the floor of the sitting room in front of his massive collection of literature. The sight of it nearly caused him to laugh and cry all at once, and he marveled that this woman could make him feel so much in such a short span of time. He felt like a hormonal teenager around her, and the tightening sensation he felt in his groin at the sight of her bare shoulder as the neck of his robe slipped just a bit had absolutely nothing to do with it. Not wanting to startle her with his sudden appearance, he shuffled his feet and made some clanking with the tray as he set it down on the coffee table near the sofa.
Hermione turned at his movements and looked up at him sheepishly, a small smile crossing her pale features as she gathered the robe back more securely around her shoulders. "I didn't mean to be nosey, but I came out to stretch my legs a bit and…
"And you couldn't resist indulging your quest to absorb every book on the planet…yes, I know," he said affectionately and Hermione ducked her head in response, her teeth coming out to nibble at her lower lip.
"Well, it's no secret that I enjoy reading," she responded quietly. He appraised her then, and he was heartened to see that she seemed at ease. She looked a bit more like her usual, confident self compared to the frightened young thing that she was the night before. Sleep, it seemed, had done her a world of good, though she still had deep purple shadows under her eyes. He made himself a mental reminder to make sure she did not stay up too late reading whatever book she had set her sights on.
"Indeed," he responded, and he realized that it had taken a long while for him to respond, because Hermione looked at him in confusion. Severus nodded his head toward the book in her hand. "Your enjoyment of reading. I was agreeing with you."
Hermione looked down at the book resting in her lap. "Oh," she said and her fingers caressed the yellowed pages like a mother's touch to her babe's cheek. "I suppose that's a first. You agreeing with me."
Severus' cocked an eyebrow and she raised her chin a bit, mirroring his expression. "Well it's true, you know," she smiled slightly then, looking back down at her lap. "You can be a right bastard sometimes Severus."
He hadn't the heart to quip back at her, so he merely nodded with a half smile that he rarely doled out to anyone. "I suppose I deserve that," he responded quietly. Suddenly he remembered the reason for returning to his rooms in the first place and he motioned gracefully with a long, pale hand to the tray before them. "I've brought you some lunch. It would not do for you to become so involved in your reading that you neglect your appetite."
"What is it," she asked, scooting herself forward gingerly. He noticed she was still favoring her right hip. "I didn't know what you'd like, so I've brought a little of everything. Cold cuts, fruit salad, and a baguette for sandwiches if you like. There's a pot of tea, or there's a pitcher of pumpkin juice if you prefer," he said, lifting the lid of the platter and putting it aside. "I've also brought some of the chocolate biscuits I know you enjoy."
Hermione looked up at him and was surprised to see a slight blush forming on his nomally colorless cheeks. "How did you know I enjoy chocolate biscuits?"
Severus looked away, then seemed to gather himself. He gazed at her haughtily and looked down his long nose at her. "Really woman, after so many years in your company at staff meals, I would think you would assume I would be observant enough to notice a few of your preferences. Besides, I rather enjoy them myself. This isn't all for you, you know."
"You're going to stay and eat with me," she asked, a hopeful note in her inflection? Severus' heart jumped in his chest at this realization and he nodded.
"Indeed, Little witch. I am. But I am nothing, if not a gentleman. Ladies first!"
"You sound like Lucius Malfoy just then." Hermione responded, and then tucked into some cold roast beef and raw veggies. He was pleased to note that she piled her plate full.
"He is my oldest friend," he responded, "personal affectations aside, he is a rather decent fellow."
"Aside from the whole former death eater thing." Hermione said through a mouthful of bread. And then the realization of what she'd said came over her, and she paused mid chew.
Severus froze and his eyes met hers and for the briefest of moments she thought he was going to explode in anger at her. "I'm sorry," she cried! "That's not what I meant…I…"
Severus lowered his eyebrows and waved away her protestations. "Calm yourself, woman. I am not..offended." At Hermione's look of disbelief he smiled sardonically at her as he spread a mite of clotted cream on a piece of baguette. "You aren't exactly spouting falsehoods. It's not exactly a secret that I was a death eater. It is also not a secret that I am no longer a death eater." He popped a piece of the food in his mouth and chewed thoughtfully for a moment, looking at her not unkindly. When Hermione was still frozen in place, looking quite consternated, he chuckled darkly. "No harm no foul, Hermoione. Now," he said, looking at her with a mock stern expression. "Eet. Enjoy. Relax."
Hermione looked like she didn't quite believe him, but tucked in none-the-less, and soon the two were enjoying their repast in a companionable silence.
"Thank you for this." Hermione said once she had eaten her fill. She poured herself a final cup of tea from the small silver pot and looked at him with those wide, amber depths. "I truly appreciate all you've done for me. I know it might seem strange…but your presence…comforts me." She took a small sip of her tea and seemed to ponder on this for a bit.
Severus regarded her equally as thoughtfully, and when she looked up she was surprised, not unpleasantly, to see tenderness in his eyes. "I do not think, Hermoine, that is is all that strange.
And in a movement so smooth and full of purpose that in any other situation would have been quite out of character, Severus Snape took Hermoine's hand in his, his thumb gently stroking the soft skin of her palm.
TBC
Oh boy! Does it ever feel glad to be back. Severus' is showing his softer side, and Hermione is definitely interested! Will there be a reckoning soon?
Please review! It kicks my muse's butt into high gear.
Much love as always!
SS.
