Buffy woke for the second time that morning feeling drained. She could barely even lift her head from Faith's shoulder and she knew then that something was seriously wrong with her. She'd never felt so drained in her life before, not even through those weeks where she'd lain on the uncomfortable bed in the infirmary. She took a deep breath and again tried to lift her head, letting out a choked sob when she couldn't. It took a few more tries before she was able to move enough to roll away from Faith and onto her back.
"B, it's still early, go back to sleep," Faith said softly, half asleep and her eyes barely open. "Buffy?"
"I...Faith, something is wrong with me," she whispered as Faith's eyes shot open. "I feel weak. Drained."
"And not just because of..." Faith asked and when Buffy shook her head no she sat up in alarm. "Shit."
Buffy watched as Faith used her cell to call Giles and Willow before quickly getting dressed. She next helped Buffy get dressed and sat with her on the bed, arms wrapped around her protectively. Buffy tried not to cry. It was useless to cry over something until she at least had some idea of what was happening. When the knock came on the door, Faith slipped off the bed and let Giles and Willow inside. Of course Kennedy was right behind them, but Faith shook her head no before closing the door and quickly locking it.
"Buffy, what's the matter?" Giles asked as they both watched Willow pull out one of her spell books.
"I...I don't know."
"Do you feel weak?" Willow asked as she reached out and touched Buffy's damp forehead. "Fever," she said under her breath. "Buffy? Do you feel weak, drained? Almost as if you are sick?"
"Yes."
Willow nodded her head slowly as she let her hands hover over Buffy's body, muttering under her breath softly as a soft blue glow emanated from her hands. She stood back and sighed as she closed the book she had open on the bed. She looked down at Buffy then over at Faith and Giles before letting out another sigh.
"What is it?" Faith demanded.
"She's drained because of the memories. Giles, why didn't you tell me she got her memories back?" Willow asked as she backhanded him across the shoulder. "This is one of the side effects."
"I err...it never occurred to me that it would be this crippling."
"How long is she gonna be feeling like this?" Faith asked as she sat down on the bed next to Buffy. "How long, Red?"
"Few days at most," Willow replied. "She should be feeling slightly better by tonight, but she's definitely not in any shape to walk into the fight with Dr. Sonia and her vampire army."
"I have to fight," Buffy whispered as she slumped against Faith. "I have to."
She knew she had to be a part of this fight. She couldn't let Faith, Satsu, or any of the others just walk into this without her there by their side. If anything happened to any of them, she'd feel responsible. She already had enough guilt to deal with. She couldn't handle having anymore weighing her down.
"You can't fight, B. You'll have to stay here," Faith whispered as she kissed her lightly on the top of her head. "We can handle ourselves, okay?"
"We'll have to put you in the safe room," Giles said softly, "with the others who can't fight. We must be prepared for anything and we cannot have an attack on the castle without protecting you and the others."
Being put in the safe room would mean she'd be in there with Dawn, Xander, and the youngest of the slayers. She knew there was no way she could argue her way out of this, either. Her life would be put at stake and she couldn't even move. She had to do what was right and sit this fight out. She knew she could count on Faith, Kennedy, and Satsu to look out for the slayers while they fought. She knew that of all of them, those three would be able to handle it and take care of themselves. None of that removed her fears that she may not ever see any of them again.
"I'm going to brief the girls. Satsu and her squad have just arrived. Faith?" Giles said as he and Willow walked towards the door. "I'll need you to come down for the briefing."
"Sure thing, G."
"Now," he said sternly as Willow opened the door and walked out.
Faith rolled her eyes and gave Buffy a gentle kiss on the lips before getting up from the bed. Buffy couldn't stop the silent 'sorry' that escaped when Faith looked back at her. This was not how she wanted to wake up after the amazing night they'd had together. Faith just blew her a kiss, smiled, and winked before she stepped out into the corridor behind Giles and closed the door slowly.
Mustering up enough strength to pull the covers over herself, she closed her eyes as she buried her face into the pillow. She was shaking now, mostly from feeling cold even though the room was warming up from the sunlight that poured in through the window. She hated feeling so weak, so drained. It made her feel...human. Normal. What she often wished for, but not in this way. She let the tears fall; tears of what she wasn't sure: Self-pity, guilt, pain, weakness, happiness, love, fear? She felt empty inside, she felt lost, but it wasn't because Faith was no longer there by her side. It was because of how she felt.
She couldn't stop shaking, couldn't stop the tears from falling. After what felt like hours, she felt the bed dip down next to her and Faith's warm, strong arms were sliding around her and holding her close. She managed to relax just a little as Faith placed small, feather-light kisses along her neck and jaw. She smiled at the loving gesture, but still couldn't stop the tears from falling. She turned around in Faith's arms, reaching up and gently tracing her fingers over her lips.
"How'd it go?"
"You know that Satsu is a bitch?" Faith asked softly and it made Buffy laugh. "How you feeling, B?"
"No better."
"Are you cold?"
"Freezing," she nodded in reply.
Faith sighed as she leaned her forehead against Buffy's and they stayed just like that for a few moments. Buffy closed her eyes, revelling in the warmth coming from Faith as she held her close. "You're burning up."
"Am I?"
"Yeah," Faith said softly as she gave her a light, chaste kiss. "Maybe I should get you something, some soup or tea to help you warm up?"
"I'm fine."
"Buffy, you're shaking like a leaf. You are definitely not fine."
"It'll pass. Besides, Willow said it's only going to last a couple of days. I'll pull through it. Always do."
"I wish I could stay with you tonight," Faith said softly, her voice cracking slightly.
"When are you leaving?"
"In a couple of hours. We're gonna head to the caves. Wait it out till sunset and then attack," she replied as she reached up and quickly wiped away Buffy's tears. "We're gonna fight them and win this battle, B. It'll be okay."
"What if..."
"Don't," she said sharply. "Don't think like that. We'll get through it and I'll come back to you in one piece."
"And if not?"
"Don't wanna think about the 'if not' part," Faith replied as she let a few of her own tears fall. "We've been through a lot lately and I don't wanna keep going through the bad shit together. After this...I'm requesting a very long vacation, just you and me."
"Oh yeah?" Buffy smiled as she leaned back a little to look into Faith's eyes more clearly. "Where are we going to go?"
"Somewhere warm, somewhere with a beach that's low on the vamp and demon population. I don't know," she laughed as she shrugged her shoulders, "wherever you wanna go, B."
"I haven't been on a real vacation in a long time."
"Me neither. I've never actually been on one unless you count running from my personal demons a vacation."
"Yeah, that doesn't count."
Faith chuckled softly as she rolled onto her back and pulled Buffy with her. "Didn't think so."
"How long do we have?"
"Couple hours," Faith replied. "Why?"
"Will you stay here with me until you have to leave?"
"Kind of the plan," she smiled down at her. "I'm gonna take you to the safe room before we have to leave. Willow needs to do the spell to bring up some kind of barrier just in case."
"I want to fight."
"I know, but you aren't in any shape to fight with us tonight. We'll deal with it, okay? It'll be fine, B. Everything will be fine."
She knew Faith was trying to be strong, she could hear it in the way she spoke, but even she was having doubts. Her voice trembled just a little and she was scared, terrified even, of walking into this fight not knowing what the outcome could be. This was a part of their life, though. If it wasn't one thing it was always something else. Buffy definitely needed a vacation, and there was no one else she wanted to spend a few weeks with, off alone somewhere remote, than Faith. Maybe the others could come with them. Surely they all needed a vacation. It did seem doable as long as they got through the fight with Dr. Sonia and her army of vampires.
"What about Angel?" Buffy asked, suddenly remembering he was still there even though she hadn't seen or spoken to him since that night in the cemetery.
"He's still here," Faith replied as she slowly ran her fingers through Buffy's hair. "He's gonna fight with us. He'll be late for the party, though, with us heading out before sunset and all."
"Yeah."
"B?" Faith sighed as she ran her fingers down Buffy's back. "Last night was...probably the best night of my life."
"Yeah?" Buffy smiled as she looked up at her. "I'll let you in on a little secret. It was the best night of my life too."
"Never knew how good it'd feel to be in love," Faith whispered as she pulled Buffy up a little and kissed her softly. "Never knew I could be in love. Guess it was one of those things I had to just let happen. Keep thinking that I never was able to be in love before cos it wasn't with you."
"When did you become such a sap?"
"The day I confessed my love for you," she replied with a sweet smile that melted Buffy's heart. "I'm still pretty insecure about a lot of things, you know?"
"Oh really?" Buffy teased as she poked her in the stomach. "Like I didn't realize that already."
"You've been patient with me and I have no idea why."
"I'll let you in on another little secret," Buffy whispered as she gathered enough strength to straddle Faith's hips. "Love makes you do the wacky."
"That's your secret?"
"Well, it's not really a secret."
"Care to explain?"
"Well," Buffy smiled as she leaned down to kiss her, letting it last just a few seconds before she pulled back, "when you are in love you don't let anything stop you. You don't let anything get in the way of getting what you want. I'm patient with you because I've seen a side of you that makes me want to let you come out of your shell, one step at a time. I'm patient because I know you need me to be and I'm more than willing to take this as slow or as fast as you want to."
"We did kinda go pretty fast, didn't we?"
"There isn't really any kind of rules when it comes to relationships. You know how long it took me to figure that one out?"
"No, how long?"
"Too long," Buffy whispered, and she smiled as Faith slowly rolled them over so she was on top. "I actually didn't figure it out until you."
They kissed softly at first, testing the waters and just taking things slow. Faith was holding back and Buffy knew why. She was still weak, but she wasn't too weak to kiss the woman she was in love with until she felt as if her lungs were about to burst. Her body was aching for her touch and she knew it'd have to wait for when she got her strength back. It didn't stop her from slipping her hands under Faith's shirt and dragging her nails up and down her back in a way that made Faith moan out softly and grind her hips down against hers. The kiss grew deeper, more passionate, as they let their hands wander, their bodies melting into one another's as the world slipped away just for a few moments in time.
Faith's fingers tripped over the waistband of Buffy's sweatpants, but she pulled away from the kiss as Buffy's hand fell over hers. "B, are you..."
"I'm weak, but not that weak," she whispered as she pushed Faith's hand inside her sweat pants, encouraging her to touch her. She didn't want to beg for her touch, but her body was craving it too much.
"B," Faith groaned as she slipped her hand lower, her fingers brushing over Buffy's clit through her thin cotton panties. Buffy closed her eyes as her own fingers fumbled with the buttons on Faith's jeans. "Are you sure you're feeling up to this?"
"Yes," she whimpered softly with every teasing pass of Faith's fingers over her clit.
Their lips crashed together as Buffy slid her hand inside of Faith's pants, groaning in approval on finding she wore nothing underneath. Buffy wanted their clothes gone, she wanted to feel Faith fully against her, and she began to tug on Faith's shirt with her other hand. Faith sighed into the kiss, managing to grab onto Buffy's hand and pin it to the mattress as she slipped past her panties and plunged two fingers deep and hard inside of her.
They both stopped when they heard the other door inside the bathroom open, and they pulled apart just in time to see Kennedy open the door and stand there with a smug smile on her face.
"Check out the lust bunnies," she laughed as she leaned against the door frame. "You two just can't keep your hands off of each other, can you?"
"What the fuck are you doing in here?" Faith growled as she got up from the bed and helped Buffy sit up. "And have you fucking heard about knocking first?"
"I tried that," Kennedy replied slyly as she eyed both Faith and Buffy up and down. "But I'm thinking you two were too into each other to hear me knocking on the door for the last ten minutes."
"What the fuck do you want, K?"
"We're getting ready to head out earlier than planned. We gotta get Buffy down to the safe room right now."
"Giles said..."
"I know what he said. I was there too, remember?" Kennedy snapped. "We need to extract the civilians that are being held in the cave, at least the ones that are still alive. We can't do that when the sun sets."
Buffy sighed as she tried to stand on her own, and Faith rushed to her side before she could fall back down on the bed. Faith scooped her up in her arms and followed Kennedy as she made her way to the safe room, which was actually one of seven cellars in the castle. Faith put Buffy down on one of the three couches and gave her a long, lingering kiss. Buffy could feel everyone's eyes on them, but she didn't care. She wanted to say goodbye to the love of her life properly, just in case something did happen to her. Giles gently cleared his throat, ending the kiss between the two of them, and Faith gave her a big, dimpled grin as she followed them out of the room, the heavy steel door closing behind her with a loud clunk.
There was about twenty of them down there and even in the flickering candlelight she could barely make out Dawn and Xander off in the far corner talking quietly to each other. Buffy pulled the throw blanket over her as she curled up on the couch and tried to drown out the soft whispers of everyone around her.
"Buffy," Xander said softly as he sat down next to her, startling her a little. "How are you feeling?"
"No better, no worse."
"They'll all make it back," he said softly as he pulled her so she was sitting up and wrapped his arms around her. "We're all worried right now, Buffy."
"Yeah," she forced a half-hearted smile as she gave him a gentle squeeze. "I just wanted to be there. This isn't their fight. It's mine."
"It concerns you, so this not just your fight."
"He's right, you know?" Dawn said as she sat down next to Xander. "We're all in on this. Even if it wasn't you, we'd still be fighting. Dr. Sonia betrayed us all, Buffy. Every single one of us."
"But she started this with me."
"I know," Dawn frowned as she wrapped her arms around Xander and Buffy. "And it's going to end without you. We really don't have a choice and neither do you."
Buffy sighed as she pushed Xander away from her and leaned back into the couch. She knew they were both trying to be there for her, but it wasn't working. It was making her feel horrible and dejected that she wasn't out there fighting next to Faith, Kennedy, Satsu, and the rest of the slayers. This was her army, at least it felt like it most of the time, and she should be leading them, not cowering away in the cellar protected by a magical barrier in case things went wrong. If one of them went down or all of them went down, she should go down with them.
The room became restless after the first hour passed. It was almost sunset. Buffy didn't need a clock to tell her that, she could just sense it, feel it, even down there in the cellar. Her body was aching to fight even in its weakened state. Her body was aching for Faith, but she'd pushed that down knowing it'd have to wait. She curled up on the couch and laid her head against Xander's shoulder. He let out a soft sigh as he put his arm around her. She would have made a comment about him being in between both Summers women, but she let that thought go when she knew he didn't see it that way anymore. He was in love with Dawn and that was the only woman he even thought of.
It pained her sometimes to know what a good man he was and that at one point, years ago, she had her chance and she pushed him away. It was for the better in the end. He was one of her best friends even though in the last couple of years she hadn't been treating him like one. He understood, though, just like he always did. She looked over at Dawn, who had her head against his other shoulder, and they shared a small, knowing smile between them.
By the second hour, most of the younger girls had settled down, scattered throughout the room. Nobody spoke now, and the heavy silence made Buffy feel as if she was trapped underwater. She could hear the steady beat of Xander's heart and the beat of her own and of Dawn's. All three of their hearts beat in time, calm yet not. Buffy pushed back off of Xander, feeling her weakness beginning to slip away bit by bit. She stood up on shaky legs and walked over to the cooler, reaching inside to retrieve bottles of water for herself and Dawn, and a Coke for Xander.
"Thanks," he said softly. "Feeling better, are you?"
"Getting there."
"Are you worried about what's happening out there right now?"
"Yeah," she nodded as she sat back down next to him and handed Dawn her drink. "I'm trying not to think of the worst case scenario right now. It's hard."
"Yeah," Xander nodded. "They can handle themselves, Buffy. They are all strong and well trained. Dr. Sonia and her vamps won't know what hit them."
"I just don't know why Giles didn't stay with us."
"He stayed behind with a couple of the girls to keep an eye on the castle just in case. Someone had to do it, you know?"
"What about Willow? I know she's strong, but can she really take on Dr. Sonia?"
"With Faith and Satsu and Kennedy, yeah, she can."
"Can you two talk about something else? Anything else?" Dawn asked as she sat back and glanced between the two of them. "I don't think sitting here worrying about what's happening and talking about it is going to make us feel any better."
"What else are we going to talk about?" Buffy asked her, trying to keep from sounding irritated and failed.
"Now probably isn't the time to mention it," Dawn said softly as Xander shook his head no quickly. "We wanted to wait to tell everyone."
"Dawnie..." Xander groaned as he moved from the couch, clearly afraid of how Buffy was going to react. "Can't this wait until after we get out of this situation?"
"It just happened," Dawn said as she ignored him and moved to sit closer to Buffy. "It's not like we weren't careful or anything, Buffy."
"What just happened?"
"I'm pregnant."
Buffy sat there completely shell shocked for several minutes, barely breathing, not even blinking as she tried to absorb what her little sister had just told her. Pregnant? She shook her head as soon as the shock began to wear off and tried not to get angry and over-react. She had to keep telling herself that Dawn was an adult now and that she and Xander were in a loving relationship. No matter what, though, she still couldn't get the anger to subside.
"Are you kidding me?"
"No."
"How the fu...Dawn!" Buffy sighed out as she shook her head and downed the entire bottle of water in one gulp. "How long were you two going to keep this from me? From everyone else?"
"Not long. I just found out the other day," she said quietly as the tears began to fall uncontrollably. "You hate me, don't you?"
"Dawnie..."
Nearly everyone in the room were now paying attention to the two of them, some of them completely clueless as to what had already unfolded and others hanging on every word. Buffy let the anger flow through her, controlling it and stopping herself from saying things she knew would hurt Dawn. Once the anger went through her she let out a deep breath and pulled Dawn in for a hug. With everything that had happened, this should be good news. She just couldn't help but feel a little bitter and upset about it. Her little sister was pregnant, was going to be a mother when Buffy knew she'd probably never be one herself.
They held onto each other, both of them crying for a little while, until Buffy pulled back and wiped away Dawn's tears, smiling at her as she forced Dawn to look right at her. She knew what she wanted to say; that she was happy for them and that she was crying tears of happiness. But that was at best a partial truth, and felt too much like a lie.
"Please say something, Buffy."
"What do you want me to say?"
"I don't know," Dawn sobbed as she furiously wiped away her own tears. "You are upset, aren't you?"
"A little bit, yeah. Add in a little shocked and a bit of happiness and that's about what I'm feeling right now."
"You don't hate me, do you?"
"Why would I hate you, Dawnie?" Buffy asked with a laugh as she pulled her back in for another hug. "I could never hate you. It's not like this is just a one-night stand. This is Xander and I know how much you love him and how much he loves you. Are you two going to..."
"Keep the baby?" Dawn asked and Buffy nodded her head yes. "Of course. We didn't even think twice about it."
"And you two are going to raise this baby where? Here?"
"We were thinking of it. I know it's probably not the wisest decision, but we'd be safe here, wouldn't we?"
Buffy nodded and sat back on the couch, willing away her own tears as she tried to smile at Dawn and play the role of the supportive big sister. To say she never wanted to hear that her baby sister was pregnant was an understatement. She had halfway expected this, though, from the day she found out that Dawn and Xander were seeing each other. It'd take awhile for the initial shock to really wear off, she knew that, and she kind of wished that Willow was there when she was told the news. She could really use the support of her other best friend, especially with Xander cowering on a chair in the furthest corner, trying to avoid her.
By the time the third hour rolled around, the girls had situated themselves in a circle on the floor and were sharing stories of their childhood while they played a game of poker. Dawn had fallen asleep on the couch and her head was in Buffy's lap. She couldn't help but choke up a little every time she glanced down at her. She was really a woman now, no longer a child or a teenager. She hadn't been for a long time, but it was the first time Buffy could look at her and really see the changes she'd gone through. Xander still hadn't looked over at her and he still sat in the same chair, aimlessly flipping through one of the many books that had been stored down there over the years.
The fourth hour came and went, and Buffy felt herself drifting in and out of sleep, always waking just as she began to slip into her dreams. She was still worried about Faith, about the others, and it was only increasing with every minute and every hour that passed. She could still feel Faith, their connection, and it was still as strong as it ever had been. She tried to push those worrying thoughts out of her head. She wasn't a worrier, but she really couldn't help it. The woman she loved was out there fighting for her life along with her friends, her family, and her former lover. She eventually did fall asleep, tuning out the soft whispers of the girls there in the room around them.
She was woken up about seven hours after they'd come down there by the sound of footsteps running down the stairs towards the heavy steel door. Everyone in the room was on alert as the spell was lifted and the door opened slowly. Buffy was on her feet instantly, ready for the worst and she felt her heart swell just a little when she saw Faith there on the other side of the door once she'd opened it all the way.
Faith was looking exhausted, her clothes were dirty, bloody and torn, but she had a smile on her face as she walked over to Buffy slowly. She was limping and holding onto her side where the blood was the darkest, and Buffy wrapped her arms around her carefully, her eyes brimming with tears as their lips gradually met in the softest of kisses. She could barely hear the sound of Giles' voice telling everyone it was safe to come out. She was so lost in Faith that she didn't care. All she cared was that she was okay and that she'd come back in one piece, just as she'd promised.
"How hurt are you?" Buffy asked as she reluctantly pulled away from the kiss.
"Not bad. I'll live. Need a couple stitches, though."
"And the others?"
"All here, all alive," she replied, then gasped as Buffy touched her left side as she tried to lift her bloody shirt. "Vamp got me with a sword. Didn't hit anything vital."
"And Angel?"
"He's fine," Faith smiled. "We took the bitch down, all thanks to Willow. She sure has some wicked skills. I feel bad I ever underestimated her before."
"Come on," Buffy laughed as she headed for the door. "Let's get you cleaned up and you can tell me everything that happened."
"How are you feeling?" Faith asked as they climbed the stairs slowly. "You're feeling better, I'm guessing, since you are practically carrying me right now."
"I'm getting there."
"Missed one hell of a fight, B. Wished you could have been there. We kicked some serious ass."
"I bet," Buffy laughed as she took the shortest route to the infirmary. "You'll never believe what happened here while you guys were out there."
"What? Dawnie tell you that she's pregnant or something?"
Buffy stopped in the middle of the corridor and Faith laughed for a second, then stopped when she saw the look of disbelief on Buffy's face. She watched Faith blink a couple of times and then shake her head as she began laughing again.
"You're kidding me, right?"
"No. How did you..."
"Dawnie and Xander are like rabbits on speed, every chance they get they're going at it. Was just a wild guess. Doesn't take a genius to figure out it'd happen sooner or later."
"Okay, now those are images I so did not need right now."
Faith just grinned as Buffy helped her up onto the only unoccupied bed. Under the harsh florescent lights Buffy could really see the extent of her injuries. They looked bad, but she'd seen Faith beaten worse. Far worse. She was strong, both emotionally and physically, and Buffy had no doubt in her mind she'd be back to herself in no time at all.
