It started out as a PMS oneshot, I swear... Wait, that sounds worse.
(Abby)
I felt a disturbance in the Force.
That was when Shepard came out of the women's restroom and in my general direction. She had an uncharacteristic scowl on her face, and her normally cool blue eyes looked more like fiery sapphires right at this moment.
She stopped in midstride and looked at me, then her scowl deepened. "What the hell are you looking at?" she snapped at me, sounding completely pissed.
I blinked, taken aback. I'd just been about to go into the bathrooms and cry a bit about Sarah, but... it looked like my plans weren't going to fall through there. "Well, then," I muttered, turning around sharply on my heel. "Sheesh."
"Wait just a minute," Shepard ordered firmly, in the tone of voice that she would use with an insubordinate-or that a mother would use on a wayward five-year-old, "I want you to come up to my quarters, now. This isn't a request young lady; join me on the elevator." I stared after her as she stalked toward the lift, wondering... did she really just stamp her foot?
...I think she just stomped her foot, I thought. "Uh. Yes, ma'am." This was starting to remind me of one of various scenarios with my own mother, and I knew I better ride this out. "What's wrong?"
Shepard had entered the elevator, and now she whirled around and glared at me through the parted door of the lift. "GET IN!" she snapped. "Stop wasting time, young lady! We have already wasted too much time and lost far too many resources, thanks in no small part to you."
I blinked again and quickly stepped in the elevator. Where the hell was this coming from? Did something dark and slimey crawl into her butt while she was squatting down for a pee or something? I was completely silent as the elevator doors closed and we began to ascend towards the top of the shaft.
Why did I have a feeling I should've brought a sidearm?
We arrived at Shepard's quarters a short time later. The Commander didn't even look at me; she simply grabbed my arm and half-led, half pulled me off of the lift and into her quarters. She released my arm once we were inside, leaving me to rub the spot where her fingers had dug into my flesh just a moment before. "Sit down," she snapped firmly, jabbing a sharp index finger in the direction of a chair near her office.
I sat down cautiously, keeping her in the corner of my eye at all times. "Okay... what's wrong?" I asked bluntly.
She plopped herself down in her own seat inside her office, about six feet from where I sat. I was glad that there was that much distance between us... yet at the same time, it didn't feel like enough. The Commander turned her darkened, angry eyes to look at me again. "You are going to tell me everything I need to know about the final mission against the Collectors RIGHT now," she stated firmly. "We need to make sure nothing else goes wrong, and I need that information in case you and HK die as well."
I was shaking my head already. "No - that's not going to happen," I said flatly. "We've compiled the information already. If we die, it'll be transferred to you. That's your reassurance. But we're not going to die."
Shepard leaned forward, her eyes narrowing into slits. Her mouth was set in a thin, angry line. "That's what you said before," she hissed. "But there have already been things you couldn't predict. If you couldn't tell me that Sarah could die, then you or HK could drop dead any moment and we'd be in the dark. I am going to ask you all of the pertinent questions now and you WILL answer." I suddenly noticed that she had a pistol on her hip, but her hand wasn't too close to it... still, her fingers were merely a few inches from it...
"Sarah's death was an ACCIDENT," I said, my voice rising. "Yes - we've been surprised. No, that won't affect the mission as a whole. Why can't you understand?"
"The only thing I understand is that your information isn't perfect. And if you can't tell me everything I want to know right now, and answer all of my questions, you are useless to me!" Shepard's eyes flashed like lightening, and they felt like daggers piercing through my skin.
I stood up in an angry huff. "Well, then, I believe I'm useless to you, ma'am!" I said, spitting out the last word.
"You are, especially if you continue to take that tone of voice with me!" Shepard barked. "Tell me right now, what is going to happen at the very moment we reach the Collector base?"
"At this point you'll all die!" I snapped. "What do you want me to say? Do you want a 'yes, ma'am, you're going to live?' No. THAT'S why we need to be there. THAT'S why we can't tell you everything. Because if we do, THAT'S going to happen!"
Shepard opened her mouth, ready to bark out something else, when all of a sudden the door opened and Dr. Chakwas came rushing into the room.
"Commander, I got here as soon as I could," the mildly breathless doctor said. "I just got the results back from your latest medical exam-it turns out you're pregnant!"
...Well, that would explain the sudden moodswings. I blinked. And blinked again.
"Oh my God!" I shrieked. "Is it Jacob?"
"No..." Chakwas told me slowly. "I ran a test on the fetus's DNA and had EDI run a check through the genetic databanks. She found a match for two people on this ship; the Commander, of course, and... Joker."
Shepard let out a low growl. "First he was too brittle to handle me in bed, now he's left me with this problem," she muttered darkly.
"Is THAT why he's not piloting the ship right now?" I shrieked. "Oh my gosh, oh my gosh..." I began pacing. "How did - how did it happen? When?"
Chakwas looked at me for a long moment, then she glanced toward the commander's bed. "Last night, I would say, judging that the fetus isn't even twelve hours old yet," she answered slowly. "As for how it happened... well, I'm sure your parents explained to you where you came from, right?"
Shepard made a huffing noise and rose in a sudden movement, stalking over to the area where the armor was kept. "Just my luck," she growled. "If we wait too much longer, I'm not going to be able to FIT my armor anymore. We are going to head through the Omega 4 relay TONIGHT!"
I decided to play this out. "Wait... what did my parents explain to me?" I asked quizzically.
Chakwas looked at me in bewilderment. "I don't have time for this," she finally said. "If you must know, go ask Mordin. I need to treat Joker's fractures and I should run another scan on Shepard."
"Name it after me!" I said happily.
