I do not own POTC, blah blah blah, leagle stuff
My face is covered, my eyes are veiled
As you tell how I've once again failed
You tell me that I've bruised your heart
That my actions have torn it apart
You barely hide the pain in your eyes
As I break down and apologize
It was Clive who looked away first, a glimmer of guilt in his eyes. Without looking back at Elizabeth, he turned and left, slamming the door behind him. Elizabeth remained where she was sitting, listening to the sound of him driving away. It was only when she heard the gates close that she picked herself up from the floor and ran upstairs. Despite the fact that it was still hot outside, she shook, and goose bumps appeared up her arms. She walked into her room, her heart thundering, picked up the red throw that was over her bed, and wrapped it around her before she sat down. Her breathing was short and sharp and betrayed her panicky feeling. She drew her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. Then she began to rock back and forth slowly, until she felt at least a little bit comforted.
Finally she stood up, took the throw off from around her shoulders, and put it back on the bed. She walked into her ensuite bathroom over to the mirror and looked at her reflection. Both her cheeks were red from the impact of the punch, and she cursed her luck for hitting the other cheek on the cabinet as she fell.
"Clive did this," she thought. "Clive did this, and you deserve it. You betrayed him more than he knows…you've cheated on him. No wonder your mother hates you."
Suddenly she hated the sight of herself, and she pulled her fist back and hit the mirror with all the force she had. Though she wanted to break it, the mirror remained strong, and not even a crack appeared.
"You're weak, too. I wonder how anyone puts up with you," she scolded herself out loud.
Beginning to cry, she placed her back against the wall and ran her hands through her hair. One of the daisies that Will had so gently put in came out with her fingers. Seeing this, Elizabeth slid down the wall till she was sitting with her knees underneath her chin, and she just cried, sitting in her bathroom with the door wide open. She had not cried like this in a long time, and she longed for Will's company. But she ruined their relationship now by kissing him. She was certain she would no longer be able to sit next to him during lectures, or mess about with him between classes, or just talk to him like they used to. She would miss the feeling of his strong arms around her, protecting her from everything that could hurt her. Thinking about this, she cried even more; her sobs becoming louder than she had anticipated. She loved Will…she was well aware of that. She loved him, but she knew she shouldn't. She did not love Clive, the person who she was supposed to have fallen head over heels for.
"Elizabeth?"
Her father's voice called to her about fifteen minutes later. Elizabeth shot to her feet and wiped her eyes with a nearby towel before rushing down to him. He smiled when he saw her.
"You look nice today. Anyway, a girl named Anna-Maria is on the phone for you." He looked at her strangely. "Are you alright, dear?" he asked, trying in vain to find his glasses to look at her properly.
Touched by her father's concern, she nodded. "Yes father," she said and forced on a smile.
Seemingly appeased, he gave up searching for his glasses and passed her the phone. Feeling the need for privacy, Elizabeth walked back up the stairs.
"Hi Anna," she said as soon as she was back in her room.
"Lizzie, are you okay? You sound as if you've got a cold. Honestly it's like 40 degrees out there! It's bloody boiling!"
Comforted by her friend's voice, Elizabeth laughed. "I know; only me, huh?" she said. "Anyway, what's up?"
"Not much. Lizzie, can you come over? I'm lonely. Jack is out with Will somewhere, probably getting drunk, so Will has to drive him back." Elizabeth picked up on the note of affection in Anna's voice as she said this. "Anyway, we can make a girly night of it--popcorn, pizza, chick flick or whatever you want." Elizabeth fell silent as she thought on this. "Come on! My treat, to say thanks for being in my video…plus I'll tell you embarrassing facts about Jack--and Will too."
Elizabeth laughed again, suspecting that on the other end of the line Anna-Maria was wearing a demonic grin. "You had me at popcorn," she said, and heard Anna-Maria laugh again. "What time shall I come over?" she asked.
"Come now!" her friend answered. "Bring something edible too!"
With that, Anna-Maria hung up; she was never one for saying goodbye properly. Elizabeth smiled though; she wanted to get out of the house.
"Dad!" she called out.
Since there was no answer she went out looking for him. As usual, he was in his study, and Elizabeth entered without knocking. He looked up, annoyance evident on his face at the sudden interruption. He was wearing his customary suit…Elizabeth never could remember seeing him in anything else. His dark hair was lined slightly with grey, and his glasses--which he had apparently finally found--were slipping down his nose as he worked.
"Elizabeth, don't you ever knock?" He looked properly at her, then smiled again. "Are you going to tell me what's bothering you…is it Mother? Do you miss her?" Elizabeth nodded, momentarily sidetracked. "You have got to stop living in the past. It won't do you any good," was all he said in reply.
"Dad?" Elizabeth said tentatively. "Anna invited me to her dorm. May I go, please?"
He smiled and nodded, "Yes, you can."
Smiling, Elizabeth left the room, and a few minutes later she was in her car, driving to Anna's dorm. At the door, she greeted her friend, who swore at the sight of her.
"No wonder why your voice sounded weird!" Anna said, straight to the point. "Lizzie, what happened?! Did Clive...."
"Of course not!" Elizabeth snapped, not even letting Anna finish her sentence. "He may be many things, but he would never hurt me. I slipped in my bathroom; that's all." The old fire was back in her eyes, and her cheeks grew redder out of anger and shame. She then dipped her head. "I'm sorry for snapping," she said quietly.
Anna put an arm around her. "Don't worry about it. But let me clean you up; it looks painful." Elizabeth nodded wearily as Anna led her into the kitchen and wet a tea-towel. She made Elizabeth sit on one of the bar stools. "It looks awful; you must have hit your face pretty hard."
"You have no idea," Elizabeth commented, wincing at the sharp pain the cold compress was giving her.
"You know," Anna commented as she tended to Elizabeth's swollen face, "my mum's best friend was a victim of domestic abuse." Elizabeth opened her mouth to protest, but Anna carried on speaking. "Just listen! Anyway, my mum used to tend to her wounds; sometimes I would help too." She stood back and looked at Elizabeth. "That should stop the swelling, but you are going to have to wear makeup to Uni if you don't want people to comment on the bruising. Amy--that's my mum's friend--was very good at hiding all the marks."
"What happened to her?" Elizabeth asked.
"I don't know," Anna-Maria admitted, her voice sad. "She just left one day. I suppose Mum knows where she is, but no-one else does." Anna sighed. "It's a shame; she was such a nice person."
Elizabeth nodded. "That's sad," she commented, as she felt some panic rise in her stomach. She knew what Anna was getting at. "But why are you telling me this? You said you were going to tell me secrets about Jack and Will," she said, attempting to lighten the situation.
Anna-Maria smiled. "Yeah, well let's do Jack first!" She giggled to herself. "Not like that, though!" She giggled a bit longer before regaining her composure. "Jack's afraid of clowns."
"Clowns?" Elizabeth repeated, trying to think of a less likely phobia for someone like Jack to have.
"Yeah, anyway, he took me to a zoo once, and there were clowns there. He ran out screaming," Anna-Maria laughed to herself. "You should have seen him; his arms were flailing everywhere, and then he fell over and gave this high-pitched scream!" She shook her head. "I practically wet myself with laughter!"
"Why were you at the zoo?" Elizabeth asked curiously, once she was able to stop laughing.
Her friend smiled. "Jack bought me a tiger from there--well, a tiger cub--and he was so cute! Both the tiger and Jack. Anyway he was taking me to visit him. I called him Mogli."
"Jack bought a tiger for you?" Elizabeth asked, shocked. "Where did you keep it?"
"The zoo. It's hard to explain, but you can adopt these tigers at the zoo, and there's a little plate there saying who thetiger belongs to. It's kinda cute. Really, it's just a way to get more money to the zoo, but some of the money goes to protecting the wildlife in Africa, so it's all good."
"How about Will?" Elizabeth asked, feeling the colour rise to her cheeks as she asked.
Anna smiled again. "Will is a sweetheart," she said. "Honestly, can you believe he's never had a girlfriend?"
"What, never?!" Elizabeth asked, shocked. She could not think of why Will would never have had a girlfriend.
"Never; he's always been introverted, apart from when he's with Jack." She thought for a few seconds. "And you. And then, when he was becoming ready to date, there was no-one he was really interested in. Then his mother died, and it tore him apart." Anna sighed. "It's such a shame; there are girls falling for him left, right, and centre, but he just can't see it. He'd never admit it, but he is still hurting from his mother. He doesn't really talk about her…not even to Jack."
Surprised at this, Elizabeth looked up. "He's talked about her with me." Anna turned her head sharply to stareat Elizabeth, a look of surprise evident on her face. Elizabeth sighed again and trying to lighten the mood. "But you said you would tell me embarrassing secrets about him."
"I don't really know any. I suppose Jack does, but he'd never tell; he may not look it, but he is intensely loyal. Will's scared of sharks though; I do know that. You know, Will is such a good friend. Back when he and Jack shared a room, whenever I stayed over with Jack, Will would sleep somewhere else to give us privacy, even though Jack invested in a divider." She shook her head. "I love Jack, but he can be stupid sometimes. In a way it's good that Will moved; at least he gets his own room now."
"If Jack's dad is a rock star, how come Jack chose the cheapest dorms?"
"They were closest to his classroom. Jack is not exactly a morning person. Besides, he's trying this whole independent thing this year. Of course, next year it's going to go out the window, what with the house we're getting."
Elizabeth had heard all about this house. It was a pretty, four bed roomed house, with a small front porch and a garden. Jack's father was paying for most of it, with the others paying the rest. She herself was going to have the fourth bedroom, but her father and Clive protested--Clive most violently of all. It was a shame, Elizabeth reflected, as she would have enjoyed sharing a house with her friends.
"Is Will okay?" Elizabeth asked suddenly, once they were settled on the sofa with the film playing.
Anna-Maria shrugged. "He's been acting a bit weird since he left you today. What happened?"
"Nothing; I mean, we walked home, and that was it."
"He loves you, you know," Anna said softly. "He told Jack that you are the most beautiful person he has ever seen." Anna looked surprised when this brought tears to Elizabeth's eyes. "Hey, what is it? Most girls I know would be ecstatic if someone like Will was in love with them."
Elizabeth leaned her head back and looked up at the ceiling, willing the tears to go back in. "It's not that," she said, as Anna shifted over to look at her better. "Do you know that even if I did share his feelings, I would never be allowed to act upon them? My whole life has already been decided for me, and none of it involves Will. None of it!"
Anna touched her shoulder gently. "But do you? Do you share his feelings?"
Elizabeth nodded. "Yes." Her voice was barely above a whisper. "Yes….Anna, do you hate me?"
Anna turned the film off and put down the popcorn bowl that was balanced on her lap. "No, how could I?"
Just then, Elizabeth's mobile rang, and she reluctantly drew it from her pocket. Seeing Clive's name flash up, her heart started to beat faster--partly out of fear and partly out of guilt. She made to answer it, but Anna grabbed her arm.
"No, Lizzie; how can you answer his call when you love someone else?!"
Slowly, Elizabeth looked up at Anna. Her face wore a tragic look. "You don't understand, Anna…my feelings don't matter."
Before she could answer the phone, it ceased its ringing. Elizabeth stared down at her phone in shock, then swore out loud. Clive did not ring again, but he managed to send a text message--an unusual event for him.
Elizabeth, please see me now at your house.
Clive
Upon reading this, Elizabeth's heart dropped. She had been enjoying herself with Anna, but she knew she daren't disobey Clive. "I have to go Anna" she said sadly.
"What, so when Clive tells you to do something you jump?" Anna said. "Come on Elizabeth, just stay till the end of the movie."
"I can't" she said desperately, standing up and gathering her bag. "I just can't!"
She rushed out the door, running into Jack and Will as she hurried out. She heard Will's voice behind her as he tried to catch up with her, but she ignored him. Instead, she ran, got into her car, and drove off, leaving a confused and hurt-looking Will behind.
"I love you," she mouthed at his reflection in the wing mirror as she drove away, his figure getting smaller and smaller in the distance.
Elizabeth slowed to a stop at the traffic lights and put her head in her hands, tears threatening, but she forced them back. She had cried too much today, and she hated herself for showing such weakness. Even her father had noticed her sadness.
She started to drive again, taking the long route back home. She needed time to think and to calm herself. Would Clive still be angry with her, or would he forgive her? Would she be able to forgive him? She knew she had to, but she just did not want to. Eventually, she arrived back at her house, just as Clive had instructed. She drove through the gates and parked neatly near the garage, blocking the door. She got out of the car and approached the door, taking a breath before entering.
Clive was sitting in the lounge, a glass of wine in his hand. His eyes were red and his expression unreadable. He turned when he heard Elizabeth walk in.
"Elizabeth, you came," he said. "Sit down."
Obediently, Elizabeth sat, though her body was tense and rigid, and she stared into her lap instead of looking at Clive.
"Listen to me Elizabeth," he said gently. "Firstly and most importantly, we have to make sure no-one knows what happened."
Elizabeth's head jerked up, and she looked at Clive, her eyes full of fire.
Clive's face reddened, but he never raised his voice as he said, "Don't look like that; it was as much your fault as it was mine. Rest assured, Elizabeth, this never would have happened if you had not have driven me to it. I am not a violent man." His face softened. "But I am sorry I got so worked up; I should remember that you have not completely learned how things work here." He smiled. "I got you something."
Out of a bag, he pulled a small box and handed it to her. Elizabeth opened it; inside was a small gold ring. She smiled.
"Thank you Clive." His face darkened briefly and, confused, Elizabeth carried on. "I am sorry for disappointing you," she said suddenly. "I suppose I am too much like my mother," she grinned uneasily, hoping Clive would smile at her. "You know--the way she used to be, before she learned."
"I know." He paused. "And I accept your apology." He stopped again and started to chew on his lip for a while, his eyes glazed over. "Do you know how horrid I felt, that I was provoked enough to hit you? I felt like dirt, and the way you did not say anything to me afterwards….I hated myself Elizabeth. You made me hate myself; do you know how that feels?" His eyes glistened with tears. "It really hurt me to know that I did that to you and thenyou didn't do anything…you just looked at me like I was scum. If you had not provoked me so much, I wouldn't be feeling like this; I wouldn't be hurting so much. You don't know what it feels like to feel so guilty that you could not even look in the mirror!" Tears began to fall down his face, and Elizabeth rushed to him, leaving the ring box behind as she knelt by him.
"Clive," she pleaded, alarmed by his sudden show of emotion, "I am so sorry. I'm sorry I hurt you and provoked you so much. But I will try to be better; I will learn to be a decent person." Clive gave a glimmer of a smile and took her hands. "Did you really mean what you said, though?" she asked. "Did my mother really die to get away from me?"
"I should not have said it," Clive replied, his smile growing.
"But did you mean it? Is it true?" she persisted.
"If it makes you feel any better, Elizabeth, I'll say no, but you have to learn to forgive and forget." He touched her bruised face, hurting it as he pressed it, causing her to wince. "You're going to have to cover that up; I don't want anyone to see what you made me do." He stood up and began to walk away, but before he left he turned to her. "I bought you that ring as a peace offering; the least you could do is wear it." He smiled again. "Don't hate me for what I am saying to you though. I care about you and am trying to make you a better person. I am trying to help you."
With that, he turned and left, leaving Elizabeth feeling just as alone and confused as she'd felt before she met Will. Her hands shook as she slid the ring onto her finger, hating herself for accepting such a gift, especially when she did not deserve it. The ring, for some unknown reason, made her feel trapped. She looked up, and her eyes met the one picture of her mother left on display in the house. It was a family portrait. Looking at it, Elizabeth realised what a perfect family they looked on the outside Her hand closed over her necklace as she silently willed her mother to come back to her. She wondered how different her life would be now if her mother--her beloved mother--was still alive.
Verse from a poem I wrote ages ago (which is why it is so dire).
Next chappie: Elizabeth talks to Will properly about their kiss. Elizabeth visits her mother's grave with Will, plus.....a flashback?????
Finally, another thanks you to my amazing Beta, WillsElizabeth 23, who has been a great help to me recently, thanks so much!
