An Angel Without Wings Cannot Fly

By: Arcander

Chapter 7

Hair brushes against my cheek again, I'm shifted.

-

I have a calendar on my wall, it's a rather simple one, but I use it to mark off the days he's been gone. So far, it's been three months… ninety days. In a religion that I've read about—they call themselves Kristians—they give something up for forty days. This is longer than that, and yet still my penance has not ended. What have I done to wrong you so, my Planet?

Every morning I wake up, prick my finger, and draw an X in blood over the previous day, the day he never showed up to see me on. I miss you so much, Sephy. After crossing out the day, I go and bathe, washing the dried blood from my hands. No one knows of my practice, and I'd like to keep it that way. I dress in Seph's cast-off clothing—I've been doing this since the day he left—it keeps him close to me, even though he's gone. From there I head directly to the lab, I don't even stop to eat. Why should I? What's the point in living? I'm all alone.

The lab glistens, it's always so clean. Like Seph's room. He never let anything get messy and he was always encouraging me to be neater. I have been… I want to make him proud of me. He hated this place, the lab. He hated the cold, unfeeling, metal beds, the glass observation cages that kept him exposed to the world. He hated it all. And I don't blame him. Of course, I love it here. I've spent so many hours watching father treat patients, look after specimens, clean, putter… I have so many memories of Sephiroth stoically smiling at me while getting an injection that I know has to hurt. But he doesn't say anything—won't—because he doesn't want to worry me. That's my brother… always thinking of me first.

Without him, the lab seems so… empty. I continue up to the second floor, looking for father. He's usually here by now. But no, the second floor is as empty as the first. I walk forward, running my hand along the cool surface of the glass. This was where I became Aeris's big sister, even though she's older than I am. It's the job of the big sister to look after her little sister. But what did I do? I sent her away, to try to help her. I killed our mommy. I sentenced her to a hunted life of the slums. It's my fault. Mine, all mine. I've failed Aeris. I won't fail you, Sephy.

I hear voices in the lab below. People are moving about. As I head down the elevator, I hear father's crisp orders to someone to get on the lab table. I rush off the elevator, prepared to greet him; but I am stopped short by the sight of all the haggard faces of the recruits. My eyes search out silver hair and glowing green eyes… and I am not disappointed. I give a cry, half anguished and half joyful; before anyone knows what has happened, I've vaulted over the lab equipment and hurtled myself into his arms. The other recruits snicker.

Father's voice rings out over the recruits, "Sasaria, return to your room immediately."

"Won't."

"Sasaria, go to your room now."

I shake my head vehemently (told you I've been reading). "Won't."

The recruits around us begin to mutter, some glance fearfully at Professor Hojo. Sephiroth stands there holding me, his head leaning against mine. "If you wish, father, I will escort her there." There is an audible gasp heard from the recruits. I'm not sure if it's because Professor Hojo is Sephiroth's father or because Sephiroth was willing to risk breaking the bans (and thereby receiving the punishment) that were put down on the recruits. For all I know it could have been both… or something entirely different altogether.

Professor Hojo looks over at us. "That may be for the best, boy. Return quickly and don't be seen."

"Daddy! You promised." I meet his gaze and ignore the sharp gasp of breath from the recruits.

"There's been a change of plans, sweetheart. Be a good girl and go to your room." He turns back to the recruits. "Why aren't you on the table, recruit?" Yes, you, recruit Zack! I'm speaking to you. On the table."

I glare at my father's back for a moment. "I won't," I snarl as I struggle down from Sephy's grip and march up to my father. "Give me a reason, just one. You've agreed to this, but now you're suddenly backing out of it? You care more about the recruits than you care about me, admit it! You'll give them this treatment, but you won't give it to me—your own daughter—even after you promised me you would." I drop down to my knees, sobbing. "I wish I had gone with Aeris and mommy!"

Sephiroth kneels next to me. "'Ria, trust me, you don't want to do this. It hurts so much, like liquid fire coursing through your veins." As he speaks, the recruits flinch away, and Zack, who was about to get on the table—lab bed—quickly moves away from it. "Don't do this to yourself, 'Ria. Once you get one dose, you can't stop them. Not for years and years. Don't throw your life away like this!"

"I meet his eyes. "I want to be like you Sephy. I want to make you proud." I lean my head against his shoulder. "I want this. I do. I've thought about it for a long time. Since before you left. Since before Aeris left." A tear courses down my cheek. "Please don't hate me, Sephy. I couldn't bear it if you did."

"I could never hate you."

Professor Hojo growls. "Will someone get on the damn table?" Father looks over at me. "Sasaria, if you still want this, get up here."

I quickly stand up, squeeze Sephy's hand, and hoist myself up on the table. Doing so requires a run, a jump, a wild grab to keep from sliding off, and a very awkward scramble, full of flailing legs. But I make it up onto the table… barely. Sephiroth comes around behind me and runs his hands through my hair. I smile reassuringly up at him. Father takes a swab and wipes an area of my arm down. I suppress a shiver, whatever is on that is cold. He pulls out a needle and then in one smooth motion, sticks it in my arm and injects the fluorescent green substance. My hands grip onto the table so hard that there are actually dents. Tears well up in my eyes, but they do not spill. I bite my lip so hard that it draws blood. The pain is excruciating, but I do not scream. I lie still, unmoving. Father removes the needle and hands me a cotton swab. I place it against my arm and push down against the wound. I haven't grown up in a lab this long without knowing how to reduce bruising from needles.

Father scoops me up in his arms. "I'm proud of you, sweetheart. What do you want to bet those recruits can't hold up half as well as you did?"

I smile up at him. "Sephy excluded. If I win, you have to let me join the TURKS when I'm older. If you win…"

"If I win, you have to wear a pink dress to the ball this weekend."

I nod happily and we shake on it. He hands me over to Sephiroth. "Make sure she doesn't react. You know the symptoms to look out for." He turns to the recruits. "Still too scared to go? My four year old daughter managed to do this without so much as shedding a tear. Surely you strong, brave recruits for SOLDIER can handle it."

Sephiroth settles down on one of the benches and snuggle up on his lap. "You lied you know." Sephiroth looks at me curiously. "About the injections."

"Oh? I hadn't realized I did."

"It was like walking on needles as liquid fire streamed through my veins and the Planets anguished cries burned deep into my mind." I lean my head on his shoulder. "Sephy… daddy said I couldn't see you for six months… but since I've seen you… does that mean I can go and visit you whenever?"

"I don't think it works like that." He laughs. "You seem to be reacting well to this."

I glance up at him, "To what?"

He smiles at me, "The mako. Does it still hurt?"

I return his smile, "Not as much anymore. It still hurts a bit, but it's bearable. The fire's gone, I'm just being pricked all over with tiny needles… but even that is fading." I stifle a yawn just as a scream echoes through the room. "Sephy… think I can go back to my room now? I'm getting sleepy." I yawn again.

Sephiroth stands up, cradling me in his arms and walks over to daddy. "Father, I'm going to take 'Ria to her room now."

The Professor nods. "Stay with her for at least an hour. Call my PHS is anything at all is off." He meets Sephy's eyes. "I refuse to take any chances with her."

Sephiroth nods, "Yes sir."

I smile winningly up at Professor Hojo, "Oh, daddy… I win." I wave to Zack as I exit the lab, carried by Sephiroth.

Sephiroth escorts me down the hall to the elevator and we ride it down. It stops six floors short of mine, and a SOLDIER strides into the elevator. After the door slides shut, the SOLDIER looks over at Sephiroth. "You, recruit. Shouldn't you be in the lab? Or did you chicken out and run away?"

Sephiroth dips his head. "Sir, I would salute, but I seem to have my arms full. Professor Hojo ordered me to escort his daughter to her room. I will return to the lab later for my next injection of mako."

The SOLDER looks closely at Sephiroth. "You're that mad scientist's boy."

"Daddy isn't a mad scientist!"

"Excuse me, was I talking to you, brat?" He turns his attention back to Sephiroth, who by now is quickly heading down the "kill person who called little sister a brat" path. "You're Professor Hojo's son, correct?" Sephiroth jerkily nods his head. "You're breaking the bans placed on recruits. I could have you kicked out for this!"

Sephiroth shifts me in his grip. "Sir, it is required for recruits to receive mako treatment, there is only the one scientist to perform them. Therefore, I break the bans by following the requirements."

The SOLDIER puffs out his chest. "I'm well aware of that, I was referring to the brat—I mean your sister." He smirks, totally ignoring the negative energy rolling off Sephy. "There is no reason you should have encountered her."

To keep Sephiroth from killing the man, I quickly intercede. "Except of course that Hojo is my daddy and I spend a lot of time with him."

"Spend time with your mother then."

I look sweetly over at him, "I would love to. Oh, wait. Heidy-garr's whores—excuse me, SOLDIERS—killed her a few months ago. Just blam like that, and then she was dead."

The SOLDIER's jaw dropped open and he splutters for a few minutes. Finally he makes a reasonable question as the door slides open. "Still, why were you in the lab today? Surely your father knew in advance that the recruits would be coming in today."

I roll my eyes, "Silly, I was getting my first dosage of mako."

The elevator door shuts on the SOLDIER's startled exclamation.

Sephiroth grins and ruffles my hair. "You're a good kid, 'Ria. Been reading a lot?" I nod. "I can tell, your pronunciation's improved too." I smile and nod again. "You know, I somehow doubt I'll get in any trouble for this."

I smile innocently at him… too innocently. "You'd better not, otherwise heads will roll. Especially since daddy told me I can be a Turk."

Sephiroth smirks, "Little Pink Princess, heads are more likely to roll because of your connection to father and Rufus, not because you'll eventually be a Turk." He glances down at my innocent expression. "How on Planet did you get father to agree to this idiocy about becoming a Turk?"

"It's not idiocy!"

"Sorry, sis, I didn't mean it."

"We made a bet that the recruits couldn't hold up half as well as I did. And from the sounds of it…" cocks her head up in the direction of the lab where you can still hear faint screams reverberating off the walls. "Well, I'd say I won. The deal was that if I won he'd let me be a Turk, and if he won, I'd wear a pink dress to the ball this weekend." I wrinkle my nose, "I'm glad I won."

"You and me both, sis, you and me both." He looks critically at me. "Why don't you have father buy you clothes? It's not as if he can't afford it."

"They were yours once, Sephy. That's why I'm wearing them. I feel closer to you this way. Besides, daddy did offer, I just turned him down. Maybe after I outgrow these I'll get new ones." He pushes the door to our suite open. "But that will probably be a ways off. I only had to roll my pants up three times this morning instead of the usual four."

Sephiroth sets me down on the couch. "You'll probably wear them out before you outgrow them." He heads in the direction of the kitchen, "What do you want to eat?"

"Chicken noodle soup. I didn't know you could cook."

Pots clang in the kitchen, "What, you actually expect them to cook for us? I had to learn quickly." Sephiroth leans against the doorway. "Actually… cooking duty is one of the punishments they give for attempting to break bans. It's one of the… nicer ones." He glances over at me and smiles ruefully. "I tried to break out more than once so I could come visit you. I never succeeded. The farthest I made it was the elevator before I was caught."

"You tried to come visit me?" He nods. I squeal and clap my hands. "I'm happy. But I knew you didn't forget about me, I just knew it!" He ducks back into the kitchen and a minute or so later, he appears with two steaming bowls of soup. "You have to love ShinRa's canned soup." He laughs scornfully. "Have you ever been to the slums? No, of course you won't have. I've had to put down 'uprisings,' starving families getting in groups to beg for food. But ShinRa won't feed them, he just sends the recruits down there to get practice in. It's horrible, 'Ria… horrible."

I set my spoon down in my bowl and give Sephiroth a tentative hug. "It's not your fault, Sephy. Maybe when we're older we can do something about it. But for now, all we can do is what we're told. It won't always be this way, I promise. Someday we'll forget about all of these horrors, and we'll move on." I never thought it would become so literally true.

He strokes my hair for a moment, "Eat your soup before it goes cold, sis." I nod, give his hand a gentle squeeze, and then turn my attention back to my soup. We eat in silence. After finishing, I set my bowl down on the table and yawn. I sleepily watch Sephiroth as he finishes off his own bowl. My eyes close.

Sephiroth carries me to my bed and tucks me in, brushing a kiss over my forehead. As he turns to go keep vigil in my armchair—my mother thought it would be cute to give me a pastel pink one, and father just moved it from my old room into this one—his eyes fall on my blood-stained calendar. He takes a step towards it, then another, and another, until he is finally only an arm's length away. He raises his hand and runs his fingers over the X's.

"What have you done to yourself, 'Ria?"

-

- Arcander T. Nacelsten -