Chapter 4: Don't Let Fear Master You

Canon World


I am so sorry for taking so long on this update! School has started back and so updates may be a little slow-coming for a while, but stay with me! I have too many ideas to give this story up ;) Again, thank you so much for your wonderful, inspiring and encouraging reviews! You guys are the best!

Harry Potter belongs to J.K.

Please R&R! Thanks so much!


o O o O o

When Harry stumbled back through the portrait hole into the Gryffindor common room, he was met by a high-pitched squeal and very familiar bushy brown and shocking red hair as Hermione and Ron landed into him (though Ron slightly less enthusiastically).

"Harry! Where have you been? We were getting so worried when you didn't return after an hour!"

Harry blinked and smiled tiredly at his overprotective friend. "Oh, hey Mione. Sorry about that. I didn't realize how much time had passed."

They both looked at him oddly, and then Ron knocked him in the head with his knuckle.

"Ow! Ron, what the bloody hell was that?"

"Good. Just making sure you weren't broken, mate."

"Huh?"

Hermione was smiling now, and he felt quite unnerved suddenly.

"So? Who is she?"

"W-what?"

Hermione winked, and Ron sniggered. Harry had the feeling that they were really reading something out of nothing, but he was too confused to figure what exactly they were on about.

"Come on, mate, you've been brooding all week and then you come in here grinning like it's nobody's business, and then we talk to you and you act all dazed and spacey! So? Is she hot?"

"Ronald!" Hermione scolded him, slapping him on the arm.

Harry choked as it finally hit him. "You guys…oh my god, no. That is definitely not even CLOSE to what I have on my mind!"

"Oh? Well then, what is it, Harry?" Hermione asked curiously, ignoring Ron who deflated slightly. "You just seem to be in such better spirits suddenly. I'm glad for it, whatever's happened." She smiled genuinely at him and he couldn't help smiling back, despite his embarrassment.

"Oh, it's er, not much, really." He gave them a very fake grin that he knew wasn't fooling them for an instant, but what could he say? 'Oh, yeah guys…so, apparently, Snape has been switched with a Snape from another reality who is completely different-actually the complete polar opposite of the Snape we know and despise…and this different anti-Snape wants to rescue me from the Dursleys and apparently wants to go scare the shit out of them this summer…oh, and did I mention that in his world, he's married to my mum and adopted me? And now he's acting all interested in getting to know me? Yeah, how weird is that?"

"Pretty weird," Ron said. "So, what's really up?"

Harry stared at him for a minute before it dawned on him. "I, er…said that outloud, just now?"

They both nodded, and he groaned, collapsing on a couch and burying his head in his hands.

"Wait, wait, wait…Harry, mate…you don't mean…" Ron began, but when Harry looked up, looking very lost and confused, and nodded, he yelled out an emphatic "Bloody hell!" And then he, too, collapsed on a squishy armchair, looking even more horrified and confused than his best friend.

Hermione, on the other hand, looked thoughtful, and not entirely disgusted by the whole idea.

"Hm. Are you sure about that, Harry? Well if so, that's cross-dimensional travel, isn't it? I have heard of it. Harry, do you know how Professor Snape was sent here?"

"Severus," Harry corrected automatically.

"Excuse me?"

Harry blushed but muttered, "Oh, uh, well, I think of him as Severus. It's how I keep him straight in my head. I'm telling you, Mione, he's nothing like the Snape we know. So he's Severus. He told me I could call him that, anyway. Like, listen to this…" He quickly cast a belated privacy spell. Luckily, no one appeared to have been around to hear the first, rather damning, part of his confession, "He actually talked to me about quidditch and asked if I'd like to play one-on-one with him sometime! Does that sound like Snape to you guys?"

At this, Ron snapped his head up and stared at Harry like he was insane.

"Mate, you're sure you heard him right? Like…he wasn't telling you he wanted to take away your quidditch privileges in code?"

Harry laughed. "I'm serious, Ron. He's a completely different person. I mean COMPLETELY. And this isn't a load of bollocks, because Dumbledore gave him Veritaserum and he told us about himself under it, so…yeah. But anyway, the only thing remotely Snape-like about him is that he can still give one hell of a glare. But in this case, he only glared when he was talking about the Dursleys…oh, and he smirked when he was talking about the 'talk' he wanted to have with them."

By this point, Harry was grinning fit to burst, and even Ron couldn't help but grin along with him. He hated the greasy git, as he so unaffectionately referred to their resident Potions Master, but the thought of that venom and vitriol being turned on the gits who had locked his best friend in his room with prison bars on the window was quite appealing.

"Okay, I must admit, I would love to see those muggle prats get what's coming to them. Think Snape'll turn em into Potions ingredients?"

"Ron! Really, Professor Snape would never-" but she trailed off as she noticed how, for the first time since Sirius' death, Harry looked happy, and carefree. He was laughing and joking and plotting, like any other 15-year old around.

"I'm happy for you, Harry," she said softly, and Harry looked at her, surprised, before hesitantly cracking a smile in her direction. He then resumed discussing his fantasies with Ron about retaliation-at-the-Dursleys-via-Snape.

I just hope this doesn't backfire and hurt Harry even more. He's been through too much, and this…Severus…he won't be here forever. At least, I don't think he will. Poor Harry. All he's ever wanted is a family, and then here comes someone who has swooped in to take up that role…but he's only here temporarily. If he and Harry get close, won't it just hurt Harry more when he leaves and the cruel, cold Snape returns?

But Hermione shook her head, for she also knew that to Harry, it would mean the world to have such a chance. The chance to really experience the love of a parent for a child. He deserved it so much, and he wanted it so much. Maybe, just maybe, this could turn out to be a good thing…


o O o O o

Ron, Hermione and Harry were heading out to catch some breakfast before doing some last minute studying when they ran into the man who had been occupying their thoughts since the previous night. They all gawked. They couldn't help it. For walking towards them, with purpose, through the otherwise empty hallway, was a gently smiling Severus Snape, his hair no longer greasy, but smooth and tied at the nape of his neck in a low ponytail.

"Good morning, you three," he greeted them, placing a hand on Harry's shoulder.

Ron stared, unashamedly, his mouth hanging open, and Hermione wasn't much better, though she managed to squeak a "Good morning, sir!"

Severus gave her a smirk for her efforts before turning to Ron and grinning evilly. "Mr. Weasley, if you're trying to catch wasps in your mouth, might I suggest you indulge in a honey-cake beforehand?"

At this, Ron snapped his mouth shut, but continued to stare, but Severus then noticed a glint of something like comprehension in the boy's gaze before his eyes widened and he returned to gawking even more wildly at him. Severus rolled his eyes, but steered the three into an empty classroom, quickly putting up privacy spells before turning back to them. "So. Am I to assume Harry has shared recent events with you two?"

Harry blushed slightly. "I didn't intend to, sir. I…they kind of…well, they heard me muttering to myself and, er…"

"Believe it or not, Harry, I'm not too fussed. I know you, and the day you would keep something like this from your best friends is the day Lord Moldywart signs up to volunteer at a muggle retirement center. Hm. On second thought, perhaps that analogy is somewhat extreme..."

This earned him stares, gapes, looks of awe and appreciation and then, finally, raucous laughter.

"L-lord Moldywart! Severus, that's brilliant!" Harry felt as if his face were on the verge of exploding from his overenthusiastic grin.

"So glad you think so," he smirked. "To be fair, though, Harry thought up that one."

An awkward silence filled the room almost instantly, and Ron and Hermione exchanged glances before looking somewhat worriedly at their friend. Harry seemed to take it in stride, however, and simply nodded.

"Sounds like I'd like the guy." Then he grinned. "Do I sound like a narcissist saying that?"

Hermione giggled at that, and found herself wondering about how incredibly odd it was to find her sense of humor aligning with Severus Snape's for once. He, too, seemed to appreciate Harry's comment and was chuckling softly.

"You, Mr. Potter-Snape, are the world's biggest narcissist. I've been saying so for years."

Harry and Severus froze, gazes meeting. "I'm sorry," Severus muttered quickly. "I just…that's what I call…"

"I understand," Harry said softly.

"I do, you know, realize you are someone else, Harry. It will just take me some time to change my habits."

"I understand, Severus," Harry said again, more firmly and genuinely. And he really did. But in all honesty, at the moment, he hardly cared who Severus saw him as. He was so open and fun to talk to. Harry could easily trick himself into believing he really had known the man for years…He reminded him of a more sarcastic Remus Lupin to be honest…

Suddenly, he felt a pinch of anger and regret that he couldn't have had this earlier. Why had he been shoved off on the Dursleys when he could have lived with…but no. The Snape in this world wasn't the same. Severus came from a world where his mother was still alive. He felt momentarily awed by the thought that his mother's survival had apparently been responsible for such drastic changes in the man he thought he had known for years. For her to have such an effect on him, he really must care for her, Harry thought, blushing slightly at the thought.

But then Harry felt his envy escalating once again. That lucky Harry Potter-Snape had clearly grown up surrounded by love and good parenting. He had been raised by Severus and by the mother Harry Potter would never have the chance to know, and while he would never give away the pride and love he felt for his parents, James and Lily, and their sacrifice...to have been raised in a nurturing environment…

He didn't realize he was clenching his fists and once again wearing his emotions on his sleeve until he heard Ron and Hermione talking to him worriedly. He didn't meet their eyes. He was suddenly really not in the mood to answer their questions with fake cheerfulness.

"Mr. Weasley, Ms. Granger. You two go ahead. I'll make sure Harry makes it to join you later."

"But sir!" Hermione started, but Severus silenced her with a hand motion.

"Thank you, Ms. Granger, but I can handle things from here. Go ahead. If Harry doesn't meet you in the great hall, he'll meet you later on to study. Is that clear?"

"Oh, um, yes professor," Hermione said hurriedly, and Ron echoed her in a mumbled "Yessir."

As soon as they had left the room, Harry felt some of the tension in his body relax, despite the fact that the catalyst for all his confused thoughts was still there. Regardless, he didn't feel so bothered anymore. Maybe Severus understood…or maybe he didn't, but Harry still found his presence inordinately comforting for some reason.

"Come along, Harry," the silky voice said calmly, and Harry barely registered as a gentle but firm hand on his arm directed him down the castle stairs and through darkened corridors.

Harry only regained his directional awareness when he noticed they were walking through the dungeons.

"S-sir?"

Severus gave him a very small smile and stopped before a painting depicting what looked like a water serpent in a fathomless black ocean. Harry thought he could hear something, and stared when he realized the serpent was hissing. Very quietly, he could hear the Serpent singing to itself, and laughing as it danced in the water, with a chorus of "What a joy to be free, no one to stop me, and all around me, the embrace of the sea." Harry smiled at that. It was so reminiscent of his own thoughts while flying that he couldn't resist hissing back, quietly, "Much as it is to be free as a bird, flying enveloped in warm gusts of wind."

The serpent stopped abruptly and swam closer to fix Harry with an inquisitive stare. "You…are a speaker?"

"I am," Harry confirmed, grinning. He couldn't help it. He knew parseltongue was a skill he had due to Voldemort, but he loved it nonetheless. "I was enjoying your song, sea serpent. I hope to hear it again sometime."

The serpent seemed to be smiling. There was a glittering, amused intelligence in his wide eyes. "Likewise, young serpent-speaker. I would like to hear more about this embracing wind. Come visit me again, yes?"

"Absolutely."

Harry turned to see Severus watching him with a fathomless expression, though his lips were set in a way that clearly indicated shock.

Harry cocked his head questioningly, wondering why the man seemed so surprised that he could speak Parseltongue. And then he frowned, his eyes widening in shock, when it hit him. Harry Potter-Snape, the lucky bastard, wasn't even the boy-who-bloody-lived.


o O o O o

Deciding to push aside his shock and satisfy his curiosity at Harry's telling talent later, Severus broke their gaze and pushed open the revealed door after speaking the password (bezoar) and touching his hand to a sensor on the portrait. At the same time, Harry forgot his own startling realization as he stared in shock at the chambers before him.

His first reaction was that they were not nearly as dark and creepy as he had expected. Especially considering these were the chambers of this world's Severus Snape. It wouldn't have surprised him one bit that Severus would live in a place full of tasteful mahogany furniture and beautiful dark emerald arm chairs, with a wide selection of books that didn't look all dark, and soft, warm lighting throughout, but it was something of a wake-up call to realize that the Snape he knew (or thought he knew, he now considered) lived this way. A normal way. Like a real human being.

"Hm…it really is too depressing in here without her touches," Severus mused.

"Hm? What do you mean, Severus?"

Severus smiled at him. "Oh, sorry. Mostly talking to myself. It's just…I share my own chambers with Lily, and so…they're much brighter and more cheerful than these. This place is lonely without her, is all."

It took Harry a moment to digest that, and then he swallowed the lump in his throat and managed an "O-oh. Sorry, sir. You must, er…miss her."

Severus instantly looked down, sharply, at Harry and noticed the boy's discomfort. He felt completely ashamed of himself. How dare he act like that, making Harry feel compelled to comfort him for being away from Lily for such a short time when the boy had hardly a memory of her?

Gently, he put a hand on Harry's back, satisfied when the boy didn't flinch, and softly said, "I do. But enough of that for now. We'll have plenty of time to talk once we're more comfortable. Tea?" He then asked, steering Harry into the kitchen as he did so.

"Uh, sure."

A few minutes later, a pot of lightly sweetened blackberry sage tea and a plate of lightly toasted raisin scones and clotted cream were positioned between the two, and they were soon quite happily tucked in.

"This is so good," Harry commented as he bit into his second scone, the tense atmosphere of earlier having completely vanished. "How did you know-oh. Never mind."

Severus smiled wryly up at him. "In the case of food, Harry, I don't think my extra knowledge is such a handicap. At least you know I won't give you anything you're going to spit up."

"Unless you're trying to get back at me for something," Harry threw back.

"Well, you know me. I am a Slytherin. Not much I can do about that," he smirked, grinning evilly.

"The hat tried to put me in Slytherin, you know, so don't think that scares me, Severus!" Harry smirked right back at him.

"Honestly?" Severus asked, genuinely curious. Harry nodded and he smiled slightly.

"Well, there's another difference. Because I know for a fact that the Harry I raised was not offered a chance in Slytherin."

"Oh really? Where did the hat offer him?" Harry asked, leaning over the table conspiratorially.

Severus grinned, a slightly mean, mischievous grin that made him appear years younger, and whispered, "Hufflepuff."


o O o O o

It was an hour later when Harry finally went to join Ron and Hermione out by the Black Lake. Severus had told him that he had spoken to Dumbledore the previous day and he was considering his proposition for Harry's summer plans, and that he would get back to them soon. Though Harry was anxious to badger Severus to make sure things were in order, he wasn't overly concerned. He wasn't sure whether it was wise, only having truly broken the ice with the man the day before, but he trusted Severus to do what was best for him, and to fight for him, even against Albus Dumbledore.

He had truly had a nice time with Severus that morning. After tea and scones, they had retired to the black leather couch and Severus had asked him about his classes-his favorite subjects, worst classes, which tests had gone how, etc… He seemed both amused and somewhat sad to hear how much Harry disliked potions. Severus was adamant that if Harry put a little more work into it, that he was perfectly capable of excelling in the subject. Harry didn't ask how he knew. It was quite obvious, after all, and its initials were HJPS.

Severus had let him borrow a muggle novel, Aldous Huxley's Island, but warned him not to let it interfere with his studying, as, though OWLs had ended before the whole DOMs fiasco, he still had two more finals to take (Potions and Charms). He had then spent some time reviewing with Harry, and though Harry tried to argue that he didn't want to cheat, Severus assured him that after having been given such an unfairly handicapped education in Potions to that point, reviewing the basics of Potions-making with him was the least he could do. And Harry had to admit, Severus was a good teacher (completely unlike Snape, he was patient and explained things at a good pace, and clearly), and he actually found himself enjoying thinking about the subject more once he understood why it was so important to be exacting with clockwise vs. counterclockwise turns and the timing and shape of ingredients.

As Harry left the dungeons clutching his book, he felt strange, but a little giddily rebellious taking it, knowing that this particular copy actually belonged to the snarky Severus Snape of this world, and could hardly wait to sit down and read it. In truth, he was a pretty thirsty reader. He just had to be interested and he needed to be self-motivated. He didn't respond well to being told what to do all the time…something he had a feeling had its roots in his time with the Dursleys.

Severus had also informed him that he would be able to enter his chambers by talking to his Sea serpent friend, and that he should feel free to do so any time, which Harry was pleased to hear, though he blushed as he nodded his understanding.

It was odd, Harry thought, how quickly he'd softened to the man, and how rapidly he'd found himself seeing him as some sort of…well, like the way he saw Remus and Sirius. He wasn't going to go any further than that…but saying that, he already knew he was in deep. He cared about Severus, and knew he was growing dangerously dependent on a man he'd only known for several days, but he couldn't help it. He was just so unused to someone genuinely opening himself, his life, his home and his books up to him like this.

In only a few days, Severus had offered to do more than anyone else ever had about the Dursleys. And at the same time, he didn't pry into the specifics, or push Harry to talk about what he wasn't comfortable with. He just seemed to understand without being told, and Harry almost found himself wanting to confide in him some of his more painful memories...and perhaps someday he actually would. The thought was still too difficult for the time being, though.

Harry grinned to himself as he thought about what Severus had promised him. The Potions Master wasn't just going to talk to them. He had assured Harry that if he had to go back for two weeks, that he, Severus, was going to stay and make sure the Dursleys stayed in line.

Harry didn't know whether he was more embarrassed or touched by this gesture. But one thing was for sure. He was relieved to think he didn't need to prepare his body for starvation mode for the rest of the week.

Severus had also let him know that, after talking with Albus, he realized he had to continue to hold up the impression that he abhorred Harry when they were around other students, particularly, he admitted with some regret, the Slytherins. After all, Snape of this world was still a spy, parading as a death eater, and regardless of what Severus had chosen to do differently in his life, he had to play the part while he was here in his counterpart's body.

Harry had been more than a little unnverved when Severus had told him this, and he had to admit he was very worried for the man. How could such a nicer person be a good enough actor to fool, not only the Death Eater kids, but if what he said was true and he had to take up where Snape left off and act as the Order's spy, Voldemort as well? He had to convince them all not only into believing him to be this world's Severus Snape, but the whole death eater thing as well. It was nerve-wracking to say the least, and though Severus did a perfectly good job of ignoring him and sneering at him during their last class as he passed out exams, he was terrified of what might happen when he was called by Voldemort...

Which is why Harry found himself panicking one night when he noticed Severus jump up from the staff table at dinner, exchanging a meaningful look with Albus, and throwing a fleeting one at him, before taking off.

Harry knew that sleep would be impossible that night, and knew most of all that he didn't want to have to talk to anyone, and so he found himself sneaking down to Severus' chambers under his invisibility cloak, the Sea Serpent letting him in without question, though eyeing him curiously. Harry then began to pace back and forth, vetoing the idea of going to Dumbledore to demand he not force Severus to do this...for that would only end in him being forced back to Gryffindor tower, no doubt. And so, for what seemd like hours, he read the same lines over and over from his muggle novel, cradling a cup of tea in his hand he was too nervous to drink. He had prepared another cup for Severus, without sugar, and had cast a warming charm on it to keep it pleasant for the man upon his return. Like that, he waited.

It occurred to him the irony that Voldemort seemed to have decided to block him from his visions right when he, Harry, was desperate to see what was happening. He felt so useless this way, attempting to ignore the pulsating, almost constant pain in his scar, aware of Voldemort's anger and yet unable to glimpse what was really happening. He didn't know if Severus was in pain, or fine or…no. He couldn't let himself think that way. He wasn't the only one who didn't want Severus to die, after all. Severus had his own family to return to. How awful would it be if he were killed simply in an effort not to lose his cruel counterpart his side-job?

Just as his thoughts began to flow down this dark, resentful path, the floo went off, and Severus stumbled from it, much less gracefully than usual.

"Severus!" Harry yelled, and instantly bolted up and steadied him. Severus' eyes were somewhat glassy, and his movements were awkward.

Slightly panicked, Harry gently helped the tall man sit down on the couch and after begging him to let him help, he ran to the storeroom to gather several potions vials. Returning, he crouched beside him and handed him the different potions, wincing as he realized what each was.

First, a simple pain relieving potion, then, and this is what panicked Harry, an anti-cruciatus curse potion, and then a strengthening draught.

Severus closed his eyes for a few minutes after downing the potions, waiting for his body to absorb them. When finally he opened his eyes, their normal obsidian strength back in full, he let them move over Harry almost hungrily, but with concern darkening them.

"What…are you doing here, Harry?"

"I-I was worried and couldn't sleep. Are…are you okay, Severus?"

Severus smiled softly at him. "I am. Thank you Harry. It seems Voldemort's still not over the whole Department of Mysteries fiasco, so he decided to take it out on us," he said wryly. Then his expression softened and he looked steadily at Harry before saying softly, "I did not expect you to be here, or to do something like this for me, but you were undeniably a big help. You just cut my recovery time by a great deal."

Harry blushed at the praise. "It was nothing…really. I was just, you know…worried. When you were gone, and I didn't know what Voldemort was doing to you, I just…you aren't used to spying like Snape is! What if he'd seen through you?"

Severus watched Harry's indignant expression with amusement and sadness, and then found he couldn't help himself. He leaned forward and gathered Harry in his arms, pulling him almost entirely into his lap, and pushing the boy's head into the crook of his neck.

Harry remained stiff for a moment, but then gradually began to loosen up. When Severus continued to hold him, Harry finally let himself fully relax in his grip and he wound his own arms around the man's back.

"I'm not entirely unexperienced at this, you know, Harry. And I have extrememly strong occlumency shields. Just because I haven't been acting as an active Spy recently doesn't mean I have been sitting passively all these years. I promise you that I am very much capable of doing this. Please do not worry yourself on my account."

Severus felt a shaky nod against his chest and then his heart nearly broke when he realized Harry's whole body was shaking, and a telling warm wetness on his shirt let him know the boy was indeed crying, albeit silently. And Severus had the feeling he wasn't just crying about tonight. If he had learned anything about this tragic, beautiful version of his son, it was that he was not one to reveal his weaknesses to others. He had the feeling Harry hadn't cried in years, and so he could only imagine what his current tears must represent. Certainly, his feelings about the loss of Black, and the unfairness of everything Voldemort had subjected him to, but what else? Severus could only guess, because he didn't yet know this boy. This particular boy.

But he realized with renewed vigor that he desperately wanted to get to know him.

"It's going to be okay, Harry," he whispered, and gently rubbed circles on his back with one hand, letting the other card through his soft, unmanageable hair. At this, Harry truly broke down, and he squeezed Severus more tightly, pressing his face into Severus' shoulder and finally letting out his sobs with a painful, hoarse, wracking sound.

Severus held him that way, caring nothing that the boy in his arms was 15 and not 5, until he fell asleep. Then, gently and carefully, he carried him into the chamber's bedroom, gently set him down in the middle of the large bed, transfigured his robes to pajamas, and tucked him in. He set the boy's glasses on the bedside table and after considering him for a moment, watching the calming rise and fall of his chest, Severus leaned in and kissed Harry gently on the forehead, brushing back his bangs to stare, frowning, at the lightning-shaped scar that marred the otherwise flawless face. Albus had told him some of the boy's history, and how people perceived him as the boy-who-lived, but seeing this proof of Harry's misery up-close made it all the more real to him.

With another frown, Severus considered that he still had much to speak with Albus about concerning Harry.


Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed this! I hope it wasn't too rushed or awkward. I'm not totally satisfied with it, but I wanted to go ahead and get it out anyway. As always, your reviews and advice are VERY MUCH appreciated!

Thanks so much!

tess4aria