Disclaimer: Yeah, you know it already. Meyer owns Twilight, I take no credit for it. I own Amara and take full credit for her.
Family
I bit my lip again, mulling over how to begin. I could feel six pairs of golden eyes looking at me, but they weren't making me uncomfortable. I felt Alice standing near me for a moment before she vanished and reappeared with another chair, which she placed next to me and sat in.
"You really don't have to say anything, Bella," Alice murmured soothingly.
I looked at her, absorbing the friendliness and warmth from her honey eyes.
"Thanks, but you guys have been so good to me. It's not that big of a deal or anything, I just don't like talking much about it," I admitted.
Alice placed her hand on my shoulder reassuringly. I smiled at the gesture, but it wasn't a big smile. I didn't want to talk about it, true, but they had been so good to me. I think they have a right to know. I mean, it wasn't some big secret or anything.
Still, when I thought about the sense of family that they had, I couldn't help but feel a bit jealous. Jealous that Alice and her siblings had a mother and father that loved and accepted them, despite their differences in personality and interests. I hated to think that way, but I couldn't help myself.
I felt another wave of calm envelop me and realized that Jasper was trying to help me out. I gave him an appreciate smile before sighing again. I sigh a lot when I'm nervous, what can I say?
"Alright, so…where to begin…" I mused.
"Where were you born?" Alice offered.
"Okay. I was born in Phoenix, Arizona, but we moved down here to Forks a few weeks later. I barely remember because I was so young at the time, but I know I lived here for a few years. When I was five, my mother got a divorce with my father. I don't recall the reasons, but apparently they disagreed on one too many things, me included."
I stopped for a moment and thought back to my memory of that day. It was a bit faded, since I was so young at the time, but most of it was pretty clear.
Charlie and Renee had married young because they fell in love with each other, or so they initially thought. Truth be told, they were both partially drunk the night they met, which they found out later on. Things started out okay between them, but as their relationship progressed; their inner demons became more prominent, causing hellacious problems between the two.
Charlie was a mild mannered man who liked to drink, watch sports on TV and party, but he wasn't an angry drunk or an abusive drunk. He had grown up in a poor family and had been forced to figure out life on his own at a young age when his parents had kicked him out. This had hardened him up a bit and caused him to take on some of his parents morals. He had dated three people in the past, but none of the relationships had lasted too long. They all ended for the same reason: his moralistic views and behavior.
Renee, on the other hand, was pompous and greedy. She acted like she cared, but it was all fake. She wanted a husband that would take care of her and didn't want to get a job, instead wanting to spend time going shopping for herself and spending time with people who practically worshipped the ground she walked on. She had always been popular and well liked despite her self-centeredness. Like Charlie, she enjoyed drinking and going out. Unlike Charlie, though, she was not a mellow drunk. She was abusive.
They married each other because they were convinced the feelings they had were real, when in reality they only married because of their "private life". That was it. There was no love. There wasn't even friendship. They could only tolerate one another for so long before they went off and did other things. That is, until I was born. Looking back, I knew my birth was an accident. Renee never wanted any children. She hadn't planned on having a child. But she did.
Renee was alright with it at first. She did the typical motherly things by feeding me, putting me to bed, etc. But when I started getting older, she started losing patience and interest. She became more distant from me. The argument I remembered was six months after my fifth birthday.
Charlie wasn't doing too well in his job and our family was losing money. Renee was getting annoyed with this and truthfully blamed both Charlie and I for the fact. Charlie tried to defend himself and me, but because of his ways, he had no feeling in it. His defense was shallow. And Renee exploited that and his temper.
It was raining outside our house that day. I was sitting on the couch, resting. I had just gotten back home from playing at a friend's house, though I don't remember my friend's name or much else regarding it, other than that we had fun drawing inside that day.
I heard a slamming noise that jostled me from my peaceful reverie. I scowled, not knowing what was going on, but sighed and settled back in. That's when I heard my parents talking. Their voices were loud and they spoke as if I wasn't even in the house.
"I can't take much more of this," groaned Renee, my mother.
"What do you want me to do about it, Renee?" my father Charlie asked, growing irritated.
"Charlie, we need to face facts. Your job isn't going to cut it. We need to figure out some way to ease our economic issues."
"Well, you could always get a job, you know," Charlie pointed out.
"Ha! If I did, who would take care of her? You? I'd hardly consider you fit for parenting considering how much you drink on a daily basis," she scoffed.
"Excuse me? I may drink, but I'm still functioning. I'm not like those bastard fathers on TV, Renee. I don't abuse or yell at my own child, for God's sake. You, on the other hand, do!"
"She won't learn if she isn't taught correctly, Charlie. Besides, it's not my fault she's a trouble making snot nosed brat," she spat.
"Maybe if you spent more time with her instead of on the phone or on the damn computer," Charlie spat back.
"I do spend time with her, something you would know if you weren't out partying all the damn time, Charlie."
"I don't "party", Renee. I'm out looking for work to support this family, something you could be doing. You could always have a stay-at-home job so you would be able to watch over our child and still make money, you know."
"Oh, please. I deal with enough crap from our child. I don't have the time for a job," Renee whined.
"Don't give me that crap! You're just afraid to work because you're lazy!" Charlie shouted, raising his voice significantly higher. I heard a slapping noise next.
"How dare you, you bastard! I am not lazy nor am I afraid to work! It's not my fault our daughter takes up most of my life!" she yelled back.
"Bullshit, Renee! You don't even care about her!" he exclaimed.
"I do care, Charlie. It's not my fault I didn't ask for her, but I do care," she growled.
"You've got a funny way of showing it, Renee,"
"So do you. All you ever do is greet her and pat her on the head. That's it. That's all she sees of you. You're either drinking, sleeping or watching your stupid football games on television!" she shouted.
Their voices were so loud, I was afraid glass was going to start breaking. I was scared, confused and hurt. I didn't fully understand what their words meant, but I ingrained them into my mind one way or the other.
"Shut up, Renee, you're no better than I am! Admit it; you would have rather not had her, would you?" he roared, slamming his fists on the table.
"No! Are you happy now? No! But we're stuck with her now, Charlie. We might as well make do, at least for the time being."
"What the hell does that mean? What are you thinking?" Charlie asked.
"Does it matter? I'm the mother, she came out of me. Therefore, anything to do with our daughter is my decision, understand?" Renee snapped.
"Renee, I'm her father, I get a say in these things too, you know." Charlie protested.
"Like hell you do, you drunken oaf!" she yelled defensively.
"Stop calling me that you ungrateful wench!" he yelled back. He was losing the battle and he knew it. Charlie always lost. Renee wouldn't allow it.
"That's it! I can't take this abuse anymore! I'm leaving, Charlie. I hate this town. I hate this life. And you're a poor husband. I'm filing for a divorce."
"Oh yeah? And what about our daughter?" he seethed.
"She can stay with you. I don't have the time or the money for her," Renee scoffed.
"She can't stay with me, Renee, and you know it. Besides, I thought you were her "mother", shouldn't she be with you? Or are you admitting to being an incompetent parent?" That was another thing about Renee: she hated feeling or looking weak. She refused to ever show a sign of weakness to anyone, least of all Charlie.
"The hell I am, Charles! Fine, I'll take her. And you will never see her again!" Renee roared. She stormed out of the kitchen, snagged her raincoat and slammed the door as she left the house, leaving then and there to go and file the divorce papers. She wanted the divorce as soon as possible. She hadn't even looked at me.
I sat there, crying softly, confused. I didn't understand what was going on. Charlie appeared and sat down on a chair, flipping the TV on as he always did. I cried and cried and he never said a word to me.
"Daddy…what's wrong with mommy?" I sobbed out. Charlie looked at me then, and for the first time in all my life, I saw pure, unabridged sorrow in his eyes. He looked at me with sheer sympathy and regret, but he wasn't going to do anything about it. He wouldn't. That was who he was.
"I'm sorry, sweetheart," he said. "You and mommy aren't going to be living here anymore. And I won't be your daddy either. I'm sorry. You're too young to understand, but there's not much I can do about it." He went back to his game then as I stared at him blankly.
He was a coward. A gutless, whipped coward. He could've stopped this. He chose not to. And at that moment, though it was small at the time, I started to hate him. That hate grew as I aged until I completely forgot about his existence. He was never there for me, after all. So why in the hell should I care about him?
"Bella?" Alice's bell-like voice broke me from my reverie. I blinked and looked up to see her looking at me concernedly. I realized that I had been staring at the floor for a minute or so, lost in my memories.
"Sorry," I told her. "I was just…reminiscing."
"Care to share with the rest of the class?" Amara asked curiously. Alice shot her a look. "Okay, only if you feel like it."
"We can't help if we're curious, little sis," Emmett stated. "Besides, Bella already said she'd share, so what's the big deal?"
"She's concerned for Bella's mental health, Emmett," Jasper explained. I was surprised that Alice cared so much and gave her a meaningful look that she returned.
"Bella's been through a lot these past few months," Carlisle added sadly. "I'm sure all of this is taking a toll on her, but she's trying to hide it. We don't want her to be too stressed out. It's bad for her health." Damn that man was perceptive. Then again, he's three hundred and some odd years old, so I guess he would be.
"You don't have to continue, Bella. We can always discuss this another time. Are you tired? Hungry?" Esme asked. I almost started crying at her concern. She sounded so loving, so much like a real mother. She was nothing like that bitch Renee.
I swallowed for a moment before shaking my head.
"No, thank you, Esme. I'm fine. I just have to get myself together. It's been a pretty long day so far. If not for Jasper, I'd probably be having a panic attack or something like that," I stated sheepishly. Jasper sent me another wave of calm, alongside a wave of comfort. Apparently he was aiming to make this as easy for me as he could.
"If you're sure," Alice murmured. I nodded.
"So why did your parents get a divorce?" Esme asked curiously.
"Well, my "mother" Renee is a total bitch. All she cares about is getting money and spending money. They only got married in the first place because they were young, naïve and drunk. Truthfully, they didn't love each other. They didn't even like each other. I'll never fully understand why they did what they did, but I don't care to," I grunted. Esme and Carlisle both gave me sympathetic looks. Alice looked upset, Emmett and Jasper were frowning and Amara seemed mildly off. Rosalie…well, Rosalie looked like she was only paying half-attention.
"Anyways, they had an argument one night about money and whatnot. The same thing they usually argued about, I guess. There was more to it, though, because I remember most of that night pretty clearly. In reality, I was the main thing they were discussing." I took a deep breath and braced myself. "Renee never wanted me. She never planned to have a kid. Neither did my father, for that matter, but he was a bit more supportive when they found out she was pregnant. Honestly, I don't think she ever really cared much for me, even after I was born."
Esme looked even sadder and almost got up to hug me. Carlisle wrapped his arm around her shoulder to help comfort her, since I was nowhere near done yet. I smiled sadly at them. I appreciated the sincere sympathy they had for me, I truly did. I felt Alice scoot nearer to me and wrap an arm around my waist. She did so slowly, just in case I declined. I didn't, though, because of how oddly comfortable I was whenever Alice was near me. Call me crazy, but she helped me out more so then even Jasper did—and he was already helping me quite a bit.
I decided to continue on.
"So then they got a divorce and Renee moved out, with me in tote. She hadn't intended to take me originally, but my father kind of guilt tripped her into it. We moved to back to Phoenix and we stayed together for another three years or so. It wasn't fun, let me tell you."
I paused for a moment to catch my breath. Vampires were lucky that they didn't need to breathe, though the ones around me did anyways. Right now they all looked like beautifully carved statues whose eyes were on me. Once again, I was thankful for Jasper's presence. Were it not for him, I'd probably be a bit overwhelmed by the sight. Thankfully, they all seemed to notice my discomfort and shifted around a bit. Alice moved her hand to my shoulder and squeezed it softly.
"Did you try to fix the relationship you had with your mother?" Carlisle asked curiously. I could see from his eyes that he seemed to resent the way I had been treated.
"I did countless times. But she was…well, abusive. Not physically, but verbally. Nothing I ever did was good enough for her. Nothing. She constantly berated me on every little thing and told me I'd never do anything with my life. It got worse when she was drunk, which she was most of the time due. She barely paid attention to me, and when she did, she was ridiculing me."
I paused for a moment to fight back tears, but failed miserably. "But I never stopped trying. I never gave up trying to please her, doing everything I could to be the daughter I thought she wanted. It's too bad I didn't figure out that she didn't want me until it was too late."
"Then she found Phil a year after we moved. He's a minor league baseball player aiming to go professional. She was attracted to him for his looks and his money, of course. They "fell in love" with each other and started spending a lot of time together. I was left alone most of the time because of it, more alone then before. I didn't have any friends. I didn't even go to school. Renee said it was a waste of time and money because I had no potential."
"Phil was a decent guy. He was actually nice to me and got me into school, which angered Renee greatly. But with the paycheck he got, she didn't fuss too much over it. School was okay, I guess, but I never really fit in with anybody. I just kept to myself and doodled during class. It was a shitty neighborhood, so the teachers weren't all that great. I usually ended up getting in trouble, which only got Renee madder at me. Phil, well, he tried to help, but she always chewed him out afterwards. He stopped after a while and just let whatever happened happen."
"After two years of school and having Phil live in our house, Renee decided she had had enough of Arizona. She hated being in one place for too long and was sick of the neighborhood. That's what she said. In reality, she hated having to pay the school I was going to. And she was sick of driving me to school all the time. So she decided we were going to move. The "we", however, was just her and Phil. She decided she was getting rid of me once and for all."
I sniffled a bit and felt Alice move closer to me. Esme and Carlisle looked sorrowful, as did Emmett, Jasper and Amara. Even Rosalie's face was soft as she silently stared down at the table in front of her. I didn't dare look into Alice's eyes, knowing if I did I'd burst into tears that wouldn't stop. And then I wouldn't be able to finish. I didn't want to finish, but I had to. I stirred up what little confidence I could and pushed my mouth open to keep going.
"One day after I was picked up by Phil at school, I came home to see everything boxed up, even all of my old stuff, what little there was. Renee told me that they were leaving, plain and simple. She didn't say where and she didn't say why. What she did say, however, was that I would not be going with them. I was confused and hurt, of course and asked her what she meant and what I had done. Phil, who had been oblivious, was upset as well and tried to argue with her. She would have none of it and told Phil off. He kept trying to argue, but Renee could not be reasoned with. She threatened him and he backed off."
I felt a tear trickle down my cheek and choked back a sob.
"She didn't give me an explanation. She just said to wash up and get what I could. They were leaving. I was staying. She said she would call child care services, at least, so someone would be by to pick me up. I didn't understand a thing of it. I didn't know what was going on. I started bawling, but no one came to me. The next thing I knew, I had fallen asleep. I woke up the next day to an empty house with a note from Phil apologizing to me and telling me everything would be okay. I didn't believe him, though. I felt broken, honestly. I didn't know what else to feel."
More tears. Memories, clear as day, flooded through my mind. I remembered everything perfectly the day they left me.
"I kept thinking how it was my fault and just cried. Then child care services came and they did what they could to comfort me, telling me they'd find me a good family. Then I-"
I was stopped when Alice pulled me into her arms. I hadn't realized that I had been crying so strongly until I was sobbing into her shoulder. I hated remembering how my own mother abandoned me. I hated how my father had never been there for me. I hated them both.
There was nothing I could do about it, though, and I hated that even more. All I did was cry like a baby. I felt so weak and pathetic. No wonder they didn't want me. Who would?
"Bella, please stop feeling that way," Jasper's voice interrupted my thoughts as a wave of comfort enveloped me. How could he expect me not to feel this way? Its how I've felt all my life, after all, what else can I feel?
"Jasper…" Alice's voice was soft as she rubbed my back soothingly. It felt good, but it didn't change how I felt.
For a moment I thought I heard them speaking, but their voices were far too quiet and fast for me to understand. I just sat there, sobbing and feeling sorry for myself.
I really was pathetic.
"Let's give them some time alone," I heard Carlisle say, loud enough for me to hear. I heard a bit of movement afterwards and, without looking up, realized that everyone save for Alice and I had left the room. I removed my head from her shoulder and wiped up my tears.
Alice kept her arms on my shoulders, looking at me sorrowfully yet warmly.
"Bella," she said softly. "Jasper told me the emotions you're feeling. I don't understand."
I sniffled a bit. "What's not to understand, Alice? I'm pathetic. Can't you see that? Here I am crying because I feel sorry for myself and whining about my past. All that does is reinforce what my own mother felt about me!"
Alice bit her lip and shook her head furiously. "No, no, no! That is not true!" she shouted.
Again with this crap! She barely knows me and yet here she is defending me! I do not for the life of me understand. Okay, so she "saw" me before we met, but she said her visions were vague and shit. So it's not like she has a lot to go off of. She doesn't know the terrible things I've done, all the pain I've caused.
If she did, maybe she'd be singing a different tune. Then again, she is a vampire. Maybe she's done some terrible things too-no! Alice is way too sweet and kind for that.
Gah! Now I'm blaming her! Damn it.
"Bella, stop!" Alice stated firmly. I snapped out of my thoughts at the sound of her voice. "Listen to me, Bella." She placed one hand under my chin and forced me to meet her eyes, her smoldering golden orbs filled with sincerity and warmth.
"Alice-"
"Shut up," she growled. "And listen to me."
I shut my mouth, surprised by the change in her tone. She looked into my eyes for a moment, assessing something in her head, before speaking.
"Bella, I can't imagine what you've experienced in your life. I can't imagine the pain you've felt, nor can I even begin to say I know what it feels like. I haven't. What I can say, however, is that despite the fact that we don't know each other fully well, in the short time I've known you, I've seen a lot. You are not pathetic. You are not worthless. You are not stupid."
She paused for a moment to let the strength of her words soak in, her eyes gleaming with confidence and sincerity that left me utterly speechless.
"Your mother was a foolish woman for not embracing the fact that you were her daughter. She was a fool, a coward and damn it, she was a vile, disgusting person! And now she's paying the price by not having you in her life! I realize that you don't believe that, and it's all your mother's fault. She didn't treat you with love and respect like she should have. She beat you down and made you feel like dirt, so that's exactly how you see yourself. You don't see the real you, the way that I see you, the way that Carlisle and Esme see you. I wish you would, Bella, but you're stuck with your way of thinking because you haven't been treated the right way."
New tears formed in my eyes as I took in Alice's expression. She meant every word she said.
"Bella, you are a beautiful, gentle person. I know there's a lot more to you then what you believe, and I want to help you discover it. I want to help you, Bella. We all do. So I want you to know that we're more than happy to allow you to stay here. I think you've missed out on a lot of what should have happened in your life. And my family and I want to help fix that. It may take some time, but I refuse to give up. I'll do whatever I can to be there for you as a friend, Bella. I'll help show you how beautiful you are; help show you how important you are. And I won't take no for an answer. Neither will Esme or Carlisle or any of the others for that matter."
The tears kept falling as I gaped at her, utterly stunned.
"W-what do you m-mean?" I asked, wiping furiously at my cheeks.
She sighed. "What I mean is you're going to be staying here. We will protect you from the hunters, but we also want to help show you the life you've been missing." She reached out a cold hand and brushed away a stray tear. The action was simple, but filled with so much compassion it eased me. I took a deep breath, calming myself further.
"Where did all of this come from?" I asked after a moment. Her eyes, initially filled with warmth and strength, looked down at the floor rather than at me. I saw hesitation grace her face as she bit her lip, struggling to give me an answer.
"I…I, um, well…I had a vision of it," she answered. There was more to this, I just knew it.
"Alice…"
She bit her lip again, looking more sheepish then before. "Look, Bella, I…I care about you, okay? I don't like the fact that you've been through so much pain in your life. I want to help, really I do. Esme's grown attached to you too and she would love if you stayed. We could have fun together. You could even go to school with us."
I cocked my head to the side, now completely puzzled. What did she mean? How could I go to school with them, exactly? I wasn't family, for one thing. Plus, the idea of school kind of scared me. My past experiences had always been far less than pleasant.
"School? How would that work, Alice?" I asked. "I'm a little lost."
"Um, well…" Alice nervously fidgeted her fingers.
"What is it?" I pressed, looking at her intently. "Come on, Alice. First you give me this meaningful speech and now you're all nervous. Just spit it out already."
"Well, I talked with Carlisle and Esme about it and they both agreed…" She took in an unnecessary breath, and then looked me in the eyes. "Bella, we want to adopt you into our family."
"You-"
They want…
To adopt me?
Adopt…
ME?
Did I hear that right? Does she know what she's saying? What the hell? What?
Where did this come from? I don't…
"I don't understand…" I said.
"Bella, we want to adopt you. You obviously don't have any family of your own and-"
"That might not necessarily be true, Alice." We both turned to see Carlisle walking towards us.
"What do you mean?" I asked, ten times more confused than before.
"I don't think that's a good idea, Carlisle," Alice stated lowly. "I doubt she'll agree to it."
"Have you seen her decision?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.
She faltered. "Well, no, but…"
"Alice, I understand your feelings. And while I would happily accept Bella into the family, I don't think all of today's activities have settled in yet. I assume she won't be able to take much more soon and she'll probably pass out from exhaustion. I think it best that she know she has an alternative, though, and she can make of it what she wishes to."
"Fine," Alice grumbled.
"Now then, Bella," Carlisle said, smiling at me. "What Alice has told you is true. Every last word. Both Esme and I would happily accept you into the family if you allowed it. However, I am aware that you have been taking in a lot today and the fact that we have offered you something this grand has yet to fully sink in. However, I do wish for you to know that you have another option. Your father is Charlie Swan, yes?"
"Y-yeah, that's him," I replied.
"Well, Charlie Swan still lives here in Forks. He happens to be a good friend of mine, actually."
I blinked with astonishment, which quickly turned into annoyance. "So? He wasn't really much of a father to me, Carlisle. He was never there. I doubt he'd care any bit for me."
"You see Carlisle? I was right," Alice huffed. Carlisle shot her a gentle, but reproving look. She huffed again and pouted. He turned his eyes back to me.
"Bella, may I tell you something?" I nodded. "I met Charlie several years ago when he was brought into emergency. He nearly lost his life that day. Do you want to know why? He had turned to alcoholism after your mother left with you. He felt guilty for not being a good father and began drinking to ease the pain. He ended up in emergency when he got into a car accident caused when his liver shut down from all the alcohol. I managed to save him and his organs, but not before I gave him some advice."
"I told him that there could always be a chance that you returned, that he might get a second chance to right his previous wrongs. I told him that and helped push him to go to an alcoholic's awareness meeting, which he did. Eventually he was able to fix his problem and get his life on the right track, so to speak. He's not perfect, Bella, but he did miss you and he did regret what he did to you. If anything, I'm sure he'd be happy to see you again."
I thought about that for a moment.
"I don't know, Carlisle. I really don't. I'll think about it, I guess."
"That's all I ask for," he said with a smile. "Until you make an exact decision, you are still welcome to stay here. Alice has offered her room to you, of course. And you always have the choice to leave if you wish."
"Carlisle!" Alice hissed. "She can't leave! Not with the hunters coming!"
"Yes, yes, I know that, Alice. But we cannot force her to do something she does not want. We would still protect her, regardless of her choice. It would be wrong of us, though, to force her to be here if she did not want to," he explained.
All of this information was spinning through my head. Carlisle had been right. I hadn't quite realized what the hell had just happened. Now I was beginning to.
I had told a family of vampires I hardly knew about my own "traumatic" past. How my mother was a bitch, how my father was a coward and how I ended up with a foster family. Well, I didn't really go into detail there. Not like I needed to, I guess, but I could always tell them later.
That reminds me. Why exactly did I agree to tell them all of that to begin with?
Oh, right. Because they told me a tiny bit about their family and I naturally felt inclined to spill my guts out to them. Maybe Jasper did it. I'm sure he could, given the special power he had to manipulate other people's emotions. That must've been it. No, wait.
I did it because I wanted to. Because I felt inclined to. I guess, more than anything, I did it because I've never told anyone before. They all seemed sincere in finding out, and because I'm growing to trust them more, I told them. Well, I trust Alice, Esme and Carlisle. The others I'm not too sure about. Rosalie seems to hate me for reasons I don't know, and I just met the others. I still haven't met her brother Edward yet, though from what I've been told I won't have to wait too long. I don't know. This is all so new to me.
I've never really had an actual family before. I've never been hugged or told "I love you" or congratulated or anything like that. I never got that chance. But Alice and Carlisle and Esme treated me differently. They were kind. They hugged me. They took care of me.
And then there are the strange feelings I feel; the warmth, the tenderness and the wholeness.
Is that what it feels like to have a family? Is that what I've been missing out on my whole life?
These people, these vampires, make me feel accepted. They don't treat me like garbage, or like they're superior to me or like I'm their next meal. They treat me like they treat each other. Like a member of their family. I guess…I guess I could get used to that. It'd be a little overwhelming living in a family of vampires, especially since I'd be the only human. I'm the only one who eats, sleeps and does other human things. It'd be a bit awkward. But with the amount of love that I've been shown, I think I could make do. Maybe.
I don't know. It's a lot to think about and a lot to take in.
And then there's Charlie. Carlisle wouldn't lie to me, I can see that from the compassion in his eyes, but that doesn't mean I fully believe that Charlie's changed. I'd have to see that for myself. Even then, would I consider living under his roof again after what happened last time? I doubt it sincerely. I guess, maybe, I could at least talk to him and see for myself whether or not what Carlisle told me is true.
Would Charlie even accept me? Would I even accept him?
God, this is so much to think about. My brain fucking hurts from all this thinking. I am so not cut out for this shit. Damn.
"Bella?"
Alice's concerned voice brought me out of my thoughts.
"Huh? What?"
"You looked like you were thinking really hard on your decision. I still can't see what you're going to decide. I'm a bit worried, to be honest, but I won't push you."
"Oh. Um, thanks Alice," I said. I could tell by the look in her eyes that she was both worried and frustrated, probably because she didn't know what I was going to do. I didn't know what I was going to do for that matter. I mean, shit, I need a week to decide, if anything.
"Have you at least decided if you'll stay here for now?" she asked. She looked so hopeful and so utterly adorable. How could I say no to that?
I glanced at Carlisle, who was waiting patiently for my answer. "Carlisle, is it okay if I stay here?" Alice's face lit up.
Carlisle smiled at me. "Of course it is, Bella. You're more than welcome to. What about sleeping arrangements? You could always sleep in our guest room…"
"No!" Alice and I both shouted at the same time. We both cupped our mouths and glanced at one another in surprise. I felt my face turn bright red as I blushed. Carlisle let out a brief, but amused chuckle before trying to straighten his face up.
"Alice's room will work, then?" he asked, a twinkle in his eyes.
"Y-yeah, I l-like her room," I stammered, blushing even more. "I m-mean, I'm already familiar w-with it, so, you know…"
"Is it alright with you, Alice?" Carlisle asked. Something about the way he asked made me think that the question wasn't necessary. What was he playing at?
"Yes!" Alice answered abruptly. She caught herself and bit her lip, looking embarrassed. Carlisle let out another amused chuckle, which Alice glared at him for. He gave her an apologetic look before returning his eternal eyes to me.
"Well, Bella, I appreciate you taking the time to tell us a little about yourself. I promise that I will answer any and all of your questions when you decide you want to ask them. The others will most likely be happy to tell you their tales as well. It's late now, though, and I can tell by your eyes that you're tired. Have a good night." He smiled warmly at me before departing.
Just when I was about to question him, I let out a brisk yawn. Huh. He was right. Alice laughed beside me.
"I completely forgot about the time," she chuckled.
"What time is it?" I asked.
"It's about eight thirty," she replied.
"Holy shit, really?" I was surprised. Where did the day go?
She laughed again. "Yup, really. Silly Bella, you're worse at keeping track of time than I am." I rolled my eyes. Like she had any right to chastise me. Fucking vampire…
I yawned again, the day's events slowly taking their toll on me. "Is every day in your house always this full of excitement?" I asked.
"If by that you mean someone spilling their guts in a heart wrenching display, followed by an hour of comfort, then no."
"Fuck off," I growled playfully. She giggled and stood up from her chair, offering me her hand. I hesitated for a moment, just to be dramatic, and then I gradually accepted it. That same electrical feeling pulsated through me when our hands touched, causing me to momentarily stop. Alice paused too before pulling me up. A little too fast, though.
In a split second our faces were inches apart. Neither of us spoke or moved. I felt my heart start pounding in my chest as my face heated up. We both looked at one another with surprise. I couldn't help but gaze into her beautiful golden eyes, finding myself lost in them like I always did. They were so entrancing, just like she was.
Slowly I began to move forwards, Alice mimicking the movement. Alas, my body had other plans as a third yawn erupted from my mouth. I tried to hold it back, but failed miserably. When I opened my eyes again, Alice was now a few inches away from me, looking at the floor. My face turned bright red when it hit me what had just happened. What had almost just happened.
Dear God, what is wrong with me?
"Come now, Bella. It's late. You need your rest," Alice said quietly. I felt so ashamed and guilty. God I am such an idiot. Should I apologize? Should I just forget it? Ugh! "Come on, Bella, don't just stand there." Alice teased, her voice becoming playful again.
I sighed and started trying to move, but my legs buckled under me and I fell forwards. A pair of cold, hard arms caught me, though, preventing me from slamming into the floor. I looked up to see Alice holding me, giving me an amused smirk.
"Would you like me to carry you up the stairs, miss?" she asked in a masterful British accent.
I wasn't sure whether to blush, laugh or speak. So I did all three at once.
"Yes, please." I said through my giggle-snort. Alice laughed that tinkling, musical laugh once again, easing me as she slowly strode up the stairs, carrying me like I weighed nothing at all. We were in her room in mere seconds where she gently set me down on her bed, smiling tenderly at me as she did. She then proceeded to pull the covers up and tucked me in. I felt like a little kid being taken care of by her mother, but it was oddly comforting. I didn't mind in the least.
"There," she said, pleased with herself.
"Thank you, Alice," I murmured, nuzzling my head into her sweet smelling pillow. "Thank you for everything."
Her face softened as a loving smile graced her lips. "You're welcome, Bella."
I smiled at that and closed my eyes, allowing sleep to take its hold. As I did, I felt cool lips pressing ever so softly against my cheek. I knew it was Alice and my face lit up as it always did. I'm not sure if I was hearing things or not, but as the darkness engulfed me, I swore I heard Alice's voice whisper to me.
"Sleep well, my beautiful angel."
A/N: Longest chapter yet. Hope everyone enjoys it.
Okay. So, if anyone thought that the backstory I made for Bella was too...what's the word? Cliché? Emo? I dunno. Usually people tend to like what I do, and I thought I did a decent job myself, I've just seen instances where people have complained about something being too "woe-is-me" or something like that. Understand? That's not what I was aiming for. I wanted to show that Bella isn't used to having a loving family. I also wanted to show why Bella has such poor self esteem.
And then the reaction that Alice has, the little speech, that's meant to sort of push the relationship forward and show how much Bella means to her. Bella is still oblivious, but she's slowly beginning to take note of things (Carlisle's innocent chuckling, how she feels when she looks into Alice's eyes, etc.). For those of you who are waiting for their first kiss or the "I love you's" to begin, you've got a ways to go. At least a few more chapters.
What else...um, yeah, I hope I was able to pull off the emotions well. I kind of jumped into her spilling her story pretty quickly, but I tried to recover with that mental bit. I'm hoping that worked out well, but I'll leave it to the readers to decide on that.
Thank you to all that have been reviewing so far. I would love for people to keep reviewing, especially the people who haven't reviewed yet. Better yet, feel free to review a past chapter and work your way up. That makes me happy. I really like the long, in depth reviews that I get from people like Jezikial and ScOut4it. Big thanks to them for being awesome and to everyone else who reviews. Don't be shy now. I'm sorry if I'm coming off as demanding. I really am. But the number of people reading each chapter has fallen as the story has proceeded, as has the number of people reviewing. Gotta fix that.
