A/N thank you for the wonderful reviews on this story, I hope this chapter does not disappoint anyone.
Chapter 7
Running across the yard his ribs aching with every step, Deeks did something he hadn't done since he was a child, he climbed the solitary oak tree that was growing in the far corner of the property trying to just get as far away as possible and as soon as he was sure no one could see him he leant against the trunk on the widest branch and he sobbed.
Sobbed was definitely the word for it, he had cried a few times in his lifetime, but only twice could he remember sobbing so much his heart wanted to tear itself out of his chest and clinging onto the branch he held he thought about just letting himself fall, no one would care, really if he was gone…hell if it hadn't been born then maybe…just maybe none of this would have happened and then he wouldn't have just been responsible for destroying a family and making a child fatherless.
In the house everyone stood in shock and Kensi got to follow her partner, "Wait, please." Carl said, "I think I need to be the one to talk to him."
Kensi looked at Carl suspiciously "OK, but if you…." The threat was left unsaid as Carl turned to look at the young woman who was his grandson's partner.
"Ma'am, I love that boy, he is the only link to my daughter, if I had known any of this beforehand I would have stopped it years ago and had the relationship I should have had with him." Carl said.
Kensi sat with Sarah and nodded, "He won't have gone too far he's still on protection detail so he won't leave the grounds," She said as Carl walked out of the door.
Carl looked over at the barren yard, apart from an old broken down mustang in the corner which was rusty and missing its tires and the oak tree in the other corner there was no one out there. He was about to go in and tell Kensi he might have left when he heard a noise on the wind…there it was again and sob and a sniff. His heart broke as he saw Deeks in the tree, from the angle and distance he looked like Allison when she used to dress in her jeans and tree climb, he knew exactly what to do and did the same thing now as he had back then when she was a child, and he climbed the tree.
Carl at sixty-two, was no spring chicken, but he was still fit and healthy, although it was harder than he remembered he was soon level with Deeks.
"This branch taken?" he asked.
Deeks looked up in surprise and wiped his eyes, "N…No sir." He said and moved a bit knowing the large branch would take both of their weights. "D..Do you want me to leave?" Deeks asked.
"I hope not, I'd hate to have to climb down the tree to talk to you." Carl smiled.
"I…I am sorry for your loss and for your wife, I didn't mean for this to happen…She was right I destroyed your life, I would have been better if I wasn't born." Deeks said sadly looking at the ground, jumping didn't seem as tempting now that there was a witness and he really didn't want to upset the other man any more than he already had done.
"I need to explain something to you son." Carl said turning to look at Deeks, 'my God he has his mothers eyes!' he thought looking at the sadness within them.
Deeks looked at Carl and just said softly, "Please, don't…"
Normally Deeks could take anything thrown at him, but today, after all he had learned, what his… what Frieda had done to his mother, how she had known who he was and helped destroy so many lives, he couldn't take anymore, he wondered if that was where Max came from, the part of himself that was like Frieda and Brandel. Maybe that's who he was at heart and Deeks wasn't real…or…he hoped to himself, Deeks was the part of himself that was the most like the Allison Johansen from the picture, the carefree, Happy little girl who hadn't been touched by the evil of life. More than anything he wanted to cling onto that, he didn't want Carl coming and telling him how he had ruined his family, how Frieda had been right how he was the spawn of evil and should be avoided at all costs.
"I'm sorry." Carl said simply.
Nothing else, just that and he sat back as it sank in.
Deeks looked at him and blinked as the fog in his head cleared.
"Sorry?" Deeks said. "W…why are you sorry?" he didn't get it, "I destroyed your family, if I hadn't been born none of this would have come out, you would still have your son and your grandchild and your wife…I ruined that, me…Why are you apologizing?" He asked.
Carl looked in amazement. The boy had been beaten by men his grandmother had hired, found out his mother had been sold to his father by his grandmother, sat there as she told his colleagues that he was a product of rape and that he could have had a loving home with family rather than spending the first eleven years of his life growing up with a father that beat him and humiliated him at every opportunity and HE was sorry!
Carl turned to him, "I understand if you don't want to talk to me all I ask is that you listen and if at any point you don't want to I will stop, but I promise I won't hurt you." Carl said gently.
Hugging his knees to him, but not trusting his voice Deeks nodded.
"I loved your mother very much, from the moment she was born she was a light in my life, when she left my world bottomed out, I had no idea that my ex- business partner had her, I had taken her and Frieda out for the day…"
"Just after the picnic…" Deeks found himself saying, "She loved that memory, it was my favorite story."
Carl nodded, "It was still summer, Frieda had suggested we go to the beach for the day and Ally was so excited. I went crazy when I couldn't find her I looked for months, every morning till late at night going to the same stretch of beach looking for her, for years until we got a message from the police."
Deeks looked at his feet not meeting Carl's eyes.
"We…identified our baby, your mother's body, and the detective said she had had a child, I was shocked, she was only a child herself barely in her twenty's and when I realized how old she must have been when she had you I felt sick to my stomach…Not because of you, but because what she had gone through." He added hastily, "I saw you, eleven years old, asleep, sucking your thumb in the police station, I wanted to hug you and take you home right then."
Deeks looked up, tears starting to form in his eyes, "But…I heard you, you didn't want me, I was filthy and not worth the bother; a rapists kid…I didn't know what that was, but I was in shock, I….I still had mom's brains on….on my sh…shirt." Deeks let the tears fall, "Mom loved me and she was gone, Brandel hated me; I had just shot him, he had just shot my mom and run away and you didn't want me…I wasn't worth it. No one wanted me…"
"I did, Frieda had a meltdown and convinced me that she couldn't look after you, and then she told me she was pregnant with Christian and you had talked to her and didn't want to come with us." Carl said, "I loved her and I believed her, I am sorry. I would have been proud to raise such a fine young upstanding person and am proud to be your grandfather, even if you do not want me as part of your life; I needed you to know that."
"She told me stories, I got to see her once a day when she and I were both good, and she told me all about you and how much she loved you and her mom. She never knew…if that's what you wanted to know, she never knew her mom did this to her." Deeks said.
"It wasn't what I wanted to know, but thank you for that," Carl said.
Deeks looked up looking Carl in the eye for the first time, "I don't understand then, what do you want?"
"I want to know you, I want to let you know you are loved, I…if you will allow it, Sarah and I would like to be part of your life." Carl said.
"Why?" Deeks asked
"Oh my poor boy, I am your Grandfather, and I would like to be a part of your life, Every time I look at you I know how much your mother would have been proud of you, becoming a policeman and working with Federal Agents. Please come back with me, meet your Aunt properly, I know my new Granddaughter will benefit from having her cousin Marty and I hear she has another cousin, Jennifer…I would like to meet her, I hear she's as lovely as you…and your foster father, Jeff…I want you all to be a part of the family, please son, come home." Carl made his impassioned plea and waited as he watched the disbelief, hope and uncertainty cross his face.
Scared but hopeful, Deeks made his decision turning carefully on the branch, wincing as he pulled his ribs a bit he turned to Carl "I think I'd lik…." He was cut off in mid-word as Carl slipped off the edge of the branch.
"GRANDPA!" Deeks yelled as he grabbed Carl by the wrist, his ribs screaming in protest.
"KENSI…KENSI….HELP!" Deeks called as he felt his hold slipping, "Hold on Grandpa, help's coming….please don't die!" he begged looking towards the house praying she had heard him.
