Disclaimer: I do not own the following characters from the mummy or the mummy returns movies. They belong to my hero, Stephen Sommers (LMAO!) and to Universal Studios... I think they do, anyways. I just put what everyone else put! Some of the ideas in here are not mine, they are my wonderful twin's, Dylan, otherwise known as here as "Anck-su-namun." Please go read her stories! Love ya!

Author's Notes: You're wrong if you think this is serious. You're wrong if you think they are way out of character or things that happen are very unlikely! This is a Parody, this is fanfic for a MOVIE, and almost nothing is true in MOVIES. Alrighty then? Thanks! LOL! Like I said, dedicated to Dylan! All my readers and reviewers, sorry it took so long, but Dylan finally gave me motivation! So, please read and review and just ENJOY!

Ardeth had found out when he drank another keg or so that he needed to go potty. He also found that his bladder was very small. No matter how hard he tried to hold it, he felt like he would let all of it out every time he moved. Thus, keeping his legs together and walking pigeon- toed, he started to the bathroom.

Jonathan told the girls around him he'd be back in a minute. He had to go to the bathroom bad! He was going to explode! So as instead of walking to the potty, he hopped, cursing himself for not going earlier. He got down on his knees and crawled, not able to take it. He almost starting cursing again when he thought he had went in his trousers. "Oh, I've got to make it!" He said as she crawled up to the door.

Ardeth was in the bathroom, letting all of it out, ready to go back and drink more. As he was washing his hands, a panting, sweaty Jonathan came through the door, running over to the toilet.

"Oh hello, Ardeth!" He said and then turned back. As he realized that the Med-Jai was in there, he almost screamed, doing a double take.

"Ardeth! What are you doing in here?!" He asked, half sober, half not. Ardeth laughed and said, not so sober himself, "Why, I was just going to the bathroom, and you?" Just as he slapped Jonathan on the back, someone came by and pushed the door closed, locking it from the outside.

They heard the door lock and immediately ran over to it. "NO!" Cried Ardeth and Jonathan at the same time.

They looked up to see the vent open, and looked it at. "This is our only way out!" Exclaimed Jonathan. "Then let's go!"

Alex listened rather intently to make sure they WERE locked in. He loved doing this! If only he had something he could remember this by! They were stuck, everyone was stuck, everyone else was drunk, and he had the night off!

He and his friends had tired of killing birds. Some were still out looking at guns, but Alex took some of his girlfriends and showed them how he could trap people. Now if only they could stay in there...

Evy was on Anck-su-Namun and Imhotep was on Rick. "Wench!" Anck-su-Namun yelled to Evy. Evy yelled back at her, and just as she was about to say something about her once-father Seti, Anck-su-Namun punched her and crawled away.

"Yeah! How do you like that, you palace brat?!" Anck-su-Namun yelled to Evy. The men got away from each other and everyone started screaming at each other.

"Well, I wanted and would have kissed Imhotep, but Rick just HAD to come in and ruin everything!" All occupants that weren't Evy (who had said this in the first place) looked at her, mouths all agape.

"WHAT?!" Rick, Anck-su-Namun and Imhotep yelled in unison. Rick got into Evy's face and Anck-su-Namun got into Imhotep's face.

"You were going to kiss her?! How could you do this to me?!" Anck-su-Namun was yelling into the High Priest's face.

"You would kiss that monster?!" Cried Rick, almost a shriek as loud as Anck-su-Namun's.

Everyone stopped, and there was complete silence. Everyone turned to Evy, who had started this whole thing with her revelation.

"Let's get her!!!" Cried Imhotep as they all jumped on her. "Trying to steal MY rotting corpse of a man! DIE!" Anck-su-Namun slapped her.

Imhotep got in front of Evy. "Trying to hurt MY concubine!" Imhotep punched her.

Finally, Rick stood up, taking his turn and crying, "CHEATING ON ME!!!" As he said this, he started tickling her underarms.

Imhotep and Anck-su-Namun looked at each other. "What?! That is no punishment! Lemme at her!" Anck-su-Namun cried, grabbing onto Evy's hair and trying to rip it out.

Imhotep and Rick nodded, and both women almost did not notice as Imhotep pulled Anck-su-Namun away from Evy and Rick doing the same to Evy.

Rick continued to tickle Evy, and Imhotep started on Anck-su-Namun.

As they were all occupied, they did not notice the cent cover being pulled open again, and the Med-Jai and the drunkie coming in.

"Hello, chaps!" Cried Jonathan, as he was pushed through. When Ardeth came though, they both stopped in pure shock.

"No one told us the party was in here!" Ardeth said and looked at Jonathan, who nodded.

They got out bottled of Rum and Whiskey and started singing, "Ninety-nine bottles of Rum on the wall!"

Both couples stopped, this time, THEY were speechless, and watched as the two drunken men bounced of the walls.