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I'm so glad that you're back for another chapter! Isn't Sydney the most frustrating character ever with her annoying plan? :P Thanks to all of you that have reviewed! Make sure that you keep those reviews coming!
I hope you enjoy this chapter just as much as I enjoyed writing it! And I hope that everyone has a fun (but safe) New Year's!
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Chapter Six
(A Bitter Song by Butterfly Boucher)
The spring semester passed extraordinarily slowly.
I woke up each morning, determined not to think about Adrian. My brain had other plans, however, and I spent the vast majority of my days thinking about him. Sometime around my birthday, he had stopped sending me messages every single day. I hoped that maybe he had taken the hint and had lost his interest in me.
Even though the thought made me irrationally sad, I knew that it would be for the best. I didn't need to be wishing for him to wait for me to finish school. I didn't need to be wanting to get together with him at all. Rose had said that it would take time to get over him, so I was going to give it some time. I could pull through. I knew that I could.
Lissa and Rose thought that I was ridiculous, but they didn't say anything about it too often, for which I was grateful. I couldn't explain my feelings to myself, so I didn't know how I would even begin going about explaining it to them.
The few times that I did see Adrian (over at Lissa's apartment, usually), I did my best to avoid him or to at least be around other people when he approached me so that we couldn't talk about our date. When he asked if we could talk, I just told him that I was too busy. Hopefully, I would be able to keep that up for a few years. That's clearly how long it was going to take.
For my birthday in February, Lissa got me Disney World tickets. Confused, I asked her about it.
"Oh, we're all going to Disney World in May, after finals are over. You're coming, too." It wasn't a question, and I couldn't help but laugh.
"Who's 'we'?" I asked her.
"Me, Rose, Christian, Dimitri, Eddie, Mason, Jill, and…" She broke off and looked at me guiltily.
"Adrian," I guessed, because no one else would make her pause like that.
She nodded and then spoke firmly. "But you're still coming. And you're going to have fun. No matter what."
"I'm sure I will," I told her. "I've always wanted to go to Disney World."
"Well, now's your chance," she said, thrilled that I didn't throw a fit about Adrian coming along. "And, you get an even bigger break because you're going to share a room with Jill, if you don't mind. Christian and I are rooming together, and so are Rose and Dimitri. Eddie and Mason are getting a room together, and I don't want Jill to be all alone."
I wanted to ask what Adrian was doing, but I didn't. He could have afforded to buy the freaking hotel; he would be fine on his own. Besides, rooming with Lissa's little sister would be nice. I'd met Jill only a handful of times, but I really liked her. She was cheery and kind, with eyes the same shade of Lissa's and light brown hair always curled. She was planning to start Columbia in the fall and be an elementary teacher someday.
"I don't mind rooming with Jill. Do I need to pay you or your parents or…?"
She waved off my offer. "My parents have already paid in full for the room. It's a suite, so you and Jill will each have your own bedroom. But she's super excited to be rooming with you." Lissa rolled her eyes, but it was full of affection for her kid sister. "She adores you."
I adored her as well. She was sweet. "Are you sure I don't need to pay your parents?"
"No way. They said to tell you that having you there to look after Jill will be payment enough. They also said to tell you 'happy birthday' from them."
Lissa's parents liked me, even more than they seemed to like Christian. "That was sweet of them."
"So, you're coming. End of story. You even have first class plane tickets." She handed them over.
I looked down at them in shock. I'd never even dreamed of flying first class. "Liss, the tickets were really enough."
"They're not from me." She looked sheepish. "Adrian told me to give them to you because he didn't think you'd want to see him."
"I can't accept them."
"He also said they're nonrefundable."
I sighed and put the tickets with the ones Lissa had given me. "Fine. At least he's giving me my space now."
"He said that maybe if he gave you space to think, you'd realize how much you miss him."
I narrowed my eyes at her. "Did you tell him anything that I said?"
She looked offended. "Of course not! I wouldn't betray you like that."
Of course she wouldn't. I sighed. "I know. I'm sorry. Tell him 'thank you' for me." I wasn't impolite by any stretch of the imagination.
"I will. Or… you could tell him yourself. Talk to him and realize that your feelings aren't going away."
"I don't need to talk to him to realize that my feelings aren't going away." I felt them all of the time, but I didn't tell her that. She would only encourage me to obey them. "It's going to take some time, but they'll eventually go away. They have to. And maybe it'll go faster now that he doesn't talk to me anymore." I only hoped that the trip to Disney World wouldn't ruin all of the progress that I'd made.
Surely not… there would be plenty of other people there, and Adrian seemed to be giving me space lately. Hopefully that pattern would hold.
March and April seemed to fly by, but perhaps that's because I didn't give myself free time during the day. Free time would lead to me thinking about Adrian, and that would eventually lead to me giving in and getting into a relationship with him. That simply wouldn't do. So, I asked my professor to let me work more hours in the lab. I spent a lot of time studying and even tutoring for some extra money. I hung out with Lissa and Rose, and tried to avoid Adrian at all costs. I started studying for finals early. Anything I could do to stay busy.
Once finals had ended, I went out with Lissa and Rose to celebrate finishing our first year of college. Technically, it was my second year, but I didn't point that out. Even when Rose toasted to 'three more years'. I only had two, but why brag? Besides, I didn't want to jinx it.
Lissa told us to go home earlier than usual so that we could pack our bags. Our flight to Orlando would leave at ten in the morning and take three hours, putting us there at one. Then, we would have to get our bags and go get the rental cars that Adrian and Dimitri had reserved to drive us all around. We would check into our hotel and then go to Downtown Disney to explore and have some dinner. Then, the real fun would begin on Monday, when we planned to visit Magic Kingdom, supposedly the greatest of all Disney World parks.
I had saved packing for the last minute, and for once I was glad that I had procrastinated. It gave me something to do until I was so tired that I had to force myself to shower and brush my teeth before bed. Then, I fell into a dreamless sleep, for which I was also grateful. Lately, I had been dreaming a lot about Adrian.
The next morning, I woke up early and made myself some coffee with the machine that Rose and Dimitri had gotten me for my birthday. I had just moved into my new apartment (still student housing, but better than the dorms), and that coffee machine had been one of the first things that I unpacked. I loved it for its ability to make perfect coffee every time.
Lissa, Christian, Rose, and Dimitri picked me up in Christian's car half an hour later and then we headed for the airport, all of us incredibly excited and talking about all of the things that we wanted to do. I had extensively researched Disney World and I knew what things I absolutely had to do, and also which things I would probably want to skip. I had also transferred a substantial (for me) amount from my savings into my checking account so that I could use it while I was there. I planned on buying several souvenirs.
The airport was crowded, as I knew it would be, but Christian paid a valet to park is car so that we could just get out right in front and walk inside together. Eddie and Mason were already there, along with Jill and Lissa's parents, who had come to see their daughters off. I talked to them for a bit before drifting over to Eddie and Mason, who were just as excited as I was. Even though we were all college kids, we were ridiculously excited for Disney World, and we weren't ashamed of it. We were all still kids at heart and probably always would be.
Adrian was the last one to show up and I stayed as far away from him as I could, rushing to go through security first. Once we'd done that, we sat and waited to board our flight, which was slightly behind. I stayed in a conversation with Rose and Lissa, keeping an eye on Adrian, who was talking with Eddie and Mason. Then, when it was time to board, I eagerly rushed forward. Mason and Eddie, along with Rose and Dimitri, were not in first class, so they had to sit back and wait. I almost felt guilty, because I should have been with them.
There wasn't a huge difference in first class and coach because it was a smaller plane, but first class definitely had more leg room and was a little bit nicer than the back of the plane. I gratefully slid into my window seat and settled in, wondering who my neighbor would be.
It was Adrian.
(Days Go On by Greg Laswell)
I watched him sit down and knew that the shock on my face was probably comical to an outsider.
Adrian looked at me with slightly raised eyebrows. "Problem, Princess?"
"Did you… did you buy me those tickets so that I would be sitting next to you on this flight? Did you plan this?"
"I did, but not for the reason you think. It wasn't to force you to talk to me or anything." He shrugged. "I thought we would have made up by now. I never expected you to be stubborn and not talk to me for months."
"Stubborn?" I'd said it loud enough that a few people looked over at me curiously and I blushed.
"Yes, stubborn." His green eyes danced with amusement, but there was also a sadness there that didn't fit with his personality.
"I'm not stubborn," I said, forcing myself to remain quiet. "I just don't want to be with you."
"Don't you?" He said it as if he'd plucked it directly from my mind, and I was aggravated because he was onto something. I just couldn't let him know that.
"Thanks for the tickets, but this doesn't mean we're getting together." I turned to stare out the window, wondering how I was going to make three hours pass when he was sitting right next to me. Especially when all I could think about was our kiss by that tree back in December.
Again, as if reading my mind, he leaned close to me. I could smell his divine, expensive cologne. Then he whispered, his breath tickling my ear. "I'm not an idiot. I'm actually very good at reading people. That kiss meant something to you, just like it did to me. I have no idea why you're denying that to yourself, but the sooner you stop, the sooner you can be happy with me."
I didn't look at him. I knew that he would be giving me that intense look that made me feel like I was burning on the inside. "If that's what you think."
"It's what I know," he said matter-of-factly.
Before I could say anything else, the plane door was closing and the flight attendants began going through the safety protocols. I pretended to pay attention, even though I'd heard the speech a few times before and wasn't too worried about it. Flying wasn't my favorite thing in the world, but most of the flights that I'd had as an adult hadn't been too bad. I just hoped that this one didn't take the full three hours, because I didn't know what would happen if I had to be stuck next to Adrian for that long.
As the plane began to take off into the air, I gripped my arm rests, letting out a breath.
It's going to be okay. Soon, you'll be up in the air at a cruising altitude and it's going to be fine.
But as the plane was still rising, there was a big blast of wind and the plane shook.
I took a sharp intake of breath and gripped the armrests even tighter, terrified.
Adrian grabbed my hand and I squeezed it reflexively, holding on for dear life. Only when the plane had righted itself and we'd been cruising for a full three minutes did I realize that I was still holding his hand. I hastily released it, blushing.
He was unaffected, expression full of concern that he shouldn't have had. I wasn't his responsibility. "Are you okay?"
Since I'd squeezed his hand so tightly, I felt like I at least owed him an explanation. "I'm not crazy about flying. Too many physics problems involving planes, I guess." But there was more to it than that. Being so high up with absolutely no control… it freaked me out. It had always freaked me out.
Adrian seemed to know there was more to it, but he didn't say anything about it. "I suppose that would do it. Do you feel okay? Not lightheaded or anything?"
"No." His concern was touching and my guard went down for a moment. Long enough for me to notice how attractive he still was. His chestnut hair was as stylishly messy as always, and he was dressed casually in jeans and a green cotton tee that brought out the color of his eyes. He was, of a certainty, one of the most gorgeous guys on the planet. Much to my aggravation. He would have been so much easier to resist if he'd been ugly.
Adrian seemed to realize that my guard was down, so he took the opportunity to lean a little closer so that he could whisper to me. "I wish you could just let yourself try a relationship with me. I wouldn't push for anything that you don't want. We don't have to move fast. I just want to be with you. And I'm pretty sure you want to be with me, too."
Oh, how badly I did. But I stayed strong and shook my head. "I can't."
He raised an eyebrow. "Can't isn't won't. What do you mean, you can't? It's actually pretty easy. We go out to dinner and I pay. We go watch a movie or go to the park or just hang out at my apartment. We hold hands and kiss and… maybe other things, whenever you're ready for that. I introduce you to people as my girlfriend, you introduce me as your boyfriend and bam. Relationship. I don't see how there's anything there that you physically can't do."
"I have a plan." I had no idea why I was even explaining it to him. I just couldn't stand the thought of him hurting because of me. "I made it when I was in high school. Study hard, do volunteer work, save money, and get into an Ivy League college. I did that. Now, the plan is to finish my chemistry degree at Columbia and apply for the Rhodes Scholarship. Once I get it, I'll go and get my masters at Oxford. Then I'll try to start dating while I get my doctorate degree. There's no time for a relationship right now."
He blinked slowly, almost as if he couldn't believe what he was hearing. "So, you're saying that you can't have a relationship with me not because you don't feel anything for me, but because you have a plan? Like your obsessive cleaning chart?"
I was immediately defensive. "The plan has worked so far, okay? I'm going to graduate from Columbia with my degree and then I'm going to go to Oxford. I can't let you get in the way of that. I won't."
Adrian just looked confused. "I'm not planning to stop you. Finish your degree, by all means. I have a year left of mine and I have every intention of finishing it. I know that a degree is important. And if you want to go to Oxford, then go to Oxford. I'll come with you. I can paint from anywhere."
I shook my head. He needed to understand what I was saying. "I'll be busy. I need to focus on my degree. Oxford focuses a lot on research, so I'll be in the lab all the time. And I need to keep a perfect GPA."
He shrugged as if it wasn't a big deal. "Then I'll just visit on the weekends. I don't mind the flying, unlike you, apparently. Problem solved."
I was growing frustrated. "Problem not solved."
"You're seriously telling me that you have feelings for me, but you won't act on them because of some stupid plan that you made up in ninth grade," he growled.
"Eighth," I corrected.
He rolled his eyes. "Even worse. You weren't even in high school back then."
"But that plan got me through high school and into an Ivy League college. Where I'm from, that's a big deal. Especially because I got a full ride. And I'm going to do everything I need to do to keep it. Including not letting myself get distracted by a relationship."
"I distract you?" he asked and seemed almost pleased by this.
I was frustrated. "You're not getting it."
"No, I get it," he clarified. "I just think it's insane. Why are you so afraid to feel? You're hiding behind this stupid plan and I don't understand why. Be brave. Feel all of the feelings. Act on your feelings. Everything can still work out for the best."
"I'm sticking to the plan," I said firmly. "You're not going to change my mind."
After a few moments, he must have seen that I was serious. Sighing, he faced forward. "Fine."
I contemplated giving him the "let's just be friends" speech, but decided that it wasn't the right time. Besides, I didn't even know how to give that speech. I had no experience; I'd only seen it done in movies and read it in books. I would probably make a mess of it, just like I had only moments before. Better to give it time and see what happened.
The rest of the flight was uneventful and the landing was nice and smooth, just what I wanted. We got off of the plane, collected our baggage, and then went over to the rental car place so that Adrian and Dimitri could get the cars. We'd let them do it because they were over twenty-one and it was cheaper to do it that way.
I rode with Dimitri, Rose, and Jill, and it took us nearly an hour to get to the Animal Kingdom resort because the traffic was pretty bad from lunch hour. But after arriving at the hotel and seeing the suite I'd be staying in, I knew that it had all been worth it.
The room had a safari view, which meant that we could look out our window or go out onto our balcony and see the animals. The suite itself was nice as well, clean and fancy. It was decorated in an African style and I thought it was pretty cool. So did Jill, if her constant chatter about the room was anything to go by. She was certainly going to be a talkative roommate.
At dinner that evening, I caught Adrian giving those burning, longing looks.
Each time that he did, I had to force myself to look away and not give in.
Stay strong. Believe in the plan.
The stupid, stupid plan.
