Hey guys, sorry this update took a bit longer than usual. I was visiting my girlfriend for a couple weeks but now I'm back! Got this up in time for 3 months without Lexa :(. (But she's alive here!) Hope this one treats you well.


Following breakfast, Clarke returns to her empty room alone. Lexa is in a meeting with the Clan Ambassadors and her Generals to discuss the blockade and Skaikru. No good could ever come out of that, certainly Octavia's name will be hissed several times. Especially by Azgeda, probably not as harsh as Wanheda is hissed but still with an obvious distaste. She should have invited Octavia to her room, to avoid the loneliness and isolation from setting in; but Lexa is right, she needs to talk to her mom alone first.

She lowers onto the large sofa seat with the radio directly in front of her on the table. Her palms sweat lightly when she picks up the speak in her left hand, what if Pike answers? Or Bellamy? She needs to take this chance. Her thumb presses down on the button on the side, bringing the microphone to her lips, "Mom?"

Silence.

"Mom, it's me. Are you there?"

The only sound that can be heard is the faint whine of the radio connection. No voices or recognition from the other end.

"It's Clarke. Is anyone there?"

The speaker slips an inch in her sweaty palm, her heart sinking at the prolonged silence. Maybe there is no one there and she is just speaking into emptiness.

"Clarke? Clarke? Is that you?" Her heart jumps back up in her chest when she hears her mother's voice finally come through.

"Yes, mom. I'm here." She tightens her grip around the hard plastic speaker. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, for now. Are you okay? I have been worried sick since Octavia and Murphy told me you were shot! What the hell happened, Clarke?'

Clarke clicks the button on the side to respond, but her brain catches up with her mouth before she reveals too much. She can't go there, not yet. "There was a... misunderstanding with Titus, Lexa's Fleimkepa."

"A misunderstanding?" Her mom scoffs with a sharp cutting undertone. "A misunderstanding that got you shot and almost killed? I thought the Commander was supposed to be protecting you."

"This was not her fault, mom. Titus shot at me because he was angry at Lexa for not declaring war on Skaikru. Lexa left me in control of his fate, I chose to banish him."

"I still don't know if I can trust her after that." Abby responds instantly as if she didn't listen to a word that her daughter said.

"Well I do," Clarke states defensively. "And you should too."

The other end is quiet for a moment before her mom changes the touchy subject, "did Octavia and Lincoln make it safely? They left a couple of days ago with Indra, we just haven't heard anything."

"They are more than safe," Clarke informs her mom proudly. "Lexa appointed Lincoln as the new Fleimkepa to replace Titus. And Octavia is recognized as Trikru now. She no longer wished to be affiliated with the people there." Gradually her voice falls resentful, remembering those responsible for this situation.

"I figured that would be the case. What about you?"

The question catches her off guard, she hadn't suspected that her mom was aware that she was doubting her loyalties. Her mom must have picked up on the bitterness and resentfulness glaring through her voice. Clarke holds down the button with her mouth open but nothing comes out. She releases the button; her eyes fall shut as her mind battles itself. "How is everything there? Is Kane okay?"

"Marcus is fine...for now. Thankfully he wasn't sentenced to death. We just need to get him out of there. Pike is gaining too much power. And people are in the City of Light or something."

Clarke grins, she can practically hear her mom rolling her eyes as she mutters about the City of Light. "I know, Octavia told me about the City of Light situation. Lexa has some questions for you about that and…Polaris"

"Polaris?" Her mom's voice perks up. "As in the Thirteenth station from the Ark?"

"Yes. The escape pod is here in Polis, Murphy found it actually. I saw it, it's really it."

"Wow," her mom draws out the vowel, "I mean I guess it is possible. I knew that one woman escaped before the thirteenth station was blown up. I just didn't imagine she could have made it. Or whatever happened."

"What did happen, mom?"

"I know bits and pieces, Jaha or Kane know better than I do. I suppose I can ask one of them and I can tell the Commander if you need me to."

"Please, the information will benefit both ends." It is evident from her mom's displeased tone that speaking with Lexa is going to be a chore.

A couple clicks of the radio and pensive taps of fingers come before her mom gives in. "Give me a couple of hours to talk to them. Can I radio you back once I'm alone again?"

"Yes, I'll let Lexa know."

"Be safe, Clarke. You have to look out for yourself."


As Farho leaves the room with a final huff and stomp of his feet, the Commander rises from her throne. "Lincoln." The cleanly shaven man turns towards her, the light beard is now gone from his face and he has replaced his old worn down clothing with fresh ones from Polis. "Have you finished reading the Fleimkepa book?"

"Yes, Heda. I spent last night reading it." He slips the brown book out of his new dark maroon jacket. "I knew much about the workings of the conclave because of…" Lincoln stops himself before that name tumbles out of his mouth. A name that is rarely muttered by anyone, especially around their Heda.

"Luna," the Commander finishes for him, her eyes averting to an empty seat on the right side of the room. It's been years since she has allowed that name to roll off her tongue.

The muscles in Lincoln's neck tense, giving a shake and uncertainty to his voice, "Yes. She told me while she was in training. I had more questions regarding the flame."

The Commander's chin lifts up and intersecting Lincoln's attentive eye, silently urging him to continue. "The flame, it's the Commander's spirit?"

"Sha. It's how the Commanders' spirit is passed on and how we connect with the Hedas that came before."

He flips open the book to a page marked with a thin black string, drawings of a chip with the infinity symbol cover the pages. "How does it work?"

"The Flame?"

Lincoln nods, his eyes respectfully centering back on the Commander and leaves the book open in his hand to refer back to the notes for necessary clarification.

"They communicate with me, usually through dreams or when I meditate." As expected, Lincoln's eyes glaze over in a state of disbelief or confusion. "They give me guidance. Mostly, I feel their memories, you could say. Some can be a bit unclear. In my dreams I can usually see them."

"And this will choose the next Commander as the conclave?"

"Yes. Aden will most likely succeed me, he is the most promising Natblida."

A smile broadens across his face, recognizing the potential in the young Natblida yesterday. "The boy has strong combat skills for his age. He will be an excellent warrior and Heda, if that day is to come."

In her head, the Commander alters the if to when. That day will come. "Are there any other questions that you have? Do you understand the Natblida training process?" She spins around, rolling her head to indicate Lincoln to follow her out on to her balcony.

"I think I understand their needs and expectations during their Heda training."

The streets of Polis are bustling far below them; citizens appear as small as ants weaving through the markets from vendor to vendor. "No more jus drein jus daun." With that, the Commander twists her head to her Fleimkepa admiring the view next to her, waiting until he meets her eye. "After my death, this new way must be passed on to achieve our goal of lasting peace."

"Jus nou drein jus daun," flows loftily through his upturning lips as he holds the Commander's penetrating green orbs.

Another matter that she wishes to speak to Lincoln with fills her mind. She rips her eyes away from him, feeling exposed already. "In your readings you came across 'love is weakness'?"

"Yes," is spoken weaker than usual.

"And you don't agree with that?"

He clears his throat to shove potency back into it, "I have always seen love as strength, Heda. But-"

"Good," her voice cuts him off sharply. "I wish that love is weakness is no longer taught and instilled in the Natblidas. That is not something I wish to carry onto the future."

Lincoln's eyes shoot back to the Commander's face, unsure if he heard correctly. The tenseness of her jaw and her eyes fixated away from him in the distance confirm the uneasiness of this request. "The Natblidas will no longer be taught that love is weakness, Heda. I will make notes of my teachings in the book."

"This leads to another matter I must discuss with you." She swallows hard, sensing Lexa slip through the Commander. "Clarke is special to me," comes out as a soft whisper.

His eyes amplify at the admission, yet does not appear overly surprised. He speaks each word cautiously, seemingly worried that he could cross a line or unleash the menacing Commander from Lexa. "Is that why Titus…."

"Yes," she answers quickly before she has to hear accusations. Is that why Titus shot Clarke? Attempted to kill her? Because you love her? The voice torments in her head, churning the culpability in deep pits of her stomach "He saw love as weakness. And that Clarke was clouding my judgement, that she was a bad influence on me. Do you believe Clarke to be a weakness of mine?'

"No, Heda." He shakes his head, forcing himself not to drop his head and shrink back at the distantly accusatory tone. "I believe she has challenged you as a leader and given you the courage to change the harsh ways of our people. Both of you have made brave decisions as leaders."

Lexa regains some of her composure as the Commander when she forces her shoulders back to stand tall and stare intimidatingly at Lincoln. "Unlike Titus, will you protect Clarke?"

"As you ordered me to at Mount Weather." Lincoln answers without missing a beat, backing Lexa's memory to that day. During their march to the Mountain she sent for Clarke, thinking that the leaders should march together. The other part of her needed Clarke by her side, to be near her and protect her. When she was forced to find another way into Mount Weather and leave Clarke's side, she only trusted Lincoln to keep her safe.

The Commander returns to staring out over the dark forest trees and mountains in the distance. "Clarke's life comes before mine. As my Fleimkepa you protect the flame, Clarke and then me. I need you to swear it to me, Lincoln." Her eyes snap back to him, conveying the seriousness of her demand.

"I vow to protect Clarke Griffin with my life." He bends his head and drops his shoulders in a bow, practically mirroring the oath that Lexa had requested from the Natblidas.

Rotating back to overlook Polis, the Commander nods in acceptance of his vow. "Mochof, Fleimkepa. For now, my…relationship with Clarke stays private. Octavia and Indra are aware, but until matters settle with Arkadia, I do not wish to endanger Clarke anymore. Being Wanheda and a member of Skaikru make her a target as is."

"I would never reveal your private life without your permission. As Commander, you deserve privacy as well."

Does she deserve this privacy? The Commander is supposed to belong to their people. This is not a struggle that Lexa wishes for future Commanders, as long as they can separate feelings from duty. She barely turns her head, only peering at Lincoln out of the corner of her left eye. "The Natblidas will be looking for you. If you plan on doing combat training with them later, you may bring Octavia. Her skills could be refined since Indra is currently unable to teach her. It will be good for the Natblidas to observe you and Octavia interact as you teach them love is strength."

His eyes sparkle under the compliment and he grins, "Mochof, Heda." After lowering his head respectfully, Lincoln leaves Lexa alone on the balcony.

Shortly after, the Commander departs her throne room. In the open hall, Lincoln's back is to her as he engages in a conversation with someone she doesn't need to see. The raspy voice had carried into her ears before she reached the doors and had her stomach flipping. After a squeeze on her shoulder, Lincoln steps around Clarke to proceed down the hall.

"Hey," Clarke says once their gazes converge and Lexa moves forward, her eyes dropping to the plate pilled with food in Clarke's hand. "I went down to the markets to get some lunch and I didn't know if you had eaten yet, so I got you some."

Lexa smiles, accepting the plate being offered to her, having to resist the urge to peck her lips. "Thank you that was very thoughtful of you."

"Are you done with meetings for the day?"

Lexa nods, strolling towards the stairwell to the left. "Speaking with Lincoln was my last one. Were you able to contact your mother?"

The heart felt green eyes gazing at her prompts Clarke that Lexa is asking her, not the Commander. "Yes, we talked for a bit. She left to go talk to Kane and Jaha to gather information on Polaris, so that she could talk to you about it."

"Thank you, Clarke. I hope this information will benefit both our people."

"Me too, my mom said she would try to radio us back in a couple of hours. We should probably wait in my room for her to call back. Unless you would rather have the radio be moved to your room?"

"Your room is fine, Clarke."

They reach the top of the winding stairwell and hang a right down the corridor. A tingle runs up Lexa's right arm when their hands accidentally graze against each other. The discreet bashful smile on Clarke's lips and the nearly empty corridor gives Lexa the courage to nudge her pinky against Clarke's to hook them together.

"How were your meetings?" Clarke asks, trying to slow her stuttering heart that was spurred by the unexpected touch. The guards by Lexa's room don't dare to glance at them as they pass by.

"As expected." Lexa breathes out, as if she is bored simply thinking about the meetings. "Uneventful."

"Really?" An eye brow arches as Clarke looks over at Lexa, unhooking their pinkies from each other "Nothing from the ambassadors about Octavia?"

Before Clarke has the chance to, Lexa holds the door open for her. "There were a few, all from Azgeda. Like I said, as expected."

Amused smirks split across both of their faces while the door slides shut behind Lexa. Clarke bites down lightly on her lip, a small laugh bubbling through. It's a rare occurrence to hear the Commander make light of things, an opportunity that Clarke has been graced with more and more.

Clarke settles down on the smaller of the two sofa chairs, watching as Lexa sets down the plate of food on the table next to the radio to strip off her commander gear. A quiet growl rumbles in Lexa's stomach as she plops down to begin eating. With the first bite of the golden potatoes, Lexa knows exactly which vendor they are from. An older woman named Niola has been cooking food at the same spot, not too far away from the tower, for as long as she can remember. It was Ayna's favorite, after a day of training they would go there together. The potatoes were always crisp with a light dash of rosemary. Lexa glances up to see Clarke undoing the sling from around her neck.

"How are you feeling?"

"A lot better, the pills have been helping." Clarke carefully lifts her right arm away from her body, testing her range and ability. "I think that I can take my arm out of the sling at least."

Lexa's eyes flicker from Clarke's cautiously bending arm, up to her face, surveying the movement and any signs of discomfort. There is an instinctive urge to interject with questions about the certainty of her healing improvement. However, Lexa knows better; she would have taken the sling off herself days ago. "Good, I'm glad it is healing."

"Clarke?" Both of their eyes snap to the radio on the table between them.

Clarke yanks the speaker up to her face. "Yes, mom. Lexa is here with me."

"Hello, Commander." Every syllable is enunciated clearly and stiffly.

With a little hesitation, Clarke hands the speaker across the table to Lexa. "Just press here when you want to speak," Clarke instructs by hoovering her finger over the side button.

Although Lexa observed Clarke using the foreign gadget, by pressing the rather large button on the side, something inside her instinctively knew. Almost like a distant memory of hers. "Hello, Abby. Thank you for agreeing to speak me."

"Anything to help this situation, even if that means sharing information with the Commander who failed to keep my daughter safe."

Lexa's lips part as her jaw falls open, no sound come out as she holds the speaker in her hand. Her eyes droop, feeling heavy with guilt and inflicted pain. She can't even look at Clarke as the harsh self-blaming comes rolling back. It's her fault Clarke got shot. It's her fault that Clarke could have died.

Clarke springs to her feet and pulls the speaker out of Lexa's slacked grip. "Mom, I told you that this was not her fault. If anyone, blame Skaikru and Pike." Her hand slides into Lexa's as she drops down on the large sofa seat next to her.

A long moment passes before her mom sighs heavily, "You're right, Clarke. I'm sorry, Commander. I have just been worried about my daughter."

The Commander holds open her right palm, silently requesting the speaker from Clarke. "It is okay, Abby. Your anger is justified. Since the incident, I have increased the guards for Clarke to ensure her safety even more. As my new Fleimkepa, Lincoln has sworn to keep Clarke safe and protected."

Clarke's eyebrows raise, glancing over at Lexa's profile as a thumb brushes over hers. "I trust Lincoln to do so. I suppose Clarke is safer there than she is here."

"Mom, did you learn anything about Polaris?" Clarke grabs back the radio, enough of them discussing her safety. There are far more important details to be discussed.

"I did. A woman named Rebecca used Polaris to escape the thirteenth station before it was blown up."

"Becca…" Lexa mumbles, her eyes widen in revelation.

"She was-"

"Hold on, mom." Clarke stops her when Lexa remains in apparent shock with unfocused pupils. "Lexa what is it?"

It takes a couple of seconds for Lexa to regather herself in the present. "Becca…she was the first Commander." Her eyes glide up Clarke's face. "She rarely talks to me but every once in a while she appears in my dreams."

Without looking away from Lexa, Clark squeezes the device. "Becca was the name of the first Commander, tell us everything that you know."

"Holy shit," her mom mutters. "As I was saying, she was a scientist who was focused on building AIs. It is believed that one of her AIs went rogue and set off the nuclear bombs that created this world."

All Lexa hears is bombs as their stare morphs into equal disbelief. AIs? The meaningless jumble of letters sounds vaguely familiar. Lexa blinks rapidly as a haze clouds over her green eyes. A burning sensation flares up the back of the Commander's neck, her right fingers trace over area where the flame lies.

After giving them time to digest the information, Abby resumes, "on the day of the bombs, the thirteenth station refused to join the ark and that's when Rebecca escaped in Polaris. It was presumed that she died when she got to Earth, but…"

"The Earth was actually survivable and she became the first Commander," Lexa expands with a small incredulous shake of her head. Everything makes sense now. The large sketch in the sacred room, Becca descending from Polaris from the Sky. English being the natural language of the Commanders.

"What will this mean, Commander?"

Lexa nudges Clarke gently and the speaker is passed into to the Commander's asking hand. "Clarke will be teaching the Nightbloods this new information so it will be passed down." The couple shares a small knowing smile with each other that this will help their someday. "Some others might not take this information well; they will probably not believe it at first. I believe in the end it will help Skaikru be more accepted in the Collation if we are ever able to reach that point again."

"I hope we are able to, we are doing what we can. I think they just need time to realize their mistake, hopefully. Now people are distracted by Jaha giving out these pills to the City of Light."

Like the one Murphy had. Is the pill a drug that mentally brings someone to the city of light? "What's going on with that mom? Have you found out much about it?"

"I don't really understand it. I just know that it's not good, it's eliminating essential characteristics of people. Raven can walk again. Jaha-."

Clarke practically snatches the speaker back from Lexa. "Wait, Raven can walk? Is she healed? How is that possible?"

"She's not healed, but the City of Light eliminates her pain. I fear for what it can do to her. It's just not right. Jaha doesn't remember Wells, Clarke," her mom reveals solemnly. "It erases more than just physical pain."

The name sinks Clarke's heart and a nearly healed wound to be torn open, she somehow manages to push a, "what?", through a constricted throat.

"Listen, honey," Abby's voice lowers to a whisper, "I hear Pike and Bellamy coming this way, I need to go."

"Wait, mom!"

"I love you, Clarke. Commander, please keep my daughter safe."

"I will this time, Abby." A promise would sound meaningless, last time she had promised Abby that Clarke would be safe with her and she had failed. Two times. The slowly healing gash above her eyebrow is another painful reminder.

"Mom!" Clarke cries desperately.

The line remains silent, her mom isn't coming back. Clarke releases Lexa's hand and her face drops into both of her hands, a pit enveloping her stomach. What if they heard their conversation? Would her mom be hurt? Be thrown in jail with Kane? Or worse?

"Clarke," Lexa whispers rubbing a hand along her thigh and the other up her back. "Your mom will be okay, she is strong and intelligent. You have the radio now, you can to talk to her if you continue to worry."

Clarke's nods against her palms then sits up with a deep breath sucking through her nostrils. Her head falls against Lexa' shoulder within seconds. Lexa slides her arm up Clarke's back to around her shoulders, drawing her closer. "If it makes you feel any better, we found out vital information about Polaris and Rebecca from her. She even had helpful information about the City of Light."

"I can't believe he forgot Wells," Clarke mumbles. "It hurts but I could never forget him. I wouldn't want to forget him."

Lexa glimpses down at her and strokes her hair. "You cared for this one called Wells."

"Yes." Clarke can hear the slightest change in Lexa's breathing. "But, not in the way you think." Her head rises off her shoulder. "Wells was Jaha's son, he was my best friend since I could remember as a little kid. We played together, I trusted him with everything." The yelling and the screaming, the stab of betrayal rushes back. "Until I thought that he was the one who turned my dad in and got him float. Turns out that he was letting me think it was him and hate him instead of telling me that it was actually my mom who turned my dad in." Tears begin leaking out of her eyes, her bottom lip barely quivers. "He let me hate him until it was too late. Once I forgave him, he was killed. I wasted so much time hating him and being mad at him."

Lexa cups Clarke's tear soaked cheeks and swipes at the streaming drops with her thumbs. "Wells sounded like a selfless, caring friend who cared for you more than he cared for himself. Remember, Clarke, death is not the end. One day you will meet again."

A single sob heaves from Clarke's chest and she rests back against Lexa. "I wasted so much time being mad at you. Hating you. What if I waited until it was too late with you?"

"You didn't," Lexa breathes in deeply, repressing the stinging tears behind her eyes. "We are here together right now, you can't dwell on what if, Clarke. Even if you did stay angry, I would have never stopped loving you."

Clarke shifts her head to peer into Lexa's forest green eyes, only a few stray tears drip down on her face. Leaning in, her lips lightly graze over Lexa's. Neither of their eyes open before their lips meet again and Clarke's lips press harder with the built up emotion and neediness. A shaky hand reaches up to caress Lexa's cheek and pull her mouth closer to deepen the kiss. Lexa's hand glides up her back to between her shoulder blades, guiding her closer. Much to her dismay, Clarke's lungs burn and she has to pull away, breathing in an unsteady breath. Lexa brushes strands of blonde hair, that are stuck to her damp face, behind her ear, allowing her fingers to trace back along her jaw. Clarke falls back against Lexa's embrace; memories of Wells play in her head. With everything that was happening on the ground, she never had the chance to mourn his death.

"Can we just stay like this? For a bit?" Clarke pleads, scooting closer to the comfort and warmth of Lexa's body.

Her left arm wraps back around Clarke's waist, holding her tight. "We can stay like this as long as you like, hodnes"


Translations:

jus drein jus daun: blood must have blood

Jus nou drein jus daun: blood must not have blood

hodnes: love