Hey guys! This chapter is the longest I've written so far. It's the most bittersweet chapter so far, and I trully enjoyed writing it. It hints a lot of things, and I'm sure most of you will figure out at least part of what happened.
Thanks to kryspylove for her guidance. And most of all huge thanks and Rob goodies to my partner in crime: Becca. aka Xshear, who makes boring days turn into Rob-goodness days!! LUV U BIATCH!!
Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN ANY TWILIGHT RELATED CHARACTERS.
August 2014
Bella felt them move the bed, the feeling was confirmed when her vision of the ceiling changed as they transported her to the CAT-scan exam. The morphine was wearing off; as the pain became more noticeable, her mind became clearer. She still heard faint voices of the people around her wheeling her into a strange room, none of them however, were the voice of the angel who kept her calm.
"Where am I?" She asked aloud for the first time.
"You're in the hospital, Isabella," Rogers answered knowing her name from the charts.
"It's Bella, I meant which hospital." Bella answered rolling her eyes.
"Virginia Mason," Rogers replied hotly while eying Evans who looked surprised at Bella's comment.
"Oh, and where are we going?" She tried to look around but the neck brace they had on her prevented her to move.
"We're getting you a CAT-scan; how are you feeling?" Evans asked. Bella noticed his voice was not the one she was looking for.
"I could be better," she replied honestly.
Both interns chuckled. Normally patients were far too disoriented for such cocky comments and humor; they immediately liked her.
"We're here," Rogers announced.
They moved Bella to a much harder bed and instructed her to stay very still, or else they would have to repeat the exam again. As Bella lay on the hard table she recounted everything that had happened, from her incessant working, to the accident, and finally to waking up in the hospital. She recalled the voice of the angel that had kept her from panicking. The voice that seemed so familiar yet so distant; like her mind could just reach out and recognize it, but her foggy mind had not been able to.
Bella cursed the pain and haziness of the medicine that made her unable to remember why the voice seemed so familiar. Instead, it was like her body recognized the tenure even more than her mind could. When the deep velvet tones reached her ears, her body forgot the pain, relief washed over her and despite the panic of the situation she felt like everything would be alright.
Have I finally made myself crazy? Bella thought as the interns came back into the room.
"Ok Bella, everything looked good from what we can see, but let's wait for Dr. Cullen to make sure, alright?" Evans asked as they moved her again.
Cullen?
The name hit Bella like a bucket of ice-cold water; with a name everything suddenly felt into place. The smooth, deep voice that soothed her like no other, the feeling of peace her body felt into, the way it seemed so familiar, so like home but at the same time so foreign and unattainable.
The mere memory of his voice. Knowing that he had been so close and she didn't get a chance to see him, to talk to him, was enough for Bella's eyes to tear up. In a day filled with events and emotions, knowing that Edward had been so close was enough to make Bella loose her composure.
Tears fell from her eyes overwhelmed by the sudden urge to see Edward, and without warning, the recollection of what Bella considered to be one of the happiest days of her life-but never allowed herself to remember- came to the forefront of her thoughts.
Spring 2005
Bella and Edward walked along the Jacksonville Beach Pier. It took several hours to convince Charlie, one of which involved a call from Renee assuring him she would be an impeccable chaperon, for Charlie to let Edward accompany Bella to Jacksonville. The following weeks had been filled with not so subtle threats from Charlie, and one or two speeches from Esme about "meeting the parents."
In the end, Edward knew it was worth it when he saw Bella's face light up at the sight of her mother in the airport terminal. He was then introduced to Renee, who looked like an older version of Bella except for the blue eyes and dirty blonde hair. Her personality, however, was completely opposite from Bella's. It was noticeable in the way Renee never seemed to blush, unlike Bella. Her outgoing personality contradicted Bella's usual shyness. This was proved by the constant chatting she did in the short car ride from the airport to the house.
Bella was very happy to see her mother after such a long time. She never feared that Renee wouldn't approve of Edward, in all honesty Charlie was the hard one to impress and despite his empty threats Charlie liked Edward. With Renee things were simpler, so it was no surprise that as soon as her mother set eyes on Edward she was completely smitten with him. He even blushed at Renee's remarks of his handsome features and impeccable manners; Bella tried not to roll her eyes at her mother's attentions towards Edward but mostly she was happy that she approved their relationship full heartedly.
Edward found the imbalance between Bella and Renee's personalities very interesting. Bella seemed to frequently soothe her mother, while Renee seemed to exalt Bella to the point of exhaustion. Although Edward liked Renee very much, he found himself appreciating Charlie's calm and reserved demeanor. Renee, he found, could be a little overbearing and while she was more "free spirited" than Charlie, the open mind ness came with prying questions about what Edward considered to be private things in their relationship. He discovered this their first morning while going downstairs.
"Come on, sweetheart, you can tell me, is he attentive?" She had asked, "you know, in bed?"
"Mom, pleeaasee," Bella answered nervously.
"Bella, come on, I'm not going to say anything to Charlie," she chuckled, "besides, he told me he thinks you guys are having sex, so-"
"Mom, Edward, is wonderful at everything he does, okay." Bella said trying to end the discussion.
Renee laughed at her daughter's shyness. "Oh, honey, sex is the most natural thing in a relationship. Why, Phil and I are still going through our honeymoon phase-"
"Moooooomm," Bella pleaded.
"Okay, okay, just remember to be safe. You're still to young to be tied down with a baby, learn from my mistake-"
Renee stopped when he heard Edward go down the last steps a little too loudly. He came into the kitchen acting as if he hadn't heard anything at all only to find Bella's face crimson red while Renee offered him breakfast with no dismay or embarrassment.
Edward soon realized that Renee was more of a "best friend" to Bella than a "mother." However, Renee's free personality had allowed him to share a room with Bella while they stayed in Jacksonville; something that warranted no complaints on Edward's part.
Bella had enjoyed her time in Jacksonville, most of her time was spent with Renee, while Edward graciously agreed to stay with Phil so that she could spend more mother/daughter time. She was grateful for this, she truly missed her mom and cherished every moment spent with her, even if it meant more prying and embarrassing questions. So after two days of full Renee time, she had compromised to spend the last day-Saturday- with Edward while Renee and Phil drove to Gains ville for a minor game, they would arrive Sunday morning just in time to drive them to the airport.
That left them free to explore the city at their leisure, after spending the morning buying souvenirs for their loved ones back in Forks, they got some lunch before heading to the early Symphony Orchestra showing. Edward had suggested a quick walk on the beach before they had to call it day.
Strolling around the beach barefoot, holding hands with Edward and conversing about mundane things, Bella took a good look at him. He looked as handsome as ever, wearing dark jeans, with a navy blue button shirt, and a light cream jacket. The wind blew on his hair making it less tamed than it was a second ago, his green eyes sparkled and he smiled at her in that crooked smile that she knew was reserved for her.
At that moment she was convinced her fears were nothing more than insecurities on her part. If wasn't possible that Edward could look at her that way and not love her, no way that he would atone to a whole weekend with Renee if he didn't expect this relationship to last.
Bella was convinced to follow Jacob's advice and talk to Edward about their future together. It seemed pushy to her, the fact that she needed to ask what was going to happen when they both graduated. Nonetheless, Bella was sure that she could never afford to go to Dartmouth as Edward wished; and she wasn't about to make Edward give up his dream just so he could stay at UW with her. After long nights pondering their situation, Bella was convinced that a long distance relationship would be the best route for them.
She had yet to voice these concerns to Edward, telling herself that she was waiting for the right moment. However, the reality was that she had dreaded the conversation. In her mind, the conversation that started as an opportunity to continue their relationship ended with them agreeing it was best to end while they were still ahead. Yet, Bella found hope in the way Edward had been hinting their future.
Just this morning, Bella woke up to light kisses being placed on her shoulder and protective arms circling her waist. She turned to find Edward, his bronze wild hair standing up at odd ends, with a smile on his face.
"Hey," she greeted him sleepily.
"Hi, love." He replied kissing her nose. "Sorry I woke you, it was just to tempting not to kiss you."
"Yeah, I bet it was," she said sarcastically, "What will I do with you Mr. Cullen, when you don't even let me sleep?"
Edward laughed while Bella scooted closed to him; nuzzling his neck she added, "I hope you learn to control your urges soon, or else I will never get my full beauty sleep," she finished dramatically.
"Love, even after fifty years together, I don't think I'll ever be able to control my "urges" for you." He said holding her close.
"Fifty?" Bella asked propping herself up on his chest to look at him directly. "You really think at seventy you'll still be able to please me?" She teased.
"Is that a challenge?" Edward asked arching an eyebrow.
"Are you up for it?" She said wiggling her eyebrows and biting her lip.
Edward replied by grabbing her hips and turning them over while Bella giggled excitedly. He spent the next two hours proving her just how much he could please her. After days like this, Bella felt stupid for doubting Edward.
It's going to take some work, but I'll do anything to make Edward happy. Bella thought as they sat on one of the benches of the pier.
It was twilight, the sun was making its slow descent into the water creating a wonderful orange haze over the clouds and water contrasting beautifully with the blue sky. A light breeze soothing the humid warmness of the beach; Edward sat facing the sunset with Bella over his lap, his light jacket over her shoulders guarding her from the chilly breeze. Neither of them spoke, enjoying the comfortable silence interrupted only by the sound of the light waves reaching the beach.
Edward was engrossed in the moment, ever since the day he had blurted out "Marry me," he had thought endlessly about how to make it right. He had even gone as far as to beg Alice for help. They had decided that a nice dinner-date in Seattle after graduation would be the best way for him to propose.
Nevertheless, Edward still carried the ring everywhere he went, in case that the right moment came up. Now in front of this beautiful sunset, with Bella looking breathtaking in her light blue sundress, her long chocolate hair moving with the wind and her deep brown eyes twinkling with sparks of orange courtesy of the setting sun; Edward knew there would never be a more perfect moment than this.
"Bella." He whispered getting her attention.
When she turned to look at him- her eyes full of love and admiration- he felt a wave of nerves wash over him.
Damn it, Edward! Get it together! You can do this. His thoughts screamed at him.
"Edward, are you okay?" Bella asked palming his cheek, "You look really pale."
"Yeah, don't worry." He said nonchalantly talking her hand from his cheek and holding it tightly.
What's wrong? He was fine a minute ago. Bella asked herself.
"Bella, I've been thinking about us, and graduation…" He started looking at their intertwined hands.
This time, it was Bella's turn to turn ghostly pale. Oh my God, here it comes, he's gonna break up with me.
"and, I've realized that every single plan I have... includes you, that I want to be with you for the rest of my life." He looked up to meet her panicked eyes.
Edward fumbled with the jacket draped over her, reaching for the left pocket he took out a small black box. Bella's eyes widened, her mouth falling open in shock.
Edward chuckled nervously at her expression. Here goes nothing.
Opening the box, Edward revealed a simple delicate ring with a round diamond centered around a golden band engraved with tiny diamonds. Bella was too shocked to comment on anything, her head kept drifting from the exquisite ring to Edward's nervous features.
Finding courage he knew he possessed, Edward took the ring from the box and held it with his thumb and forefinger.
"Isabella Swan?" He asked looking into her eyes, she was mesmerized by the emotion she saw there, "I promise to love you forever- every single day of forever. Will you marry me?"
It took Bella a whole second for the question to fill her brain. The shock, fear, happiness, and above all, the love she felt in that second rivaled nothing else in her life. She knew things wouldn't be easy; she knew they were still to young, to naive to actually make this work. But she also knew none of it mattered. She loved Edward; more- she was sure- than any other person in the planet had ever loved. So, if by some happy coincidence he loved her too, then nothing would stop them.
There were many things she wanted to say in that moment, some very cheesy and some sarcastic and witty; but rather than try to convey the range of emotions she felt, she decided to answer with the only thing her mind scream at her.
"Yes."
August 2014
"Bella, are you okay? Are you in pain?" Rogers asked worriedly, interrupting her thoughts.
Bella looked up at him confused before realizing where she was. "Oh, yes, sorry… I guess the weight of what happened finally kicked in." She replied wiping the stray tears away.
Both interns nodded, looking warily at each other. Without another word they wheeled her into another ER room.
"So, this Dr. Cullen, who is he?" She tried to ask as nonchalantly as possible, in reality her heart ached for any information she could get on Edward.
"Dr. Cullen, he's the on-call Resident, don't worry he's really good." Evans answered as they entered the little room.
Bella saw Rogers smirk at Evans' comment, and she didn't miss him whisper "Suck up" under his breath.
"You don't like Dr. Cullen?" Bella asked slightly amused.
The intern didn't look embarrassed of Bella catching his little comment, "He's a good doctor, its just this one has a crush on him." He said patting Evans' back after they settled her in the new bed.
Bella giggled at Evans chagrined expression. "Don't listen to him, he's a jerk who doesn't know what he's talking about." He replied eying Roberts pointedly.
"Please Evans, save it, we all know about your little "man crush" on Dr. Cullen, as if he doesn't get enough attention from the nurses," Roberts replied with a bitter tone.
Yep, its definitively Edward. Bella thought highly amused by her doctor's interactions.
"Okay, enough. Bella, we are going to ask you some routine questions, okay?" Evans asked.
"Can I sit up?" Bella asked from the bed, she was starting to feel very uncomfortable in her position. Her hands went to the neck brace trying to find a way to remove it.
"Sorry, no-can-do, at least until Dr. Cullen comes in and gives the okay," Roberts said moving her hands to her sides.
Bella huffed at him, "Fine."
"Feisty, aren't we?" Roberts teased.
Is he flirting? Oh my God, is this guy for real?
Bella didn't answer not wanting to give him to get any ideas, she just rolled hey eyes and waited for the questions to begin.
**
Edward hanged up the phone, trying his best not to look affected by the one-sided conversation he just had with Jacob Black.
Married, he's married to another woman?
I was sure; he would step in as soon as I left Forks.
Not wanting to waste time, or bring unwanted memories in his brain Edward turned to the receptionist.
"Make sure you have all the paper work settled for this patient." Edward said to the receptionist handing her the insurance card back.
"Sure thing, Dr. Cullen." She replied batting her eyelashes.
Edward tried his best not to roll his eyes, after giving her a weak smile he left to find the results of Bella's CAT-scan. When he finally analyzed the scans, he was relieved to find that she had no serious internal injuries; like he suspected, one her lungs had been punctured because of the impact, however the chest tube would help drain the lung. She would have to stay in the hospital for a few days in observation, the chest tube could lead to potential infections and there could always be complications.
After scrutinizing every single scan, Edward felt confident enough to move her to the surgical floor. In all honesty, she wasn't very beaten up and could probably be moved to internal medicine. However, he didn't feel comfortable passing her care to another section of the hospital. No one would question his motives, so without second thought, Edward assigned Bella's transfer to a private room in the surgical floor.
When Edward realized he couldn't postpone it anymore. He went to check up on Bella; they were in another little emergency room, Bella was still lying flat on the bed with the neck brace in place, both interns were asking protocol questions. Roberts doing the physical exam as Evans wrote in the chart. Edward leaned against the doorframe letting them run the show.
He looked at Bella who looked annoyed at the attention; Edward remembered all the times she hated coming to the ER to answer the same questions and how she would beg to be released as soon as possible.
"Okay, done with family history, on to the accident. Bella, do you remember what happened?" Evans asked.
"I was very tired- I hadn't slept in two days- so, I guess I felt asleep on the wheel and before I knew it I crashed."
"Do you remember hitting your head?"
"No, but I hit something from the side." Bella said with a wince.
"Okay, lets check for reflexes," Evans replied.
Roberts stepped in, flashing her eyes with a penlight. Bella sighed; she was starting to get very annoyed at the whole situation.
They already know what is wrong with me, what's the point?
Trying to distract herself from the annoying task at hand Bella tried to think about what would happen when she finally saw Edward. She felt butterflies in her stomach at that thought; talking to him wouldn't be easy, that was for sure. Yet, she would give anything for one chance to explain the reasons behind her actions all those years ago.
While her mind considered the possible scenarios of the conversation she longed to have with Edward, Roberts had been examining her reflexes; he moved to her bare feet and using a pen to check for sensory response he traced the outline of the pen on the sole of her foot. Startled at the unexpected contact, Bella's first instinct was to kick her leg up, unintentionally kicking Roberts' jaw.
"Umf" Roberts quickly stepped away accidentally tripping over a table with bandages, when he hit the ground the impact made him bite his lower lip drawing blood instantly. He groaned in pain, his hand flying to his mouth.
Great! Even strapped to a bed I managed to cause some sort of accident. Nice one Bella! If she could, Bella would've given anything to run away and hide in embarrassment; she could feel the blush in her cheeks.
Edward, who had witnessed the whole scene, couldn't hold his laughter. Evan's quickly joined in while Roberts stood up and nursed his bleeding lip. Stepping into the room, Edward grabbed Roberts' face to look at cut.
"You shouldn't have leaned in that close, you never know how the patient might react," he chucked. "Evans, stitch him up, I'll finish this," he added.
Bella's heart-which was being monitored by a machine since they settled her- spiked up at the sound of Edward's laugh. Now, that she was aware of whom the voice belonged to, she felt silly for not recognizing it earlier.
Moving her head around, she realized she still couldn't see him because of the limitations on her neck. She heard him move into the room, and then usher the interns outside.
The air in the room stiffened remarkably, the tension so palpable it was hard for Edward to move. Finding the courage he didn't know possessed, he stepped into Bella's line of vision.
When her light brown eyes met his green ones, he immediately felt his heart skip a beat and his stomach dip with emotion. He found himself unable to say anything. She looked so vulnerable and so beautiful at the same time; struggling for something to say he heard her break the silence.
"Can I sit up?" She whispered.
Not trusting his voice, he nodded. With knowing fingers he pushed the right buttons on the bed to move her to a sitting position. It took a few torturous seconds for the bed to reach the correct position. When it finally did, Bella winced at the strain in her neck, her hands moving automatically to it.
"Let me check that," he said.
Edward sat on the edge of the bed, wanting more than anything to feel her close. After he removed the contraption, his expert hands gently examined her neck. Bella closed her eyes at the contact; the traitorous heart monitor announcing the thrill of his touch.
Edward couldn't help it, the familiar feeling of her warm skin on his cold hands made him forget he was her doctor. Without regard to his inappropriate touch, he kept one hand gently on her neck while the other one moved to her cheek.
Bella leaned into his touch; the feeling of completeness was not lost to her. Edward allowed himself to really look at her for the first time since he saw her in the ER. Her hair was longer, fuller, and it curled at the ends; her face was thinner, more delicate than it was when she was younger, it made her cheekbones and eyes a lot more prominent than he remember; her lips looked exactly the same, and even if her eyes were closed he knew they held the same light in them. She looked older, but so much more attractive than he remembered, she wasn't old at all, but she looked like a woman instead of a teenager. Edward had never been more attracted to someone in his entire life.
He pressed the hand on her cheek just a little bit harder, not wanting the illusion of her to go away. Not caring if his touch was unwanted, he moved his thumb gently over her slightly parted lips. They felt just as soft as he remembered.
"Hello, Bella." He heard his voice say, he didn't even register his brain making the command.
Bella's eyes snapped up at the sound of her name on his lips. She had been so engrossed on his touch that she had neglected his sight out of fear she would wake up from an amazing dream. Nonetheless, the moment her eyes captured his green ones, she knew her vivid imagination could ever conjure such a wonderful shade of green. His bronze hair was as wild as ever, a little shorter than it had been when they were still together; while he didn't look old, the consequences of his stressful job had begun to leave slight marks on his eyes making him look wiser and still very attractive; his strong jaw was still visible under the faint stubble. Bella noticed these differences immediately, but under all of them, she still saw Edward and for the first time in a long time she genuinely smiled.
"Hello, Edward," she replied.
Her smile brightened the room, the tense atmosphere disappearing, keeping his hands on her Edward smiled too. The moment was perfect, their connection felt stronger than ever, his simple touch was enough to make Bella realize the love she once felt for him was still there, never forgotten or replaced, just buried deep within her because of the pain his absence made her feel.
Giving herself into the moment Bella didn't care if it had been years since they had seeing each other; shutting her eyes she leaned in slowly, closing the gap between them and ignoring the searing pain in her neck and torso. Edward felt her shift, instinctively his hand moved to her hair, threading his fingers in it as she moved closed to him. He started to lean in, anticipating the kiss his body ached for.
"No, I will see her NOW." Jacob's voice bellowed in the hallway.
Snapping out of his trance, Edward swiftly untangled himself from Bella and practically jumped from the bed. It took Bella, half a second to process what had happened; disappointment ran over her as she saw Edward stiffen at her bedside and his demeanor changing instantly.
Not a second had passed when Jacob blazed through the door. "Bells?" He asked in a panic.
Bella was too disappointed to answer, her eyes were locked in Edward's form, who in turn, wouldn't look up from her chart. Before she knew it Jacob was at her side pulling her into a painful hug.
"Arg, Jake, it hurts!" She screamed in pain.
Jacob promptly released her, with tears in his eyes he looked at her apologetically. "I'm so sorry, Bells."
"Mr. Black, I told you to wait for the doctor!" the receptionist scolded, "I'm sorry Dr. Cullen, this man just won't see reason."
Edward nodded, dismissing her with his hand. He was afraid to look up, he has sure the disappointment he felt was written all over his face. He felt the receptionist leave and shut the door with force. He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose.
Great. You've seen her for five minutes and already made a fool of yourself. Before Edward could chastise himself even more, his thoughts were interrupted by sweet voice.
"How are you feeling, Bella?"
Edward looked up to see a tall blonde woman lean over the other side of Bella's bed. He assumed she was Jacob's wife. He was surprised to find she was quite attractive herself; impressed by Jacob's luck Edward allowed himself to glance at the man he was never comfortable with.
Jesus, he's huge!
Edward noticed Jacob had grown even more since they last saw each other, even sitting in Bella's bed, he knew he would be taller than him and he looked as bulky as Emmett.
"In pain," Bella replied honestly.
On cue, Edward went into "doctor mode." Clearing his throat he felt Jacob's stare on him.
"Bella has a collapsed lung that we're draining with a chest tube," Edward said indicating the tube going out of Bella's robe. "She's got two broken ribs, and some bruising, but other than that she's okay. She'll have to stay here for a couple of days while we drain the lung." He finished looking directly at Vanessa, who was the only person in the room whom he had no problem with.
"How much is a couple of days?" Jacob asked, Edward had no choice but to look at him.
"Three days…Five tops," he replied, "of course, depending on her not getting any infections."
Jacob opened his mouth but was interrupted by a knock on the door. Roberts stepped in, his lip stitched up and slightly swollen.
"You look weak, but you sure carry a kick," Roberts commented, unaware of the tension in the room.
Bella blushed ready to apologize but Jacob cut her off, "She's got a mean punch too."
Bella glared at Jacob, while Vanessa giggled, "I don't find that hard to believe at all" Roberts replied.
"Is there something you wanted Dr. Roberts?" Edward interrupted angrily.
"Um, yeah, Shelly said Mr. Black still needed to sign some paperwork."
Jacob nodded standing up, he looked at Edward meaningfully and Edward knew he wanted to talk to him.
"Roberts, move Ms. Swan to her room, and try not to hurt yourself more, I'll accompany Mr. Black to the front desk," Edward ordered.
Bella looked panicked for a moment.
Edward and Jacob together alone, no!
That won't be good.
Instinctively Bella grabbed Jacob's hand giving him a pleading look, to which he replied a simple "Calm down."
Before Bella could protest, both men left the room in haste. Once outside, Jacob wasted no time, "Thanks."
Edward eyed him curiously as they strolled down the hallway, "For what?"
"For telling me she was okay, and for treating her." Jacob replied honestly.
"It's my job."
"Yes, but," Jacob paused, suddenly stopping on his tracks making Edward stop too. "Listen, I'm sorry for what happened, and I'm just grateful you were here tonight to save her."
"It wasn't as bad as it seemed," Edward replied.
"Dude, you don't get it. She means the world to me." Jacob took a step back at Edward's expression. "Not like that, not like before, she's my sister, and I love my wife. I'm just trying to say I'm sorry for what happened with you guys. And thank you for tonight."
Edward was speechless, Jacob's sincerity surprised him, but also brought back memories of what Edward normally avoided with all his willpower.
"Don't forget to sign whatever she needs." Edward said curtly before disappearing into a new hallway leaving Jacob alone in the open area of the hospital.
When he was far enough from Jacob, Edward stepped into the first on-call room he found. After making sure it was locked Edward leaned against the door, sliding on it until he reached the floor. He rested his elbows on his knees, and pressed his palms over his eyes knowing it was to late to suppress his most dreaded memory.
August 2005
Edward pushed the heavy wooden door with much force than necessary. The cold rain instantly hitting his face, his mind screamed for him to get away from this place as soon as possible. The weird "fight or flight" instinct kicking in, not wanting to hurt her for her acts he decided to leave Forks. Making a Bee-line for his Volvo he couldn't look back.
"Edward, please wait!" Bella shouted over the thunder and rain.
The sound of her pleas making his body tense; he found himself unable to go on.
Ignore her, just keep going.
His mind pleaded with him to go on and get into his car, to drive away from the confusion, away from the pain, away from her. But as always when it came to Bella, his heart stopped him from moving.
He turned around to find her a few steps back from him. Her hair soaked, clinging to her face and neck. The mascara-Alice had applied earlier- running in black smudges down her cheeks. Her delicate white dress flowing with the wind and clinging to her skin as the wet fabric made contact with her body.
God, why do I still find her beautiful?
She still looked beautiful in the white dress. Maybe it was because the white wet fabric hugged her body like a second skin, reminding Edward not only of her loveliness but also of his never ending lust he felt for her. Reminding him, of everything the white represented, everything he had longed for.
In another time I would've thanked the vision of her body, not now.
"WHAT?!" He yelled at her.
Edward couldn't control his emotions. All the anger, the lust, and the sheer love- that at this second caused him more pain than anything he ever experienced- confounded his senses. He couldn't understand what he felt. He wanted to shake her! To ask her why she had hurt him so?
Didn't she ever love me?
Bella just stood there. Tears falling freely from her eyes. She was sure her makeup was ruined and very aware that the particular fabric of the dress left nothing to the imagination. She wanted to apologize, to explain to him that she never meant to hurt him. It just happened and she wasn't ready. But no words could describe what she felt, or justify what she had just done.
How can I explain what he now knows?
I don't deserve him.
"Isabella, why?," he questioned, "Just, why? Don't you..." His voice cracked.
He couldn't finish the sentence. A million thoughts running through his mind, and if possible he picked the least important one.
Don't you love me? Don't you want me? Don't you care?
"...Don't you want to marry me?" He finished breaking their gaze.
Edward couldn't look at her. He knew the answer- her actions warranted no words- but he could not find the courage to look at her while she denied her love for him. He did the next thing he could thing of. Clenching his hands so hard they might snap; he closed his eyes and threw his face up. He let the cool rain soothe his features, hoping the little droplets of water would masquerade his own tears.
"Edward, I'm sorry" her voice came out in a whisper.
That was the moment his world crumbled to his feet.
Heartbroken and defeated, Edward nodded and turned around to do the one thing he never though he would. Without glancing back at Bella's crumpled form, Edward walked away from her.
August 2014
That was the last time Edward saw Bella, that same night he packed a few belongings and took a plane to New Hampshire where he had already planned to move with Bella for college.
It was weeks before Edward could get out of his depression, Emmett and Alice who had accompanied him- not wanting him to leave alone- were the ones who finally made him go on with his life.
At first all he knew was anger and disappointment, he never wanted to see Bella again. However, in the back of his mind, the thought that she would somehow appear on Dartmouth and ask him back filled his heart with hope. Even after months of not seeing her, he dreamed she would come to him.
She never did.
After a while, Edward learned not to look for her in the crowds. Not to think of her every second of the day, not to feel tempted to call. She never did, which made things easier for himself. He buried himself in schoolwork, finding routine as his only ally. He made it through a whole year without her before he noticed he didn't really need her to breathe.
Now, here he was almost ten years later, and he had just realized he had never kicked the habit. All this time he had been like a recovering junkie, fighting every single day to deny himself the pleasure of his drug.
Like a drug. My very own brand of heroin. Edward thought bitterly.
Like a junkie, he had a glimpse of his drug and was almost weak enough to taste it again. Edward punched the ground furiously, fresh tears falling from his eyes. The throbbing pain causing a new sense of clarity.
No, she will not break me again.
so yeah, poor Edward, but before you go around hating Bella, remember she still needs to explain what happened. I made this chapter extra long because we've been stuck on the same day for 6 chapters!! don't worry after this, plot will flow more quickly, we wont spent another 6 chapters in one day! I promise!!
wow, I hope you guys liked the long chapter, cause I have finals next week so its going to be kinda busy. But after that I have a whole month free to update frequently!! :D
I wanna take take this time to also plug a one shot I did a while ago that didn't get to many reviews!! it might not be good, but if you haven't read it please head over to my profile page and check it out; its called : MORE.
I'm also working on a new project I can't talk about right now, cause its still in the works.. but as soon as I can I'll tell you all about it!! its trully amazing!
Also. A Tale of Two Edwards, my cowrite with XShear, should be updated soon or maybe even before this chapter soo please check it out! I promise you won't regret it!!
and finally check out XShear's stories! her fic Unknown is amazing and I absolutely adore it!
sheesh! this is a long end note!! LOL.. sorry for the rant!! PLEASE REVIEW!!
