This morning is different than the other mornings, because Jia Xu didn't receive any new emails when he woke up in the morning. And so he went on with his usual daily activities, up until in the afternoon…


To: Cao Pi

Ooh, poor you. First he had an affair with your wife, and now with your secretary? Pfftt. What unlucky man you are, then!

Jia Xu


To: Cao Pi

Then again, Zhang He debuted in the series earlier than you did, so technically he's the first to get both Zhenji AND Sima Yi. So he deserves it, kinda.

Jia Xu


To: Cao Pi

Okay, okay, I apologize. Hmm, that's weird since Zhang He is technically a female now thanks to Cai Wenji, hmm…

Jia Xu (shivering thanks to Cao Pi releasing cold air to his room)


To: Cao Pi

Let's see, do you ever recall doing something that pisses Zhang He off?

Jia Xu


To: Cao Pi

Because I just noticed a pattern here. First he had an affair with your wife, and then your secretary. I think he did it out of intention of pissing you off.

Jia Xu


To: Cao Pi

Hmm…I know. Maybe you could use this. (attached is a voodoo doll in the shape of Zhang He)

Jia Xu


To: Cao Pi

Where did I get it? Well, Li Dian's been practicing voodoo lately, and he gave me this in case I'm pissed off. I don't know why he gave me the Zhang He one. Since I have no use for it maybe you could just use it.

Jia Xu


To: Cao Pi

Yeah, yeah.

Jia Xu


To: Li Dian

Sigh….look, you're NOT. Sure, sometimes I question whether you are a human being or not, but I don't think that an alien is as retarded and depraved as you.

Jia Xu


To: Li Dian

Your mom? …umm, I think it might just be your black magic malfunctioning. Really, you've gotta learn how to control it. I don't want you to end up as another Xun Yu. We all don't.

Jia Xu


To: Li Dian

Well, have you tried to turn her back?

Jia Xu


To: Li Dian

And now she turned into what?!

Jia Xu


To: Li Dian

…great. Remind me to keep a bamboo branch away from your mom whenever she comes here.

Jia Xu


To: Cao Cao

What? When in the hell did they obtain ships too?!

Jia Xu


To: Cao Cao

For some reason I believe it's the very same person who sent us Horn's Ambition. Along with those goddamn drugged rums….

Jia Xu


To: Cao Cao

Wait, you sure this is a genuine boat race and not a battle? Gotta make sure they don't bring fire or anything this time…

Jia Xu


To: Cao Cao

Okay, I apologize. I forgot that now you harbor deep trauma at the mention of the word 'fire'.

Jia Xu (impaled by multiple icicles)


To: Cao Cao

Oh well. By the way why in the hell am I the navigator?!

Jia Xu


To: Cao Cao

For the last. FUCKIN' TIME. I am NOT and was NOT, a pirate. Where in the hell did people have that idea anyway?!

Jia Xu


To: Cao Cao

Huh. Oh well. I guess I'll go if Xu Zhu'll provide us good meals. When will the race start?

Jia Xu


To: Cao Cao

What the hell?! You mean EVERYONE already gathered there?!

Jia Xu


And so Jia Xu ran on the speed of light towards Tianshui, where everyone already gathered for the boat race. There he found Cao Cao, Xiahou Dun, Xu Zhu and Zhang Liao.

Cao Cao: Jia Xu! You're late!

Jia Xu: Well pant it's not pant my goddamn fault! Why did you not tell me earlier?!

Cao Cao: Huh? I coulda sworn I sent you the email this morning.

Jia Xu: Really?! When was it?

Cao Cao: Hmm…07.01, if my memory serves me correctly.

Jia Xu: Oh, right. I left the home at 07.00. Fuck it.

Cao Cao: Well, now that everyone's here, go to your positions! We won't lose to Wu and Shu this time! Our boat is superior to theirs!

Everyone: Yoo!

And so everyone went to his respective positions. Cao Cao is the captain of the ship, Xiahou Dun and Zhang Liao stayed on their guards in case actual pirates attacked (smacked by flail and slashed by katana), while Jia Xu became the navigator, giving directions to Cao Cao through emails.


To: Cao Cao

Okay, start.

Jia Xu


To: Cao Cao

Hmm…turn left.

Jia Xu


To: Cao Cao

Okay…OH MY GOD WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?!

Jia Xu


Horn's Ambition crashed into a mysterious sea creature.


To: Cao Cao

I seriously do not know what the hell that is!

Jia Xu


To: Cao Cao

Fine, I'll take a look!...oh lord.

Jia Xu


To: Cao Cao

My lord, it's a giant insect demon.

Jia Xu


To: Cao Cao

Yes, the one Sima Yi told you about.

Jia Xu


To: Cao Cao

Well, let's just tell Li Dian that we just 'banged' his mom today. Hahaha. Man, that's evil. Oh well, let's take another route.

Jia Xu


To: Cao Cao

Hey, there's the Shu ship over there! Should we attack it?

Jia Xu


To: Cao Cao

No? Why not?

Jia Xu


To: Cao Cao

Aw, you guys are no fun.

Jia Xu


To: Cao Cao

Okay, then. Take turbo speed!

Jia Xu


And so Horn's Ambition speeded on the speed of light past the Spirit of Benevolence, splashing them over with water. You can hear some Shu people swearing from a distance.


To: Cao Cao

Haha! How do you like that? We just got revenge for Chibi!

Jia Xu


To: Cao Cao

And now…oh! There's the Wu ship!

Jia Xu


To: Cao Cao

Hmm…ah! Wait a minute! They seem to be preparing an attack!

Jia Xu


To: Cao Cao

Wait, what are they doing…AAAAAHHHHH! MY EYES! THEY BUUUURRRRRNNNN!

Jia Xu


Infact, everyone's eyes burn, as the Wu people attack by having Huang Gai pull down his pants.


To: Cao Cao

Argh…are you okay, my lord?! Gakh, I feel like I'm having molten white chocolate inside my eye sockets…

Jia Xu


To: Cao Cao

Really…second time those Wu bastards use fire…uh what the hell is that?! TURN! TURN! AAAAAAAKKKKKKKHHHHHHHHH!

Jia Xu


As it turns out, the attack launched by Wu people caused the Wei people to lose focus, causing them to steer in the wrong direction and to hit…something. Did they survive? Or did they die, causing the jelly Guo Jia to take over this letter segment? Find out in the next chapters!


Yeah, I'm sorry this came out a bit late. Also, as for this letter:

Jia Xu

Did...did you...did you just disrespect me?! How dare you?! I'm practically your mother! Do you WANT to feel Sima Yi's pain?! *Jia Xu got zapped by lightning* Do you want to see your kingdom fall?! *Jia Xu got punch by some unknown forces filed by lightning zap until he completed the task below*

PS : Now that I think of it, I really liked Li Dian. Not the dirty type, get your mind out of the gutter! I mean like genuinely love him liked soul mate or good friends. Is there any way I could get closer to him. Again, no dirty thoughts! I'm asking YOU not anyone!

You kinda forgot the sender. Anyways, please leave a review! Good day!