A/N: Here's the second part! It took a bit longer than I was expecting, but I think it also turned out better than the first one, so I hope it was worth the wait. As always, thank you so much for your reviews, favorites, and follows. It honestly means so much to know that other people are enjoying these.
Words cannot express how much I hated my little brother in that moment. Every insecurity, every doubt, every fear I had ever had had all been dredged up and it was all because he couldn't keep his stupid nose out of my business. When had I ever bothered him about what ratty little Slytherin girls he chose to shag in broom cupboards? Why should it be any different for me? I wasn't even shagging Remus. Just kissing him rather a lot. But it is different, some snide little voice muttered in the back of my head. He's a boy. Loving him is just one more reason why your family should hate you.
By this time I had reached the front doors of the school. I swung them open and slammed them viciously shut behind me as if it was the hinge's fault I was attracted to the wrong sex. I was sure Remus was following me, but I couldn't face him right now. The Sirius he had fallen in love with was not this mess of anger and insecurity. I couldn't risk him realizing that I was much weaker than he had originally thought.
"Padfoot!" he called out insistently behind me. I increased my pace. I didn't know how much longer I could hold it together, and when I started crying I did not want my boyfriend to be there. "Padfoot, please just talk to me," he pleaded. His voice sounded closer now. From the sounds of his footfalls he was jogging to catch up, and his legs being as ridiculously long as they were, I really had no chance of outrunning him. I stopped and turned to face him, gritting my teeth in an attempt to stay in control of my expression.
"Now's really not a good time, Moony." It was a miracle that my voice didn't crack.
"Exactly. Look, if I told you I needed to be alone I would expect you to respect that so maybe this is really awful and hypocritical of me, I don't know, I'm not that good at this whole relationship thing yet, but you don't like being alone, Padfoot. When you're alone you just stew and get angrier and angrier and it does you absolutely no good and as far as I can tell I'm supposed to be the person who you can trust to be there when you can't keep being strong and I really, really want to be that person for you." Remus stopped, looking as though he wasn't sure he had said what he wanted to, but had run out of words. Merlin was he cute when he rambled. For a second I almost forgot to hate myself for loving him. But then it was back and I turned away, not letting myself get lost in his gold eyes and the soft features of his face.
"I can't-" Now my voice broke. I tried to swallow, keeping the tears that now seemed inevitable at bay. But when I opened my mouth I lost the little control I had. As I gulped at the air, tears streaming down my face, Remus gently took my hand and led me to the nearest empty classroom. He locked the door behind us, before turning to face me.
"You don't have to be afraid of me leaving you, Sirius." His voice was soft as he stepped closer to me, a hand extending to cradle my cheek in his palm. His roughened thumb brushed a tear from my cheek and at least for that moment, I believed him. He opened his arms to me and I stepped into them, allowing myself to break, engulfed in the distinct, soapy smell that was Remus.
Crying, I decided, was really gross. But once I started, it took me ages to stop. By the time I had, Remus' shoulder was soaked in my tears and snot, which was even grosser than the crying itself. I didn't move from his arms as my breathing grew steadier. I wasn't sure I remembered how to stand without him supporting me. He didn't move either, besides his hand, which was probably raw from the length of time he had been rubbing my back. It still felt nice though. In fact it felt wonderful. I realized I had never cried in someone's arms. Crying was far too shameful of a thing to do in front of anyone. Now I didn't have the energy left to be ashamed.
"I wish I could protect you from this, Padfoot." I could feel the puff of Remus' breath as he whispered into my neck. I shook my head stiffly.
"That's not your job." Remus moved far enough away from me so he could look in my eyes.
"No, it isn't. But you have to understand that if I could do it, I would make it my job." He looked away for a moment, wetting his lips nervously, and seeming to search for the right words. "You are really important to me, Sirius. And if my job can't be protecting you, I would really like it to be being here for you. Not just now, but every time you feel like this. And don't try to tell me you've never been this upset before, because I know for a fact that isn't true. But I can't be here if you don't let me. " I couldn't respond at first. I was too mad at him for being so perfect, and too scared to tell him how much this meant to me. And there was still that part of me that hated that I loved him, which I hadn't quite managed to tuck away again, under memories of kisses and hand holding and midnight walks. I sighed.
"Moony, if I told you what I was thinking right now, you wouldn't want to be here." Remus raised his eyebrows.
"I don't think you realize how pathetically in love I am with you, Padfoot. Honestly, I would still want to be here if you told me you were shagging some other bloke behind my back." This time it was my turn to look incredulous. "I mean I'm not saying I wouldn't be mad… But I would be far more focused on your happiness than mine." The crazy thing was, I believed him. Remus was just like that. Impossibly selfless and kind, while all I could think of was my own bloody problems.
"Fuck, Moony. You know I love you, right?" His face lightened a bit at this. It amazed me that he still seemed surprised and delighted every time I reminded him of this fact. He nodded, and, though I hadn't been planning on it, I continued. "That's why I'm so upset."
"What do you mean?" he asked, frowning. I looked away, fixating on a random point over his shoulder, and began to speak.
"Sometimes I just hate loving you. I hate that you're a boy, but I'm still turned on by your collarbones, and melt when you laugh. I hate that no one will ever accept our love because it shouldn't exist. Sometimes I just feel like… we're freaks of nature." When I was done talking I met his eyes again, and the pain there broke my heart. I immediately began cursing myself for telling the truth. Really, honesty never did me any good. "I'm sorry Moony," I muttered. "I shouldn't have said anything." Remus quickly shook his head.
"No, I'm glad you did. I know how you feel. I mean, I guess it's a bit different, because I really am a freak of nature…" He trailed off, and I was about to protest, telling him he wasn't a freak, he was beautiful, but he continued before I could. "But all the same, it doesn't matter. We are what we are, however fucked up that is, and I don't know about you, but I've never been happier." His voice had risen in volume a bit and he looked me squarely in the eyes. I didn't think of Remus as being a very confident person, but when he was confident, arguing with him seemed extraordinarily pointless. There was absolutely no way you could win, because the second he spoke, you were already doubting your point. Really, he was right. There was no purpose in hating what I was. And I was happy. Merlin was I happy.
Telling him he was right seemed rather redundant, because of course he already knew it, so instead I kissed him. My nose was running and my mouth was sticky from crying, so really it was a disgusting kiss, but it didn't matter. None of it mattered. He tasted perfect and his short hair felt wonderful under my fingers and our noses kept bumping together and no matter what labels you put on us, that wouldn't change.
